How to Have a Successful Long-Term Relationship Is the Most Pressing Issue of Our Time, Part 1

The following post is the first of a series of posts on modern American dating and young people’s inability to form lasting attachments that potentially lead to marriage.

Remember when dating was fun and relatively easy to do? Remember when it was viewed as a step toward a committed relationship or even marriage?

Tell that to anyone under 40, and they’ll look at you like you have three heads.

Over the past week there have been numerous articles—here and here and here, for instance—outlining the problems of modern dating.

According to the one in the Wall Street Journal, Generation Z, most of whom are currently college-age, is “uniquely bad at dating.” The men and women of this generation are less independent, less resilient and more sheltered than previous generations, it says—and these factors make this generation “romantically challenged.”

That may very well be true, but it’s hardly the end of the conversation.

There are numerous factors at play that explain why men and women under 40 can’t sustain love, or why they can’t manage to get married and build a life together. In my next few posts, I will outline those reasons and offer solutions for how parents and educators can help young people correct what I personally consider to be the most pressing issue of our time.

The first and most obvious is that Generation Z, as well as the Millennials who preceded them, have been given zero guidance and encouragement when it comes to building a relationship with the opposite sex. Women in particular have been explicitly and repeatedly told to do just the opposite: postpone marriage as long as possible, while enjoying the supposed benefits of commitment-free sex, and make a career the center of their lives.

Given this cultural script, why wouldn’t we expect dating to die and relationships to fail? We specifically moved women away from this goal. It’s not their fault—it’s the fault of the adults who failed them.

If a woman’s professional life is considered the #1 most important thing, there’s no reason to date in the traditional sense of the word. The purpose of dating is to determine whether or not the other person is a match, potentially for life. Why go through all the rigamarole if marriage isn’t on your radar? Might as well hookup until you’re ready to settle down.

That’s the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. The perils of casual sex are manifold, as I’ve written about over and over and over and over again.

One comment from that same Wall Street Journal article by a 50-something woman named Marie perfectly sums up what’s happened with sex and relationships over the past half-century:

“My parents’ generation: dating, marriage, sex.

My generation: dating, sex, marriage.

Now: sex, dating, marriage (maybe).”

She’s right: that’s exactly where we are. In the December 2018 cover story for The Atlantic, author Kate Julian wrote a lengthy essay on the trend of young people putting relationships on the back burner.

That may sound like a problem for the modern generation to worry about, but in fact it’s a problem we should all worry about. Almost all of America’s social ills and public policy stem from the health and well-being of relationship and family formation. When that breaks down, everything else does, too. Ergo, the root of America’s gravest social problems is marriage and family breakdown.

And where did that breakdown begin? Fifty years ago, with feminism.

It was this generation of Baby Boomer women that failed at love. It was this generation that taught their daughters to be resentful of men and marriage. It was this generation that told young women sex was no big thing. It was this generation of women who told their daughters and their students to suppress their desire for marriage and to instead focus on getting degree upon degree and make work the center of their lives.

Not only does this message go completely counter to women’s natural instincts, it destroys any possibility of relationship formation. Indeed, nothing good has come from this plan—not for children or for families, not even for women themselves. The research has been done: Modern women are far less happy than their mothers and grandmothers were.

No social ill we address in this country matters until we address the complete destruction of marriage and family formation. A woman named Christina asked the perfect question on my Facebook page:

“Feminism has ruined women. The question is: Are things too far gone to be fixed?”

I say no. What say you?

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

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Comments

  1. Prior to 2016, I would have said no, this has gone too far. But Trump being elected, aside from being a disaster as both President and a human being, demonstrated that people are willing to push back as a group against the radical left, and that gives me some hope. But changing an established cultural mindset isn’t easy at all. There is an ever widening gulf between the genders, filled with distrust, disrespect and resentment, and even thinking of ways to overcome that is pretty intimidating.

    • Here we go again with another never-Trumper. It’s Trumps fault that our society is inept! It’s Trumps fault I dropped my coffee this morning! This is nothing but a pathetic and pitiful excuse for the behavior that society “accepts” today. Let’s get real please – this is something that has been YEARS in the making. It has been happening since the feminist and social revolutions of the 60’s and the chickens are finally coming home to roost. It’s time for people like yourselves to have an out of body experience and truly and honestly look at yourselves to understand what the problem is. It has nothing to do with politics or whoever the President is, or what the temperature is outside, or what you ate for lunch. It has everything to do with the way we are raising our children and how we are indoctrinating them from school age. Lose God in society, lose society. It is that simple. Without God as the focus we are teaching our children to hate, be disobedient, and disrespectful human beings. Disrespect for themselves as well as others. We as a society need to start learning (or relearning…should I say…) this basic premise of life. Once this facet is regained all of the other issues will go away.

      • HappyConservative, I’m sorry it offends you that someone doesn’t worship at Trump’s feet. That, however, had absolutely nothing to do with the point of the previous comment. Read, please.

      • You should probably go back and re-read what she wrote…because what you think she said about Trump is not at all what she said. Yes, she said he was a disaster as President, but in no way did she blame him for any of the problems discussed in this article. What she said was, that she would have thought our society was too far gone to come back from the feminist nightmare, except for the fact that Trump was elected. His election gave her hope that people are willing to push back as a group against the radical left.

      • HappyConservative – you get it 100%. Sorry about your coffee this AM; wish it had landed on the lap of the dog above your comment…

        Brychan clearly does not and is yet another “Trump derangement syndrome candidate”. What the hell is wrong with you libtards anyways? Take ownership of the disaster that is the world you, YES YOU, have created. Suppose it’s Trump’s fault your husband left you for another women and that the batteries are dead in your vibrator with rechargeable batteries…

    • Let us recall that George Bush, Senior, put Clinton in office, as surely as Clinton put Bush Jr in office, and Bush Jr. put Obama in office. Obama and Hillary put Trump in office, in precisely the same way. 4-8 years of total incompetence tends to flip the party in power. Russians used to have a “none of the above” category, in elections; if NOTA won, they had to have new candidates, in a new election. Can we do that here?

  2. Too far gone to fix?
    Probibly not but but I doubt I will see it fixxed in my lifetime. My only hope is that young men will take on the moral responsibility of restricting sex and make women earn it. (ie: MGTOW, “NOT WITH MY SPERM”, etc.)

    • You have it backwards, it’s women who are the gatekeepers of sex. Men will always do what is necessary to get sex, women decide who gets it.

      • yes only women can possibly be expected to deny themselves all natural urges, see long term calorie restriction also. Men are just there to eat shoot and leave. The poor dears. They can’t possibly take on a gatekeeper role. Pffffffffft.

        • Lol right? These guys preaching about women being the “gatekeepers of sex” are hilarious. Heaven forbid they have to exercise self-control for themselves, better to outsource that kind of work.

          • THe major problems of our culture, as with all cultures, is that the spiritual side of life is largely ignored. Health means dynamic balance. It’s that simple.

            We can blame women, men, society, the corporations, whatever. Successful people- if you dig deep enough- always have a spiritual perspective, which lets them draw on the larger spiritual side of life. Those who solve problems see POTENTIAL, in the spiritual side, and work to bring that into the ACTUAL, as a solution.

            Jose Silva, who was a committed Catholic all his life, started the human potential movement, or at least formalized it in fun ways. He said, once, that parents would do well, before having sex, to ask for a child who knows how to solve problems here. Now only a spiritual person would think to do that.

            Prior to drug testing, in the military, there were 2 classes of soldiers: druggies/alkies, and Jesus freaks. There were rare exceptions, but they were rare. Nowadays it is alcoholics, and religious people. The alcoholics are materialistic, drowning their sorrows, and waking up to them the next day. I saw a study, of elderly housing, across a state. The lowest rate of alcoholism was 80%. The DoJ estimates that 80% of high school kids regularly use drugs, alcohol, or both.

            This is a symptom of an addictively materialistic culture.

            THis is a pity. THe people who solve problems, who make life worthwhile, who fill our hearts with joy, are almost always deeply spiritual. THis is not the same as religious, though it could be.

            The great discoveries, the great artistic endeavors, the great stuff we can all enjoy… all of this is sitting in invisible potential, waiting for the scouts to find it, and bring it into form. The best marriages exist in the same place, waiting for participants to bring these into form.

            Women are the gatekeepers of sex, when more men than women are interested in it. This is called a seller’s market, or supply and demand.

            Men are the gatekeepers of MARRIAGE, because more women than men are interested in it. Have you seen the surveys that show a precipitous drop in interest in marriage, among men, after the age of say 35, and the skyrocketing interest in marriage, among women, after the age of say, 35? By the mid-40’s, men have numerous potential partners. And far less interest.

            Women drastically lowered the price of sex, and raised the price of marriage a lot, for men. Native American women tend to not be besotted with the mass media. Many have great wisdom. They know that men imitate those men that women sleep with, which means women- yes, women- form the characters of men.

            Except of course for monks, and voluntary celibate men. And I see more and more of them.

        • Men already have to deny themselves, greatly. You have no idea what kind of raging currents go through teenage boys, and men in their 20’s. Speaking from experience, it is painful. And men are the gatekeepers- of marriage. Marriage used to be a rite of passage.

          Nowadays, men with experience see it as placing their neck on a guillotine, with a loose blade, that can fall any time. Or, if you prefer, standing on the trap door, on a gallows, hands tied, with a noose around their neck. REally feel that, lass, because that is exactly what many of them feel. And this is based on experience. More than half of all marriages end in divorce, in the USA; at least 70% are initiated by women, because they just aren’t satisfied. Men pay around 85% of all alimony and child support. Child support orders on women are not enforced, so that doesn’t count. Men above 30 know this stuff. That’s why many lock the gate, of marriage.

    • Technology could possibly give men another outlet for sexual pleasure, therefore completely removing the physical need for women in sex. If this holds true then they could possibly withhold sperm from women for reproduction purposes. Ladies please dont dismiss this idea as a nonstarter. MGTOW is real and gaining in popularity.

      • In some European countries, sperm donors can be sued for child support. I’m sure we’ll see it in the USA. By way, storing sperm outside of the body means it degrades in quality. This doesn’t matter in a cow that will be slaughtered soon. It does matter in humans, who have genetic problems, from sperm. Fresh sperm is the healthiest kind. Don’t believe me. Let milk sit in your refrigerator for six months, and then drink it.

  3. To deal appropriately with feminism issues, we have to look back to further to the root cause of feminism.

    Otherwise history will repeat itself.

    What caused women to rebel against societal norms?

    Having said that, I don’t agree that feminism is the initial or true cause of current dating/marriage issues.

    It always goes back to the love of money. Even if there were no feministic movement, our culture would have been hard bent to return to living on one income.

    So it’s like this. After WWII, men wanted women to keep working for the dual income, women didn’t want to keep working but both men and women wanted the money. This kept employers happy, because women would work for less.

    The problem could be solved if men treated women with more genuine love and if our government would set up incentives and breaks to families and employers that enabled moms to stay home with their children.

    • Marie I love how you acknowledge the problem is greed. What we need is to fall in love with a simple, family and community orientated life. This is very beautiful and attractive. But the narrative we tell our children is a performance based criteria for success which is poisoning our society with stress and more greed. My family of three have been living in a single salary equivalent for 10 years. It can be done and we love it.

    • Yes, materialism is a problem…but equally problematic is the fall of the dollar. In the 50’s and 60’s a family could live quite comfortably and even save on one income – when that changed women were forced to go to work.

      • Divorce means 2 homes are needed, not just one. With the rise in divorce, housing prices go up. That is a major driver of this. If you lower your consumption, it is still possible to save. People didn’t consume as much, in the 50’s and 60’s, and didn’t spend as much. Cars lasted longer. The community provided social service supports, at no real cost; we gave much of that to the government, which has to pay full retail to provide services. COmmunities solved many more problems then, and kept other problems from getting bad.

  4. Hmmm, from an “older” than dirt perspective? God’s way is the right way. In the “olden” days you dated, married, sex, children all under the umbrella of Christian teachings..much better stable life for one and all, especially children.

  5. I can personally attest to this. I find it increasingly difficult to find a meaningful relationship, and I think part of the problem is that women nowadays are taught to distrust men, and the fact that I never learned how to flirt. Everything I know about romantic conversation, I learned from dating sites. Which,as everyone knows, tend to give women more options and more deciding power. As a result, I’ve been single for almost a year and a half, and not by choice.

    • Flirting is a mild form of con-game. You have to learn how to do it which means it goes against being yourself. You have to put forward a “persona” that resembles something other than you. So that’s the situation which understandably is not something to trust. And yet, that is what women respond to. So it’s a dysfunctional situation.

    • Susan Rabin’s book on flirting might be useful to you. You might do some searches on red pill. Stay away from the Pick Up Artists; their ideas are about exploitation. You need to learn to act like an Alpha male. Get your economics in order. Clean up your mental and spiritual self. Get off the drugs and alcohol. Get a better diet, mostly fresh plant based. Talk to people who have what you want, and learn from them.

  6. I completely 100% agree with everything you said. I’m 57, not a feminist, and have been saying this for years. Raising our family has always been my priority. I’ve also said that if more women stayed home there would be more jobs for our men to support the family. We live in an upside down world that has lost it’s way.

    • I don’t really believe in zero sum games. But so many rich, successful women seek husbands- who are richer than they are. But they don’t seem to understand that every executive position held by a woman is one less man, who is rich and successful. They can’t make the connection. The pool of alpha men, at the top, is growing smaller, as women raise their sights and demand more and more of a potential spouse. I read somewhere that only women really understand each other, and many women hate other women. And so many women hate female supervisors with a passion. Or so they tell me.

  7. I think Feminism is much less a problem today then it was 50 years ago. From what I’ve learned about relationships all those decades ago, there were more problems with how men and women related to each other, then what we face in relationships today. I know that there are parts of the world where problems still remain between the sexes and therefore feminists have valid ground to stand on for these women. But generally speaking I think Feminism is over-emphasised in the media, to be made out to be a much larger problem, where one really doesn’t exist today.

    I think it is a good thing that women were encouraged to have a career, but I don’t think the aim there was to have a career ‘instead of a family’. I think over the generations there have always been, (and still are) those who understand the importance of a relationship and building a family.

    It is a very complex issue with many factors to be considered as to why our approach to dating has changed so significantly. I myself have a full time career and sometimes wonder if I would miss being at work when I start a family, but to answer that, I know from the experience of others that being a mother can provide you with an abundance of joy that can’t be found in a career. (And I can always return to my career later in life). I also have friends who just aren’t interested in having kids, so it is a very personal choice. These days we seem to have more opportunities in the work force and also to travel while we are younger, which is another reason why people may choose to settle down later, I guess the question is will they regret these choices?

  8. Feminism is not what it is to be! Women far greater than myself and far greater than feminist in today’s society has fault the good fight for equality and guess what ladies?! We won!! Feminism today isn’t about equality ots about superiority! I believe in a man being a man and a woman being a woman! This is a partnership not up for debate if you want a traditional family to be successful in today’s society so stop pushing the liberal bullshit and ladies return to your place “not the kitchen” but to the side of a man and raising your families and tending to the home don’t let schools and colleges raise your children you’ll be glad you didn’t later and so will they!! Coming from a mother of 5 who’s not on the left or the right but believes in the very fabric of what this nation was founded upon and preserving our children’s future!

  9. It is that too often I think we are looking at where we are with turning young women around – and far too little thought is given to young men – and the reality that they are looking at their fathers experience, and their mothers view – but not that alone. They have been told in many ways, that society does not care what happens to them, and watched as all care about girls. The reality that there is a growing concern about boys is good – except it is easy to suggest that it is really all about “a shortage of marriageable men” which does not say to boys – that there is actual concern for their well being.

    It is not just that we have pushed male toxicity, or created the presumption of his guilt in the college monkey courts, it is also that there is 0 concern with regards to him being a victim. It is that young men know boys are the majority of victims of child abuse, and mothers the abusers- and yet they see the caricature of dads and girls. It is not just that men are painted as buffoons, it is that violence against them -by women is celebrated not condemned. It is that the CDC report on domestic and sexual violence is discussed at length – except where it is what affects boys. It is that a growing number of men, especially young men – understand that like in the 2010 study – where in 2010 there was massive discussion – right up to the bottom of table 2.1 and page 18- mysteriously – it was as though page 19 and table 2.2 did not exist. This constant endless denial of the idea – of boys are also victims – girls also perpetrators – especially when it is women and girls pushing the narrative – is extremely alienating – as it sends a very clear set of messages. A- you are other (not exactly partnering stuff) B-we do not care when it hurts you (well clearly not partnering stuff).

    When this is combined with so many other things – well the message is more than just a little dangerous. There is a screaming need – to show boys we care – and that needs to start with holding female perpetrators to account – teachers who molest, when they are female are being said to have sex with – not rape boys – and the consequences to the teacher are well… It needs to start with actually saying that what is not acceptable for men – is not acceptable when women do it either. Sorry, but the silence so often is shocking – it is that Sharon Osbourne’s Penis rant – is not a screaming exception – just more visible, and boys saw their mothers laugh at a man – that may as well have been them. It would send a message to millions of young men – if Osbourne and CBS were held to account – even if a little late.

    • Yes, society’s problems are always phrased from the women’s perspective- “shortage of marriagable men”. Where are all the affirmative action programs for boys, who do worse in school anyway? Where are the affirmative action programs in colleges, to get the gender ratios equal? Oh wait, they aren’t there. Feminists hurt men. And the hurt spreads further- to women. So men have a buyer’s market, and hookup culture thrives. Oh wait, normal courtship behavior is now sexual harassment. No problem. Male college students look elsewhere, for women. For finding a wife… does a man really find a female college graduate useful, any more? Isn’t there more of a downside, than upside, with female college gradutes, when it comes to marriage- for men?

    • Rates of domestic violence by men and women are roughly equal. But only the female victims can report. Male victims are ignored. A woman who set up some of the first homeless shelters for women also tried to set one up for men. Feminists attacked her viciously. Warren Farrel points out that female murders of men, are concealed in FBI statistics. And the list goes on and on.

  10. “Are things too far gone to be fixed?” The mere fact that you can ask that question means they aren’t.
    You are not separate from others. Your decisions affect the whole. If you decide to be honest, to commit to a long term relationship, you affect everyone else.

    I see young people who understand the damage feminism has done. My father was of the WW II generation. When he was a lad, in the 1930’s, there was no dating. A lad who was respected, of good family, …might… be able to walk a lass to church, if her parents trusted him. Maybe. And if he was really good, he might even be able to walk her home. The sermon was the high point of the week, and it was dissected over tea, after church. The book is Not in Vain, by Leon Standifer.

    In my father’s day, parents warned their daughters about bad boys, and their sons about vampires. This evaporated in the late 60’s. Nowadays colleges tell parents to let their children make mistakes. How stupid. I prefer to seek out wisdom, to AVOID mistakes, myself.

    I am delighted when a woman tells me she is a feminist. I’m as delighted as I would be, to find a sign clearly labelled “live minefield”. I know to turn 180 degrees, and move rapidly away. Some years ago, I was in a class, with some rabid feminists. I listened to them talk. They had nothing but poisonous things to say about men. I knew that I would only smile, if spoken to, and say as little as possible. I don’t play with poisonous snakes, or hand grenades with loose pins, or feminists. Towards the end of the class, though, they started talking about how much they would like to find well off, attentive, committed, loving husbands. I thought I had blundered into the mental ward. I couldn’t believe it. After running all that hatred through their nervous systems, and that is a very real energy, by way… then they want to find a man? That’s like a Triple K-er going out wearing his sheets, to court a black woman. Yes, that is a precise, accurate comparison. The kind of guy they said they were looking for is a guy who has options. Being around women who run massive doses of hate through their system- for him- is probably not on his agenda, do you think? Gloria Steinem, and many of the feminists of her era, did have some trauma from men. They took revenge… but you see, there is concatenation- they took revenge on men… and it spread to women… everything is connected. Buddhists talk about the chain of violence. There are really 2 choices in life: kindness, and violence. Violence doesn’t just happen. It was triggered by other violence… in a chain, that reaches from person to person, until one aware person decides to break the chain, by letting the violent wave… just die.

    There is more than one way, in Chi Kung, to simply cut off sex drive. I’m amazed at the number of American men who have done just that, spontaneously. A neighbor is 70. His ex drove him crazy. Oh, he could have 12 women in his range around, if he wanted. He doesn’t want it. He’d rather watch football, and drink his beer.

    Feminists raised the price of marriage, and lowered the price of sex. Wow, is it any wonder that Tinder is prospering?

