How to Say ‘No’ to a Woman

I recently began a new series I’m doing called ‘Ask Suzanne,’ where I take questions at askthefeministfixer@gmail.com and post my answers via video on my new You Tube page.

For my first installment, I answered a mom’s question about what to tell her sons about navigating a culture steeped in female entitlement. Apparently her son had begun dating a girl who’s very demanding.

Shortly afterward I got this question from a husband: How can a married man say no to the unreasonable demands of his wife without losing her to divorce?

These are essentially the same scenarios, except one involves a boy and the other a man. But the quandary is the same: How should a guy respond to a woman who’s entitled and demanding?

Learn to say no.

What makes this so hard is that saying no to a woman isn’t a natural state for boys or for men, who long to please the woman they love. Indeed, evolutionary pressure—as a result of paternal investment being crucial to infant survival—has compelled men to be responsive the needs and even demands of women.

When a guy is in love with a woman who appreciates him and who’s good to him in return, this dynamic works exceedingly well. But if the girl or woman he loves is selfish and entitled—and let’s be honest: women today are encouraged to be exactly that—well, that changes everything.

In that case, it’s critical that men and boys learn to say no. No, I don’t agree with you. No, I don’t want to go to that party. No, I (if he’s single) or we (if he’s married) can’t afford that right now.

If this sounds blasphemous to you as a woman, that’s likely because you’ve been conditioned to believe that being told no amounts to oppression.

It doesn’t. Being told ‘no’ means a man has his own agency and can’t be told what to think or what to do.

The good news is, as uncomfortable as it may be for you to say no the girl or woman you love, it actually serves you both very well. Because a woman who’s demanding is actually testing you to see whether or not you’re stronger than she is. She wants you to stand up for yourself and speak your mind. If you don’t, not only will you be frustrated and angry, she will read your behavior as weak.

Nothing good can come from your choice to placate a demanding woman.

Just ask Luke, who had this to say when I posted my first video on my Facebook page:

Saying no to girls is a BIG lesson boys need to learn (and to be frank one that took me 40 years to learn). I use a litmus test now. Would I do this for my male friends? If the answer is no, then I look into it more deeply. There are circumstances where I still say yes (i.e. picking up a heavy box or walking a girl to her car at night) but generally if I wouldn’t do it for my male friends, I no longer do it for women.

That may sound harsh, but it’s a rational response to what has happened over the past 40 years with the so-called rise of women and the subsequent demotion of men. This change in gender dynamics demands that boys and men learn a new way of interacting with women and girls.

Modern women have been conditioned to believe they’re oppressed by the patriarchy and subsequently responded by questioning men’s every move. They believe men owe them. That’s where women’s sense of entitlement comes from.

But men don’t owe women anything. Ergo, the male response to any woman who makes demands on him should not be to roll over as though he’s indebted to her.

The proper response is to simply say No.

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and relationship coach known as The Feminist "Fixer.” She helps free women from feminist lies so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

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Comments

  1. The below came off of winteryknight.com, a Christian site. After 2 painful divorces, if you have to say “no” to a woman, along with a reasonable explanation, more than once, this is a flashing red light, a loud siren, an air raid warning, to GET AWAY FROM HER AS FAST AS YOU CAN. She is a child in the body of an adult, who can do you serious damage. Ghost her, do what women do: tell her it’s not her, it’s you, give reasons that make no sense, and get away from her. If you want a wonderful wife, d that you will enjoy some serious action with, as you celebrate your 60th wedding anniversary… get away from this one. She brings pain, heartbreak, agony, depression, self-doubt, and great testing. See her with the horns, trident, and pointed tail she already has, and react accordingly.

    Mark Childers
    07/15/2018 AT 7:20 AM
    You aren’t looking at the long term. Our society has fewer and fewer children. Demographics are the future. It is as if the press, and culture, decided to destroy Western civ. My first wife decided to “trade up”. I got custody of our young daughter. I raised her till she was 17, and she has thanked me. Her mother is crazy enough that her own daughters, by her next marriage, don’t want much to do with her. She lives in a homeless shelter now-by choice, and is very paranoid. A friend of mind showed me the Hot/Crazy evaluation of women. Men would like a hot woman, so that goes from 1-10. The crazy scale goes from 4-10, because women under 4 on that scale basically don’t exist. When my father got married, divorce was under 5% of marriages. I talk to young men. I ask them if they’d like to play a lottery, where they have a better than 50% chance of losing half their assets, and half their income over they next 26 years. They look at me like I’m crazy. I say, “Just get married”. They break up laughing. I did not have sex before I got married. My wife did. She also had a problem with alcohol. Pain is such a patient teacher. I’m remarried, to a Latin woman who grew up in a traditional family. Sex and the City does a major disservice to women- they think they can play sexually till they are 45, and then find a rich guy. Getting involved with a feminist is as smart as getting involved with a poisonous snake; she may be beautiful, but she is deadly, and will bite, in time. I was raised in the church. A married woman came on to me, in church, some years ago. I walked away from that. My brother and I have each had the opportunity to play with married women, and we just walk away from it. It’s not just the danger of being killed, it’s that it is IMMORAL. My wife has a best friend, who reads feminist websites that talk about taking lovers. She finds illegal immigrants, for this. She doesn’t really know how to hold down a job, she lives off her parents, at 38. She’d like to get married, but no self-supporting man will put up with her. One of her boyfriends “married” a Filipina, so she could get a green card. Now, see, many third world folks are quite smart. She had a guy with a regular job, didn’t drink, treated her well, and so on. It can be so frustrating to find a good partner. So she told him she was on the pill, and offered him some. He took her up on it. She got pregnant, it seems she “forgot” to take the pill. But she was very pleasant, you know, cooked, didn’t get bitchy, acted, really, like an ideal wife. Men tend to stay in their habits. She had the child. She took care of business, gave him what he needed, and so on. He is very happy now, because, well, he has no idea what he would get if he started looking. The Filipina was smart, very smart, and did not exploit her advantage. When I was in high school, I got nowhere with the lasses. OK, I studied. Now women come on to me, yes, even when I’m married. I let them down slowly and politely. Then there are the women with children, by bad boys, who think a man wants to spend $500,000 raising the children of a bad boy. Yeah, right. My brother was dumped by a very nice woman, who told him he was “too nice”, she wanted a bad boy. Brooke Medicine Eagle said a native elder told her that women determine exactly how men treat women- by whom they choose to sleep with.

  2. Her son is with a woman who is very demanding? Ok. Babies are very demanding. And they have to be. Properly raised, they grow out of it, and ask, reasonably, for what they seek, or even go get it themselves. There is a biological term for this woman: neotenous. She is a small child in the body of an adult. When I was young, I lived in a country where there were many poisonous snakes. We did not play with poisonous snakes, because they would hurt us. Oh, they were beautiful… but that didn’t mean we spent time in their company. Get AWAY from this woman, as soon as you can. She needs to mature. let her inject her venom into someone else.

  3. Saying ‘no’ results in no women. Unless it becomes cultural ‘no’, they can always find someone to undercut you by saying a phony ‘yes.’ That’s why ‘no’ is often left unsaid.

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