Have you ever asked yourself why love and marriage is so damn difficult today?
It is in large part because America’s values have shifted dramatically—away from relationships and family, onto the Almighty Self. This is especially true for women, who for decades have been taught to be independent at all costs and to "never depend on a man."
So it should come as no surprise that when women do marry (as most still do), their marriages become mired in conflict. You can't succeed at something you've been groomed to de-prioritize or even resent.
And then there's the complete eradication of gender roles, as if men and women are wholly interchangeable beings. As a result, hundreds of women struggle in their marriages and relationships but have no any clue as to why.
Here's why: Because the skills you've acquired to become successful in the marketplace are the exact same skills that will destroy your love life.
What you need is a new relationship roadmap, and I can’t wait to be your guide! The moment you shift your mindset is the moment your love life will change.
So what the heck are you waiting for? Let's get started!
"You are insanely helpful." — Kaitlyn
In this section used to be all the stuff about how I'm the author of five books and a columnist and contributor for various publications. It said that my 2012 article at Fox News, "The War on Men," remains one of their most read op-eds in history and that I've made appearances on Tucker Carlson Tonight as well as on The View. There were lots of other accolades, too.
But none of that gets to the heart of who I am and why I do what I do.
I am the product of a high-conflict household: My childhood years were filled with memories of yelling and of overall tension. I cried myself to sleep many nights and prayed hard and often to make it all stop. Graduation day couldn't come soon enough.
Today when I think about my parents' 44-year marriage, I see clearly now what I couldn't see then: that my mother was too strong for my father. He was a kind man but a soft one, while she was hard and dictatorial. That doesn't mean my mother was guilty and my father was innocent. But it does mean their mating dance was out of whack. 'Round and 'round they'd go, never figuring any of it out.
I didn't want that.
Today I am blessed to have what I consider to be a strong 22-year marriage, but it didn't just "happen." For years my husband—who, like me, has a strong will—would insist that I stop being so critical and argumentative. And I, in turn, had my frustrations with him.
Realizing I couldn't control him or anyone else (something my mother never learned), I decided to work things out on my own. I studied what made some marriages work and others fail, and there was a clear theme: Women who were softer and gentler got results. Women who didn't nag or complain or make demands had husbands who couldn't wait to come home to them.
I couldn't find many of these couples. But for the ones I did, it was like they were in a secret club. And I wanted in.
Since I had no model for how to be a great wife, I had to settle for a lot of thinking and studying and trial and error. I had to practice and fail, practice and fail, until eventually, I got the memo.
Don't get me wrong. I still screw up from time to time—as does my husband, who's a product of divorce and sometimes shoots blanks himself. But I don't worry about him; I worry only about myself. And if I do fall off the wagon, I know just what to do to get back up. And that makes all the difference.
Somewhere in the course of this transformation of mine, I wrote a book about it. Several years after that, I wrote another one—this time a short handbook outlining 7 secret steps I learned the hard way to a peaceful and passionate relationship with your man.
And now I coach other women who want to learn them too.
What happened to chivalry?
By Suzanne Venker
A friend of mine whose mother died recently was going through her parents’ memorabilia and unearthed a Western Union telegram from 1954 that her father sent her mother just before they married. Here’s what it said: