How to Be Nice to Your Husband

Did you know that just being nice to your husband can save your marriage? It’s true. And yet the number of women who’ve been groomed to think being nice to their husbands is beneath them is off the charts. (Thanks, feminism.)

Women who win at love reject this bogus narrative because they love and understand, rather than resent, men.

These women know that men are easy to please and have very few needs. When you meet those needs, your marriage will run like a well-oiled machine. It’s women’s resistance to meeting them that causes so much conflict.

Okay, you say. I hear what you’re saying. But what does nice look like?

It looks exactly like the way you acted when you first got married. Remember when you were so excited about having a husband that you would do all sorts of nice things, such as cook him a meal or dress up all sexy or even pour his coffee? Yeah, that. Did you feel subjugated when you were acting that way? No. You felt happy. Your heart was open and full.

Then somewhere along the way, things changed and you just stopped. You stopped being nice.

I know, I know: the kids came along and life happened. I get it. So maybe dressing up all sexy and making candlelight dinners are unrealistic when there are kids in your midst. But that’s not the only way to be nice.

All it means to be nice to your husband is to consider his needs instead of just considering your own. It means listening to him when he talks, without interrupting, or doing nice things for him just for instance, or even having sex with him whether you’re in the mood or not.

Being nice has a remarkable effect because men literally feed off feminine energy—it’s like fuel to them. When the tank is full, he’s full. When it’s empty, he’s empty. And he won’t be the man you need him to be.

Let’s be honest. The real reason you’re not nice to your husband is because you’re mad at him. You’ve become resentful about what he does or he doesn’t do, or perhaps your life didn’t turn out the way you planned and you blame him. Maybe you compare him to other husbands. (Side note: this is a marriage killer.)

To put an end to it all, you could go to counseling and dissect all the reasons you’re pissed off. You could beg and plead for your husband to change into the man you want him to be. You could even file for divorce.

Or you can swallow your pride and just be nice.

Forget whatever it is you’re mad about and do nothing else but be nice for the next two weeks. (Experts say it takes two weeks for any change to happen.) I promise: you will single-handedly turn your marriage around. That’s how profound it is to be nice is to a man. But you can’t fudge it. You have to follow through, otherwise it won’t work.

For the record, I know why you’re mad. You want your husband to follow through with what he says he’s going to do. You want him to pay more attention to you. You wish he would go to the gym. Maybe you wish he made more money. Let’s face it: there’s a lot you want.

Guess what your husband wants from you?

To be nice.

That’s it. That’s his list.

And here’s another secret: you might be surprised at how those things you wish he were he all of-the-sudden became. Just because you stopped being mad and started being nice.

Try it.

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. luttpf says

    >And he won’t be the man you need him to be.

    That is a very interesting sentence. In these times, where men are considered human doings and women human beings, it’s easy to miss, but if you stop for a second and think about it, it is very telling indeed. Let’s read it again.

    >And he won’t be the man you need him to be.

    The niceness you describe in this article is superficial (directly contradicting the “justmarried-butterfly” emotions mentioned earlier). What you describe is a niceness with a goal – niceness as an article of trade. “If I am nice to you, you give me what I want.”

    In my opinion this is not the right way to handle this. First of all, it’s a lie. Second of all, if this trade deal doesn’t go your way, it will lead once again to frustration.

    Be nice because you WANT to be nice. It doesn’t cost anything and will make you happy.

    https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13%3A4-8+&version=NIV

    With kind regards

    A silly man

    • Harry says

      niceness as an article of trade. “If I am nice to you, you give me what I want.” isn’t really niceness. It is manipulation.

      Genuine heart-felt “niceness”, aka courtesy, is always in fashion- and effective.

    • Buck Deniston says

      Sir, If women ‘be nice because they want to’ i.e. when they ‘feel so’ They will never be nice.
      Feel comes after the action.

      • Ahmad says

        You are so very right. Feelings do not just show up. You attract them by your actions, or lack of action. If you are feeling depressed, for example, take any action towards your goals, no matter how small. And you feel better, immediately.

    • Katy says

      People exhibit kindness and respect to others every day – in business, in service, at home. It is what we do as decent humans. Is it manipulative? No. It is to help the other bring out their better instincts and actions. Isn’t that what love is? To want the best for the other? And, if they respond, who around them doesn’t benefit?

  2. Bernard Jacob says

    A lovely article which I am going to send to a few of my clients. I have been telling a lot of my female clients to check you out. I am so glad that I came across your blog.Thanking you. Bernard

  3. Leon Robinson says

    Its too late for that now. We Men have figured out that marriage, the workplace as well as the courts system and society at large are set against us. We have no reason to trust in the good will of women so much to the point that in growing numbers, if we were to see a woman in distress, WE WILL LEAVE HER THERE. FOR OUR OWN SAFETY. There are policies enacted at the federal level that automatically condemn men to the loss of everything we hold dear to us, NOT THE LEAST OF WHICH is our families, reputations, freedom, and even our LIVES. The Default Father Law, and the Non inclusive laws in the workplace. In short, We just dont trust you. Women have proven they mean nothing but harm to us. Now I concede the overused point that not all women are like that, BUT CONSIDER THIS:

    If I were standing in the one-way aisle of a building and there are one thousand rattlesnakes headed towards me,and the ONLY thing protecting me is a one-way door that opens from MY side, I get the idea that maybe twenty of them wont bite me. But do you think I would be stupid enough to open that door for those twenty and IGNORE the other NINE HUNDRED EIGHTY THAT WANT TO KILL ME?

  4. Bill says

    Suzanne, you hit the mark!
    Problem arises when divorce happens she gets his money without any downside or accountability. Divorce for life in NJ, the alimony lasts almost forever!
    The short path to money without the hassle is divorce court, he pays whether he likes it or not!
    Moral of the story, marriage for men is a trap! The juice isn’t worth the squeeze!

  5. Edith says

    Interesting that you say this. The Love Lab chapter, in Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell, at p. 21, notes that a 60 minute video of a couple, talking, can be used with accuracy of 95%, to predict the probability of that couple divorcing, within 15 years. Another professor noted that 3 minutes was enough. Marriages that survive- p. 26- have a positive to negative emotion ratio, of at least 5 to 1. Relationships have a distinctive energy signature- p. 29.

    People are either in positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability, as a buffer; or in negative sentiment override, p. 3, where neutral activities are perceived as negative. four emotions are critical: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Contempt is by far the most important- and is the single most important indicator of a marriage in trouble p. 32.

    Contempt presence predicts how many colds a spouse gets- it is that stressful. P. 33. Contempt and disgust basically cut someone out of connection/community/relationship.

    What does feminism teach? Contempt for men. How truly clever. One could even believe they hate hetero women more than they hate men.

  6. Harold says

    Courtesy is society’s lubricant. How well does your car engine work, with no oil? Same with a marriage.
    There is a clerk at the post office one town over, a woman who is extremely pleasant. I’m married, and respect my vows, but, if I wasn’t, and had the opportunity… I would seek her out. Being around pleasant people is very nice, indeed.

  7. Dave says

    you might be surprised at how those things you wish he were he all of-the-sudden became. Just because you stopped being mad and started being nice.

    Well, yes, when you stop resisting, the good stuff can come in. How many partners just refuse to change, out of spite, because they are criticized, instead of supported. If you have to maintain boundaries, to protect yourself, then you have boundaries, and communication- the flow of the system a couple forms- is limited. The health of a system- in this case, a couple- is totally dependent on the health of the flow.

    • Felicity says

      Reality is only a projection of the energy and pictures and feelings you have inside you. When you clean out your insides, the picture on the screen of your reality changes. Pull the Chuckie DVD out of your reality creating machine, and at least put Dances with Wolves in. It’s a little violent, but it does give you hope. Then put in the Lion King, and feel it. I keep seeing Scar, as a lying politician, and the hyenas as feminists. It fits so well. And the meercat is a comedian, like a Bill Burr, or a Dave Chappelle, or, no, who was that guy- Pumbaa is Patrice O’Neill, the big black comedian. He is hilarious. Feminists truly hate and despise children, why would the unborn be murdered by the millions, for convenience, otherwise. A second stage abortion involves a being that can feel pain, yes, definitly feel pain, it reacts to needles with pain. Once the amniotic sack is drained, forceps are used, to yank off the limbs, then the head, and then the trunk is pulled out. Every age seems to have its barbarities, and innocents suffering, that nobody cares about, and that is one group that nobody cares about. Hitler made the comment that nobody would care about killing off millions of Jews- because nobody cared about the Turks, murdering millions of Armenians, in WW I. It’s like our society needs to cause some groups to suffer, and the focus of who gets to suffer changes. Irish laborers who came to the USA during the potato famine accepted 50 cents per day, which was better than they got in Ireland. In the 1850’s, there was a plan to dredge out parts of the Chesapeake. The first thought was to rent slaves, for this unpleasant work. Well, slaves cost money, a lot of money, $1,000 at a time when hillbillies were lucky to make $100 in a year, and slaveowners refused. They said to hire Irish workers- they were cheaper, contract workers, and nobody cared if they died. Native Americans were hunted down, until recently, and they really aren’t treated very well now. And now white males are the new target. In the old south, black people learned to shuck and jive, to deflect the nasty energy. And now white males know to use the Mike Pence rule, and keep their distance, for the same reasons. Feminists are doing the same kind of lynchings now that used to be done in the Old South; they have only changed their targets.

  8. Erin says

    One way to be nice to your husband is to be grounded in reality. The Handmaid’s Tale is a fantasy which is about as far away from American culture as it can get- but for feminists, it is their “reality”.
    Men understand that Science Fiction is fiction. Women don’t seem to understand that this book is fiction. Feminists seem to be fighting this world, not the real world.

    The adoption of The Handmaid’s Tale as a seminal feminist text has troubled its author—large parts of the novel are a repudiation of the second-wave feminism embodied in Offred’s memories of her mother. Atwood has tended not to identify herself as a feminist, although by most modern interpretations of the term she fits the bill. She wanted to write The Handmaid’s Tale, she documents in her 2005 book Moving Targets, as a counterpoint to speculative works such as 1984 that had sidelined women characters—to create “a dystopia from the female point of view.”

    Her rejection of “feminist” as a label, then, isn’t because she doesn’t think women are and should be equal to men in intellect and status and humanity. It seems to be related to the imperfect ways in which her work has been co-opted over the years. More than ever since the 2016 election, feminism has become a marketing tool—a gauzy, Spotify-playlist-blasting, pussy-hat-wearing, immensely profitable bandwagon. The ill-fated announcement in 2018 of a branded Handmaid’s Tale wine collection, featuring an “earthy” Offred Pinot Noir, a “bold” Ofglen Cabernet, and a “sophisticated” Serena Joy Bordeaux Blanc, exemplified late capitalism’s most shameless instincts to sell things to women.

  9. Chuck says

    I applaud your efforts Suzanne but it won’t work. We men are on strike as Dr. Helen put it in her book. The risk of a woman taking our money, our children and virtually everything else in divorce is not worth the effort to even try to make a relationship work with a woman in today’s culture. No marriage. No relationship with a woman, period. Negative ROI all the way around.

    Women have received exactly what they’ve wanted. “I don’t need a man”. Well, we men don’t need or want you either.

    • Horace says

      I really enjoy hearing feminists say “I don’t need a man”. Because so many women often say the exact opposite of what they mean. They want the world to correct them. They want to be the little girl, again, and have their parents say, “Oh, it’s ok, you don’t have to worry.” o e

      That’s not how the world works, though. What you put out, is what you get back. You don’t need a man? Great. No man will enter your world, and he appreciates the warning. An immature boy might enter your world, but no man will. And if you want to see how women truly are, go to senior housing, where women are like 80% of the residents. See how they react when a man moves in. They are all out to greet him, to be polite, to find out what he’s about. Some are more forward than that. Yeah, sure, you don’t need a man, and you’re happy with your cats, and your soaps, and your feminist literature. No problema, mujer. We will happily stay out of your space, and give you a wide berth, cuz we don’t like being around toxic women at all. Dye your hair blue, please. We appreciate the warning. Do your slutwalks- we’ll watch, because there are times we have to quench the sexual fires inside, for our own safety, and remembering how you looked on a slutwalk is just an extremely useful image, to do just that. Please get all tatted up. We love it. We read it as “warning: nuclear waste dump. Do not enter.” Please refine that hatred of yours, the “inner schweinhundt”, as the Nazis used to call it, that intents resentment, because we can feel it from 80 yards away, and we know to avoid you. We like the warning lights and sirens. Thanks for giving warning.

  10. Harry says

    It is a commentary on our times, that you write this. People of previous generations knew this, without thinking. Being pleasant is far more productive than being prickly. I suppose some feminist will attack you for some violation of some code of behavior for saying this. 80% of success in life comes from being pleasant. I have seen a number of people who were pleasant, and not that competent. They survive. I’ve also seen people who were very competent, but not pleasant. They tend not to do well, in the workplace, or in life.

    • Joe says

      For the record, I know why you’re mad. You want your husband to follow through with what he says he’s going to do. You want him to pay more attention to you. You wish he would go to the gym. Maybe you wish he made more money. Let’s face it: there’s a lot you want.

      Suzanne. You genius you. You are describing goals. This is like being in a car, and asking for specific destinations. THEN you are saying metaphorically to put gas in the car- by being nice. The two go hand in hand.

  11. George says

    My gramma used to say you attract a lot more flies with honey, than with vinegar. But people of her generation were grounded in, you know, consensus reality. Our generation is not.

  12. Fred says

    Being nice to your husband. Hmmm. I went to Walmart yesterday, something I don’t like to do, but my wife wanted to go. We ate at the Subway, one of the few restaurants I’ll trust. And I watched the people go by. There were Hispanic women, with husbands. Their body language was of respect, trust, that sort of thing. There was a couple of a white male, with a black female, apparently in relationship, maybe in their 30’s. Her body language was that of respect, and his was of relaxation in that respect. Interesting. Then there was a white male, with an asian woman. Again, the body language of respect, in the woman, and relaxation/harmony, in the man. Both about 30. This was not a scientific sampling, but it was interesting. Then a Caucasian couple, where the body language of the woman was extreme irritation, and the man, the sort of depressed resignation one sees in married men these days. I go to my child’s school PTA. The women in that PTA are focused, clearly disciplined, they have all clearly dedicated themselves to their children. It’s not a representative sample of parents, it is a cut of the top layer, of women. And I paid attention at the orientation. Yep, the wives almost all had the body language of respect. One woman was quite overweight, but she was smiling, clearly in harmony with her husband. I thought about my own Hispanic wife, who has stayed with me, and while difficult at times, does at least respect me, and our marriage. Her Caucasian predecessors turned out to the drunks, who slept around, had no commitment, and so on.

    I’ve wandered the University my older daughter went to. The town is walking town, it’s nice. It is fascinating to watch the women, there, especially the young women. Many have the body language of extreme irritation, anger, and so on, enough that I would not want anything to do with them. Then an older married woman comes along, who is clearly in her larger self, in service, and her energy is a welcome relief. I don’t put my whole intuitive senses into them, the energy that comes out is painful. Convicts in prison have better energy about them, than feminists do, I’ve noticed. When I’m around feminists, I put a few layers of energy on; indifference, invisibility, innocuous, not very interesting, oh look over there. This keeps their interest away from me. I have seen feminists who had the energy of rabid wolverines, about them. A Grizzly bear can weigh 500-600 lbs. A wolverine might weigh 50, at most 60 lbs. Grizzlies avoid wolverines. It may be able to kill the Wolverine, but the wolverine will take some flesh, in the bargain. It may bite and hang on to the grizzly’s nose, while it uses claws to slash the bear’s face and neck.

    Healthy people deal with the world as it is. Unhealthy people deal with the world as THEY THINK it is. And that is feminism. They have an ideology of hate. They really don’t even like married women, don’t like children, don’t like many parts of society. And I think back to the white guys I’ve seen with women of other ethnic backgrounds. Almost all of them had open hearts, and were happy. And their wives were almost all, very… nice. Yes. Very nice. I see this on college campuses more and more, in part because such women are more available there, and because the feminists are just nuclear waste level toxic. I have known of feminists who matched the sociopath checklist, to a T, well actually most do. Being with a woman of a different ethnic background is not a guarantee, of course. But the odds of success in marriage are higher. And, they tend to be so much nicer. And the married women in my daughter’s school PTA are as focused as guys in the military, on their goals. They cooperated, they supported each other, they are mission-oriented. They tend to debate a little longer than I would, so I move discussions along, but there is little else that needs doing. The women who run small businesses are incredibly focused, and energetic, and giving. The women who only run households- which is a kind of business venture- are not far behind. Some years ago, a male business owner told me that these were the only kind of woman he would hire. Younger women, fresh out of college, had no work ethic. Even those who’d been working for a few years tended to be lazy. Women who had kids often- though not always- were a focused, no BS, get the job done now and worry about the details later, polite, NICE AND CARING FOR CUSTOMERS, group of employees. And they got along with male employees. He said he had a set of indirect questions, to tease out feminist leanings, and screened those women out quickly. Business owners, men and women alike, see feminists as a lawsuit waiting to happen.

    • Thad says

      There is a Hawaiian custom, I think they call it hana, related to ohana, which means family. It came up in this context. There was a guy in a Hawaiian town, who was somewhat irritable. He had a daughter, and spent time devoted to her. A native explained that the daughter wasn’t his. A family had many children, and the older women who maintain Hawaiian society saw this guy, who was kind of edgy, not very sociable, as needing the growth that comes from raising a child. So they “hana’ed” out a daughter, to this guy, he effectively adopted her. They did it in the ego-saving way, noting that they really needed his help, nobody else available, it would really help her family, and so on. The guy abandoned his more negative pursuits, and started acting responsibly. He now had a child to raise, and improved his behavior, accordingly. The women told the man they would check up on her regularly, to relieve the burden on him, of course. Hawaiian women are masters of civility, and respect, and craft. As I heard the story, the women even arranged to find a widow, somewhat younger than the man was, to help him some with the daughter. And of course in the way of indigenous cultures, the man, who was already on the path of abandoning his negativity, decided he liked the widow, and he could be a better parent to the daughter, if he had help. So he asked if she might like to be married, and she was open to it. All three of them turned out better, simply by putting them into closer relationship, with others. When I was in Kona, and the area around it, I didn’t hear of a single Hawaiian woman, who was a feminist. They didn’t need it. They were like martial arts masters, of adjusting people in relationship, and simply had no interest in hate. Indigenous people usually know they are not islands. They know there are an element in a web of relationships. Let us recall the systems theory was developed by Gregory Bateson, who was studying indigenous cultures, along with other things. The community system is the organism. I have listened to Hawaiian elders speak. I want to sit at their feet, and suck in all the wisdom they put out. They know so very much.

      • Kimberly Sullivan says

        My husband’s EXWIFE was a Hispanic female and she was horrible. She used him for money, slept around, and abused him. I’m a white woman (well 1/4 Cherokee) and I am the complete opposite. I consider it a privilege to be married to him and to serve him. We both work, but I alone cook dinner and enjoy it. Not all white women are bad.

  13. Caroline says

    All it means to be nice to your husband is to consider his needs instead of just considering your own. It means listening to him when he talks, without interrupting, or doing nice things for him just for instance, or even having sex with him whether you’re in the mood or not.>>>>You are talking about entering into your larger self, which is part of becoming mature- where other people are an extension of yourself. This used to be natural, in society, it is part of becoming mature. And the sex part- I heard your aunt talking about that, and she was right on.

    Being nice has a remarkable effect because men literally feed off feminine energy—it’s like fuel to them.>>>>> yeah, it is polarity balancing. Even gay relationships involve polarity, and energy balancing. Yes, lesbian relationships always have one dominant, and of course a lot of denial about this.

    When the tank is full, he’s full. When it’s empty, he’s empty. And he won’t be the man you need him to be.>>>>yes, polarity balancing is healthy for not only the couple, but also the children.

    The Book of Internal Medicine, written thousands of years ago, said that all disease is the result of blocked flow. Remove the blockage, and the flow heals. This works in relationships, as well. You are talking about restoring the flow.

    • Nels says

      Suzanne, you said “All it means to be nice to your husband is to consider his needs instead of just considering your own.” Oh, you mean like, considering other people’s needs? A very basic requirement of being a mature, responsible adult? Now Suzanne, why are you dredging up these ancient, Victorian ideas, when you know that the real purpose of life is to screw other people at every opportunity, take all you can, do as little as possible, and party hearty, all night long, because there is nothing after we die?

      Trees make better companions than more than a few Americans I have met. I heard a guy who was under great stress, he ran outside, he couldn’t take it any more, and he went up to a tree, and just hugged it. He sat down with his back to the tree, and just sobbed. And somehow, he said, the tree listened to him, with love, and started pulling his pain out of his body. He said that tree was somehow the most loving entity he had ever met in his life, and within a few minutes, he felt all better again. Now he goes out to commune with the trees in his yard, regularly. Some people think he is crazy. He is as serene as a Buddhist monk, now, though. If what our mass media promotes is sanity, and he is crazy, I’m going to walk the crazy path. I really like sitting next to trees. I don’t know why. I just feel so much better. When was the last time a tree used some stupid ideology, to justify hurting you? When was the last time a tree insulted you, or stole something from you? The trees aren’t talking to me yet, but I feel so peaceful around them.

  14. Margaret says

    Suzanne, I ask you for help. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I was self-medicating for my pain. I realized I am also a recovering feminist. My parents were abusive, when I was growing up. They were drunks. I took refuge in the hatred feminism offered. Many of the women there were just like me. I did a sweat lodge with a student of Tom Brown, Jr., I don’t know why. It came to me that I need to change my path. The women in that sweat were strong, intelligent, focused, and everything I want to be. They were not feminists. Not one wore cosmetics. Their clothing was practical, not stylish. And they had inner beauty, the kind I want to have. They got along well with men, who treat them well. I realized that I am passing on all the pain dumped on me. I am making other people’s lives worse, not better. This is not Creator’s way. I want to stop this. I have borrowed a computer to write this. I’m in a residential program, now, no access to computers, and we can’t get mail. I will have to go back out into the world. I want to cut the chain of violence, so it ends with me. I’d really like to have a baby, a child. I’d like to do it with a guy to help raise that child, in a long term stable relationship. I am not lesbian. I tried it. It’s not me. I know single moms don’t do well raising kids. Except, they have family to help. I don’t. I am ashamed of what I did before. I am excited about what I can do with my life. The program I’m in is good. I know that I created my life, before. I don’t blame others any more. They did the best they could, with what they had. I forgive them. Could you write a guide, for recovering feminists, and other haters, like me? I know that I had a lot of pain. I took revenge on the world, for hurting me. I hurt them. I don’t want to pass on my pain any more. This is not creator’s way. I want it to end with me. I am 31. I have made a mess of my life. I hurt so many people. I want to stop. You are a wise woman. You speak wisdom. You go against the tide of hatred. I wish you had been in my life when I was younger. You are here now. I know many women like me. Maybe you could think about this.

    • Courtney says

      O my God. Omigod. There is actually hope for American women? I do not believe I am reading these words. When you can get back to this site, look up Neville Goddard, on youtube. Just listen. Basically, make a picture in your mind, of what you want- which, if it’s healthy, will always involve service to others. I just finished watching the film Eight Below, which shows how huskies work as a team, like a wolf pack. Humans are the same way. So make that picture, in your mind. Make it as real as you can. See it, hear the sounds. Then comes the most important part. Feel the feelings, of already having what you want, right now. If you want a husband, and child, just see yourself with them, right now. He will not be perfect. Your child will wake you up, nights, not eat right, and be frustrating at times. Hubby will irritate at times. It’s all part of the plan. Feel what it would feel like, if you were already there, right now. Do NOT think about the how, the path, or anything like that. Just see yourself ALREADY IN the situation you seek. Realize that you will need to give more than he does. Accept it as a spiritual discipline. For you cannot know all he does for you. And children need love. Lots of it. Know also that the path you have walked was a school. You chose it, for the lessons it teaches. You have been hammered on the forge, and you are being quenched, now. Then comes the final finishing, and then you are your own tool. Does the iron feel pain in the fire, and when it is taking the blows? It does. And when the shaping is complete, the pain is quenched, in water or oil. Then the finishing work comes, and then it is ready to do service. When I was a kid, people would talk about “God’s plan for your life”. That’s religious talk. My experience is that the plan is inside you, now, waiting for your attention, to start guiding you on your path, with intuition, and love. Do not think that you are damaged. You have been hammered, on the forge. You can say things to teenagers, and women, walking the same path you have walked, that I could never say. You have walked the path of pain, of shame, of deep depression, of hopelessness, in darkness- and you have survived. You will speak with a credibility that most people cannot ever acquire, because you have been in the depths of hell, and you have come out of the pit, back into the light. You will be counselling young women, who will tell you, “You can talk, with your nice car, your family, your house, and your cushy job. But I can’t have that. I’m permanently damaged. There is no hope for me.” And you will be able to speak deep truth, from your heart, and your heart will touch theirs, and in that moment, they will have hope, for you, from further down the path, are smiling at them, telling them they can make it. And the secret is kindness. Be kind to people, whenever you can. Some will snarl, like scabrous stray dogs in pain. But you will touch their hearts. Even if it doesn’t look like you did. And then you will realize that you can be a healing angel, in human form, and that this can be as much fun as a good orgasm. Oh, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s just say you will feel peak pleasure, as you help people climb out of the pits they dug themselves into. Your heart already knows all the answers. All you have to do is ask for help, be aware, ask intelligent questions- and the path opens up before you. This is not some poetic BS, this is very real, it happens just like this. You will find a very different kind of men, who will not camouflage themselves, in fear of the demons inside you. They will love you, respect you, and want to bring you joy. Love drives out the demons. I speak from personal experience as I write this. Christina P-D, are you out there? Are you reading this? Thank you, most excellent angel. Thank you for putting light into my darkness, and guiding me out of the pit. It has been more than forty years, hasn’t it, and not a day goes by, where I do not remember your kindness, when I most needed it. I am married, and we have a wonderful child, a girl. And she is driving us crazy. But that’s ok. And I pass on your kindness to me, at every opportunity. Thank you so very much. You were no less than an angel of light, for me.

    • Linda says

      When you speak from your heart, you touch the hearts of others. Thank you. I wish I could be as honest as you have been, and, with work, I will be. Thanks.

  15. Marcus says

    You didn’t use a particularly useful word. Bitching. You talk about being nice. The single most important component here is to stop the bitching. Bitching is like whipping a dog, to get it to do what you want. It might work, with great resentment, once or twice, but soon, the dog just avoids you. American women spend more time bitching than any other group of women I’ve ever run across, and I have been around the world, a few times. Serge King, the Huna writer, says energy flows where attention goes, and what you concentrate on, grows. So, if you spend your time bitching, you are putting attention on what you don’t like, and what you don’t like, grows. Being nice, showing appreciation, and so on, puts attention on what you do, in fact, want more of- and YOU GET MORE of it. How about that. Have you ever done something really nice, for someone- and they found a reason to bitch? You never did anything nice for them again, did you. And really think about this. Feminism is basically bitching on steroids. Come on. Women make more than men do, when you have real comparables, they get promoted faster in many workplaces, how many women do you see collecting garbage, or doing really dangerous jobs? How many female bricklayers are there? How many female EOD teams? How many of you are in workplaces where men get fired for small stuff, and female psychopaths aren’t touched? Nothing destroys a marriage faster than bitching. Yes, some men bitch, and they drive away the women. And when women bitch, it’s like a hole in the gas tank, for the relationship. I believe your aunt addressed this, some. Smart woman, your aunt. A hundred of her, and we could turn this country in a much better direction.

  16. Maria says

    That is true. I have heard women complaining that the really nasty women mess up the men for them, and they have to work a lot harder, to enter a man’s zone of trust.

    • Ellen says

      Yes. Women who have to help a man heal a ravaged heart find their healing skills stretched. It is really bad karma to damage people badly, and women do this, to men, fairly often.

  17. Lyubov says

    I Almost Left The Love Of My Life Because Of My Ego
    Melanie Kernodle wrote a cautionary article, on not being nice.

    She said that when you’re in a relationship for some years, things can start to get stale. It happened to me. I let my ego take over, and almost left the love of my life. I thought I was so much better than him and I almost lost him. Here are the lessons I learned.

    1. I knew I was too good for him.

    I thought I was too good to be spending time with him. He was a great, kind, loving guy, top grade. My ego helped me believe I could do better. I told myself that I was so much better than he was. I didn’t realize that in doing this, I didn’t deserve his love.

    2. I paid attention to other guys showing interest in me.

    I was in a serious relationship, and I welcomed other guys. It violated my commitment, but it fed my ego. I knew I was hot, with all that attention. And this weakened my relationship. I almost dumped the love of my life for one-night stands. Then I became aware, and changed. There is sexual attraction, and there is relationship attraction. Wanting sex, and wanting commitment, only overlap some.
    Having two X chromosomes means I’m amazing, without any need to perform. Right? No. Actions have consequences.

    4. I assumed he was mine forever.

    Why do we take good stuff for granted? I had one of the sweetest, greatest guys, and my friends confirmed. Instead of seeing my blessing, I didn’t appreciate all of the things he did for me, every day, in such a caring way.

    5. I quit putting energy into my main relationship.

    I didn’t value my relationship, so I let it drift. I didn’t work to fix problems, and improve my behavior. I let things decay. I quit saying “I love you” or kissing him goodbye. I didn’t feed the passion we had in the beginning of our relationship. I knew I was hot stuff, so it didn’t matter if the plane was spiraling down.

    6. I knew I was better, and he wasn’t worth investing time in.

    Women never stop cheating because they realize they are doing something wrong. They stop because they get caught. I thought he wasn’t worth my time because he wasn’t the super successful businessman I knew I deserved, so he was below me. This is not the way to treat a significant other.

    7. Others told me I was better than he was.

    Some women validated my disrespect for him. I know they were not really friends, and were jealous. But I believed them, for a time, because they fed my ego, though not my spirit.

    8. My small self drove off my larger self.

    With my high opinion, I talked about myself, welcomed attention from other guys, and walked out of being caring, loving, and humble.
    cause I had such high opinions of myself and thought I was so awesome, I became someone who did things that I would have normally never done. I started talking about myself too much, I wanted attention from guys, and I wasn’t acting like someone that is loving, caring, and humble. I opened up to cheating. I realized that I was bleeding my relationship, and driving away my guy.

    9. I chose not to see how our relationship was unravelling.

    I let my ego blind me to seeing my relationship decay. Intimacy drained out, our conversations weren’t sparkly any more. I didn’t see how I was stabbing in the heart. Or maybe I did see them, but my ego told me I didn’t need to worry.

    10. I felt I could break hearts, and get away with it.

    I believed I was so awesome it wouldn’t matter if I broke his heart. I knew I was the best thing in town, not caring how it hurt my partner. I was a free and independent woman, nobody could stop me from following my passions. I was wrong. I not only hurt him, I hurt me.

    11. I let myself not pay attention to feedback

    I knew I deserved “better”, and “knew” I could do things against my personal code. I flirted with other guys, and was dishonest with my partner. I thought I was in a crappy relationship, and I was- because I was the one that was being crappy. If I only had seen how much I was ruining the best relationship of my life. I’m glad I woke up, before he was gone. I am still with that guy, the love of my life, and know to keep my ego out of my relationship.

    • Lorrie says

      As I read the article, he did actually dump her. She doesn’t seem to have made this clear. This is apparently more wishful thinking than it appears.

  18. David says

    Suzanne, you speak deep wisdom. Just be nice. And nowadays, this is not some mundane statement, it is deep wisdom.

    These comments come from a Donovan Sharpe video. The video is interesting. The comments are even more interesting. These comments are mostly from men, who were not treated nicely.

    I married my ex-wife straight from high school. 10 years later she blamed me for marrying her too young and not giving her a chance to “date around” (I didn’t know at this point how badly she had been “dating around” during our marriage.) She wanted a separation so that she could be free to experience dating, with the plan to return to me later. Instead, I divorced her. A year or so later she had me on the phone and she was “telling me off”. One of the things she said was (and I still love this line) “I gve you the best years of my life!” I did not respond to that because I was trying to keep things cool for our kid, but what I was thinking was “No dear, I gave YOU the best years of your life.” It turns out I was right, her life has spiraled downward ever since that time, and I am now pulling in a comfortable six-figure salary in Silicone Valley. Last I heard she was managing a storage place and my career is still in high gear. I can forgive her for all the crap she put me through, I am a man, I can work through it. But I cannot forgive her for all the crap she put my son through, child abuse is NOT forgivable. And I cannot forgive the Family Law system for preventing me from rescuing my son. Let her burn, and let’s light the Family Law system on fire, metaphorically speaking.

    @Norse Raven Well, my son tells me the guy she married after me was a meth addict, but that only lasted 3 months. Counting mine she has three failed marriages under her belt, that I know of. I did nothing to purposely hurt her, ever, except go away.

    @Fling Monkey Well, she had time “to find herself”. Funny that she ended up in the dustbin. Water always finds it’s own level (or cesspit).

    @Jack Xerox She thought my love for her was unbreakable, and she spent much of our marriage testing it. The CRAP I went through! But the way you test the strength of a chain is to pull it until it breaks, and at that point, it is broken. I guess she found out how strong my love was: pretty strong, but not unbreakable.

    @Fling Monkey She obviously had psychological and behavioural issues. It’s amazing how some partners (men or women) can abuse their “loved one”. Women get sympathy and are victims. Men get told to stop being a wimp and to “man up”. Best wishes for your future and stay strong bro.

    I had a similar “cunting-whore” ex-wife. She “adored” me… until she didn’t! WHY? B/c she thought that once we were married that she would get “access” to all of my resources. She found out QUICKLY that this was NOT to be the case. She was working and earning a living. I “let” her keep her salary to do what she wanted with it. I took care of ALL of the bills… INCLUDING having her car added to MY insurance policy. I put gas in her car. All she had to do was cook and give HEAD! But she was “NOT HAPPY” with the arrangement. WAH!!! So, we separated, divorced, and went our own ways. Since we were only together for 18 months, She got nothing but a case of the “Red ASS”. The really interesting part is that when I moved her out, she chose the place. While I was helping her to move stuff into her new apartment, a “dude” out front leaning back on a chair on the entryway/porch, was slurping from a “paper bag”. He let out a big belch; I looked at her and said “Welcome Home”! Her sister JUDY encouraged her to move forward. From what I knew of JUDY, she’d been fucking the “frozen meat delivery guy” (while they lived in Philadelphia AND the “pastor” from her local Binghamton, NY Salvation ARMY chapter) in her basement home in a small town off of the NE extension of the PA Turnpike. And this while her Banking professional VP hubby was at work during the day. So, now it’s MANY years later. The BITCH is FUCKING DEAD. Too bad it happened in her sleep! She’d married again, to a loser who couldn’t keep a job. The month after she kicked, her “husband” was in the newspaper for being arrested while driving drunk. May she (and her entire fuck of a family) burn in HELL; forever!
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    @ian Crane I am sorry for your experience, but from what I gather of your story, the ONLY thing that saved you from destruction was the fact (I gather) that there were no kids involved. Then she would have gotten everything she had dreamed of and YOU would have lived across from the belching neighbor, if you were lucky enough to do THAT well. Be happy that the marriage ended without a pregnancy.

    Fling Monkey get her a cat & say this is what you traded me for……

    +Fling Monkey “a chance to date around” My ex-girlfriend gave me that EXACT excuse for not wanting to date me anymore. She kept telling me I did nothing wrong and I’m like, “Well no shit Sherlock. I’m not the one breaking things because I want to ‘date around’ with other people”. Then she had the nerve to tell me I was taking the break up too hard, even though she still carried around baggage from her last boyfriend. I swear, a woman could literally have a perfect life with everything she ever wanted and would still find some reason to claim “I’m unhappy”.