    The brother of a friend of mine went to the hospital. The woman he lives with showed up, introduced herself as the girlfriend, to the family, and left. Another woman showed up, introduced herself as the girlfriend… and left. Another woman showed up, introduced… and left. Another woman… yes, he was running 8, count them, 8, women. He was 42. The youngest was about 30, the oldest 60, and I was told the 60 year old looked better than the 40 year old. He’s black. Watch black people carefully- the welfare system was set up to tear up black families- look at Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s report on the Negro family, of the 1960’s. That is what feminists will see, in the future.

    Women do not understand how they lower their value. Tattoos cause cancer. Surprise! Women eat half the lipstick they put on. I wonder how that helps liver function. The red shades of fingernail polish, especially those from China, use lead salts, which means the polish is a lead delivery system. Whatever a woman puts on her body is absorbed into her bloodstream.

    Feminists seem to have this idea that they are incredibly attractive to men. Seriously, I’ve seen this a lot. They aren’t. They can’t understand why this isn’t true. It’s very simple. What attraction does a rabid dog have for you? None. You get away from it, as fast as you can.

    I had an uncle/aunt who saw their 74th wedding anniversary. They were totally dedicated to each other, they long outlived their siblings, they had a great relationship. He always saw the young lass he’d married, even when she had grey hair, just as I see my daughters as the babies they were, when I first saw them. I’m not even sure he ever saw her grey hair.

    A really good marriage forms a soliton, a standing wave form. It gives out more energy than is put into it- because it is at a higher level of order. People who are smart understand this.

    Suzanne, we are not beyond hope. You see, the Russians and Chinese, each, after their revolutions, decided the state could take better care of children, and that sex should be as easy as drinking a glass of water. But the state pays full retail. Families don’t. And it didn’t take all that long for the governments to get more conservative about marriage than they were before their Revolutions.

    Suzanne, you imply that one person’s choices don’t make a difference, in your intro. This is not so. You have made a decision to spread certain ideas. You are casting concentric rings of influence, to people you may never meet. 7% of women in American identify as feminist, now… the radical feminists have alienated many women. Look at Karen Straughn, and Cassie Jaye’s videos, among others. Each of them are one person, but they are having quite an effect. Why? Because they simply speak the truth.

    The #metoo movement is making men much more cautious. I won’t train a woman, at work, unless I’ve known her for years. I know men who would never rescue a woman from a criminal attack- they know they might get charged. I know men who, if they saw a child running into the street, would do nothing- they know they might get charged.

    If you want to see the effects of feminism, put MGTOW into youtube, and see what you find. I’m running into more and more men who are going their own way.

    Feminists hate men, with a passion. The problem is that artillery is not selective. It falls where it falls. Some women understand that destroying men casts concentric rings far and wide. Feminists hurt women more than men.

    Men can live alone, and be quite happy with that. Women… have cats. And psychiatrists. Feminists have hurt women much more than they’ve hurt men.

    • Jesus Christ mate. You’re a little off the mark there, and seriously biased. Save the stories for a psychiatrist (women and men need counselling equally). This article is about dating and relationships in the modern age, not whether or not modern women are at all dateable. Please do your best to mark the differences.

      • So you’re saying you don’t need a map, to explore the terrain? I like the way you think! Your journey will certainly be circuitous, and adventuresome, with a good amount of pain.

    • I know many more men who can’t live alone and be happy than women. The widowed and divorced men I have known have rushed to remarry because they can’t handle life alone. I’ve been married for 25 years, but lived a good deal of my adulthood on my own sans cats (I’m allergic).

  11. I think you give baby boomers a bad rap. In the 60s and 70s teenagers and 20somethings weren’t into casual sex. They were into premarital sex. All the people I knew had regular girlfriends and boyfriends, and they all had sex, but marriage was the accepted end result of the dating relationship. And the impetus to marriage was usually pregnancy. In 50% of marriages of this era the woman was pregnant. Birth control pills were unavailable, in general, to single couples, and condom use was intermittent at best. Abortion was also unavailable. So pregnancy was often the “final push” for men to stand up to their responsibilities as a new parent.
    In addition, the roles of men and women were clearly defined. Men supported the household and worked. Women were responsible for the family.
    It seems to me that men haven’t changed over the years but women have. Men are quite happy to have a sexual relationship with women that leads nowhere. And the number of women who seem quite happy to provide casual sex has exploded since my time. If women want more than casual relationships, they will have to think far harder about what they can offer men in a marriage. In all the feminist literature, women focus on what they can get from a man instead.
    – My 2c after 52 years of marriage.

    • Tom Leykis did a show, where a single mother called in, and asked how she could find a husband, to help her. He asked her what she wanted in a husband. She wanted stable income, nice guy, would love her children, would do a lot for her, and so on. He then asked what this woman would do for the man, who would, after all, have to be spending a lot of energy supporting her and her children. The woman was silent. She had actually never thought about what the guy would get. It was like the total opposite of sales theory.

      You can sell a product, and obviously some single moms do remarry. Nowadays, many women, and men, look only at what they will get. It’s like a job interview, where the first question out of the candidate’s amount is what the benefits are, how soon they can retire, and everything else they get. And what the candidate can give is ignored.

      Would any man enter a business relationship, with a partner, where that partner can take the lion’s share of the assets, with no warning, and the courts back that partner up? Where that partner is part of a group known for being irrational, and at times greedy? Where there are actually courses on the Internet, teaching partners how to fleece the man? Where that partner gives as little as possible, and demands as much as possible, has moods, and is generally extremely difficult? Marriage is a business partnership, yes, it is, with some extra benefits. It takes in income, just like a business, and provides products, just like a business. Men haven’t changed that much, in the last 60 years. Women have.

  12. Probably there is nothing that can be repaired anymore, as both, men and women, are these days considered merely for their economic value. Families become less and less affordable and women are expected to drop their children, respectively their sole child, and return to their workplaces as soon as possible after giving birth. As a consequence, western populations are being more and more replaced by populations with different values, ie. people with higher reproduction as a consequence of more traditional values and lower economic expectations.

    • If you want to see the future of Western civilization, visit Russia. There is a sad Russian song, about a beautiful woman, who finds only drunks, as potential partners. Women have equality, sure, they get jobs, and usually do not have the option of staying home with the kids. Men do not help them, usually. So they have an extra shift. Sure, there’s divorce. Life gets harder for divorcees in any culture. Apartments are small, and usually shoddy.
      There is equality, in Russia; some are just more equal than others. Communism is radically materialistic. The only cultures where women are happy that I’ve seen, are deeply spiritual. But Westerners have largely forgotten their spirituality.

  13. Feminism is just a euphemism for penis envy. Women acting like men. Women working like men. Women competing with men. Women having sex like men. Even objectively beautiful women are making themselves unattractive by adopting masculine behaviors and attitudes. Of course this is served with a heaping pile of shame: “you’re intimidated by strong women!” Um, no, you’re just a turn-off. I think it’s only gonna get worse, because men are now being trained in the halls of academia to degrade themselves and resent their very nature.

    • Excellent comment; agree completely. I’m nearly 70 and have been married for 46 years and have 4 adult children. It’s NEVER easy but what’s the alternative? Loneliness and cats. The mistrust between the sexes was just getting started in the early 70s when I met my husband but it all washed over me and continues to do so. Two of my sons are victims of the Family Court system (in Australia) where men are treated punitively and many commit suicide. But who cares? The women are calling the shots and men (quite rightly, IMO) are avoiding marriage like the plague.

    • Yes, and as Bill Burr says, they want to cherry pick. How many feminists are applying to work in mines? In sewage control? In garbage pickup? In ironwork on the 30th story building, with no safety gear? How many are volunteering to give up custody, so custody settlements are 50% to men and women, and also paying child support like men do? They don’t want equality, not at all. If they were equal to men, in the military, most of them would be thrown out, as lazy slackers. During the first Gulf War, some navy ships were incapacitated, because so many female sailors got pregnant. But they all got paid as much as the men.

  14. I’ve studied western political and social landscape intensely for half a decade now. The conclusion I’m coming to after numerous discussions and lots of reading, we are headed for a complete societal meltdown. We are a late-stage civilization, one of the major symptoms of which is the moral crisis in every sector from business, to education, to politics. Corruption is blooming everywhere. Sexual restraint is no more considered a virtue. Sexual morals have been completely forgotten.

    I run a porn blogging business that reviews the most hardcore adult games ever made. I have an article view counter plugin, which tracks views of each review. The content people are consuming is breaking every moral we used to have.

    When we take on art commissions (I also run a small comic business), the projects are downright unfathomable. People show me private pictures of their wives having sex as reference material for the projects. One guy wanted a comic with incest, cuckolding, and old black guys gangbanging the protagonist’s mother. The most shocking project was about a girl being dismembered with magic, so she’d be limbless during the sex act.

    The moral decay is everywhere around us. I have a front row seat to this apocalyptic spectacle.

    I worked many years to silence my moral resistance, to do this work. Some things I did included working with people I identified as psychopaths, to accumulate experiences of abuse and betrayal, because I identified it as a means of gaining control of my emotions. I can now turn off my feelings at will. When I’m working, I work. When I’m off-duty, I do other things. I only care about making money, because I’ll need lots of it if I’m forced to start over in another country. An internet business is conveniently mobile.

  15. Having a child or a relationship is a personal choice not an obligation. And there is no reason why “having a professional life” should preclude either. Women didn’t “start to get degree after degree” because they were told to do so by “feminists”. Personal goals, a desire for financial independence, individual dreams, interests, and a desire to contribute in a way women see fit to all of the above is the reason. All of which can and do bring meaning. What is your real point?

    • Personal goals, a desire for financial independence, individual dreams, interests and a desire to contribute in a way women see fit. In a professional life. After getting degree after degree.

      Great. You can have anything you want, in the USA. But you probably can’t have everything you want. So you have to sort and select. A woman working 80-100 hours a week in the publishing industry [a real number, I know a woman who did this] has almost no time for family, or relationship. Relationships, like vehicles, need maintenance. Her point is that it is possible to do some of this- and extremely difficult to do all of it. And the statistics that say kids do just fine in day care don’t talk about the kids crying all day. Or the other problems with it.

    • Thanks for sounding reasonable, Mariam. I’ve had a career I enjoy for the last 37 years after obtaining two degrees. I’ve been married for 25 years and our daughter graduated from college last weekend. She will be starting her second degree in September because she wants to learn more about the field she hopes to enter. Marriage and children are not currently on her radar, and that is her decision to make. She didn’t date in high school or college because she recognized how very immature young men her age are. She’s a balanced person like her mom, so whatever she chooses will likely be fulfilling. I managed to do well at work, keep my house cleaner than every SAHM I know, and provide our child with all the time she needed from her parents because her father did equal amounts of home keeping and childcare. You can have everything you want within reason. We don’t all have the same expectations or desires. And the negativity against women and feminism is rather soul-crushing.

  16. Wow. This comment section contains a lot of blame, particularly women being thrown under the bus.
    As a member of the millennial generation I experience these issues first hand, and if members of the older generation feel their views are accurate on this issue and valid enough to comment, then they ought to pay attention to someone actually living in these circumstances, too.

    There’s a lot of finger-pointing at one gender or the other here, or at the after effects of reactive feminism, but I believe porn culture and social media have a lot to answer for.

    Porn culture has given younger generations an unrealistic image of what sex is “meant to be”; without the opportunity to get to know someone, explore slowly and be vulnerable with another, young women and men are struggling to experience real intimacy, and this is damaging to both relationship building and personal emotional development. A lot of younger people, younger than I, and particularly young men, are getting their sex education entirely from pornography, which is leading to quite a crisis of unhealthy relationships affecting both genders just as harmfully.

    Social media is showing us that life ought to be perfect; that love ought to be ever romantic and extravagant; that there ought to be no flaws in your partner and in your life. But we all know that, realistically, this is not the case. Waiting on perfection will inevitably lead to frustration and disappointment, and I’m afraid this is quite common these days. I know I have been influenced by porn and social media and have seen the effects it has had on my relationships in the past; now I am consciously working toward finding a wholesome balance between enjoying the pleasures of casual sexual experience whilst creating genuine intimacy with my partner, and between letting go of perfectionism whilst keeping my standards.

    Reactive feminism certainly is damaging and I can see that in many cases it has gone too far, but as we have not reached a point where society is entirely equal yet, it is still necessary to some degree. The true meaning of feminism that is – equalism – rather than the modern perception of feminism which appears to be “man-hating”.

    I truly hope that young women and men of today, including myself, can learn to build true intimacy with their partners, and build resilience to the natural lows of relationships in order to enjoy the natural highs of relationships, too.

    Thank you for your article, certainly something to think about.

    – 27yr old, NZ born & raised, no children, “millennial”, equalist.

    • There is a way to achieve equality, and Equality of Outcome. In fact, most cities have a community where precisely this goal has been achieved. It is commonly known as a cemetery. As Italians say, when the chess game is over, all the pieces- king and pawn alike- go into the same box [coffin].

      People have different ideas, goals, experience… to expect equality of outcome is like expecting to win the lottery. It might actually happen one in ten million times. That doesn’t make it realistic. People are, check this out, different. Men and women are, check this out, different. The only cookie cutter people I know are psychopaths, because they are very much alike.

    • “finding a wholesome balance between enjoying the pleasures of casual sexual experience whilst creating genuine intimacy with my partner”. Wow. I’d be curious to know how you balance these.

      • She does it by squirrel caging to justify it, and not telling her partner about it, just like most women do.

  17. While I agree porn is definitely affecting men’s sex desires and expectations and often makes them unrealistic – there’s also another elephant in the other gender’s room, which I find bizarre that it gets rarely discussed: sex toys. You want to have a normal sex live? Drop the porn but also drop the dildos and the vibrators from your sex live and I guarantee you that both partners will end up having more realistic sexpectations and sexperience in general…

    • Mr. V is every woman’s favorite boyfriend, though. He’s the perfect man- throw him in a drawer when you’re done with him, he stays there without complaint, and is immediately available the next time you need him. He never complains about being ignored, or that you have other partners. Let’s not forget, he’s never too tired to do the job, either. Of course, he’s impotent, but who cares about that, when you have the ideal man?

  18. Why have a long term relationship? Very simple. It is more than the sum of its parts. A antastic basket is actually stronger than the mere sum of the strengths of the vines- because the vines support each other, in the basket. A marriage is a SYSTEM, as in systems theory. It is a soliton, a standing wave form, a toroidal vortex, that gives out more energy than is put into it, because it is at a higher level of order. I’ve seen a few really fantastic marriages. Both partners are healthy, and live longer, and are much happier. Marine studies show that 2 marines are about the sum of 4 individual marines. joining together as 2 means they are doubly effective. A single parent isn’t a 50% of a couple, it is more like a 25%. I’ve been a single parent, for over 10 years, I speak from experience.

    Porn is romance novels for guys. Both are very unrealistic, and really, toxic. Turn Bridges of Madison County around, where a guy in a boring relationship decides to run off with a female photographer. Oh, what a bad man he is, to seduce that woman… women read more romance novels than men interact with porn. The covers of American Romance novels are treated as porn, in most Arab countries, by way. What does that mean? In Saddam Hussein’s Iraq, that meant 6 months in one of Saddam’s jails, for each picture. in Saudi Arabia, well you don’t want to know… Cosmopolitan is the Playboy for women.

    American women get all that propaganda about the patriarchy. I really appreciate that. If i hear that word even once, from a woman, that’s it, no serious relationship, we’re done. And I don’t give feedback.

    If a woman can’t commit to marriage, in a synergistic relationship, in polarity, she isn’t worth dealing with. Period. It’s that simple. I know a lot of divorced guys, who will never commit again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…. it ain’t gonna happen.

    Women have the gateway of sex. Men have the gateway of marriage. Have you seen those videos on youtube, of women proposing to men, and the men refusing?

    I’m married, now, to a Latin woman raised in traditional culture. She is at least supportive, and we have a pretty good relationship. We back each other up. We are raising our child. With what I’ve seen and learned, most American women are simply not viable partners for marriage. They are neotenous, immature, and unable to pair bond. Go play with the bad boys you love so much, if you don’t want to grow up. They will teach you some painful lessons. Ben Franklin said the school of experience charges a high tuition, but fools refuse to learn anywhere else. Stefan Molyneaux has a youtube video, where he explains to a 37 year old Swedish woman, getting her M.D., that if she really wants a husband, and children, it is almost too late. He’s very polite, with her. He explains that the 1% hot guy she wants has many more options, and simply won’t pick her. He explains that her mother got married when she was 12 years younger than this woman is. It is beautiful, she actually gets out of the princess castle, and realizes her true situation, if she wants children. If only more women talked to gramma, and actually listened. Grammas usually will set them straight.

  19. For the last six years, the prevalence of U.S. children growing up in single-parent families has held steady at 35%. In 2016 — the most recent full year of data on record — this rate translated to more than 24 million kids having just one parent at home.
    Kids are less likely to experience poverty when they grow up with both parents at home. For example: In 2016, 32% of single-parent families with children were living in poverty versus just 7% of two-parent families. The literature documenting the detrimental effects of growing up poor is sweeping and strong. Some of the many challenges identified include: academic deficits, reduced access to safe communities and quality enrichment activities, and a heightened risk of physical, behavioral and emotional issues.
    The absence of the father is the single most important cause of crime.1) In fact, boys who are fatherless from birth are three times as likely to go to jail as peers from intact families, while boys whose fathers do not leave until they are 10 to 14 years old are two times as likely to go to jail as their peers from intact families.2) According to Robert Rector of the Heritage Foundation, children without a father are more than twice as likely to be arrested for a juvenile crime and are three times more likely to go to jail by the time they reach age 30 than are children raised in intact families.3) Adolescents who had a positive relationship with their fathers are less likely to be arrested, belong to a gang, damage property, steal, or run away compared to their peers with less positive relationships with their fathers.4) Along with the increased probability of family poverty and heightened risk of delinquency, a father’s absence is associated with a host of other social problems. The three most prominent effects are lower intellectual development, higher levels of illegitimate parenting in the teenage years, and higher levels of welfare dependency.5) According to a 1990 report from the Department of Justice, more often than not, missing and “throwaway” children come from single-parent families, families with step parents, and cohabiting-adult families.

  20. The early experience of intense maternal affection is the basis for the development of a conscience and moral compassion for others.6) According to Chuck Smith, a Kansas State University child development expert, “as a child grows and matures, the mother—whether biological or a stepmother—plays an important role in her child’s development, character and attitudes.”7) If a child’s emotional attachment to their mother is disrupted during the first few years, permanent harm can be done to the child’s capacity for emotional attachment to others. The child will be less able to trust others and throughout his or her life will stay more distant emotionally from others. Having many different caretakers during the first few years can lead to a loss of this sense of attachment for life and to antisocial behavior.8) Separation from the mother, especially between six months and three years of age, can lead to long-lasting negative effects on behavior and emotional development. Severe maternal deprivation is a critical ingredient of juvenile delinquency. As John Bowlby, the father of attachment research, puts it, “Theft, like rheumatic fever, is a disease of childhood, and, as in rheumatic fever, attacks in later life are frequently in the nature of recurrences.”9) A child’s emotional attachment to their mother is powerful in other ways. For example, even after a period of juvenile delinquency, a young man’s ability to become emotionally attached to his wife can make it possible for him to turn away from crime.10) This capacity is rooted in the very early attachment to his mother. We also know that a weak marital attachment resulting in separation or divorce accompanies a continuing life of crime.

  21. 11)
    Many family conditions can weaken a mother’s attachment to her young child. Perhaps the mother herself struggles with emotional detachment.12) The mother could be so lacking in family and emotional support that she cannot fill the emotional needs of the child. She could return to work, or be forced to return to work, too soon after the birth of her child. Or, while she is at work, there could be a change in the personnel responsible for the child’s day care. The more prevalent these conditions, the less likely a child will be securely attached to their mother and the more likely they will be hostile and aggressive.13)
    In 2008, there were over 8 million divorced adults in the United States.19) Breakup of a child’s parents’ marriage during the first five years of their life places a child at high risk of becoming a juvenile delinquent.20) This breakup – through either divorce or separation – is most likely to occur three to four years after marriage. Therefore, a large proportion of very young children experience the emotional pain of the early and final stages of marital dissolution at a time when they are most vulnerable to disruptions in their emotional attachment to their parents.21) This instability continues to impact adolescents as they mature. Teens in blended or divorced families tend to have more behavioral problems, like using tobacco, binge drinking, weapon carrying, physical fighting, or sexual activity.22)
    Conflict within “step families” (families where at least one of the married parents is not the biological parent of all the children) also has serious effects. According to the California Youth Authority study of female delinquents, conducted by Jill Leslie Rosenbaum, professor of criminology at California State University, “In the two parent families examined in this study a great deal of conflict was present. Of these parents, 71 percent fought regularly about the children. Since there were often ‘his’, ‘hers’ and ‘theirs’ present, the sources of conflict tended to result from one set of children having a bad influence on the others, the type of punishment invoked, or one particular child receiving too much attention.”

  22. 23)
    Rates of conflict are much higher outside intact married families.24) The rates of emotional and behavioral problems of children are more than double in step families.25) Given their impact on children, the marriage arrangements of parents have significant effects on the incidence of teenage crime.
    Violent youth often come from violent parents. In 2007, over 1.5 million children had a father in prison, and over 147,000 children had a mother in prison.26) Violent youth are the most likely to have witnessed conflict and violence between their parents.27) They also are the most likely to commit a serious violent crime and to become “versatile” criminals – those engaged in a variety of crimes, including, theft, fraud, and drugs.28) Among these youths, physically or sexually abused boys commit the most violent offenses.29)
    Internal family violence is only one major contributor to adolescent violence in these socially disorganized neighborhoods. The neighborhood itself (which includes the youth’s violent peers, also rooted in their own broken families) is the other powerful contributor,30) especially to violent delinquency,31) and its culture of aggression and violence is imported into the school.
    • 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.
    • 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.
    • 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)
    • 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)
    • 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)
    Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.
    • Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.
    • Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.
    • Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.
    • Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.
    • 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

  23. Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.
    • 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)
    • 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)
    Father Factor in Incarceration – Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.
    Father Factor in Crime – A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent

  24. Father Factor in Child Abuse – Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.
    Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.
    Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.
    • 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
    • 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
    • 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
    • 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]

  25. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
    • 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
    • 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
    • 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
    • 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows for all God’s Children]
    • 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
    • 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
    • Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

  26. Census Fatherhood Statistics
    • 64.3 million: Estimated number of fathers across the nation
    • 26.5 million: Number of fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children under the age of 18.
    Among these fathers –
    o 22 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old (among married-couple family households only).
    o 2 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
    • 2.5 million: Number of single fathers, up from 400,000 in 1970. Currently, among single parents living with their children, 18 percent are men.

  27. Among these fathers –
    o 8 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old.
    o 42 percent are divorced, 38 percent have never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed. (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.)
    o 16 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
    o 27 percent have an annual family income of $50,000 or more.
    • 85 percent: Among the 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18, the percentage who lived with their biological children only.
    o 11 percent lived with step-children
    o 4 percent with adopted children
    o < 1 percent with foster children

  28. Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs’ successes and challenges. While the following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities.
    • Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
    • Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.
    • 24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
    • Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.

  29. 43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.
    • Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.
    • Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.
    • About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.

  30. Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
    • From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable.

    Yes, there are tiny programs to reunite families, and respect fathers. I can only think of that line in the Tao Te Ching- “when the truth of the heart is cold and dead, then are codes of law and morality bred” which is to say, such programs are closing the barn door after the horse has run away- metaphorically.

    A Chinese general knew there was chaos in his country. He tracked it down to the provinces, then the cities, then the neighborhoods, then the … families. As the family goes, so goes the nation.

    Is that enough motivation to heal the family? Like, will you really get your Social Security, or have any kind of retirement, if there aren’t enough children coming into the pipeline, to pay taxes?

  31. The spiritual side of men is largely ignored, in our culture. Men do have intuition, though they mostly aren’t trained to use it. I am twice divorced. In each case, my intuition was screaming at me to not marry those women. I rationalized, and didn’t listen. And I paid a large price in pain. I felt my first daughter’s energy, in my field, 7 years before she was born. That makes no sense in “white man culture”, as some Native Americans call it. But it’s what I felt. Pain is a patient teacher, teaching lessons long, long after any other teacher would have given up. I have not forgotten the lessons taught to me by pain. There is an Arabic proverb- “fatish an il-um, wa tazawaj min bintiha”. It means “look for the mother [you want to be married to, in 20 years], and marry her daughter [because her daughter, with all that entrainment, will be like her mother.] Proverbs are the pithy wisdom of our ancestors, speaking to us now. Young men see only the skin, of a woman. Older men see a single instance of a recurring pattern. Older men can look at a woman, and age her in their mind. They know what that woman will look like, in 20 years. Older men know that 10’s are nice to look at, but they [usually] have no souls, and are energy vampires. They look for women with heart, the women who put a lot of effort. Most men are doing this by the age of 30, to some extent. I’ve seen many divorced women, in their 40’s, say, who think they are still in high school, and can easily get a man, even when they have kids, emotional baggage, a nasty, cutting personality, and so on. It takes experience for them to realize that the men now available to them have learned, much, and walk with stealth, and caution. Yes, they can get a guy in a bar for the night. But getting a ring is more difficult. I’ve see women with heart- in the 6-8 range- that I know would make far better wives, than any 10 I’ve known. I’ve shared wisdom with younger men, and told them this. I tell them to wait till they are 30, even 35, to think about marriage. I tell them to never marry until their guts tell them the woman is ok. I tell them the many benefits of marriage, for men, ONLY accrue to the man smart enough to choose a woman with wisdom, and heart- both. I remember a divorced guy, seeking another wife, about 40. He was with this really bright woman, far brighter than he was, but there were many problems, because she was stone cold and selfish, so they went to a counsellor. Then he thought, “Not even married, and talking to the counsellor? Uhhh, what is my Universe telling me?” He broke it off, and found a nice woman, a “50’s housewife”, who enjoyed the wild thing, and him, and kept a good house, and was also smart, and in good health. He married her, and was very, very happy with her. Older men know that happy married men are married to good wives, and unhappy married men… aren’t. Marriage offers great growth, for those who commit to it, and great pain, for those who choose a spouse badly.

  32. Life is contrasts- polarities, and travelling between them, in a sort of irregular sine wave. One polarity is sleep and waking. Both are necessary, spending too much time in one, or the other, is unbalancing.

    This is true for pain, and ecstasy. Too much time in one, or the other, is unbalancing. A woman experiences pain, in childbirth. Then comes the ecstasy of seeing new life, a soul that trusts her enough to enter a world without sight, minimal hearing, no language ability, and being totally helpless. A fawn can walk an hour after it is born. Human babies take 2 years or so. Humans take a long time to mature, and they need guidance, really up to the age of 30, well even beyond that. I am older, and I still seek guidance. The major part of guidance is… family. There is an energy quality to having your own kids. You feel something in the heart, that makes you want to protect them, to make their lives better, to guide them, to love them. No institution outside of the family can do this, at all well. The psychopaths in the Romanian Securitate, or the KGB, were usually orphans, raised by non caring institutional employees.

    A family is humans, in a committed relationship. It is more than just husband and wife. It is relatives, it is connections. A family is a system, far more than the mere sum of its parts. A basket is more than the sum of the strengths of its individual pieces. Woven together, it becomes something bigger, and the total strength is more than the sum of the individual strengths.

    The core of this is, well, marriage. Yeah. I hear feminists attacking marriage, and men. I say unto thee, feministas, who then shall pay for your catfood, when you are old? Sinead O’Connor made a video, not long ago, on her grief at being alone, without much income, apparently. Well, yeah, she had, what, 3 kids, each by a different father, and broke up with them. That is the future for women that feminists are creating. I’m sure she enjoyed all the bad boys she played with. They didn’t stay, did they. M argot Kidder was also alone, and she committed suicide. A lot of those baby boomer women will end up in the same place. Men tend to be polite to women, not always, but usually. They won’t tell dirty jokes in front of women, for example, or doing so is at least seen as very impolite. They are too polite to tell feminists that they are the polar opposite of attractive, or that they can go and f… themselves, because watching sports is more fun than playing with women. Men are too polite to tell these feminists that actions have consequences, and those who sew seeds of hatred reap a harvest of pain. I saw a fascinating video of a Nazi SS fellow, apologizing, in tears, for all the pain they caused to Russians, on youtube. Wow. You can’t understand what that means. In Oradour sur Glane, about 1944, elements of Das Reich, the 2nd panzer division, killed about 103 innocent french men, civilians, as reprisal for guerrilla activity. In the war crimes trial, after the war, surviving SS troops said, “Oh, that was nothing, we were in Russia and did far more than that.” Thich Nhat Hanh led a group of U.S. Vietnam vets, through Vietnam, for similar healing. One sees women like Cassie Jaye doing this at a much smaller scale. Feminists understand that the primary group they hurt is women, who seek to raise families… they know exactly what they are doing.

    Let’s look at porn. 40% of the books published in the USA are romance novels. Chick flicks, TV shows for women… all of them are very misguided, and steer women badly. For an alpha bad boy, he has more women than he can bed, and he can change them out regularly. Who created this? Not men. It was our culture, that willingly told women to lavish their sexual blessings on those men who have no respect for them, to pass them out freely, with no thought for the future. Feminism is a parody of philosophy, a vicious parody, a sort of porn of hate. Yes, I know how feminists will react to this, feminism is about women being empowered. Really? For what? Doing damage to innocents? Wasting your assets? I won’t wish feminists ill. Bad karma. They are doing a greater revenge on themselves, and on innocent women, than I could ever dream of.

    If a woman seeks a committed relationship, she needs to start inside herself. She needs to commit to constant improvement, to learning more about people, and men. She needs to seek out wisdom, and get rid of all the garbage the mass media filled her head and heart with. She needs to connect with infinity- whether it is God, the Tao, the great Unknown, however she understands it, and work with it. This is, by way, common to all of the higher levels of the martial arts. She might start by loving herself, so much that it starts overflowing onto others. Service to others develops the soul, also. A woman needs to expand her self outside of her skin, into the community, if she seeks a committed relationship, for marriage is precisely the extension of self, to the spouse. It is loving another as one loves oneself- and both are necessary. This is foundational, very basic. What man wants to marry a woman who hates him, because he is a man?

    And for all those feminists seeking husbands… sorry, ain’t no good men for you, no more. All you got is fishbicycles. Where have all the good men gone? Off the plantation. You won’t hear it from men. OK, listen to Karen Straughn, I think her name is. She says it better than I do.

    • Women have the ability to maintain radically opposite ideas. Feminists, for example, think they are really hot, that men really want them. And they fill their bodies with the energy of hatred and resentment, for years. Even insensitive men can feel it. And when the baby rabies comes along, they just know there’s a prince out there, willing to put up with all their crap. Then they find out there isn’t. Or maybe they find some simp, and make his life hell, and divorce him. Go to any college town, you can find many of these women. Some will adopt, or have artificial insemination. If I don’t have to pay for it, have at it. And then they discover how difficult it is to be a single parent. I was a single parent myself, for 9 years. It is not easy. Anybody interested in a long term relationship seeks someone willing to make and maintain commitment, to get up at 4 AM to feed the crying baby, and get up again at 6 to go to work. For some years. I’ve done it. It is possible to buy Nazi regalia, even swastika armbands. I don’t. Have no use for it. Feminists seeking husbands is like someone wearing Nazi stuff, and hitting on Jewish women. It doesn’t work. Remember? Feminists need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Marriage is oppression. No problem. Men adjust, and stay away from them. Feminists remind me of the militants that started the civil war in Rwanda. They didn’t have guns there, they used machetes, and sticks. And they killed people by the thousands, because they were mad. Just like feminists. There are no winners in wars. Only varying degrees of loss. Suzanne, you go, girl! You are right on!

  33. Porn goes way back. I saw a youtube video about some ancient Egyptian porn, a few thousand years old. I’m not sure about figures like the Venus of Willendorf; they are carved from the viewpoint of the woman. There was woodcut porn in the 1500’s. Greek statues were originally clothed, one sculptor experimented with nudes, and it caught on. Greek statues were carved with specific sacred geometry, as models of beauty and order. Women were expected to view them, as the cosmic beauty of the sacred would show up in their children. Mail order porn was available to Union troops, in the American Civil War. Yeah, it was. I’ve seen copies of it. Boomer men all remember the first Playboy centerfold they saw. Let me say that Playboy was quite unrealistic. Years ago, I worked in a building where centerfolds were posted. I saw another guy really into a centerfold. I explained carefully that what he was looking at was 90% paint, and that he’d never meet a woman in the flesh who looked like that. He got it. Then came Penthouse, which sometimes had bad girls you might say. Other mags existed before them, but they weren’t mainstream.

    I remember reading about a woman taking testosterone, for muscle building. I guess she didn’t understand that ALL externally administered hormones cause cancer. Don’t believe me, do your research. Anyway, she said her sex drive was just on, all the time, she couldn’t imagine how men dealt with it. Think about it. 15 year old boy, being pushed in a strong sexual current… he’s going to figure out how to throttle the chicken, or get Old Faithful to erupt. It is possible to turn off the male sexual drive, but you need Chi Kung methods that aren’t available to the average teenage boy. Now think what it’s like for our hero, walking the streets. He sees women in those tight pants, and he can even see her clearly outlined nether lips. This is something like putting a match to gasoline. Only he has no outlet, none. By way, kids with cell phones access porn. Period. And they don’t have the ability to discount it. For them, it is real.

    So. He will find outlets, period. An image of a smiling woman in a bathing suit is enough. Traditionally, he realized that if he wanted a wife, he was going to work, and work hard. Genetically, only about 40% of men were able to reproduce, while over 80% of women were able to reproduce. I see a guy in the grocery store, who’s been there for years. He is functional, and does his job, but he’s apparently retarded in some way. He will never be married. He knows it, you can feel that energy on him. He is polite, and never creeps out women.

    So, let’s take a guy in my father’s generation. He worked very hard, because that was the only realistic way to get sex. Oh, prostitution existed, but, well, that’s not very satisfying. In Latin countries, women who couldn’t find husbands sometimes end up that way. A father might take a son to such a woman, for his sexual initiation. That is not a world I will ever enter. I know too much about venereal diseases, and am sensitive enough that joining my energy field with a woman like that would be painful beyond belief, as I would feel all of her pain.

    That guy in my father’s generation had societal entrainment on his side- the currents favored marriage. There was some risk. Women had to prove good reason for divorce, there was no no-fault divorce. Men initiated it, more often, and it cost them plenty. Though, as I’ve heard divorced men say, “Divorce is sure expensive… and it’s worth every penny!” Women invested in marriage, and generally were ok partners, though some were really marginal. I saw marginal wives. Bad luck for the guys, they were stuck with them.

    Nowadays, over 70% of divorces are initiated by women, because they are “unhappy”. Some say it’s higher; the women may drive hubby so nuts he does it. Over half of marriages end in divorce, in the USA. Porn is not as good as a loving spouse. It is far better than an alcoholic woman, a feminist, a bitchy woman who cannot be satisfied. For some men, it is superior to casual hookups. Sex drive in men is a driving force. You could say God created it that way, or natural selection selected for that, whatever you like. But it’s real. Men have to drain it, every now and then, to function. There are Chi Kung methods to take care of it, that are very interesting, but most men don’t know about them.

    Men have two phases; on or off. Women have a massive instrument panel of dials, and indicators. Men are either married, or not, in their minds. Women are in a massive set of currents that blow them every which way. Previously, societal entrainment supported women in marriage, until they hit say about 40, and could stay married under their own steam. Now, feminist entrainment attacks women in marriage, and tries to destroy marriages. Which means women have to find their own spiritual core, and operate from that, so they are so focused that the BS in the mass media has no effect.

    Men want sex. Women want security, in marriage. It is possible to strike a deal. Reversing those, by way, doesn’t work. Ladies, do look at Sinead O’Connor’s recent video. Notice that her body is decorated with patterns of cancer-causing chemicals. You did know that tattoos cause cancer, right? How attractive is she? Had she committed to one man, and treated him well, he’d have stayed with her- because his foundation image of her, would have been of when she was at her prime. He would have seen her current physical state as only an outgrowth of her prime state. For her to be seeking a spouse at her age is, well, bizarre. Apparently it’s not working for her, and she is very wealthy.

    Sinead is Sensei, to you. That is Japanese, for “born before”. She is further down the path you are treading, if you are a feminist. Are you listening, and watching? What does your heart tell you that your heart’s desire is?

  34. In traditional Spain, if an unmarried woman got pregnant, the guy had a choice. He could go down to the Registro Civil, and claim paternity. He was then liable for support of the children. In Spain, men and women keep their names, in marriage, normally. The man has his father’s patronymic, and his mother’s patronymic, as his two last names- as does a woman. AOC has precisely this- Octavio Cortes. Octavio is her father’s father’s patronymic. Cortes is her mother’s father’s patronymic. Why do children take the father’s last name? Well, men aren’t as attached to children as women are. It is a traditional way to keep fathers around. I’ve heard of judges giving custody of the children to the father, as a way of keeping him in their lives, because divorced fathers are often denied access, or some just leave. The “Spanish divorce” common among Hispanics in this country is for men to just leave, and never do the divorce. It happens in Catholic countries, where divorce is hard to get. But let’s remember the Registro Civil.

    The man has another option- if he isn’t married to the mother of his child. He can simply refuse to register paternity. This means the child takes the mother’s name, and he is never liable for child support. The effect of this was fascinating. It meant women liked to know a lad very, very well, like for years, before having sex, and before getting married. An unmarried woman having a child is still shameful, in Spain, so much so the government puts ads on TV. But consider traditional culture- raising children costs money and time. An unmarried woman with children also found it harder to find a husband, since she clearly played around, and so, was unlikely to be a reliable wife. If there is no husband, somebody else has to pony up the money, and 150 years ago, people didn’t have much extra money. Sometimes unmarried mothers put their babies on a church entrance, where nuns raised them, and they took the last name “de la Iglesia”. There are Spaniards with a patronymic of “De la iglesia”, who are descendants of such children.

    One great way to end the dysfunctional family stuff would be to simply end child support payments for men. Once women have to support children out of wedlock, they’d quit taking chances. Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? Oh, we have to have the best interests of the child. Products of single mothers are usually very dysfunctional, though… over 70% of criminals come from single parent families, for example. If we want a healthy society, we need for women AND men to be responsible, and to raise the next generations in healthy homes. This is a time-tested method, it worked for centuries. What we have in our culture now has also been tested, and cultures that did it fell apart. Read Tacitus, for example.

    Forming long term relationships is very simple. Two people meet, decide to do it, commit, and plunge. And they stay the course. It’s that simple. I never said it was easy, but it really is that simple. I’ve seen it done.

  35. This is a metaphor for life. It is also a metaphor for marriage. You can find it as the story of “Jumping Mouse”, originally by Hyemoyohsts Storm, available in several versions.

    One time there was a mouse who lived with other mice. This little mouse kept hearing a roaring in his ears. He couldn’t figure out what it was. All the time, everywhere he went, as he went about his mouse’s business, his little whiskers going, looking into nooks and crannies, gathering things, taking seeds from one place to another, he kept hearing this roaring and he wondered what it was. Sometimes he would ask the other mice, “I hear this roaring in my ears, what is it?” And the other mice always said, “We don’t hear anything. You must be crazy, get back to work. Accumulate!” So he got back to work, being a mouse, and did all the things that mice do, but he couldn’t get the roaring out of his ears and finally he resolved that he would try to find out what it was.

    Very timidly he went just to the edge of where the mice were living around the roots of trees and bushes. As soon as he got outside of where the mice lived, he saw a raccoon and the racoon said, “Hello, little brother,” and he looked up and said, “Hello, brother.” And he said, “You know, I hear this roaring in my ears all the time and I wonder what it is.” The racoon said, “Oh, that’s easy. I know what that is, that’s the great river and I go there every day to wash my food.” Little Mouse was really excited because this was the first time that anyone had ever said that what he heard was real and so he started scheming in his mouse’s way about how he would take the proof back to all the other mice and then they wouldn’t think he was strange anymore. So raccoon said, “Yes, I’ll take you to the river,” and little mouse followed along behind him.

    Finally they got to the edge of the great river, to a little eddy on the great river, but little mouse had never seen anything like that before in his life, this fantastic expanse of water. Where mice live the only water they see is rainwater and dew. They don’t see big bodies of water, and to little mouse it was just immense and he timidly went up to the edge of the water. He looked in and he freaked because he saw a mouse in there! He jumped back but nothing happened and he looked again and he saw, yes, it’s a mouse in there. He’d seen his own reflection for the first time.

    The racoon led him down to the bank of the river and at one place he put his hand in and tasted the water and finally the racoon said, “I have to go about my business and find food and wash it in the river, but I’ll take you to a friend of mine.” So racoon took little mouse to his brother, Frog.

    There was a big green frog sitting on the edge of the river, sort of half in and half out. Little mouse said to him, “Hello, brother,” and the frog replied, “Hello, brother.” And they talked for awhile and the frog told him all about his life, about how he had been given the gift to live half in the water and half out of the water. He was all green on top and white underneath. He told little mouse, “When thunderbird flies you will always find me here but when winter- man comes I will be gone.” That sounded pretty good to little mouse and then the frog said to him, “Do you want a medicine?” Little mouse said, “Sure, I’d like a medicine, yes.” And then the frog said, “O. K., just crouch down as low as you can get and then jump up as high as you can jump.”

  36. So little mouse did that. He got down as low as he could go and then he jumped up as high as a mouse could jump. And when he jumped up he saw the sacred mountains and then he fell back down and fell into the water.

    Nothing like this had ever happened to him before and he scurried out of the water and he was really mad. He said, “You tricked me, that’s no medicine, I fell in the water.” And the frog said, “Yes, you fell in the water. You’re wet. But you’re safe, you’re alive, aren’t you?” And little mouse said, “Yes, I am.” And the frog said to him, “What did you see when you jumped up?” Little mouse said, “Oh, yes, yes. I saw the sacred mountains.” And the frog said to him, “You have a new name. Your name is Jumping Mouse.”

    Jumping Mouse thanks the frog for having taught him and then he says, “It’s time to go back to my people. I want to tell them about the sacred mountains.” He has really changed. Instead of saying, “I want to prove to those bastards that the river really exists,” now he is just excited. He’s seen the sacred mountains and he wants to go back and share his vision with his people. He speaks in innocence because he has learned from the frog. He wants to go back in innocence to tell them about it, and in innocence he will be able to return. The frog tells him, “It’s easy to go back to your people. Just keep the sound of the river behind you. The roaring that you heard is now your medicine. You know what it is and you can return to your people.”

    Mice are unable to go in a straight line because they can see close but with the medicine behind him Jumping Mouse can return. He has always heard it, but now he can navigate by it, he has a direction.

    Jumping Mouse keeps the medicine behind him and goes back to where the other mice are living. He says to them, “You know that roaring in my ears? It was the great river and racoon took me there and I met a frog. The frog gave me a medicine and I jumped up and I saw the sacred mountains.” But they looked at him really strangely because he was all wet. He had forgotten entirely about falling in the river but they started whispering among themselves. They said, “An animal must have had him in its mouth. There must be something wrong with him. There must be some pollution, something terrible that he was in the jaws of death and wasn’t taken. Very dangerous person.” They didn’t even hear what he said about the sacred mountains.

    Little mouse is blind now, and all he has is his whiskers. He can touch but he has given up all his old ways of seeing. He can only touch things close now. The wolf takes him up from the prairie, through the pines, “stands-in-place,” Finally they get to the open country at the top of the mountain. There are no trees there, no cover, nothing for a mouse. They get to the edge of the medicine lake and the wolf tells him, “We are here. We are at the medicine lake.” And he sits Jumping Mouse down by it.

    Jumping Mouse takes his hand and puts it in the water and tastes it, and it’s good, it’s beautiful. And then the wolf describes to him what he can see in the medicine lake. He says, “In the medicine lake are reflected all the lodges of the people. The whole world is reflected there. The medicine lake is the reflection. It is a symbol of the reflection. They sit there and Jumping Mouse knows that it is time for the wolf to go about his business and travel to other parts of the world. It is time for the eagles to get him. It is an open place and as soon as his guide is gone the eagles will see him and come. He is blind and he can’t see them. The wolf feels tremendous compassion and feeling for Jumping Mouse his brother, and his heart stretches out to him, and the wolf cries. Then he leaves and Jumping Mouse is left alone, blind, nothing but looking within, and he can feel the spots on his back, just pressing in, hard. And then he hears the rush of wind and wings and then there is a fantastic shock and everything is black.

    The next thing he knows, he can see colours. He can see! He can see colours. And he’s amazed, astounded, he doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or what is happening. But he’s alive and he can see colours. Then he sees a blur of colours moving toward him, something green and white moving his way and from the colours comes a voice. “You want a medicine?” And Jumping Mouse says, “Yes, I’d like a medicine.” And the voice says, “Just get down as far as you can and jump up as high as you can jump.” So little mouse gets down as low as he can and jumps up as high as he can jump, and when he does, the wind catches him and swirls him up and up and up in the air. And the voice calls out from below him, “Grab hold of the wind!” So little mouse reaches out and grabs hold of the wind as hard as he can, and the wind takes him higher and higher until everything begins to get clearer and clearer. Crystal clear, and he can see all the great beings of the prairie, the buffalo, the wolf on the mountain, and he looks down into the medicine lake and there are all the lodges of the people reflected, and on the edge of the medicine lake he sees his friend the frog. He calls down to him, “Hello, brother Frog,” and the frog calls back to him, “Hello, brother Eagle.”

  37. Poor Jumping Mouse was just crestfallen at this because he had really wanted to tell them about what he had seen so they could see it too, but they couldn’t. You cannot see through the eyes of another without giving him your eyes, and they were unable to do that. He stayed with them for a while because they were his people, but finally he resolved that he would go on and find the sacred mountains.

    He told them about his resolve and they said, “You’re insane, you can’t do it, the spots will get you.” They knew, all mice know, that out on the prairie eagles can swoop down and get mice. But mice do not know eagles. They are too distant from them and so they only see them as spots in the sky. They can see close into the little things of the earth but when they look up and far away they only see spots. And this is a paradox, but eagles when they are close to the ground only see things as a blur. The mice’s fear of spots is real because eagles are real and really get mice, and Jumping Mouse was terrified but went on. Out onto the prairie he went, his whiskers feeling, dodging this way and that, feeling the spots pressing down on his back. The prairie is where the great animals meet and travel far and it is an alien place for a mouse. Jumping Mouse went out into it with his fear and finally he came to a circle of sweet sage.

    The circle of sage was a haven, a cover from the spots, and sweet sage is a plant that you cannot eat but which is used by the Indians for incense, prayer, something healing and beautiful. There in the sweet sage was an old, old mouse. Long braids, an old mouse. Jumping Mouse was joyous to meet someone of his own kind he could talk to out in this alien place. The clump of sage was a haven and a paradise for mice. There were seeds and roots to crawl into and everything a mouse could want there. He went up to the old mouse and he said, “Grandfather, I heard a roaring in my ears and I have been to the great river.” The old mouse said, “Yes, I too heard the roaring and I too have been to the great river.” Jumping Mouse was really excited because for the first time he had found a mouse who had shared his experience. So they talked about the river and the common things they knew. Jumping Mouse was more and more excited and he said, “And then I met the frog and he told me to jump up and I jumped up and I saw the sacred mountains.” The old mouse was silent for a long time and finally said, “My grandson, the great river is real and we have both been there and tasted its water, but the sacred mountains are just a myth. They don’t exist.” Jumping Mouse was just crushed and disappointed by this and the old mouse said to him, “Stay with me and grow old with me here. This is a perfect place for mice and we have both been further than any other mouse.”

    Jumping Mouse resolves to go on and the old mouse is really upset. He says, “You can’t do that, the spots will get you.” But Jumping Mouse is resolved and he leaves the old mouse in the sage. He goes out onto the prairie and he is really afraid. He can feel the spots, just feel them pressing in. Knows that they are there every moment; his little whiskers are going fast and finally he gets out to the middle of the prairie and comes to a stand of chokecherry bushes. Chokecherries are good to eat but they make you fantastically thirsty. The more you eat, the more thirst you have.

  38. Jumping Mouse is out of breath and thankful for a safe haven and cover from the spots and as he lies there panting, he hears a great sighing slowly, up and down. And he looks up and sees that it is a great animal. Jumping Mouse thinks, “I am so small and this great being is so large,” and he forgets his fear in his awe and goes up to the animal and says, “Hello, great brother,” and it replies, “Hello, little brother,” and Jumping Mouse asks, “Who are you?” and he says, “I am a Buffalo and I am dying.” When he hears this, little mouse is overcome with sadness that this great being that he has just met is dying and he says to him, “What can I do to make you well? Is there any medicine that will make you well?” And the buffalo says, “I have talked with my medicine and it has told me that there is only one thing that will make me well, and that is the eye of a mouse, and there is no such thing as a mouse.”

    Jumping Mouse was just freaked by this and he ran back, his little whiskers going, his tail behind him until he reached some cover. But from a safe place he heard the breathing again, getting slower and slower, and he felt a tremendous compassion for the buffalo. “I am so small,” he thought, “and the buffalo is so great and so beautiful.” Finally he came out from his hole, taking two steps forward and one step back, his tail dragging, but resolved to speak to his great brother. “I want to tell you something,” he said, ” there is such a thing as a mouse and I am a mouse.”

    “Thank you very much, little brother,” the buffalo replied. “I will die happy knowing that there is such a thing as a mouse. But it is too much to ask of you to give one of your eyes.” But Jumping Mouse told him, “No, I am so small and you are so great that I would like to give you one of my eyes and make you well.” And immediately as he said that, one of his eyes flew out of his head and the Buffalo jumped up, strong and powerful, his hooves pounding on the earth and his great head dancing and hooking. He was strong and he said, “I know who you are. You are Jumping Mouse and you have been to the river and jumped up and seen the sacred mountains. You are on your way to them. I can guide you across the prairie, for I am one of the great beings of the prairie. Run underneath me. I know you are afraid of the spots, and I will protect you from them. You will be safe and I will take you across the prairie right to the edge of the sacred mountains. But I can’t take you farther than that because I am a creature of the prairie and I must stay here to give away to the people. If I go up onto the sacred mountains it will be too steep and I will fall and crush you.”

    So Jumping Mouse runs underneath the buffalo across the prairie, his hooves just pounding, dust flying, shaking the earth and little mouse is frightened at the great power of the buffalo. He knows he is safe but this is worse, trying to keep up with a goddam buffalo! Finally they get to the edge of the prairie and he is really exhausted and he comes creeping out from underneath the great buffalo, thankful to be alive. He looks up at the great gift and he says, “That was really something!” And the buffalo says, “You didn’t need to worry, little brother. I am a buffalo and I know where I place every footstep. I am a great dancer and light on my feet. I could see you underneath me all the way and you were perfectly safe.”

    So the buffalo left Jumping Mouse at the edge of the sacred mountains, and he looks around. Who should he see now but a wolf, sitting there – a big beautiful wolf, just sitting on his haunches, kind of looking around one place or another. And he goes up to him and he says, “Hello, brother Wolf.” And the wolf says, “Wolf, wolf, yes, I’m a wolf, wolf, yes, wolf,” and then he sort of sits back and a beatific grin comes across his and he doesn’t say any more. His mind wanders, slips away. And Jumping Mouse can’t figure that out. What the hell’s going on? So he comes up again and he says, “Hello, brother wolf,” and the wolf says “Wolf, wolf, yes wolf, wolf yes, I’m a wolf, yes,” and his voice trails off as his mind slips again.

    So Jumping Mouse wonders what is going on and he goes a little distance away and he listens to the beating of his heart; the sound of his heart is beating like a drum inside him. And he remembered all the thing that have happened to him. He remembered that when the buffalo was dying the thing that would make him well was the eye of a mouse and he figures that’s good medicine. “I’ve got good medicine, a lot of power in the eye of a mouse.” And he resolves that he will give his other eye to the wolf and that will make him well. So he goes up to the wolf and he says, “Brother wolf,” and the wolf begins to say, “Wolf, wolf” but Jumping Mouse stops him and says, “I want to give you one of my eyes,” and immediately his eye, his last eye, is gone and he’s blind, and the wolf jumps up and says, Yes, I’m a wolf. I know who you are. You are Jumping Mouse. You have been to the great river, the frog has shown you the sacred mountains, the buffalo has brought you to me, and I can guide you to the medicine lake at the top of the sacred mountains.”

  39. So Jumping Mouse runs underneath the buffalo across the prairie, his hooves just pounding, dust flying, shaking the earth and little mouse is frightened at the great power of the buffalo. He knows he is safe but this is worse, trying to keep up with a goddam buffalo! Finally they get to the edge of the prairie and he is really exhausted and he comes creeping out from underneath the great buffalo, thankful to be alive. He looks up at the great gift and he says, “That was really something!” And the buffalo says, “You didn’t need to worry, little brother. I am a buffalo and I know where I place every footstep. I am a great dancer and light on my feet. I could see you underneath me all the way and you were perfectly safe.”

    So the buffalo left Jumping Mouse at the edge of the sacred mountains, and he looks around. Who should he see now but a wolf, sitting there – a big beautiful wolf, just sitting on his haunches, kind of looking around one place or another. And he goes up to him and he says, “Hello, brother Wolf.” And the wolf says, “Wolf, wolf, yes, I’m a wolf, wolf, yes, wolf,” and then he sort of sits back and a beatific grin comes across his and he doesn’t say any more. His mind wanders, slips away. And Jumping Mouse can’t figure that out. What the hell’s going on? So he comes up again and he says, “Hello, brother wolf,” and the wolf says “Wolf, wolf, yes wolf, wolf yes, I’m a wolf, yes,” and his voice trails off as his mind slips again.

    So Jumping Mouse wonders what is going on and he goes a little distance away and he listens to the beating of his heart; the sound of his heart is beating like a drum inside him. And he remembered all the thing that have happened to him. He remembered that when the buffalo was dying the thing that would make him well was the eye of a mouse and he figures that’s good medicine. “I’ve got good medicine, a lot of power in the eye of a mouse.” And he resolves that he will give his other eye to the wolf and that will make him well. So he goes up to the wolf and he says, “Brother wolf,” and the wolf begins to say, “Wolf, wolf” but Jumping Mouse stops him and says, “I want to give you one of my eyes,” and immediately his eye, his last eye, is gone and he’s blind, and the wolf jumps up and says, Yes, I’m a wolf. I know who you are. You are Jumping Mouse. You have been to the great river, the frog has shown you the sacred mountains, the buffalo has brought you to me, and I can guide you to the medicine lake at the top of the sacred mountains.”

    Little mouse is blind now, and all he has is his whiskers. He can touch but he has given up all his old ways of seeing. He can only touch things close now. The wolf takes him up from the prairie, through the pines, “stands-in-place,” Finally they get to the open country at the top of the mountain. There are no trees there, no cover, nothing for a mouse. They get to the edge of the medicine lake and the wolf tells him, “We are here. We are at the medicine lake.” And he sits Jumping Mouse down by it.

    Jumping Mouse takes his hand and puts it in the water and tastes it, and it’s good, it’s beautiful. And then the wolf describes to him what he can see in the medicine lake. He says, “In the medicine lake are reflected all the lodges of the people. The whole world is reflected there. The medicine lake is the reflection. It is a symbol of the reflection. They sit there and Jumping Mouse knows that it is time for the wolf to go about his business and travel to other parts of the world. It is time for the eagles to get him. It is an open place and as soon as his guide is gone the eagles will see him and come. He is blind and he can’t see them. The wolf feels tremendous compassion and feeling for Jumping Mouse his brother, and his heart stretches out to him, and the wolf cries. Then he leaves and Jumping Mouse is left alone, blind, nothing but looking within, and he can feel the spots on his back, just pressing in, hard. And then he hears the rush of wind and wings and then there is a fantastic shock and everything is black.

    The next thing he knows, he can see colours. He can see! He can see colours. And he’s amazed, astounded, he doesn’t know if he’s dreaming or what is happening. But he’s alive and he can see colours. Then he sees a blur of colours moving toward him, something green and white moving his way and from the colours comes a voice. “You want a medicine?” And Jumping Mouse says, “Yes, I’d like a medicine.” And the voice says, “Just get down as far as you can and jump up as high as you can jump.” So little mouse gets down as low as he can and jumps up as high as he can jump, and when he does, the wind catches him and swirls him up and up and up in the air. And the voice calls out from below him, “Grab hold of the wind!” So little mouse reaches out and grabs hold of the wind as hard as he can, and the wind takes him higher and higher until everything begins to get clearer and clearer. Crystal clear, and he can see all the great beings of the prairie, the buffalo, the wolf on the mountain, and he looks down into the medicine lake and there are all the lodges of the people reflected, and on the edge of the medicine lake he sees his friend the frog. He calls down to him, “Hello, brother Frog,” and the frog calls back to him, “Hello, brother Eagle.”

    • The view of the sacred mountains, from a distance. That’s deep. Some don’t get there, but learn a lot from the journey, anyway. And some do get there. A good marriage is like climbing a mountain, in a way.

      I’ve seen a few people in very good marriages. Both partners are vibrant, and alive. They are affectionate with each other. I notice they don’t insult each other, well except maybe in very obvious play. They really enjoy each other. I saw relatives, in my parents’ generation, who had very good marriages. They had them because they didn’t allow other paths into their field of vision. They simply decided to do that. When I look at my children, I see an overlay of them as multiple images of when they were young. I see images of them as newborns, as 3 year olds, and so on. People in very good marriages see the same multiple image overlays. One uncle was married to what I saw as an old, grey-haired woman, who did smile a lot, and was very pleasant. That uncle saw her as the 22 year old he’d married. He treated her very well. She saw him as the young man she’d married. They have great kids, older now than I am. God I miss them. They had incredible awareness.

      During the Korean war, Chinese and North Korean POW camps set it up so POWs couldn’t trust each other. As a result, there were no escapes from POW camps, in that war. They couldn’t work as a team. The media has introduced the same lack of trust, between men and women. When I was single, I learned to feel women from a distance. If they didn’t feel right, I just didn’t approach them at all. I know a number of men who do the same thing. They can’t really put words to it. They just avoid some women. Women claim to be intuitive. Do they really think men aren’t?

      One hears women saying, “Where have all the good men gone? Where are all the good men?”. They are still around. They are simply taking care of their security. If you spend a day or two in the woods, in one spot, very quiet, listening, you hear a sort of flow, a concert, the music of the forest. When a large predator comes around, all the animals go quiet. You can still hear wind, but animals go quiet. Even now, if you’re at a party, and suddenly everything goes quiet, you look around to see what happened.

      Many women in the Western world are totally dysfunctional for any kind of committed relationship. They do not have the awareness, commitment, patience, or perspective for it. They may be worth something for a one night stand, maybe. With divorce laws as they are now, they are effectively predators. My first wife was worthless as such. She turned out to be a functioning alcoholic, bipolar, and whatever other word salad the shrinks like. She is now very angry, paranoid, and so insane her own children don’t want to deal with her. She moves from homeless shelter, to homeless shelter. She is estranged from her second husband. If she calls me, I will simply hang up.

      I wear a wedding ring. I still get hit on by women. So I think, where were you when I was in high school? So I just get wierd, and they leave. That feels fantastic. The wheels of karma have turned, now it is my turn to reject them. My wife isn’t perfect, but gosh, she tries. I can deal with anybody who tries, and has clear, focused goals. Perfection is an ongoing process. You will never find the perfect partner. You may find one that you can grow with.

      For men: find a woman with heart, with drive, who is focused on making things work. Listen carefully. If she spends all of her time complaining, this means she is not at agency- she does not take control of her life. She blames outside forces for her problems. You cannot rescue a woman like this. She has created herself a victim. Victims like the emotional drama of this. Many women are addicted to drama, and conflict. If you “rescue” her, from her self-created persecutors, she doesn’t have the drama any more. She needs a new persecutor. Guess who is conveniently close, to blame? You. I’ve been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and the emotional scars. White Knights who rescue women get punished severely.

      White knights who find a woman who is comfortable in her own body, knows what the heck she wants, is pleasant, puts her attention on the positive, is loving, works hard at whatever she does, have much better prospects for a long term relationship. Women do not want to be rescued from the mess they put themselves in. They want to create more mess. Women who are focused, and know what they want, can be good partners. They are few. If you cannot find one like this, don’t get married. The damsels in distress will rip your guts out, and offer them to you on a platter.

      When you find that great woman, pour everything you have into her. You will get your investment back with interest.

  40. The Bible is powerful because it uses Semitic metaphor. But we don’t understand the metaphor, so we miss 90% of the meaning. Native Americans also use metaphor, though in a different way. This is a story about marriage and life. Marriage is a quest, a journey into the unknown. So is life.

    You start on the path, and it takes you places you didn’t know existed. You give up some no longer useful parts of self, and acquire new awareness. In this story, mouse becomes Eagle. Really think about that. The vast majority of people are mice, busily poking around their world, believing the mass media, having very limited views of life. Some of them begin the quest. And some end up as eagles- flying far over the mass of humanity, seeing very far, in ecstasy.

