Suzanne Venker
Some time ago, a friend of mine told me about a woman she knows who was dating a man who made less money than she did. To preserve his manhood, when they went out for dinner she would hand this man her debit card under the table so he could “pay” the bill. In what …
How are men and women supposed to relate to each other in today’s culture? Despite societal questions concerning gender and masculine/feminine roles, most women still hope for marriage and motherhood sometime in their lives. But too many of them follow the cultural narrative that tells them to put off marriage until they've achieved career success. …
Did you know that just being nice to your husband can save your marriage? It’s true. And yet the number of women who’ve been groomed to think being nice to their husbands is beneath them is off the charts. (Thanks, feminism.) Women who win at love reject this bogus narrative because they love and understand, rather …
If I had a dime for every breadwinning wife and mother I’ve heard from who’s angry and resentful for having to keep the family afloat financially and who wishes she and her husband hadn’t reversed roles, I’d be rich. Yes, some wives are content in this role. But they’re the exception, not the rule. It …
I had a coaching session the other day with a young woman who’s not engaged but who’s wisely assessing whether or not to continue a relationship with her boyfriend. Apparently this young man is very good to her and loves her very much, but she has legitimate concerns about whether or not their relationship will …
I received an email recently from a wife and mother named Aimee, who has a Ph.D. and was, until recently, her family’s primary breadwinner. When she was laid off, things turned ugly. “I became resentful because my husband didn’t have the same drive and motivation I did to succeed. As such, I’m now separated with …
It was a jarring transition, going from reading about women who choose to be single and childless and then celebrate it (as opposed to quietly living an unconventional life) to reading Chapter X of Jordan Peterson’s new book, Beyond Order. In the former—such as here and here and here and here—the focus is on the …
In her 2000 book Ten Things I Wished I’d Known—Before I Went Out into the Real World, Maria Shriver wrote the following: “Even though you think your career is your life and your identity, it’s not and it shouldn’t be.” I used that citation in the first book I ever wrote to drive home the …
What if the secret to staying married is simply choosing to do so? This mental thought process is much more powerful than it seems. For one thing, the decision to never get divorced leaves all the room in the world for the marriage to improve over time, which it typically does. One study by the Institute …
This article was originally published at Evie Magazine. When I was 23, I married my college sweetheart. We’d been together since freshman year, although he was two years older than I was and as a result had been out in the real world for two years before I graduated. But he was only three hours …
Dear Suzanne, I’m 29 and don’t feel anywhere close to marriage. Part of my frustration comes from the fact that for a large part of my 20s I haven’t been prioritizing the pursuit of romantic relationships at all, and I’m regretting it now, as I have been feeling more and more over the past few …
Modern marriages are a mess. A recent article in the Wall Street Journal brought this reality home with its claim that millennials are embracing pre-nups. There’s no pretty way to describe a pre-nup. It simply means to pay a lawyer to prepare financially for a divorce before you’ve even walked down the aisle. Pre-nups have …
In the film Leap Year, the main character Anna (played by Amy Adams) is a complete control freak. Toward the end of the film, Declan, Anna’s love interest, says to her, “Why don’t you stop trying to control everything in the known universe? It’s dinner. Have a little faith that it will all work out.” …
I’m at that parenting stage when our adult sons and daughters are knee deep in college, in jobs, and in relationships. As a result, I’m watching many of my friends’ kids, as well as my own, start planning for the future. My husband and I have a son and a daughter. And unlike many modern …
This past week I discovered entrepreneur Rebecca Lynn Pope who has a You Tube channel called “Life with the Popes TV.” Her most popular post (over a million views) is about modern women’s high expectations, a topic I’ve covered at length in my own work. (Not long ago I posted this on Facebook, and, unsurprisingly …
So I’ve changed my coaching practice a bit in that I’m now working with both husbands and wives (in separate sessions). Until now, I’ve mainly coached wives—although I always have a session or two with the husband as well, and he has access to me via WhatsApp, too. I did it this way because it …
The following article was originally published at The Federalist. Twenty years ago, I wrote my first book about why women can’t “have it all,” or at least all at once, despite what the culture tells them. At the time, the so-called Mommy Wars were raging. Women everywhere who’d been sold a bill of goods by …
You may have heard that divorce rates, particularly among the newly married, have skyrocketed amidst COVID-19. According to divorce attorney Michelle C. Thomas, coronavirus has “brought a lot of issues that may have been swept under the rug to the surface.” Those “issues” may vary from couple to couple, but for many millennials they tend …
This article was originally published at the Washington Examiner. It’s bad enough when Hollywood glorifies divorce, but it’s even worse when it’s promoted by everyday wives as liberation for American women. A recent article in Glamour shines the light not on one woman’s story but on an ethos among the modern generation. Simply put, many millennials have …
The first indication you’re talking to a married member of the modern generation is when the wife or husband says, “We’re pregnant.” Couples in the past would never dream of saying something so silly—because men do not get pregnant. But to the modern generation, there are no distinctions between women and men. They are one …
A coaching client (and podcast listener) of mine recently sent an email with the following question: How did your husband, a product of divorce, learn to stop fearing divorce or abandonment every time you two had an argument or problem? I listened to your latest podcast where he mentions that, but I would like to …
This article was originally published at the Washington Examiner. Last week, Fox Nation’s Tomi Lahren proved in spades with her “PSA for Boyish Men” why my coaching business is booming. Millennial women may be ’rockin in the marketplace, but they’re shooting blanks when it comes to love. They have no clue how to attract and …
This article was originally published at the Washington Examiner. I can personally vouch for the groundbreaking new study about relationship satisfaction that finds it’s not who you’re with that determines a successful relationship but the dynamic that exists between you. Samantha Joel, the study’s lead author, told CNN that she and her colleagues analyzed information on more than …
So my daughter is a Two. Known as the Helper, this Enneagram personality profile lends itself well to marriage. She couldn’t care less about being right; she has no desire to compete with anyone; and she’s naturally soft, patient, and kind. She’ll make some lucky man a fabulous wife. I’m not suggesting my daughter is …
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