    @Nicegy019 To you last point, there is a reason the word hysteria comes from hystero, the uterus. Hypergamy, the solipsistic need for attention, and the entitled desire for ever more resources know no limits… nothing is ever enough and no one is ever good enough.

    @Nicegy019 Damn, my ex did the EXACT same thing. Wanted to date around so she asked for a breakup then got angry at me for being upset about it even though she was always upset at me due to her baggage from her exes who cheated on her. Come to find out she was cheating on me the whole time we were together.
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    They always bitch about marriage and stability but throw it away and play victim, freaking women man.😦

    Succubus…..

    She’ll be telling her story soon. Good men are looking for longevity and stable. They always want the asshole and bad boys and they like that rush.

    @gunner til they hit the wall, that when they want a nice guy

    • Carmencita says

      Most men do not get to vent, around women. There are many reasons for this. Which means women don’t have any idea what goes through the minds of men. Seeing stuff like this is very useful for them. Thanks for posting.

  19. David says

    Continued
    This is a familiar story. My ex did pretty much the same thing. I had her from her 18th birthday, and she was a virgin; 19 years later she was “unhappy”, went full FOMO and started cheating. This is why I keep telling guys that it doesn’t mean shit if they’re a virgin, or you get them young with a low body count; they will fall in with a bunch of stupid, miserable, slutty friends and fk you over. The good news is she is very fat now, hit the wall, and bounced back into it a few dozen times. Her last boyfriend was a fat, half blind lame with no job, and he cheated on her within a few months. Married to me, she drove an $80k truck, now she drives a shitbox Nissan pulsar worth $1500. We had a huge house on the hill, she now lives in a fibro shanty at the back of some alleyway. Also is chronically unemployed, and lives just above the poverty line. I can’t wait to see how she goes when the child support ends, that ass is definitely gonna be in the gutter.

    @CroWolf But the injustice of the Family Law system says that you and I are the evil ones, it is our faults the marriages ended, says our children should be raised by gutter-rats even though we could have provided a MUCH better life for them, and that we needed to be punished. The good news is that you and I are still standing, the same cannot be said for too many men, good men, that were dragged into that system. That system is part of the reason that men’s suicide rates are four times women’s suicide rates. It is that bad, it can take everything you have, worked for, and love away from you and put you into indentured servitude so deep there is no hope of ever having a better life. I cannot really fully express my contempt for that system, words fail me.
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    @Fling Monkey I didn’t go thru the family court, instead I was forced to go thru Children’s court. My ex is a diagnosed Bipolar, and developed a painkiller addiction after a botched hysterectomy. I was very blue pill back then; I tried to get her off the painkillers, but she eventually drove me insane with the combo of her mental state, and addiction. I gave her the ultimatum, so she turned and ran with the kids. CPS removed the kids 1 month later, and I had to fight CPS. False accusations flying at me from both the ex, and CPS, what can I say here other than they really know how to torture you . I’m ex Aus military, and a competitive martial artist. I got the book thrown at me; dangerous, abusive, a capable killer, all my fault etc. PTSD set in after 12 months of battling, but I beat them anyway. Cost me $130k. And still here, alive, and supporting my kids. Nothing will get get in my way. Here in Aus, the suicide rate is the same, and nothing is being done about it, just more feminist dribble. I’m lucky, I work in STEM and I make well into the six figures, so my lifestyle is quite good, lots of gym, and MMA training keeps me busy. However, women are not on the radar for me. I can’t unsee what I’ve seen now.
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    @CroWolf It sounds like yours was a long, painful, expensive, and arduous journey. You know what I would like to see? I would like to see someone interview men who have taken journeys like this, get their stories, and put them into a book. Studs Turkel wrote a book called “The Good War” in which was made up of interviews with all kinds of people from all walks of life about their experiences during WWII. Boys, girls, men, women, soldiers, airmen, lots of people, every chapter was a new person. It was a large book, great reading. Someone should do that for men who have been through the family law system, tell their stories, show the victimization of men who have never done anything to deserve it, and their kids, and tell people what it is REALLY like. Your story should be in there, but I know that it would not be too difficult to find hundreds more like it. That book could open eyes!
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    Sorry to hear that a out your family. As soon your son is 18 try to get in touch with him. That’s probably the thing you can do.

    Shiiiit, don’t forgive her. Fuck that. Some people think that forgiveness helps them move on — it doesn’t. Moving on is not about forgiveness at all.

    Support your son. Once he gets older, he will understand.

    @Waltski I wish this was true. He is 34 now, married and divorced with two kids he never sees or pays child support for. I bought him a house (4bed/3bath) so that he would have a place to bring his kids, never happened. He ignored my advice, trashed the house, and moved out with his idiot girlfriend. He learned from his mother, not me, she taught him to hate me. I tried, I really did.

    Let her burn. She will be pumped and dumped until the grave.

    May the bridges we burn light the way.

    @Iron Hand 88 Hahaha, yes, light the way for others smart enough to learn.

    Sucks it happened but at least you didn’t simp out. Good for you, I hope she dies of herpagonasylfilaids.

    @Money and more money Having kids is a natural human desire, I understand it isn’t for everyone though. Unfortunately feminism has fucked up the natural order of things so most women arn’t marriage material and often don’t want to be mums. Having a family has been the natural way of doing things and is in most societies it’s only feminists Western societies that have ruined that.

    @Rafael Koch sad fact of the matter is it is done by design by the control freaks called our supposed elected representatives they are the ones that bring laws into existence all in the name of money so thats why the world has gone to shit in a hand basket…

    @keith rees Never forget that it is the feminists that are driving our elected officials. They control the narrative, they fabricate the anti-male hatred, they push the legislation and lobby the legislatures. You and I are too busy trying to pay for this shit-show, we can’t take time to lobby a legislature. I have seen feminists that, when they discover a group of men had taken a day off work to give testimony in Sacramento, simply got the hearing of that bill pushed to the next day, silencing all opposition. For those men it was “lost your job and go to jail for non-payment of child support”, for the women it was “we live on free money, we have nothing better to do than to lobby for more.”

    Fling Monkey this also what I will NEVER forgive, what I saw my son having to through…& the thing that made me simply incandescent with rage, is that the innocent kid doesn’t even know he’s not being well treated. Any guys in this position, my advice: get custody, take care of your kid (with childcare) & handle your business – believe me, you’ll always be able to do it better than a THOT

    @Force India Unfortunately, getting custody is more easily said than done. She has first dibs on the child, money must flow from you to her, the welfare of the child never enters the consideration. I spoke with Ron Calderon, California senator in Sacramento. He said he spent over $100K just trying to continue seeing his kids, not even going for custody. He said he could not believe he was being killed by the same laws he put in place. Yeah, what goes around,…. But unless you can convince your ex to give up custody, it is VERY difficult to take custody. This is NOT a level playing field. If she id doing drugs and turning tricks IN FRONT OF THE CHILD you may stand a chance, but only a chance.