    The Tao Te Ching notes that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and continues, step by step by step. So it is with marriage, also.

    The best way to gain wisdom is to talk to those who have already walked the path, who are farther along on the path you seek to tread. Don’t ask bitter, hateful, solitary people how to maintain a marriage. If you want to be bitter and hateful, and alone, they are masters of this, and can help you on your path to that. The best people to ask about having a happy marriage are… those who have happy marriages. If you want a happy marriage, set alight the fires of happiness in your own heart first. Let them spread to others. Some may reject the fire of happiness. That’s their choice. Most people swarm around high energy, happy people.

    I don’t know of any feminists who have happy marriages. I have never seen one. They must exist, somewhere. My experience of them is that they are bitter, and hateful. My experience is only my experience, it is not universal. Albino crows exist, so clearly all crows are not coal black. I’ve never seen an albino crow, but they exist.

    There are always individual exceptions. There are people that grew up in single parent households, who do well in life. They exist. But it’s like running with a 50 lb pack on your back; you can do it, but the load is heavier, you have to work a lot harder. It is easier to do well in life with the support of two loving parents.

    Ultimately, only you can decide what path to walk. I forget the book, that detailed how all of the major feminist leaders had extremely traumatic childhoods. They are revenging themselves, on men. It’s working. So, now there are many damaged men. What does the average person do, when given violence? They pass it on! Yes! What a fantastic way to deal with trauma- ensure that other people get to have it, too! Was it Mahatma Ghandi who said “an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind”?

    The best possible revenge is to live well. Let the nasty people build up their karma, and then get the payout. It always comes, eventually. I remember a feminist in college, who sought out men, to insult them, and really took joy in it. She tried to do this with me. I just smiled. I knew I didn’t have to do anything, that she would create her own revenge, on herself. It made her even more angry. And I just smiled the more. I have no idea what she did with her life, but unless she had a major spiritual awakening, she learned a great deal, from the low grade energies of hatred, resentment, disappointment, and vengeance. I prefer another station on the dial- awareness, and peace.

    Byron Katie has had people to run to her to assault her- and then they stop. She sees them as Love having a nightmare. When you get to a certain spiritual level, you just radiate love, to everyone. It feels good. Life gets better. All that hatred, resentment, and so on… put it in the garbage, it does you no good.

    And as you clean out your own energy, shifting it to better and better wavelengths… you attract a whole different kind of person. You find the spiritual people, who were invisible, when you were in low grade energy. They are a lot of fun to be around. Really loving, spiritual men, are mostly invisible, to feminists; they are on a much more subtle frequency. Since feminists don’t believe that such men exist, they do not exist- in the feminist universe.

    Remember: you are Eagle! You always were, you just forgot. Much of life is remembering who you truly are… You were bathed in the Lethe, before you were born, you forgot all this, so you could learn.

  41. I know a guy who got custody of his kids, after the divorce. He is raising them. He goes to the singles groups. He is very open about what he wants- sex. And he says there will be no commitment. And he gets plenty. He just clearly states what he wants. He just retired. Why fool around with dating? Why not just go for the gold, up front?

  42. The entire Universe works on the principle of balance. All energy is striving to bring itself back into the state of balance. When energy is in balance, masculine and feminine work together in harmony to create. When we are in balance, we are in the creative state. When we are in balance, we work in harmony with the whole. Without balance, we live in unknowing and challenge. In balance, we know what we want.
    In balance, our hearts are open. -Dee Wallace

    So why are the mass media, and others, working so hard to create imbalance? Only we can create balance, in our own lives. A relationship is an example of balance.

  43. I have such mixed feelings about one part of this: the idea that it’s a sex-or-relationships binary. I’m 25, a virgin, and perpetually single. My parents taught me that sex is a sacred thing, so I would never consider casual sex, but despite my best efforts, I also have a hard time finding a boyfriend. It’s really not an either/or situation; it’s entirely possible to be single and not part of the hookup culture.

    • There are lads who would like to get to know you, without having to do the wild thing.
      They exist. They keep a low profile. You might try asking yourself the question “How could I notice the guys who are most appropriate for me?” And watch the answers as they come up.
      As your neural net opens up to this data, you’ll see a whole new world.

      Do not expect them to complete you. Fill yourself first. Love yourself. And as you fill, your energy shifts. You will attract a different kind of person.

      When the quines and loonies, I mean men and women, sit down and just connect, they learn a lot about each other. The friend zone is a zone of friends. It’s nice to have friends.

    • You have wisdom. You don’t throw away the precious parts of yourself. If you truly seek a boyfriend, who respects you, train your neural networks in that. Here’s how. How would it feel, if you had such a boyfriend? What would you see, hear, and feel? Most importantly, what would you feel? Run these feelings at least twice per day, preferably more. Run them at least five minutes at a time, especially just before going to sleep. Make up an imaginary boyfriend. One who is totally respectful, and understands you. Talk over your deepest feelings, and dreams, and hopes, with this imaginary boyfriend. You could say this is fantasy. Yes, it is, and what you fantasize about trains your neural networks. Olympic athletes, and elite military units, do this. So, how about training your neural networks in success? Now. Fantasy by itself isn’t so powerful. Now- this great boyfriend, what would he like, in a woman? Let’s see. Honest? Yes. Trustworthy? Yeeesss. Reliable? Pleasant? Supportive? Maybe he’d like a home-cooked meal, once a week? Maybe he’d like a woman who hasn’t been exposed to the entire catalog of STDs? Maybe he’d like a woman who eats a healthy diet, so she stays looking good, for much longer? Maybe he’d like a woman who doesn’t know 400 alcoholic drink mixes, who doesn’t know how many kinds of Ecstasy there are, who isn’t smoking weed, who avoids opiates? Maybe he’d like a grounded woman, who knows who she is, and what she seeks? Maybe he’d like a woman who is respectful, who knows how to raise successful kids? Start grounding that fantasy in action. Prepare yourself. Young women were trained this way, until the 1960’s.

      Many other women dis the Patriarchy, drink and drug to excess, run lots of hatred and disrespect through their neural networks, sleep around often, and certainly aren’t going to improve themselves for a man. Great. This means your competition is defeating itself. They are training their neural networks in failure.

      I am male. I have met around ten women in my life, who did the above. I was not in a position to pursue them. I did learn as much as I could about them. If I had had the opportunity to be with them, I would have immediately jumped, no matter the cost. They weren’t 10’s. They were all of the above, though. And regular men know that 10’s do not make good wives. They listen to such women talk, and realize they would go crazy if they had to hear that every day. Have you ever had a pebble in your shoe? At first it’s not so bad, but then it gets worse and worse. This is what it is like, being around a woman who has not cleaned out her neural garbage. They get more and more irritating.

      I found such a woman. She was interested, and so was I. So, even with some painful experience in relationships, I took the risk of committing to her. She is more than 10 years younger than I am. And somehow, we complement each other very well. I got custody of my children, by my previous marriages, and they are launched, and successful. I have one child with this woman. Things aren’t perfect. They never are. Perfection is a process, not a product, or an end goal. This is a woman I can grow with. She had no prior sexual relationships. She grew up in a conservative family. Yes, she’s irritating at times. And she is far, far better than what I was married to, before. I wasn’t ever going to get married again. I didn’t even keep girlfriends. I had sworn off women. And when I found her, all that was thrown aside.

      Find the most pleasant woman you can find, who is over 40, and serving the community. She has grown out of her small self, into her larger self. She dresses conservatively, because she deals with a lot of people. She is very polite, yet has some iron in her, to get the job done. Get her talking, about relationships, and take careful notes. Most young women aren’t smart enough to get them talking. They will appreciate the opportunity, and you will learn more than imagine. Women like these were the clan mothers of the Iroquois people. They know much about the path you walk. Treated respectfully, they will happily give you the intel. And, they may even know of a young man who would be good for you. They know everybody in the community, including the mothers, or sisters, or relatives, or even friends of those young men. They can pre-select for you, you know, filter out the trash, and are happy to do so.

      Marry in haste, repent at leisure. Our ancestors share their wisdom with us, in proverbs like these.
      Plant in spring, harvest in fall. I wonder what a book of proverbs for women would look like?

  44. There is another angle to this. I am somewhat autistic. High School was basically harassment, for me. I worked very hard on my speech, and cannot be detected as autistic that way. I work in a job which requires a lot of patience- financial services. I do more than my fellow workers, because boring work for them isn’t, for me, and I can race through what they plod through. Where I have spare time, I help them. I don’t want to make them look bad, and we’re a team. Some years ago, I worked in a hospital, in Indiana, on the midnight shift. There was an admitting clerk there. She is Catholic, and was totally heart-centered at the time. Spiritual master level. People would come to talk to her, and go away energized. She friend-zoned me- which I greatly appreciated. I got to practice talking to women. I never learned how, in high school, because I was wierd. There would never be anything, I knew that. I’ll accept spiritual teaching however I can get it, though. Thanks to her kindness, I was able to get married, have children, and so on. I was what they used to call an apprentice. In today’s hypersexualized culture, where does a young man get his training in relationships? Where does a young woman get to have a boyfriend she doesn’t sleep with, to learn how to deal with men? Sex is like the frosting on a cake. You make the cake, put it on a plate, you frost it,a nd then you eat it. You can just eat the frosting, but it’s not the same. All you get is a sugar high. Relationship skills are like any other skills. I had to work on them as hard as I had work on learning how to speak correctly.

  45. We formerly had a neighbor, two houses down. Strauss wrote an opera entitled in English, “The Merry Widow”. A better translation would have been the lusty widow, but it was translated in a different time. This woman was gorgeous, when I first saw her, 10 years ago. Long straight hair, a great body, a nice voice. She has 3 kids. Divorced. She has aged 25 years, in the last 10. She can’t get the guys, any more, she looks more than middle aged. So she shacked up with fellow opioid addict. She works in a doctor’s office. She smokes. She used to get into violent fights, so loud we could hear them two houses away. Her 16 year old daughter had 2 abortions. Already. She drove her mom’s car, late at night, full of teenagers, all drinking alcohol, no adult present. This is illegal in my state. The 16 and 14 year old daughters are vicious bullies, so bad on other girls, that they were both kicked out of school. The neighborhood bad boy slept with the 16 year old. You couldn’t pay me enough to take a risk like that, but he’s a bad boy. My dad taught me about jailbait when I was 16, and I listened closely. Mom coaches the son to steal from houses, she is the lookout. An ambulance came because a neighbor had a major issue. The son stole an EMT kit, you know, the big one, with the drugs. She took a picture of our internet router- we didn’t know that then- and started stealing our Internet service. I could go on and on. The daughters are hybrids of the kind that are really hot. I stayed away from them. I wonder what their lives will be like. Oh yes, the daughters go into stores, and shoplift. Not one or two things, they fill a backpack. They had to move, and moved in with her mother. Boyfriend can’t keep a job. She looks very old, now. Boyfriend has nowhere else to go. I wish them well, and I’m so glad they are gone. Suzanne, your title on this blog is so appropriate. And you can see why. In the old days, family, church, community, and schools educated kids. Family is broken, churches are weak at best, community has vanished, and schools cannot make up for what was lost. Cornel West’s book The War on the Family is right on. I wonder how dad feels, about his kids. He did recently get custody of his son.

  46. You know, Suzanne, as smart as you are- and you are very smart… let’s think about something. In South Africa, there was a Truth and Reconciliation program, in which Afrikaners who had committed criminal atrocities against blacks could simply talk out what they had done. They were not prosecuted for this. They could be prosecuted if they didn’t do the T & R. It let out a lot of bad energy.

    Have you ever thought about setting up a separate Truth and Reconciliation webpage, for feminists? Where they could release all their hatred, and resentment, and talk about all the damage that was done to men, and boys, and indirectly, to women? I believe that would advance the goal of this blog sub element, considerably. Native american talking circles do precisely this. They can be set up to help people heal, by offering a forum to let out the guilt, the regret, the confession, and so on. This is very healthy for the person doing it. And you might inspire some feminist to do the same for men, even, though men have not hurt women nearly as much as feminists have hurt men- and indirectly even, other women. I hope you’ll consider this. There is a youtube video, of some old former SS soldiers, doing just this, in front of Russians who suffered during WW II. The former soldiers are in tears. You see, they were in groupthink, and had set their feelings aside, which you have to do, in the military. But they greatly regretted their actions, and the massive pain they caused, to Russians.

    • What is that oath for doctors that says, “First, do no harm.” It’s a negative focus. It would be better to focus on the positive. It’s a useful rule.

  47. I am amazed at the number of men I deal with, who seek committed, long term relationships, and cannot find women similarly committed. The number of American women who do not have the commitment, attitudes, training, self-discipline, long term focus, and loving hearts to support a long term relationship, in the 20-40 age range, is astonishing. I’m not saying men in that range are great. I am saying that the number of reliable women, for a man seeking a long term commitment, is rather small.

  48. A successful long term relationship. Yes. It’s important. As recently as say the 1950’s, society entrained men and women towards that. How many really successful countries didn’t do that, in their development phase? Not many.

    It used to be that a man got established, at work, so he was economically successful. First. There were the slackers, but they had few prospects for wives. The prospects mostly wanted to domesticate them, too. Some succeeded. I remember reading about a California biker, who was in Montana, found a woman, and he settled down, because the woman was really nice, and he knew he’d never do better. The man had models everywhere, of long term relationships. So there was societal entrainment- the herd mentality.

    Now what do we have. By the age of 30, most men have seen at least one buddy eviscerated in divorce court. He has older male relatives who are very bitter about their divorces. The entrainment has gone in another direction. Most American women do not prepare themselves for that successful long term relationship any more. They party hearty, play around, and slackers have more sex offered than they can follow up on. By the age of 35, men who want to get married, mostly, have done so. They marry younger because women mature before men do. Overseas, an age gap where the man is older is very much desired. They know men are more likely to settle down, and not play around. So the women who waited till their later 30’s can still play with 18 year olds, for a time. They can delude themselves into thinking they’ve still got it. And why not, the entire female advice industry tells them they can. And they believe it. Or at least act as if they do.

    Then they realize that having a baby, alone, is a very challenging job. It is really nice to have a partner around, to help. Maybe they know a lesbian couple, or two, and realize that lesbian domestic violence is far worse than the hetero kind. They won’t read about that in their press. They will hear about it. They begin to think, gosh, maybe there is something to this marriage thing. Women want to marry up. So, what kind of men are available to them? Single men, over 40 or even 45, who are well off. A man who is single, well off economically, and above 45, can have a different woman every night, if he wants. By that age, if he’d wanted family, he’d have created one.

    I wear my wedding ring, because I need to. I ride the bus to work, to reduce my stress. There are women in the age range above 35, who are very, very interested in finding a partner. Then there are the divorced women, who are also very interested. Men are no longer in the seller’s market, they are in the buyer’s market.

    But these men have seen decades of abuse of men, in the mass media. There are few rewards to marriage, any more. These men know they can lose half their assets, and half their incomes for at least 22 years. From an accounting point of view, a 22 year obligation is not really different from a lifetime obligation. These men have all heard friends who were denied visitation of their children, and the courts did nothing. They’ve heard friends who were treated like a villain, in court, friends who had false accusations made against them.

    What would these men do, with all they’ve learned? When one signs up for military service, there is an agreement to sign. It notes that you can be sent into dangerous areas, at risk to your life, and so on. They tell you this, right up front, before you sign. Military service is optional. So is marriage. With military service, you do get some societal support. Married men get no societal support worthy of the name, any more. 10% of the USAAF died in WW II. Many planes were shot down. 2% of the infantry died. Over 50% of marriages go bust, in the USA, and of that, at least 70%, and some estimates are up to 90%, are initiated by women.

    Divorce does real damage, to most men. Look at your odds. You are over 25 times as likely to go through a divorce, as you would have to be killed, in the infantry, in WW II. Men may not know this statistic, but they feel it, in their guts, when they are older than say about 30-35.

    Divorce happened, in the old days. Most men stuck it out, the way Jumping Mouse did, somewhere in this blog. Some got through all the challenges, and entered into a blissful relationship. But today’s people don’t have the patience. They want it all right now.

    I agree with you, Suzanne. This is a critical problem. Thanks for doing something about it.

  49. I recognize that I have been angry and defensive for a big chunk of my life, and I’m not even sure why.
    I believe the flawed thinking that set my wheels in motion was believing that to want a man equalled neediness. No one likes needy. Even my uncle, a catholic priest, and my biggest fan in the world before he passed, said, “Terri, don’t be a desperate woman.” And so I figured if needed nothing especially from a man, I’d win. I just didn’t realize the cost of winning. And no, men do not love this! Who doesn’t want to be needed in some way?

    I certainly don’t regret how feminism has served me: I’ve learned to be aggressive, tough, resilient, and have had many successes in my life as a result. I never have let a man get in my way–are you kidding? No one ever stood a chance. But now I’m trying to unlearn some of that–to learn what it means to soften, not weaken, and to expand, not constrict. To have power without the shiny, hard outer shell. This is incredibly fucking hard.

    This may be the cost of post-feminist fallout. And you know, if that’s the price to pay for the incredible strides, I’ll take it. I’m also recognizing that I swung really hard in one direction and am gradually finding my way back to a more balanced state. My understanding of feminism has evolved, too–in that you don’t have to hate men or beat them in order to be a powerful woman.

    Make no mistake–I wouldn’t undo feminism. And I have no regrets about the choices I’ve made in my life (except, of course, for the school dance episode, and a few others to be sure). But I’m well aware that my tendency to fight and compete and fear losing to men has made it incredibly hard for me to love the way I know I could. Even though marriage has never been a goal for me, how silly to think that you can–or should–get through life without loving, as often and as intensely as you can.

    Of course, love requires all the things that scare me most: vulnerability, need, want, rejection. It’s hard for me to turn down a challenge–but I’m facing an entirely new one now. Because the softening and revealing and opening up that love requires is the very thing I’ve been steeling myself against. And I’m discovering that to win at not wanting, and not having, may not be a game worth winning, in the end.

    • Feminists have damaged men, the way a psychopath damages a battered spouse.
      Men may not want to come back to you.

    • It appears your journey on the path to wisdom has begun. As Dumbledore said to Harry Potter, “Ask for help, and it will come to you.”

  50. Jennifer Moses thinks that sexual liberation did not deliver on its promise to deliver the good life. And now, the specter of past sexual exploits haunts post-feminist mothers who feel hypocritical for trying to lead their own children to practice some sexual restraint. In an OP-ED for The Wall Street Journal, she writes:

    It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, “If I could do it again, I wouldn’t even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?”

    We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn’t have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret. I know women of my generation who waited until marriage, but that’s certainly the norm among my peers.

    So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn’t), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don’t know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We’re embarrassed, and we don’t want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.

    Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don’t know one of them who doesn’t have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I’ve ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she’d “experimented” more.

    The rest of the article is about how mothers of teenage girls might be able to make boundaries for their daughters even though those very same mothers observed no boundaries when they were younger. But this article really isn’t about boundaries. Nor is it really about parenting. I think this is about something deeper.

    There is an entire generation of men and women mired in the regret of something they cannot undo. Sexual liberation was not nearly as liberating as it promised to be. “Liberation” inevitably leads to slavery to the baser instincts of the human condition.

    Do we seek to improve ourselves, to aspire to be better, or to engage in self-destructive behavior? There is no stability. There is only growth, and decay. Which do you choose, today?

    • I’ve never met a teenager who responded well to BS. I have met teenagers who responded well to statements like “I wish I had never… because it caused so much hurt to me, and that other person.” Or “I seek wisdom now, because I’m tired of the pain that comes from being stupid. I really enjoy listening to smart people, because I learn so much.” Or “the worst mistake I ever made was marrying too young, and simply ignoring the major faults of that partner. Marry in haste, repent at leisure.” Being totally honest with teenagers, speaking from your heart, about regrets, is language they understand. The smarter among them even seek this out. They get all kinds of BS from adults. Real, honest communication, from the heart, cuts to their core. They may not look like they’re getting it, but they are.

  51. How not to have a successful long term relationship.

    Sinead O’Connor has announced that she is separating from her fourth husband, less than three weeks after marrying him in a drive-through ceremony in Las Vegas. The Irish singer said that she and Barry Herridge, a therapist from Dublin, were parting amicably but claimed that the marriage was “kyboshed by the behaviour of certain people in my husband’s life” within three hours of the wedding. She also blamed “a bit of a wild ride I took us on looking for a bit of a smoke of weed for me wedding night as I don’t drink”.

