Suzanne Venker
Author and Relationship Coach
Don’t marry the first person you fall in love with. The more relationship experience you have before getting married, the better. That way you’ll know yourself better when you say, ‘I do.’ For decades this has been the relationship narrative passed on to the young and unattached. But my experience as a relationship coach suggests …
So my 22-year-old daughter, who graduates from college next month, recently received a wedding invitation from her freshman year roommate. At their university, like many others in the South, finding one’s spouse via fraternities and sororities isn’t that uncommon. Needless to say, my own college experience was decidedly different in that I graduated from a …
Never in the history of time have women been more lost when it comes to love. Raised to rule the world, rather than to become wives, women are shooting blanks when it comes to men and marriage. That so many women (and for that matter, men) are products of divorce doesn’t help matters. Neither does growing …
Referring to an article in the Wall Street Journal entitled “Women Still Do More of the Housework. Here’s How to Share the Load,” Suzanne discusses why the mental load of motherhood is not a social construct but a matter of sheer biology. IN THIS EPISODE: 3:50 The “50/50” marriage does not take …
A new documentary about the student loan crisis, entitled “Borrowed Future,” will stream on October 14th. Suzanne discusses how this crisis is undermining love and family formation—and why, with a shift of one’s mindset, it doesn’t have to. IN THIS EPISODE: 4:00 Student loan debt is affecting a couple’s availability to marry and have kids …
In the 2010 film Leap Year, the main character Anna (played by Amy Adams) is the quintessential modern woman: career focused and take charge. Toward the end of the film, Declan, her love interest, says to Anna, “Why don’t you stop trying to control everything in the known universe? It’s dinner. Have a little faith …
Only about a quarter of millennials are currently married. Ergo, it may seem that marriage is on the way out. But is it? According to Jeffrey M. Jones at Gallup, “The desire of those who have never been married to get married someday remains high, with more than eight in 10 singles hoping to marry.” Problem …
When it comes to the balancing act, women are failing. That’s the message of this week’s edition of 60 Minutes Australia, a segment about the life of the 21st century wife and mother, who’s realizing what I’ve been preaching for two decades: Yes, women can ‘have it all.’ But not all at once. The subject …
Some time ago, a friend of mine told me about a woman she knows who was dating a man who earned considerably less than she did. To preserve his manhood, when they went out for dinner she would hand this man her debit card under the table so he could “pay” the bill. In what …
*VIDEO BELOW* It’s HERE! How to Get Hitched (and Stay Hitched): A 12-Step Program for Marriage-Minded Women has officially on the market! (Aug 31, 2021) You can now purchase a copy for yourself or for your adult daughter or for any single woman you know! ~ To the casual observer, marriage in America may appear …
How are men and women supposed to relate to each other in today’s culture? Despite societal questions concerning gender and masculine/feminine roles, most women still hope for marriage and motherhood sometime in their lives. But too many of them follow the cultural narrative that tells them to put off marriage until they've achieved career success. …
Did you know that just being nice to your husband can save your marriage? It’s true. And yet the number of women who’ve been groomed to think being nice to their husbands is beneath them is off the charts. (Thanks, feminism.) Women who win at love reject this bogus narrative because they love and understand, rather …
If I had a dime for every breadwinning wife and mother I’ve heard from who’s angry and resentful for having to keep the family afloat financially and who wishes she and her husband hadn’t reversed roles, I’d be rich. Yes, some wives are content in this role. But they’re the exception, not the rule. It …
I had a coaching session the other day with a young woman who’s not engaged but who’s wisely assessing whether or not to continue a relationship with her boyfriend. Apparently this young man is very good to her and loves her very much, but she has legitimate concerns about whether or not their relationship will …
I received an email recently from a wife and mother named Aimee, who has a Ph.D. and was, until recently, her family’s primary breadwinner. When she was laid off, things turned ugly. “I became resentful because my husband didn’t have the same drive and motivation I did to succeed. As such, I’m now separated with …
It was a jarring transition, going from reading about women who choose to be single and childless and then celebrate it (as opposed to quietly living an unconventional life) to reading Chapter X of Jordan Peterson’s new book, Beyond Order. In the former—such as here and here and here and here—the focus is on the …
In her 2000 book Ten Things I Wished I’d Known—Before I Went Out into the Real World, Maria Shriver wrote the following: “Even though you think your career is your life and your identity, it’s not and it shouldn’t be.” I used that citation in the first book I ever wrote to drive home the …
What if the secret to staying married is simply choosing to do so? This mental thought process is much more powerful than it seems. For one thing, the decision to never get divorced leaves all the room in the world for the marriage to improve over time, which it typically does. One study by the Institute …
This article was originally published at Evie Magazine. When I was 23, I married my college sweetheart. We’d been together since freshman year, although he was two years older than I was and as a result had been out in the real world for two years before I graduated. But he was only three hours …
Dear Suzanne, I’m 29 and don’t feel anywhere close to marriage. Part of my frustration comes from the fact that for a large part of my 20s I haven’t been prioritizing the pursuit of romantic relationships at all, and I’m regretting it now, as I have been feeling more and more over the past few …
Modern marriages are a mess. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal brought this reality home with its claim that millennials are embracing pre-nups. There’s no pretty way to describe a pre-nup. It simply means to pay a lawyer to prepare financially for a divorce before you’ve even walked down the aisle. Pre-nups have …
In the film Leap Year, the main character Anna (played by Amy Adams) is a complete control freak. Toward the end of the film, Declan, Anna’s love interest, says to her, “Why don’t you stop trying to control everything in the known universe? It’s dinner. Have a little faith that it will all work out.” …
I’m at that parenting stage when our adult sons and daughters are knee deep in college, in jobs, and in relationships. As a result, I’m watching many of my friends’ kids, as well as my own, start planning for the future. My husband and I have a son and a daughter. And unlike many modern …
This past week I discovered entrepreneur Rebecca Lynn Pope who has a You Tube channel called “Life with the Popes TV.” Her most popular post (over a million views) is about modern women’s high expectations, a topic I’ve covered at length in my own work. (Not long ago I posted this on Facebook, and, unsurprisingly …
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