    @Fling Monkey Ron Calderon is a great example of the men who have betrayed us to gain favor from women. Iam glad his laws he pushed through hit him where it hurts. Imagine the rest of us that can afford 100k!! We live in a patriarchal society yet we have allowed women to destroy us through laws that only benefit them. This is why when these laws back fire women will kill the kids or even try to have the father killed which has happened alot! Women actually hate each other but will stick together to hurt us rather through metoo, divorce laws, child support whatever it take to get money and destroy us they will do it! They will even March for the right to be called sluts on slut walks! We dont fight for shit together which is why we are losing! Why men especially wealthy men get married in this day and age I will never know.

    @TheUpwardbound1 Do we live in a patriarchy? I know we are told that, loudly, over and over, but is it true? How is it true? What “privilege” do men have that women don’t share? What “privileges” do women have that men don’t share? From where I sit, I see over-privileged women all over and it sucks to be a man. I see “patriarchy” as just more fabricated anti-male hate-speech from the left, but is is also being believed because it is repeated over and over in the echo chamber. But it is not true, at all.
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    @Fling Monkey I should have said in theory we live in a patriarchal society but yes you are 100% correct it is not. We live in a time where mere allegations can destroy a mans life work with no proof even from the most vile or whorish woman. A time where a man can do prison time on false rape charges prove that the woman was lying and she will not even get as much as a ticket. We could destroy women physically in a day or two yet we allow them to destroy our very existence. There is every kind of assistance program known to man out here to help women and girls but what about boys and men? We are expendable no doubt about it. As I said until we truly fight back it will only get worse. They are working on laws to outlaw what they call man spreading which is just a man sitting in a relax position also they are getting close to making a law where you cannot approach a woman as this could be a form of harrassment. Men are going to start going off their rockers you can only beat a dog so long until he bites the living shit out of you
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  20. David says

    continued
    here in the UK ive done 9 weeks jail here for saying she lied callin out the judges and the court parasites, and contacting the simp she went off with dragging my daughter and son into her shit. she said the same that id taken away her 20s i was 50 when i fell for her thinking she was good and wanted her to be the artistic poet i think she could be, i worked my ass off, and loved my kids, even tho i was a bit tough on both a couple of times, my ex hit me and smashed up my art. which sells now ive retired from the system. let her burn, in her own hell and its no good her blaming you,

    Lol with the plan to return to you afterwards? It must be some truth to this cause this ain’t the first time i heard this before. A woman complaining and blaming to her husband for either getting her pregnant early or getting her to marry you early cause she didn’t get the chance to experience the world. Lol we all know what that means.
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    Fling Monkey oh? People have been peacefully trying to resolve the unjust family court system for over 70 years. It’s worse. I’m not calling for violence either, I am stating a fact. The government and the courts are so corrupt that there is no peaceful solution as every single branch of government and the justice system right down to the police that enforce the laws operates under illegal and unconstitutional statutes and codes. The Supreme Court has no power either. As even when they pass rulings, states cities and local governments ignore them and continue doing whatever the hell they please.

    I had similar problems with my ex-wife, same story, married too young, then she’s jealous of her girlfriends fucking around. NEVER COMMIT TO WOMEN.

    I recently posted a reply saying that there are women who want good guys, to bring up bad boys babies. This offended some people, and didn’t elaborate on the fact, that there are other circumstances, where children are born to good fathers, but due to a bad women, and a unjust law system, end up losing custody, and then have to endure, ”maybe a bad man’, bringing up his child. I would like to expand on the initial reply by adding that, for those who took offence, I do understand that there are also good parents who unfortunately end up where their wife/girlfriend etc. turns from being a normal adjusted person, into someone who’s character is unrecognisable from the person they first met. Accept my apologies.

    @Emokiriemi Abednego You mean you need evidence of something to get a divorce in the UK? I thought all you had to do was say “I want a divorce” and you got one, all guilt was automatically assumed to be on the man, no evidence required or allowed.

    Majority of women want to get married. Very few wanna be wives!

    If a woman doesn’t treat you like her King, but you treat her like your Queen.. expect to be treated like a Peasant

    I’ve recently been contacted by my high school sweetheart. She dumped me then because she was getting attention from other guys. Now she’s been telling that she married the guy she left me for and has been miserable ever since. Sez I was the best thing ever. That bro did me a favor because she now looks like a whale!!!!! 😩

    If you’re cheating on the “love of your life” they aren’t really the love of your life.

    “Where have all the good men gone” actually means ” I’m mad i couldn’t get chads to commit to me”

    They always try to come back after their trip on the carousel doesn’t work. The guys they think they are upgrading to only want to f**K, not wife them up. Then they want you to rescue them from their mistake. Don’t be Captain Save A Hoe, let her wallow in the aftermath of her decisions.

    Eventually, they want the good guy to look after the bad boys babies.

    Women will never understand that there is a difference between a man that f** them and a man that f** with them you’ll never understand it and that is why they end up alone

    Imagine If all men only went for the top 10% of women.

    Females are never held accountable. From the courtroom to the bedroom and everywhere in between, they are free to destroy everything in their paths.

    Women need to be protected from themselves. And god forbid you give them undeserved power

    Woman broke all the good men then they wounder why they went mgtow I know loads of good men now there broken and worn down.

    “Remember guys, she’s not your girl. It’s just your turn.” Truest words ever. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a woman on the wrong side of the hill, knowing she can never return to the better side and that she’s paying the price for impulsive decisions, thinking the good times would roll forever, and that the supply of men pining over them was endless, and that any quality guy they came across is replaceable. The good times do end, and they never see it coming. They all think that happens to other women but will never happen to them. Father time (the wall) is undefeated. They all learn the hard way, but it’s not only too late, but they never warn the young ones either.

    This article was a quasi-apology that did not work. I believe he broke off the relationship with her…and her ego/perspective.

    Most of the good men gone into a mgtow mode,dont want to play games and dont want stress in life.They found solitude by investing time on themselves,career,friends and children if they have. Few goodnmen became a pump & dump machine who adapted on female games.

    It’s so easy to cheat for women, when a new man is just a swipe right away, and she’s getting constant praise and attention from thirsty men.Things were so much better for men twenty years ago.

    Worship someone and they will treat you like a celebrity treats their fans. Especially women who have plenty of attention from all over the place make them think that they are celebrities. Problem is that if you make a woman earn her place she’ll walk off because she has been told she deserves everything without earning it because she is a woman. After sleeping around they realise a bit too late that men who make women earn their place no longer want her and that’s the kind of men she wants. Too late. The wall is the next relationship she’ll have. She better start loving masonry.
    Read more

    She’s a door knob. I’ll take my turn and then ghost.😒

    You want to know another red flag? A women who is always spending times with her trendy friends. Just avoid.

    Women for marriage: 20s = Invincible 30s = Irritant 40s = Impulsive 50s = Invisible

    #3 was literally how my ex-wife felt, and even later apologized for when she realized all the things I did for her she now had to do. You know, making breakfast, shoveling snow, cleaning her car off, all the little things to demonstrate love and care. Yeah, I struggled with my work (and still do), and didn’t give her enough tingles, but my taking care of so many other things didn’t count….lol, never marry. Just your turn.