    “My husband was enormously wounded and very badly affected by that experience and also by the attitude of those close to him toward our marriage,” she wrote in a blog post on her website. “It became apparent to me that if he were to stay with me he would be losing too much to bear.” Herridge, 38, and O’Connor, 45, were married on 8 December in a chapel in Las Vegas after she said on Twitter that she was seeking a boyfriend.

    In the Boxing Day post on her website, she said that they had “made a mistake rushing into getting married, for altruistic reasons, and weren’t aware or prepared for the consequences on my husband’s life and the lives of those close to him.” “He has been terribly unhappy and I have therefore ended the marriage,” she said. O’Connor, who said that she and Herridge had lived together until Christmas Eve, made a plea to the media to leave Herridge and his family alone, saying that while she was “fair game”, he or his family were not. She said she intends “to get on with being fully me”, adding: “I am a 21st century full woman and proud of living it.” “I am in a very good and happy and strong place in life so I am doing fine.”
    She added that she and Herridge “haven’t been awful to each other. So while I feel sad for my husband, and sad to be the cause of sorrow to yet another poor man, I’m also happy that I know we weren’t horrible to each other and he is better off free. And that I can be me. And that’s a freedom I can’t give up for anyone or anything. Neither should my husband or anyone else.” O’Connor has been married three times in the past. Her first marriage was to the music producer, John Reynolds, while her second husband was a journalist. Her third marriage took place in 2010, to the Australian musician Steve Cooney.

    There is a word for the above. Dysfunctional. Her recent video at her website hammers this home. She is alone. All the rationalizations in the world don’t make up for being alone.

    Jordan Peterson notes that maturity is realizing that we are not atomized individuals, we are elements in relationship. We treat ourselves with respect, first, and then extend that to others. But then, he is spiritual. Our culture is unbelievably materialistic.

    • A 15 year old girl speaks out of the body of a woman 55 years old. What lessons may be drawn from this.

  52. Parenting is the most important job in the world. It is not easy. It is one of the hardest and most challenging tasks of all, and it is forever. Even when your children grow up, you are still their parent. This includes everyone who helps in parenting. Sometimes, mothers with children will ask “What is my life purpose?” I say, “look at your beautiful children. Your first and greatest destiny is to be a mother to your children. Turning your children into kind, loving, caring members of the community, who know right from wrong, training them to make an important contribution, means you shape the future of the world.” Some parents think their children are stopping them from living a more fulfilled life. But children force you to get more involved in the world. Of our many purposes in life, being a parent is the more important. It is important to use all your talents, because your children will follow your example. -P. 39, A Message of Hope from the Angels, Lorna Byrne.

  53. Raise the flag! The ranks tightly closed!
    The slutwalk marches with calm, steady step.
    Women abused by men and and reactionaries
    March in spirit within our ranks.

    Clear the streets for the new women’s march,
    Clear the streets for the division of women!
    Millions are looking upon the fist of Venus full of hope,
    The day of freedom and of bread dawns!

    For the last time, the call to arms is sounded!
    For the fight, we all stand prepared!
    Already feminism rules over all courts.
    The time of bondage will last but a little while now!

    Raise the flag! The ranks tightly closed!
    The women march with quiet, steady step.
    Women abused by men and and reactionaries
    March in spirit within our ranks

    The tune is German, Konigsberg lied. Catchy song.
    It was a song sung by a National Socialist party, just like feminists want.
    National socialism. It will solve everybody’s problems.

    The political party that sang this song was the National Socialist
    German Worker’s Party. This is often abbreviated Nazi.
    This historical antecedent of feminism shows just how far
    hatred can go, to solve problems. Feminism promotes the same
    national socialist courts, and kangaroo justice. What was it
    like for a German woman, of the 1930’s, to deal with someone
    whose main emotion was bitter hate, I wonder. And the men of the
    USA, and elsewhere, get to experience it today. A Socialist state
    is being formed, in the USA. You stand against a tide, Suzanne.
    Feminists treat men as the Nazis treated Jews. This is not healthy.
    If you look up the origins of feminism, the Rockefeller foundation funded it,
    just as the Nazis were funded by rich industrialists. It was not a populist
    movement. It was created. By people with very shadowy morals.
    This movement cuts even deeper into the country. Sinclair Lewis said
    that if America ever went fascist, it would be by calling it anti-fascism.
    What is that movement- the antifa? And they act just like Brown Shirts.
    The song, above, is a catchy little tune. I wonder how its author felt, as
    he went through his near death experience, and saw all the pain and
    suffering he caused, to millions of people, with his contribution?
    I wonder how feminists will feel, when they see all the pain, and suffering,
    they caused, to so many innocent children, men, and even women?

  54. There are usually not single committed relationships. Camille Paglia talks about the community of women that her mother was very much a part of. They talked to each other, de-stressed, exchanged information, and functioned as part of a community organism. When I got divorced, and custody of a child, and had to start over, I stayed with my parents for a while. It was a much better environment for my child, and she got to see multiple generations.

    When we look back, at how things were, say 70 years ago, we idealize the marriages, but we don’t see the support, or entrainment, from relationships with friends, neighbors, relatives, and so on. The community was more tightly knit. People helped each other more. Back then, communities ran insane asylums, for example. ANd did a lot more social service than now. Nowadays, everything is atomizing. Social services finds it harder and harder to get foster parents, even with subsidies that are quite high.

    If we are to rebuild married relationships, as we’ll have to if we are to survive, as a culture, a good part of that is recreating healthy communities. A community is mostly the web of the relationships between the elements. The Internet is far more than the cabling, domain name servers, websites, and computers. It is far more because of the relationships between all the elements. Women over the age of say 35-40, as they enter menopause, sometimes start serving the larger community, because they see these webs. These women realize that good things happen in communities because people make them happen. They realize that if they don’t make those good things happen, nobody will.

    If you want to see an unhealthy community, visit the projects. Some of the people there are very nice. The web of relationships is very weak, though. Calling women bit..es and hoes is grossly disrespectful. And those terms are spreading out beyond the culture of origin.

    The beating lifeblood of the community is communication- in respect. We don’t see that much, any more. Tinder, and similar apps, are grossly inferior.

  55. I listen to native American elders. They can be like Buddhist monks, or even saints. They say very simple things. Then, later, those simple things come back to me, and explode in my awareness. One native elder told me respect is the foundation of human society. That one still reverberates in me. Everyone seeks respect, and may even change their behavior to get it. Self-respect is the foundation of virtue. Who talks about virtue any more? So you want to be around people who aren’t virtuous? Who celebrate their gross disrespect? This one statement led me blocking out all TV from my life. TV and the mass media are grossly, seditiously, and flagrantly disrespectful.

    Another elder told me that small kindnesses, done to others, are like taking drugs, but in a very positive way. She said they will give you a high like no other. She was right. I tried it, and it works.

    My father said that if you can get people laughing, they are already well on the road to solving their problems. A native american told me that if your solution is fun, it is probably correct. And if it isn’t fun, then it probably needs some calibration.

    I wish I could have studied with the Ojibwa elder Keewaydinoquis. She had some truly incredible wisdom. I have spoken with some of her former students. She was so very wise.

  56. A successful long term relationship is one where people understand that it is not a room you walk into, and never leave. It is a journey, together. There are high points and low points. There are places to sleep, times to eat. My wife’s father passed away, recently. Her mother has been married since she was 21, and she was in another hospital when it happened. She has a major re-adjustment to go through. Oh, they argued, at times. But they had each other. Now, she is a widow. She has 6 kids. They were married as long as I have been alive.

  57. Slate recently covered the dearth of eligible (read: employed) bachelors in the United States: 91 men for every 100 women. The comments after the article went along the lines of the comments after the Atlantic article: “Sorry ladies but it is sexist to expect men to be a provider… Buy it yourself. We can still hang out and bang, at least till your 35 or 40, but I am not picking up the tab.” The Atlanta Journal-Constitution linked to the story on their Facebook page. First comment: “Sad. Women looking for a meal ticket rather than a good match and future father. Money isn’t everything.”

    Let us imagine that you went into a car dealership. You found the right car. Now comes the dealing. The salesperson says, “Only $23,000, and we can set you up with $200/month payments.” And you say, “Oh no, I want you to pay me, to take this car.” The salesperson looks at you in shock. Obviously the deal isn’t going to work. That’s ridiculous. Right? Or is it? How many women look at marriage for how much they can get out of it, and how little they can put into it?

    Learn by listening. Just listen to women talk. Carefully.

  58. This responds to the article ‘Women Are Getting Married Less And Less’, by Amand Chatel.
    Her other hits include “11 Things I Wish I Knew About Blowjobs When I Was Younger“, “Ladies, Please Don’t Masturbate With These 13 Things—You’ll Be Sorry” and “Why I Love Being Bitter & Single“. Here are her reasons why women get married less.

    Her first assumption is that women get married less and less. Pew research points this out:
    Among never-married adults ages 30 to 50, men (27%) are more likely than women (8%) to say they do not want to marry. The rate of “unsure” is double for men regardless of age. There are not enough men to marry all the women that want to get married. And this is before women start filtering, for money, good character, values, and so on.

    1. Good guys aren’t around much. Here’s why: her definition of marriageable men- lots of money, looks great, high status- are the least likely group to get married, among millenials.
    Millenials grew up with feminist women, which includes a sexual revolution, during the favorable man finding years. Why would they buy the cow if they get the milk for free, and not worry about the cow aging?

    2. Women are complete on their own. Uh huh. When were women ever not a complete package of their own? Until recently, women raised kids and generally worked at home. How is that not important, again? There was a time when wives respected their husbands. There was a time when wives took care of their husbands. In return, they expected their husbands to respect and take care of them.

    If a woman no longer wants or needs a man to “take care of them” (since women do everything a man can do better than them) – women don’t need to take care of their husbands. So, again why would a man get married? All give and no get gets old.

    3. Marriage is outdated and women know that. Many women still want to get married. This doesn’t make them any happier.
    Here’s a study, on “Who’s the Happiest?” by Captivate:

    The happy worker is 39 years old, married and has a household income between $150 and $200K. He works in a senior management position, has one young child at home and a wife who works part-time.

    The unhappy worker is a 42-year-old, unmarried woman with a household income under $100K who works in a professional position.

    Men are happier though they put in more time at the office. Men work an average of 8.8 hours per day, compared to women who put in an average of 8.4 hours per day at the office. Men are also more likely to work from home during off-hours, clocking in 4.6 hours each week at home on nights and weekends, while women work 3 hours each week off-hours.

    Marriage may be outdated, but it is not inefficient, at least for the happiness of women (Sidenote: Men’s happiness is only negligibly affected by marriage in this study).

    4. Many men continue to be threatened by strong and successful women, the ‘masculinity is fragile’ argument. Women that say no to marriage are “strong and independent and don’t need no man”. Men that say no to marriage are “scared of commitment and/or traumatized they can’t force women into marriage anymore”.

    I have never met any man that was “threatened” by a woman that was self-sufficient or had a good job. Why would any man care, at all? This assumes men are interested in the same traits in women that women value in men.

    Here’s my own anecdotal:
    •I’m college educated (B.B. & M.A. Stem Field) – I don’t value graduate or undergraduate education at all in a partner
    •I am physically fit (6’0, BF ~ 14%, getting it lower) – I have dated women that outrun me in obstacle races
    •I don’t care how much money a woman makes, whether it is 30k or 90k
    •I don’t care about the “social status” of her job
    •I don’t care what my friends think about her

    I am sure most men would agree with me about these things.

    Now can we say women would say the same? No. Women care about these things, in studies they rank “stable job”, “financial provider”, and “social reasons” very high. Men don’t value these traits in a partner.

    From a man’s point of view, women haven’t made themselves more attractive with the social progress. Women assume men are just women who need education, and control. Even men at the top aren’t typically looking for this. THose what want to get married look for women with hearts. You can’t get the perks of tradition with none of the baggage, sorry to say.

    The idea that men are “threatened” by strong/successful women is a projection, without value.
    Women would know this, if they listened to men. But they dont. Women are threatened by strong/successful humans, male or female. Not men. This is why women constantly target each other, and speak negatively about other women behind their backs. “Catty” is the term.

    Men are very chary of woman that act strong and then turn out to be emotionally unstable. Which happens very often. Men can avoid that by not committing. See: “There just aren’t any worthwhile guys anymore“.

    • Continuing:
      5. The hookup culture is flourishing.

      Women get married less because they can get nailed in a bathroom when they are 35 and then regret it a few seconds later. Feminists are now not entirely sure the hookup culture was the best idea. Gosh, who would have guessed?

      Here’s a sample:

      Participating in the hookup culture meant “actually [denying] ourselves agency and [bolstering] male dominance, all while convincing ourselves we’re acting like progressive feminists,” Fessler concluded. Yet, she wrote, many of the men she interviewed also would have preferred committed relationships to casual sex, but felt social pressure to engage in the latter. “Emotionless, casual sex,” Fessler wrote, is typically “radically dissonant” with the way women are naturally wired.

      The lack of fulfillment is part of a larger pattern. “Where was the freedom I was supposed to feel?” a pseudonymous freelance writer asked of casual sex in Verily magazine. Fear of pregnancy, confusion, and physical and emotional pain that came from hooking up made her life “hellish.” She argues that the hookup culture is rigged against gender equality, because it automatically puts women at a disadvantage.

      Women carry the “brunt of sexual risks” while men “wield the majority of the sexual power”—the hookup culture works against women’s natural desire for commitment, which would serve the needs of any children produced from such a union. Commitment-free sex helps irresponsible men and hurts women in the process.

      So this is the logic:

      Women are getting married less because of the hookup culture.

      But the hookup culture helps irresponsible men and hurts the women.

      If something incentivizes men to act in a way, they will do it. It helps irresponsible men, so more men become irresponsible (see: Where have all the good men gone?).

      And yet, short-term flings with men that don’t care about you at all emotionally is still somehow empowering and fulfilling? Huh? What did I miss?

      6. The idea of “marrying up” is gone. This is the same as point 1.

      7. Women have risen and continue to rise. Restatement of point 2.

      8. Marriage isn’t necessary for women to be mothers.
      Yes, single motherhood sure is a great alternative to getting married. We can be sure that this won’t destroy children’s lives, increase their risk of going to jail, or end horribly for society, despite all the nasty statistics that say otherwise. But we’re about self empowerment. It will be great for the woman, though, yes? Ah, well, single parents are the least happy demographic in the United States. Maybe this right will make women happy, right? Oh, wait, women’s happiness has been steadily declining as single motherhood increased, marriage decreased, and women’s rights movements have exploded in popularity.

      9. Men have lost what little value they had. Hmmm. Another restating of point 1.

      10. Women have essentially become the men they wanted to marry.
      The best part of this is what?

      And the next point, of this fascinating set of arguments, is:

      11. Sponsored: New dating app”

      The author wants to send single women reading that article to a dating app. Either they paid for the article, or the irony is unintended. It is delicious.

      • She argues that the hookup culture is rigged against gender equality, because it automatically puts women at a disadvantage.

        Oh my goodness. You mean committed relationships are good for gender equality? I can’t believe feminists would promote something as bad for women as hookups are.

  59. Women ask “Where have the good men gone?” JB, the blogger, wrote an article: “Sad sluts are sad that no one wants to marry them“:

    All the things a good wife did in the 1950s, or the 1850’s, are still all the things good wives do today

    Men tweeting #NoHymenNoDiamond know they won’t get a virgin bride. At the same time, what is the incentive to ‘put a ring on it’. Women get all the benefits, of marriage, and give little, any more. Women don’t owe men anything they don’t owe other people as a matter of common decency and courtesy. When they want a major risk, from a man, what do they offer?

    Men reject marriage, family and commitment with college-educated women because, in a metaphorical sense only, those women suck. Marriage is very, very risky for men. I wonder, how many more men might consider it, if they weren’t putting their heads in a noose, paying five figures for a ceremony and ring, and of course: an intravenous drip of his resources. What if she wanted to be a good wife?

    How many men demand a hymen? I doubt many. But men don’t want to be with a woman who has hundreds of thousands of satisfied customers, like McDonald’s. These women are far more likely to cheat, divorce, irritate, sleep around, and most importantly: to sexually bond. The overall number of sexual partners predicts well whether she will end up in a divorce.

  60. Why does the number of sexual partners a woman has had matter, to a future suitor?
    Why does it matter, how many partners a woman had, to a future suitor?

    Let’s see. What man needs the much higher risk of infidelity? Women cut off short men, and men with no resources. So men get to cut off what they don’t like. Plus, how many sluts, oh there’s that word, umm, how many women with a high partner count, are emotionally balanced? Oh wait, NONE. NONE OF THEM. Men have preferences, despite the lies in the media. Men can be promiscuous now, and commit later. Women prefer pre-selected men. Women can’t. Blame your genes. It’s not jealousy. He just doesn’t want to pay top dollar, for a diminished product she passed out for free. From a woman with low, low self-esteem. The sexual revolution sang its song, and women followed the pied piper. More men drop out of the “ever want to get married” pool. And these women hit the wall, in their early 30’s, and become afterthots.

    What’s even better, 50 years ago a man probably didn’t have a way to screen out sluts, I mean high partner number women. Sperm is genetic material, too. Women’s bodies incorporate DNA from the semen of her casual sex partners, so her husband gets to support another man’s kid, in effect. That’s a real sales point, let’s not leave that out. I saw a news article: Breaking News: Woman who had sex with 60 different men shocked that men don’t want to marry her!

    My mother knew how to repair clothes, cook, paint, repair simple machines, and a lot of other things. Women nowadays don’t.

  61. There is one significant reason marriage habits are changing. One of them is religion, or its lack.
    Ligere is latin for tying, as in ligotage. Materialist secularism in the West is all the media discusses, or colleges teach. Religion was always a driving force behind matrimony. and maintaining it. It was also the spiritual power that reinforced marriage during the rough times, which always come. Religion could keep people together, if only to avoid hell. Nowadays, being with an American woman is often hell. Now as soon as one party is bored or wanting a different sexual flavor – hello, divorce!

    The Bible, just for kicks, does not actually speak negatively about the unmarried. Just the whores. Corinthians 1-8:

    Corinthians 1 – 8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

    Leave out the “religion forces marriage” stigma. In a materialistic culture, there are more promiscuous women. The penalties for promiscuity don’t show up right away, so it is easy to stay in denial. Less religion means less working together with your partner through the tough times. It means less bonding over non-physical or material matters in marriage. And on and on. Religion down, divorce up. SImple. Oh, argue against religion making no sense. It’s not supposed to. It is NOT science, and never was. There are no atheists in foxholes. Science is only one channel in life. Religion is another. I don’t watch any channel all the time.

  62. A man speaks:

    I know I will have to provide everything, and get nothing in return.

    She’ll have children, ignore her libido, and diss me for wanting her.

    I get to stay in good physical shape, while she doesn’t, because she has me tied down.

    She has no incentive to respect or honor me.

    I already know our wedding will be all about her.

    I know so many marriages that became a zero-sum game.

    The media says all husbands are idiots. And women control so much, there is no 50/50 split, it is 90 give, and 10 back, for a man. And 100/0 with a feminist.

    Women control the assets. Hmmm. What could be wrong with this picture? Why do this, why not just hook up? Why take a risk on being at risk?

    Go with the tide, and you don’t have to work hard. Fight the tide, and you lose energy. Success comes from dealing with things as they are, not as they should be. ANd sometimes the best choice is to quit playing the game.

  63. The single most important thing to know, to make a marriage work, is also what high level Chinese Martial Arts teach: reaching into infinity. AA calls it the higher power. Tom T. Moore’s website calls it the MBO, done like this: I request a Most Benevolent Outcome for [situation]. Lorna Byrne talks about unemployed angels. OK, some of you will say they don’t exist. The square root of -1 doesn’t exist, either, because -1 x -1 is not -1. But you can use this AS IF it did exist. When I was in the military, dealing with a divorce, I used more traditional methods of asking for angelic help, and they worked, very well. There are no brass bands. Things somehow go better. You could look back, and almost see an invisible hand guiding you. You don’t see it in the moment. An old missionary taught my mother to ask for parking places. She was quite conservative. And it worked. Realize that your self does NOT stop at the skin, it goes way out. Start asking for help, in your situation. I asked for such help, in my first divorce. My wife played around with several boyfriends, after our child was born. How did I know? She told me about them. Yeah, she was that heartless. She finally found one willing to support her, and left, leaving our child with me. I got custody. And the divorce was finalized, I didn’t have to pay a dime, beyond $300 for the lawyer. It felt like total chaos at the time, and as I look back, I see that I walked a wonderful path. If you seek a partner, you might want to ask for angelic help. You don’t have to feed a meter. You just ask. I later dated a woman with feminist leanings, hadn’t quite learned my lessons from pain yet. I was nervous. And… she broke it off. YES! It was the perfect solution!

  64. “It looks like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating, and apparently they’re getting serious. Friends say Kanye is the man Kim wants to spend the rest of her month with.” – Jay Leno

  65. Senior Citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done
    and do not blame others.

    HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT the senior
    citizens who took
    The melody out of music,
    The pride out of appearance,
    The courtesy out of driving,
    The romance out of love,
    The commitment out of marriage,
    The responsibility out of parenthood,
    The togetherness out of the family,

    The learning out of education,
    The service out of patriotism,
    The Golden Rule from rulers,
    The nativity scene out of cities,
    The civility out of behavior,
    The honor out of long term monogamy,
    The refinement out of language,
    The intelligence out of feminism,
    The dedication out of employment,
    The security of a nurturing environment out of neighborhoods,
    The self-respect out of the young,
    The mutual respect out of long term relationships,
    The prudence out of spending,
    The commitment out of marriage,
    The ambition out of achievement or
    God out of government and school.

    And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated respect, cooperation, patience, trust, and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!! And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have
    fought and died for our country. If you want to appreciate America, go down to Mexico, and see what it’s like to live without constitutional rights. And Mexicans are mostly nice people. Visit a Caribbean island when a riot is being put down. Notice the blood on the streets. Americans have no, no idea how good they have it. They may themselves very unhappy, by using pie in the sky comparables, not real ones. Talk to a recent Russian immigrant, who is in tears of joy, because s/he doesn’t have to worry about secret police any more. Talk to an African, who spent 5 years as a child soldier, who would have died if he didn’t master his craft at 11.

    YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

    I’m the life of the party…..Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

    I’m very good at opening childproof caps….. With a hammer.

    I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

    I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.

    I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

    I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

    Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

    Spread the laughter – Share the cheer
    Let’s be happy – While we’re here.

    And, MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA
    AND MAY AMERICA BLESS GOD !!

    Go – Green — Recycle CONGRESS!!

    And if you are tired of our toxic media, culture, Congress, leaders, and ideologies, the best upraised middle finger you can give them is to be kind to people. This has the added benefit that they’ll be enough in shock that they may forget their cruelty to others, at least for a short time. Plus, it re-introduces mystery into their lives. There is no more confusing mind game, for many Americans, than to be treated kindly, for no apparent reason. If you want to throw garbage at all the negative people who seem to occupy the television, help someone every single day, however small the way. Tell a joke, send notes of appreciation, put light into other people’s lives.

  66. The single most important item, in maintaining a long term relationship, is whether the woman has “agency”, that is, she believes she has influence over herself, and family. If she believes she is a victim, she will be unhappy, and strike out. If she believes she is the primary agent of her own happiness, she will take steps to do what makes her happy. This is a spiritual path, by any definition. The mass media don’t just hate marriage, they hate all those on a spiritual path. Let’s take the following recent media item:

    A new book says married women are miserable. Don’t believe it.

    Many books aren’t fact-checked, and we’re increasingly realizing they’re full of errors.
    By Kelsey Piper Jun 4, 2019, 12:40pm EDT

    Happiness researcher Paul Dolan made a splash with the claim that married women admit they’re miserable once their spouses leave the room. It was >>>based on a misreading of survey data<<<<

    Last week, a shocking claim about happiness made the rounds in the press, from the Guardian to Cosmopolitan to Elle to Fox.

    The claim?

    Women should be wary of marriage — because while married women say they’re happy, they’re lying. According to behavioral scientist Paul Dolan, promoting his recently released book Happy Every After, they’ll be much happier if they steer clear of marriage and children entirely.

    “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they’re asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable,” Dolan said, citing the American Time Use Survey, a national survey available from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and used for academic research on how Americans live their lives.

    The problem? That finding is the result of a grievous misunderstanding on Dolan’s part of how the American Time Use Survey works. The people conducting the survey didn’t ask married people how happy they were, shoo their spouses out of the room, and then ask again. Dolan had misinterpreted one of the categories in the survey, “spouse absent,” which refers to married people whose partner is no longer living in their household, as meaning the spouse stepped out of the room.

    Oops.

    The error was caught by Gray Kimbrough, an economist at American University’s School of Public Affairs, who uses the survey data — and realized that Dolan must have gotten it wrong. “I’ve done a lot with time-use data,” Kimbrough told me. “It’s a phone survey.” The survey didn’t even ask if a respondent’s spouse was in the room.

    This is not an accident, or an oversight. This is an intentional misreading of the data, to support a conclusion not supported by the data. If you study other articles that support the positions of the mass media, you will find many similar "mistakes". My personal favorite was an article in Cosmopolitan, which said that following the "purity" movement, for women, caused unhappiness. They offered no backup, or data, they just dissed it.

    This pattern isn't limited to this issue. Look at the press coverage of the Tonkin Gulf incident, which Lyndon Johnson used to justify vastly increased troops for the Vietnam war. The press was reading from the same script. Not one of them bothered to challenge the claims made. It is interesting to note that Vietnam was a war created largely by Lyndon Johnson. As Senate majority leader, he and the Speaker of the House were both from Texas, and promoted Texas based defense manufacturers. President Eisenhower's military industrial complex speech was in reference to these two.

    Overseas, people accept that all media outlets have a slant, a bias. Only in the USA do people assume that the media is somehow neutral. It never has been. The mass media overwhelmingly supports an anti-family, anti-woman, anti-people, authoritarian, "we know what's best for you" approach. A CNN reported noted, after the disclosures of DNC and Hillary's emails, that "we know what's best for Americans to know." The mass media in the USA are decaying, because even the pajama people we have for citizens in the USA are waking up to the massive lies of the mass media.

    The happiest women I have ever seen were always married, in a very happy relationship, because they decided to be happy. Most of the happiest men I've seen were also married, in a very happy relationship, because they decided to be happy. Happiness is a decision. So is a long term relationship that works. The media does everything in its power to deprive people of their agency. THey want people afraid of and hating each other, alone, miserable, empty inside- so they will buy more products. One of Dr. Richard Schulze's, Dr. John Christopher's, and Louise Hays' first rules for happiness is to STOP LISTENING TO and watching the mass media. It is toxic.

  67. 1. Be intentional.

    Be intentional and figure out the truth about your relationship. Think through all aspects of your relationship—your feelings and thoughts, the other person’s feelings and thoughts, and the external context. If you notice yourself flinching away from a certain aspect of reality, this is the time to double down your focus and really get at the truth. The things you flinch away from, the truths you don’t want to acknowledge to yourself, are likely to be the ones that will most undermine your relationship in the future. It’s better to face the truth squarely in the face right now and address it rather than let it sabotage your relationship in the long run.

    2. Avoid failing at their mind.

    One of the biggest dangers in close relationships is assuming the other person is exactly the same as you in their feelings and thoughts, and thus failing at their mind. This is something that’s so easy to flinch away from, as our emotional self just doesn’t want to accept that the person we’re so close to is actually different from us—sometimes very different. I know I made this mistake, and it cost me dearly in the past. So how to avoid it?

    3. Use Tell Culture.

    Use Tell Culture! Tell Culture is a communication strategy where you are open and honest with close people in your life about your feelings and thoughts, about what’s going on with you, lowering your private barrier and being vulnerable and authentic. Tell them information about yourself that you think they would want to know. For example, if you want a hug, you should tell the other person that you would enjoy a hug. However, for Tell Culture to work, it’s really important for you not to expect that the other person will hug you. You are responsible for telling them about your needs and desires, and they are then free to act as they choose based on their own needs and desires.

    4. Remove communication barriers.

    For open and honest communication to work, you need to remove communication barriers. Figure out your individual communication preferences and then compromise on something that works well for both of you.

    5. Practice emotional attunement.

    As you communicate with each other, don’t listen only to what the other person is saying, also listen to the emotions underneath the words. Notice whether the other person seems stressed, frazzled, sad, frustrated, confused, pleased, glad, joyful, etc. Pay attention to the tone of the voice, body language, and what is not being said as well as the content of the words. Such emotional attunement will level up your ability to understand the other person, and respond in ways that lead to happy and long-lasting relationships.

    6. Check in on your relationships.

    This is a magic-bullet solution to so many relationship problems! Schedule systematic meetings to talk about the state of your relationship and what can be improved. For the process, you can follow this science-based questionnaire or come up with your own approach to the relationship check-in. For example, my wife and I have a relationship check-in every two weeks. We first talk about what we appreciated most about each other during the last two weeks. Then we discuss what can be improved in our relationship, and how to do so. We then finish up with gratitude to each other for doing the relationship check-in and have some delicious chocolate to reward ourselves. It’s done wonders for improving our relationship!

    7. Trust others.

    All of these strategies will help you build up trust, what research shows is key to having happy, lasting relationships. Always keep in the back of your mind a personal evaluation of the level of trust in the relationship. How much do you trust the other person to act in ways that both match your mental model of that person? How much do you trust that person to have your back?
    If you want an intentional relationship, do things to build up trust and gather information about the other person’s trustworthiness. Exhibit vulnerability and openness, share secrets, and be generous in your offers to compromise. If the other person shows themselves trustworthy, then be more committed to the relationship. If they do not, then re-evaluate your own level of commitment, as the relationship likely will not work in the long term.

    8. Respect boundaries and privacy.

    A key aspect of showing trust is allowing each other to set boundaries and permitting privacy. Technological developments make it so easy for us to track each other and to be in constant communication. However, permitting each other to have a private space and avoiding pushing the other person to do things they would prefer not to do helps a lot in creating sustaining happiness in relationships. Respecting boundaries and permitting privacy will do wonders for building up mutual trust!

    9. Have healthy conflicts.

    Surprise, conflicts can be healthy in relationships! If you go into a relationship expecting never to fight, you’ll lose out on great relationships because the first fight might well lead to the end of the relationship. Instead, learn strategies for healthy conflict resolution, and talk about them with your relationship partner before the fact. Start any conflicts by highlighting how you care about the other person and the relationship. Talk about both the facts and how you feel about them. Avoid the blame game and instead be as generous as you can be in interpreting the other person’s actions. Be open to changing your mind if you discover you made the mistake and apologize quickly and profusely. Avoid focusing on the past and instead orient toward better behavior in the future. At the end of any conflict, focus on reconnecting and rebuilding emotional bonds strained by the conflict. My wife and I found these techniques to be so helpful in resolving tensions between us!

    10. Meet your own goals.

    Remember that you are in the relationship for yourself, not the other person. So meet your own goals first in any relationship. Be intentional and consider what you want from the relationship as you evaluate it in your own mind and heart. Don’t allow the other person’s needs and desires to overwhelm yours. Play by the rules of Tell Culture and be honest and open with the other person in the relationship about your needs and desires, and encourage that person to be honest and open with you. Otherwise, you risk building up resentment and frustration both for yourself and the other person in the relationship, and subverting the possibility of a happy and long-lasting relationship.

    11. Compromise.

    Balance getting your needs met with meeting the other person’s needs. Seek a mutually beneficial compromise on any areas of disagreement. The ability to compromise is key to happy and lasting relationships. Today’s society emphasizes individuality, but for any relationship to work, we need to get out of the self-centered shell and put ourselves in the shoes of the other person, understanding their perspective, thoughts, and feelings. That makes compromise much easier! My wife and I make compromises for each other all the time, big and small, and that’s how we keep our relationship strong.

    12. Don’t fight against change or diversity.

    People change and relationships change all the time. This is not something to mourn, but just a fact of life, to be acknowledged and celebrated. Sometimes, relationship needs to become more diverse for both people to remain happy. So consider the possibilities of non-traditional relationships such as polyamory and others. At other times, people who were right for each other earlier are no longer right for each other. To ensure mutual happiness, it’s important to let each other go at that stage. The key is to be intentional and pursue your own goals in any relationship you are in.

    And for others interested- find people who are farther down the path, where you want to go. Get them talking. Most people are happy to share their ideas.

  68. Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker–Billy Connolly.
    “If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking,
    How come they can’t have a headache and love at the same time?”

  69. Despite the fact that it’s the twenty-first century and women can earn their own money, go to a sperm bank to have a child and lead a satisfying social life without a man, the role of wife remains compelling.
    Young women are more self-assured than ever, not necessarily in search of a boyfriend and comfortable focusing on their own goals. They know that sex can be a sport and men can be adjunct, perhaps fungible. Yet what I’ve found is that at a certain point for these women, usually by their mid to late-twenties, being engaged and getting married becomes important. It isn’t that these millennials live under a rock or haven’t heard the stats on divorce or that they haven’t noticed the breakups of Katie and Tom, Demi and Ashton and even old-timers Tipper and Al. What happens to this group, as well as to women in their 30s to their 80s, is a pervasive sense that they’re missing something meaningful if they aren’t wives. No wonder there are widows, divorcées and never-married women of a certain age who approach “wifing” as an essential experience. Few of us can escape what has been etched into our psyches for decades — that being a wife is significant. That the perks of the job trump the obstacles.
    Each of us responds to marriage partially based on our personal experience — we meet a man and are convinced he is “the one” and after an appropriate amount of time together, the commitment is made (this may escalate due to a biological clock, a dread of being single another Christmas, family pressure or exhaustion with the men out there). A woman is partially influenced by her mother’s modeling — negative, positive or mixed. Society at large is also a partial influence, always assuring us that there is no better imprimatur of romantic love than marriage. This is true among the 200 women with whom I spoke for my latest study and book. These women are from all parts of the country; large cities, small towns, suburbs and rural areas. They vary in age, social strata and ethnicity, but despite their different backgrounds, their attitudes toward the role of wife are strikingly similar. According to my research:
    80 percent of women begin their marriages based on romantic love
    80 percent of women, regardless of their current marital statuses, consider marriage a goal
    More than 60 percent of women believe they will succeed at being a wife
    More than 70 percent did not want to miss the experience
    65 percent of women end up embracing the conventionality of husband, house, children

    The advantage is that wives today have a level of confidence that’s unprecedented and impressive. If fifty or sixty years ago wives had little agency of their own, wives today are mature and worldly. This savvy wife wants the marriage and views it as a means of securing a best friend and trusted confidante. In this way, she is a true believer who is unfazed by any Census report or her friend’s tale of woe and has tremendous hope that her marriage will succeed. If she does her seeking between about 25 and 32, she has good odds of finding a good guy, too.

  70. There is an age range when men will consider marriage. High school grads are open to it when they get economically established, by the age of say 25. College grads are more available at 27, say, till about 34. Then this declines, and drops like a rock after 38, to 42, and then goes to near zero by 48.

    Women assume that when they’re ready for marriage, say by 25-28, men are also. But that isn’t necessarily true. She needs to find men who are willing to commit. Mto en’s biological clocks aren’t the same. Older men about to be married look forward to having children, especially sons. They want to be able to teach them how to play baseball, ride a bicycle, to fish, and so on. Yet many men in the 37-45 tranche have given up on marriage. They lack either social skills, being tall enough, or looks. Men with no jobs have no prospects, unless they are bad boys. These 37-45 year olds, though, will say they would marry a nice woman, if they could find one.

    One major factor for men and women is the quality of their parents’ marriages. Products of divorce are not as willing to take risks. Life is intent realized. The key to a happy life is clear, focused intent.

  71. This showed up in a Maine community. As you read this, you can notice that the mother of two children is somehow separated from the father of her children. I have no idea how this occurred. But the separation is certainly having an effect on the children. So, yes, maintaining long term relationships really is important.

    When a Belfast single mother found herself behind on rent last month and about to be evicted from her apartment, she reluctantly went to the city and asked for help.
    City officials, facing a shortage of affordable housing or shelter options in Waldo County, offered to help her find a tent so she and her two kids could camp out instead of couch surfing or sleeping rough. Some locals have started to use social media to ask for donations of tents, sleeping bags and other camping gear that the city can give to people who become homeless.

    Even if a homeless or housing insecure person gets a tent, there isn’t a municipal campground, and people are largely on their own to find a place to pitch them. Stout encourages them to call campgrounds, where sometimes the owners will let people work in order to stay there, or find landowners who wouldn’t mind if they camp on their land.

    “I’ve heard of a couple of places with three or four tents back there,” she said. “They just live. They don’t harm anybody.”

    And although there’s clearly a housing problem in Waldo County, the nearest shelters are in Ellsworth, Orland, Bangor and Rockport. Even then, shelters may not be a good fit for everyone. “A lot of times they’re not family shelters and I don’t want to send a family there,” Stout said. “People don’t realize,” Stout said. “That’s why we got this group together, so we can try to figure out what’s going on in Waldo County. We have people from the churches, local citizens, doctors, local organizations, trying to figure out what to do next.”

    Angie is also still trying to figure that out. For the time being, she’s couch-surfing, with her ****kids staying a lot at their dad’s house****. After applying for many jobs during the last couple of months, she finally got an interview with an employer this week and is hoping her luck might turn around. As well, she has learned that if she finds another apartment, the city might be able to help her come up with the security deposit.

  72. Modern women have some very dysfunctional ideas about men and relationships. They are indoctrinated by our toxic mass media to hate and fear men, and see their worst points. We do not see the world. We see the world revealed to us by our questions, acc. to Dr. Werner Heisenberg. Women see vicious creatures, as painted by manhating feminists. If NASA had a “failure to launch”, they would do some serious systems analysis, testing, going over mechanical systems, and identifying the problem so it can be fixed not just once, but forever. When men “fail to launch”, it is their fault. These guys just say “F YOU!” and go back to their videogames, where they at least have a chance of winning. There was a time when society entrained boys to grow up into responsible men, that were good husbands, who contributed greatly to the community. It started by having a responsible father around, for entrainment. This time is no more. Feminists talk about toxic masculinity. Yeah, over half of all boys grow up in a single mom household, in some cities. 80% of teachers are female. Uhh, where are they getting the toxic masculinity from? Oh wait, from other toxic males, who had no responsible dads either. Feminist propaganda demonizes men, especially good husbands. I don’t know any good people who like being demonized. Feminist ideology trains women to think of themselves in very unrealistic ways, that just don’t work in the real world.
    This phenomenom didn’t just happen. It was carefully created. Women are taught to resent men and marriage, resent children to the point that they can kill the unborn, to hate society, and to demand more and from from society, while they do less. No long term relationship can work without trust, and respect. Yet feminism teaches women extreme distrust, and disrespect, for men, marriage, parents, community, and all that is necessary to raise healthy children to mature adulthood.

    What you believe tends to be reflected back at you, from the movie screen of life, to help you sort the wheat from the chaff.
    If you believe that marriage is worthless, it will be. You won’t see anything good. You will have cognitive dissonance that will prevent you seeing what you do not believe exists.
    If you believe that you are better off raising a child by yourself, you will discover that two parents are worth four single parents, due to systems support. Try it both ways. I have. You will see what I’ve said is true. But men know that single mothers are an extremely bad bet for a wife, an energy drain of massive proportions. Bad boys may pump them, dump them, pop and drop them, run them through all the gears, and bring them right back to the housing projects they found them in. Being a single mom is not the time to find this out. Having children is not easy; a loving, committed partner makes it easier.
    If you believe that the genders are the same, you will get a major education in pain. They are not. Mom, and gramma, used to instruct young women in these useful awarenesses. They don’t much, any more. Gramma knew very well that having over 400 sexual partners, and a checklist of STDs, just does not work, for maintaining a long term relationship. There is a reason arranged marriage still exists; it worked. What, 1 in 25 arranged marriages goes bad? Maybe granny and mom actually knew something, with at least two decades more of experience? Could it be?
    If you believe men cannot be trusted, you will be attracted to men who cannot be trusted, like the N and S poles of a magnet. Your Reticular Activating System will filter out those men who can be trusted. Since you told your RAS what you wanted, by concentrating on it. It really is that simple.
    Smart women do raise children, diapers, cook, clean, and do what they need, to meet a man’s needs. Well, ok. If you have a six figure income, you can contract this out. The problem is that contractor quality varies greatly. Smart women know that sometimes you need to do the job yourself, so it’s done right. Smart women also know that when they take a 100 hour/week job, they aren’t going to keep their marriage. Hubby, assuming they can find one, will stray. It is very easy to keep a man faithful. Drain him dry, so he has nothing to send him off to another woman. He won’t complain, not at all, and he’ll sometimes seem like Superman on steroids, in making your life more pleasant. He may even put up with the baby weight, and the 3 days out of the month he knows to stay silent, and your other faults, if you give him the full wash/spindry cycle, say at least three times per week. He knows from his friends what special hell they are living through, with feminist wives. You don’t have to be a lot better than those nasty harpies. Learn to smile, and show appreciation, and say thank you when appropriate. Small courtesies matter. Feminists are like pebbles in a shoe; they just get more and more irritating, for a man.
    Smart women know that taking time out to raise their preschool children, when possible, makes sense. Listen to such children cry, when their mothers drop them off at the daycare center, if you doubt this. Smart women who raise their kids, as possible, often find they have smart kids. Funny how that works.
    Women who believe masculinity is toxic will be attracted to, and find, toxic men.
    Women who let their emotions rule them, and are attracted to bad boys that treat them badly, find out that bad boys are like modern cleaners; they work fast, and leave no ring.

    Spiritual growth happens, with relationships. Pay attention. Drop all the lies society told you. Notice detail, pattern, and process. Let your world educate you. You might just discover that men are binary; they either like you, or don’t. They are either interested in you, or not. You are either in their circle of trust, or you aren’t. You are either marriagable, or you aren’t. The vast majority of men have, believe it or not, mothers, sisters, female cousins, aunts, and sometimes daughters. The vast majority of men do not engage in sexual harassment, or rape. I knew a male sexual harasser, some years ago. Management didn’t do much, as he was also a protected minority. They ended up fining that guy’s supervisor, for not taking sufficient action.
    If you want to run around singing, “I am woman, hear me roar, I don’t NEED a man, I am independent”, most men will take you at your word. In fact, when you tell men anything, they will probably assume you mean what you say. Men kinda mean what they say. When you lie to men, and they find out about it, you move out of the circle of trust. Sometimes forever.
    Men like intelligent women- when they know the intelligence will be used to raise intelligent children, to support the marriage, and otherwise be useful. Intelligent women who have a slow burn going in the resentment department are as dangerous as a fire in a gunpowder factory. Men know this.
    Recognize that life is flow. You will feel unhappy, and bad, at times. Accept it. Pay attention to it. Relax. And it changes. If you blame men for making you unhappy, they will leave. They know that they cannot cure you of stupidity.
    Successful marriages are that way due to commitment, and simply biding one’s time during the difficult phases. Leaping to divorce lowers the value of a woman. As one wise old man told me, he wouldn’t date divorcees. They had a most unpleasant edge to them.
    Men talk to each other. Recognize that if you treat a man like crap, this will get around. Men can be intuitive. Some, the ones with hearts, can feel dangerous women. They know to evade dangerous women.
    Let boys be boys. They are different. Let them learn. Men built all the buildings in your city. And the roads. And the electric system. And the sewer system.
    The most important thing you can do, is to reverse your perception, so you look at yourself through the eyes of others. If you want a good husband, what do you bring to the table? If your answer is that you expect him to do all the work, good luck. What employer would hire a prospect, who expected the employer to do all the work?
    Most great husbands GROW INTO THAT ROLE, with patient help and support from a great woman. Karen Straughn has some smart things to say.

  73. My grandparents’ generation: dating, marriage, sex.

    My parent’s generation: dating, sex, marriage.

    Now: sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe),sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), marriage, sex outside of marriage, divorce, sex, sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe),sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, no sex, sex, dating (maybe), sex, sex, dating (maybe), marriage, children, divorce, husband wiped out financially and emotionally, divorced husband dating field wide open with over 50 potential partners, sex without commitment, divorced wife realizes she has no options, no sex, no sex, divorced husband wonders why he ever committed, since he’s getting, for free, more than he ever got before, divorced wife bitter, children bitter, children do badly in life, children choose crummy partners, sex, heartbreak, sex, dating (maybe), sex, really bad relationships…

  74. My grandparents’ generation: parents check out potential mates, parents talk, parents suggest kids meet, no real dating because society doesn’t allow it but the guy can walk her to church, if her parents know him really, really well, and trust him, and know his parents. And if they really, really trust him, he may even be able to walk her home from church. Proposal. Proposal accepted. Marriage. Sex. [This is a true story]. Children. Long term commitment. Each child graduates college, gets good job.
    Parents’ generation: dating, petting but no sex, dating, no dating, dating, petting but no sex, dating, petting, marriage, sex. Children. Long term commitment, over a lifetime. Children finish school, get good jobs.
    My generation: dating, sex sometimes but protected, petting, college with no dating or sex because program was very challenging, dating near graduation, sex, marriage, sex, child, no sex, wife had a lot of sex prior to this relationship and had to have multiple men for sex, wife found guy to go with, left child with husband, married new guy, sex, children, nail down new guy. Previous husband to that wife no sex, raised child, dating, sex, no sex, dating, sex, marriage, realization that partner was bipolar addict, no sex, got out of relationship, no sex, lots of work, raised child, got child through college, found partner who wasn’t totally insane, marriage, sex, child, some sex when schedule allows.

  75. In my grandmother’s generation, women were very careful to limit their partners only to economically viable men, with brains, and a heart, who were almost always older than they were. The only women to play with bad boys were bad girls. Bad boys were seen as poisonous, and sometimes run out of town. Sometimes bad girls were shipped off to relatives, where their history wasn’t known, so they had a chance for marriage to a decent guy. My grandmother and her relatives ran a home for unwed mothers. Back then, an unwed mother was a major economic liability, with few prospects for marriage, a child who would be very difficult to raise, and an economic drain. This was why their newborns were given up for adoption. Also, the woman had a much higher chance of finding an economically viable man.

    In my mother’s generation, women still avoided sex. Birth control hadn’t come along yet. Women did seek out older, more established men, who were economically viable.

    In my generation, it was more egalitarian. My brother’s wife had been married twice before, and had two children. She also had no idea what money was, and spent it wildly. She went back to husband number 1. Then she got back with him. She ran up the credit card debt to $40,000, and he had to declare bankruptcy. They got divorced again. Her son, who had no father around, was a wild kid, and she got custody of her grandchild by that kid. One of my sisters married, had two kids, discovered he had a woman on the side, and divorced him. Life was unpleasant, she did raise her children well, and they completed college. Her ex died of a stroke a few years ago. She remarried, and it turned out badly.

    My child is married, and it is working well, she has two kids. My nephew is married, no kids. My niece is in a long term relationship, not married, though.

  76. We do all know that birth control pills are hormones. All externally administered hormones cause cancer. Without exception. Read the package insert. A relative got cancer. The very first question out of the oncologist’s mouth was, “Have you ever taken the pill?” and the second was “have you ever taken fertility drugs [which are also hormones]?” They know.

  77. The simple heart of this issue is trust. Can men trust women? In my grandfather’s day- with vetting, relatives talking, careful selection, background checks of the time- yes. In my father’s day, society was already fragmenting, but women were still entrained to be good wives. So the answer was – maybe. But the odds were still good.

    The answer now is no. Well over 80% of women, from what I’ve seen, cannot be trusted. They play with bad boys on the side, they have some nasty hatred of men issues, they are prima donnas, they have credit card addictions, and so on.

    Really think about that. Because marriage is a long term bet, not just on another, but also on the ability to raise kids in a healthy way. For men, the odds are approaching Vegas odds, of winning in marriage. For women, it’s not that much better. A woman may be able to stick a man with alimony and child support. Gosh, I’m sure that feels good for her. But men don’t really like stepping in on a situation like this, to commit. And the man she just destroyed economically isn’t really a good prospect for another woman. Women are destroying each other’s prospects, in men. I see a fair number of recent divorcees, with children, thinking that finding a guy for a committed relationship will be as easy as it was in their 20’s. It takes them about two years to realize that they won’t find a good guy. Oh, sure, women will point to the occasional unicorn exception. Unicorns must exist, we’ve seen pictures of them. But they are very hard to find. And men nowadays know that the ideal wife, you know, the woman who welcomes love, and commitment, and offers it, is a unicorn. No doubt Congress will pass a law, soon, mandating that women have the right to a unicorn, it wouldn’t be any more stupid than some of their other ideas.

    When I speak with young men who seek to create a family, I refer them to Joseph Murphy, Neville Goddard, and people like that. Both have lectures free on youtube. Florence Scovell Shinn is an equivalent, for women. Were I looking for a good wife, which today may offer as much as 50% of what women offered to marriage in my parents’ day, I would be using their methods only. Rolling the dice has much better odds than taking risks on a random American woman.

  78. Many women think they want these qualities in men. Except they don’t like the effects.

    Jealousy

    It may seem flattering when your partner is possessive. Maybe he seemed jealous of your talking to another guy. If he was really jealous… might not be good. It might not be a sign of love but a red flag that this relationship is going in the wrong direction. Interrogations, accusations of lying, overcontrol, are not useful

    Chivalry’s not dead, though it’s on life support. There are still men who will hold the door for you, pay for date night dinner, and chauffeur you to the movies and back. What is the line, though? If it moves into rules for her clothing, constant reprimands, etc., is is useful?

    Some women want a man who will always go along with their plans, and be attentive to their every want and need regardless of his own. Many women think that they want a man who is going to do what they want and give in to them. But a man who will not stand up for himself is not attractive in the long run. A man always stubborn and unwilling to compromise, however women don’t really want a man that has no backbone at all.

    Women want him to be rich
    Who doesn’t want to be rich? Yet when wealth blocks happy, healthy quality time, is it really wealth? WOmen say they want a man who has a six or seven figure income, and is a leader in his career. What happens if he’s rarely at home, his job is his life, and he is rarely available?

    Women want a wild man, a bad boy
    It may be great when he shows up on his motorcycle, out to explore thrills, white water rafting, sky diving, to get tattoos, or an ATV ride. Balance is also nice, especially to deal with family stress. Wild boy has to calm down, to deal with bills and kids.

    All blushing aside, women want a good sex life, usually. The bigger the better, right? Old wives will say that a man with a healthy interest in giving and receiving sexual pleasure could be much more fun, in the long run. Companionship and emotional well-being are very useful in the long term.

    It’s natural to want to spend every second of your time together when you and your man are first falling for each other. As you progress in your relationship, give your sweetie latitude to establish his boundaries and needs. Men need their time alone, too.

    Balance of quality and quantity time matters. Make the time together high quality, but don’t chain him to the bench.

    Men should know how to show romance to their partners, in words and gestures alike. So women don’t tell them what they want. Women say they want more romance in their relationship. Yet, few are adequately able to describe that. They want the feeling, but don’t know what triggers it. This is not useful. Women want to simply feel special, and that is reflective in verbal and non-verbal communication cues.

    It’s not presents – it’s presence. Without that energy sharing, all the flowers and candy in the world are meaningless, even if he brought them to you every day.

    It’s nice when your man is independent, needing little from you. But for many women, if their man is overly independent to the point of neglect, it’s not so good. It is hard to negotiate or compromise with someone strongly connected to their own agenda, and women can end up feeling left out of their partner’s intimate life and decision-making process. Interdependence, collaboration, or openness are worthwhile substitutes for independence for long-term relationships.

    How many times have you daydreamed about finding the perfect man? Or heard your friends wonder if he’s out there? Women can’t help but fantasize that one day they will meet the perfect man. Good looking, financially stable, and sensitive with no annoying habits. Except perfection exists only in dreams. A man that does not show any faults is either hiding things or bottling it all up. Perfect man may not exist, chances are that there’s a man out there who’s perfect for you. And that’s something to daydream about.

    While anyone who is married could tell you it isn’t all steak dinners and roses, marriage has gotten a surprisingly bad rap lately. The rate of marriage is at it’s lowest in 150 years for a number of reasons, but there are still many advantages to tying the knot. If you’re thinking about making the walk down the aisle (or into city hall), you may be interested to learn about these surprising benefits to being married.

    It makes you richer
    Being married has many financial benefits, including a number of tax breaks, but it also may actually make you richer. A survey-based study in the Journal of Sociology revealed that “married respondents experience per person net worth increases of 77 percent over single respondents.” Married people also gained significantly more wealth than divorced people. So while throwing a wedding might be expensive, marriage may still be a financially savvy decision.

    There are better tax benefits
    You may know there are tax benefits to being married, but what you may not realize is how many different tax benefits there are to saying “I do.” Filing jointly may bring the person who earns more into a lower tax bracket (though for some couples, filing jointly can actually raise their taxes, so if you’re married, talk to an accountant to decide what’s best for you), and married couples get bigger tax breaks than single people in other instances, such as when they sell a house. A spouse without a job can put joint income into an IRA, which they otherwise wouldn’t be able to do. And spouses also don’t have to pay federal estate taxes when one member of the couple dies. All these tax benefits almost makes paying taxes fun! Almost.

    There are health insurance benefits
    A married person may have more options when it comes to health insurance. Most companies provide an option for coverage of an employee’s spouse, which they usually won’t do for just any live-in partner. So if your husband or wife has better health insurance options than your company provides or you’re not working full-time, you may have married into better health insurance. Plus, it’s often cheaper to have a family plan than two separate policies. Now that’s something to love.

    Married people have lower stress
    A study at the University of Chicago suggested that married people — and people in long-term, committed relationships — have less dramatic responses to psychological stress. In the study, participants were asked to play a computer game they believed had high stakes for their academic careers. Their saliva was tested for the stress hormone cortisol before and after playing. “We found that unpaired individuals of both sexes had higher cortisol levels than married individuals,” said one researcher.

    Married couples are less likely to be depressed
    It’s certainly possible to be happy and single, and marriage by no means guarantees happiness. But at least one study from the University of Virginia showed that single people in their twenties are “more likely to drink to excess, to be depressed, and to report lower levels of satisfaction with their lives, compared to married twentysomethings.” Remind yourself of that next time your husband leaves his dirty socks in the middle of the living room.

    People with a spouse are less likely to engage in risky behavior
    Over time, being married can actually change the way people behave for the better. One interesting way is that married people take fewer risks, including substance abuse. According to researcher Dr. Christopher Fagundes, people who live together act more cautiously than people who live alone, and they become even more cautious after they get hitched. So thank your husband or wife the next time you buckle your seat belt.

    They have better outcomes after major surgery
    Married people who underwent major heart surgery were three times more likely than unmarried people to still be alive 15 years later, according to researchers from the University of Rochester. It’s not clear whether this was because they felt more motivated to stay healthy or because their partner kept them on track with follow-up care. Moreover, the happier the marriage, the better the outcome, so having a happy heart can literally lead to a healthy heart.

    They are more likely to survive cancer
    A large study of about 800,000 cancer patients found that marital status was a useful indicator of a person’s cancer treatment outcome. Married cancer patients were more likely to survive treatment, and researchers at the University of California think it’s because they have the reliable “social support” of a spouse.

    Married folks get better sleep
    You may be constantly annoyed by your spouse stealing the covers, but a study of nearly 2,000 women found that women who reported being in a happy marriage also had better sleep. The happier the women reported being in their marriages, the easier it was for them to fall and stay asleep. Wendy Troxel of the University of Pittsburgh, who authored the study, also reported that divorced women tend to have worse sleep than married women.

    Married people live longer
    If you love being married, good news: being married may also help you live longer. Living with a partner lowered the mortality rate for men by 80 percent and for women by 59 percent, according to researchers from Michigan State University and the University of Cincinnati. Lead researcher Hui Liu said that marriage had an even more dramatic effect on longevity than simply living with a partner. “Many assume marriage and cohabitation are wholly the same, but our research showed that cohabitation, generally, led to a shorter lifespan,” she said.

    The greatest benefit of all
    Of course, no matter the surprising benefits of marriage, most people still get married for an old-fashioned reason: love and companionship. Yes, love is all you need, but hey, it doesn’t hurt that marriage has so many awesome perks.

  79. I’m sure it will sound trite. But keeping together a long term relationship just takes some focus. Here’s some focus I had, as a kid, that is still very relevant, especially for maintaining long term relationships:

    Be:
    TRUSTWORTHY. Tell the truth and keep promises. People can depend on you.

    LOYAL. Show that you care about your family, friends, Scout leaders, school, and country.

    HELPFUL. Volunteer to help others without expecting a reward.

    FRIENDLY. Be a friend to everyone, even people who are very different from you.

    COURTEOUS. Be polite to everyone and always use good manners.

    KIND. Treat others as you want to be treated . Never harm or kill any living thing without good reason.

    OBEDIENT. Follow the rules of your family, school, and pack. Obey the laws of your community and country.

    CHEERFUL. Look for the bright side of life. Cheerfully do tasks that come your way. Try to help others be happy.

    THRIFTY. Work to pay your own way. Try not to be wasteful. Use time, food, supplies, and natural resources wisely.

    BRAVE. Face difficult situations even when you feel afraid. Do what you think is right despite what others might be doing or saying.

    CLEAN. Keep your body and mind fit . Help keep your home and community clean.

    REVERENT. Be reverent toward God. Be faithful in your religious duties. Respect the beliefs of others.

  80. Maintain a long term relationship? This would help:

    1. Be in clear intent.

    Pay attention to feelings and thoughts, the other person’s feelings and thoughts, and the external context. If there is something that seems untouchable, it’s worth exploring. That which you avoid may be the most important. Small problems are easier to deal with, than the large problems they become, unaddressed.

    2. Be open, never assume anyone is like you.

    Pay attention. Do not judge. Ask open ended questions. Notice patterns, and details.

    3. Be honest, in kindness.

    Communicate needs, but don’t expect them to be met by others. Others have choice.

    4. Work around communication barriers.
    Honest communication from the heart can be incredibly revivifying.

    5. Tune yourself to what others are feeling

    Pay attention to the tone of the voice, body language, apparent emotional state, and what is not being said, well beyond the content of the words. Acting on feedback heals problems quickly.

    6. Talk about relationships.

    Start by appreciating the good. Then look at what can be improved, and how to do that. Then finish up with gratitude.

    7. Trust, even if you do have to verify at times

    Trust is not easily repaired, nor built. It must be built a brick at a time. Women may not be able to handle some info, but at least know where the electric fence for her is. If your partner isn’t trustworthy, find this out soon, and terminate quickly.

    8. Respect intimacy, boundaries and privacy.

    Trust means not running roughshod over boundaries.

    9. You can deal with conflict. Stay respectful, respond, point out areas of common belief.

    Most conflicts are based on misunderstandings. Stay in facts. Stay out of blame. Assume the other person meant well, and maybe just didn’t know. This is often true, anyway. Apologize for any misunderstandings or reactions. Reconnect when it’s over.

    10. Achieve your own goals, and help your partner achieve theirs.

    Stay out of resentment and frustration.

    11. Compromise.

    Cooperation builds relationships so much better than fighting. Find common interests, and support them. Think and see from the other’s perspective. Where is the middle road, that satisfies both?

    12. Don’t fight change, or flow. Flow with it, instead.

    People change and relationships change all the time. Live with it.

    Most importantly: know the dominant questions you’re asking. If you are asking, “How can I get more?”, this may not be productive. Asking, “How can we meet each other’s needs in the best way?”, you’ll find this more productive.

  81. If you and your partner are focused on going the distance…

    *Nobody ever “wins” an argument. Both lose when they try to “win”. Express the intent early and often, about finding a mutually acceptable solution to the problem.
    *Understand how your partner expresses love. And appreciate them.
    *No ambushes. Take 3 deep breaths, when angry, and say little. Play for time, not for wounds.
    *Refuse to use the silent treatment. Neutral, polite words.
    *Be open and honest about your feelings, to the extent you can. Letting things stew inside is not good.
    Dumping all that garbage on a partner isn’t effective, either. Play for time, and let the resentment dissipate, rather than poison communication.

  82. How many past sex partners is an acceptable amount? My experience suggests that sex happens between dating couples usually between the second to fifth date. Given that people are dating early – say, age 16 – and that most people will have multiple boyfriends and girlfriends before getting married (if ever), what’s the maximum number of sexual partners before it’s a warning sign to the prospective partnerthat the person isn’t “stable” and should be avoided? My friends know men and woman who by age 30 have had over 50+ partners. None of us felt comfortable about that, though the bad boys are in the triple digits, and women like them a lot. Aside from diseases, of course. Sexual history is a part of the person you meet. If he/she is “unstable,” you should be finding this out in many ways, not just by counting. And one needs to know if a potential partner cheats, or is addicted to sex.

    In 2012, the American dating website SeekingArrangement.com asked 1,000 clients for the perfect number of ex-lovers anyone could have. The male and female answer was ten. More was thought to be promiscuous, less to indicate a lack of experience.

    What do you think?

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