    I went to high school with a girl who cheated on every guy she’s ever been with. Thanks to Facebook, classmates I never thought I’d see again after graduating in 2002 are on my feed regularly. She hasn’t changed her ways at all since high school, but she has a kid from a previous casual hookup, and has since slammed into the wall hard after decades of partying. Not long ago, she was on Facebook venting about how awful men are, per usual. It’s always someone else’s fault, not hers. And even though she’s 37 now, most of her posts are written like a teenager: one or two cryptic sentences outlining her as the victim of mistreatment by someone else. Not long ago, I see on my feed “Where have all the good men gone”. Not surprisingly there were thumbs up, all women. And while it may have been stupid, impulsiveness got the best of me and I replied “Avoiding you” She went ballistic. Unsurprisingly, several women went to her aid, telling her how amazing she is and how wrong I was. “Incel” came up a couple times. However, after a little while more comments appeared, this time explaining why she has no right to claim she’s the wronged party, that she’s treated every guy she’s been in a relationship with poorly, is entitled, and created the situation she’s in. While it was only women trying to inflate her ego, other men and women were the ones handing her a cold serving of reality.

    Where have all the good men gone? Answer: Away. Away from you. (ALL women. AWALT. There are NO NAWALT’s or Magical Unicorns)

    Suzanne, you are a light in the darkness. The above is tame, compared to some of what I’ve heard from men. Obviously not all women are bad, so Not All Women Are Like That. But how do you tell the difference? How does a man high grade women, sort the wheat from the chaff, and get rid of those who simply are not relationship material? The only answer I’ve ever been able to find is intuition.

    Suzanne: could you write an article, on the use of intuition, in seeking out a decent partner? Men need this more than women do, but I believe women could find it useful, also. I use a pendulum, to rate women on a scale of 1-10, as partners, in all categories. I rarely find a woman over 5 on that scale. Children of divorce are scarred, and nervous, and hesitant to commit. I rate men on that same scale, for reliability, and often get 7’s and 8’s. But women are less reliable. Intutition isn’t everything, but it sure helps.

      • Jerry says

        You mentioned the APA guidelines saying that masculinity is not healthy. Ha ha ha hah. Mental stability is not healthy, for those idiots, either. You noted the unintended consequences. But you missed the major one: the APA is worthless. It does have value, though. It proves that men need to find their own way, that authority figures like the APA have no value.

        Men know that there are times when you don’t display emotion. The mortar round just took out a buddy, and another body is badly wounded. So you stop up the sucking chest wound, and put off the grief. Have you ever seen a man who just saw his kids taken away, by a bloodsucking vampire of an ex? You will see emotional expression. When he discovers his daughter was molested by the bad boy his ex was living with, you will see emotional expression. Men don’t have the Vernier scale of emotion women have. They are on/off.

        How does a man get comfortably saying “no” to a woman? Practice, when appropriate.

        The service you discuss is indeed a two way street.

        You talked about taking a long enough time to vette a female partner, before you get into the sticky commitments. You say men tend to fall in love faster than women; remember men have an on off switch. You are so right about men needing to be solid financially, psychologically, and so on, *before* committing in a relationship. You said to look at the women’s parents. That is a deep, deep wisdom. I married a woman whose mother hated me. Surprise, surprise, surprise, that woman left me, just five years later. And marriage is not between a man and a woman, the families are part of it. If a woman has no effective coping skills, she cannot handle the stress of marriage. Does the woman ask for what she wants, instead of expecting you to mind-read? Good point. THe Tactical Guide to Women: How man can manage risk in dating and marriage, by Sean Smith, is mentioned. Sounds good. Good podcast.

    • Bo says

      Women want good guys, to bring up bad boys’ babies.
      Where have all the good guys gone?

      Maybe they had better ideas on what to do with their lives.

  21. Mary Ann says

    It’s no surprise that men and women are wired differently when it comes to relationships and marriage, but it’s not as different as we think. It’s not that men do NOT want to get married, it’s that they don’t want to marry someone just because they are a certain age, nor are worried what others will say. Even in this day and age, most men feel it is their responsibility to provide for their family. It’s an emotional burden that they choose — not because they are forced to, but because they want to, and all they expect in return is support and encouragement. Men are insecure, too. They are worried that they aren’t making it in life — not just in the work force but also at home. Most men have not been raised to be vulnerable, so sometimes what they need is some positive assertion that’s genuine and honest. All men want to feel appreciated. A Harvard survey showed that married men are healthier than men who have never been married, divorced or a widower.

    Their eyes will always wander, as visual temptation is their weakness, and how far they want to take that is their choice. But most men that I spoke to said they want to get married, and they will not settle until they find a woman who has that ONE thing. All the men admitted that it takes more than just one quality, but if they had to pick just ONE thing that makes them want to marry, it’s…

    1. She embraces my vulnerabilities.
    “I knew I wanted to marry my girlfriend when she took the time to learn everything that makes me vulnerable, while giving me the greatest sense of security. I could trust her with all my emotions. That’s huge!” —Jason, 32 (Yes, trust is very useful. Not being able to trust a woman is a deal-killer)

    2. She’s my number one support system.
    “I want to marry a girl who can make the relationship her priority, and want to be my primary support person.” —Damien, 26 (Sorry, guy, you will need to look a lot)

    3. She makes me genuinely happy — and others can tell.
    “In case of my girlfriend, I would say that my family and friends tell me that I look a lot happier. Not that I wasn’t before, but there’s something extraordinary about this relationship that is clearly noticeable to those who know me well. She makes me happy.” —Leo, 35 (Yes, this is helpful)

    4. She’s perfect wife/mother material.
    “Being with her lets me know that she wants to have kids and that she would be a good mom.” —Paul, 29 (Wow. That is really deep. Yes, men might want to marry a wife who would be a good mother. THese days, that’s like a revelation. Yes, it’s a revelation that men might not want to marry a solipsist, selfish bitch, who is worthless as a mother.)

    5. She never gives up on us.
    “Most women want to be with a man who is already established and financially stable. I want to marry a strong woman who will be a part of my struggle, never gives up on us, and is a part of my life in the good as well as the bad times.” —Chase, 36 (Yes, faithfulness. Commitment. Yeah, really useful)

    6. She had a good upbringing.
    “Her upbringing is very important — the way her family raised her is a vital part of me wanting to marry her because it moulds her for life.” —Edward, 35 (Training is so important.)

    7. She’s into fitness.
    “A woman in good shape and good health, so she can have healthy children with me. If I can see myself having kids with a woman, she’s the one I want to marry.” —James, 45 (YES, healthy women make better mothers. How about that. This cute little major revelation is very important)

    8. She cooks as well as my mother.
    “Someone I could see myself being happy with in 50 years when we are old and gray with our oxygen tanks; the whole nine yards. Bonus if she can make corn bread as good as my mom.” —Victor, 39 (food matters, yes. A woman who only warms up frozen food isn’t better than MRE’s)

    9. She shares a spiritual connection with me.
    “It’s hard to describe, but someone who completely understands me, a connection beyond words. Like, I know how she’s feeling when she’s not around. It’s when I hug her that I can feel our souls connecting.” —Taylor, 28 (Wow. I wouldn’t want to have this kind of connection with a toxic feminist- it would be like using my mouth to siphon sewage out of a cesspool.)

    10. She’s passionate about our connection.
    “When you are passionate for one another, and can go out in the world and do whatever life presents you with. Life is a dance, and so is love. Even more so, being able to tiptoe on the boundaries of reality with a partner in crime is a true sign of connectedness and unity. At that time, you do not just notice the essence of one another but become the essence together.” —Abel, 27 (Yes, a woman who energizes a man, as opposed to de-energizing him, will be useful. )

    11. She supports my goals and ambitions.
    “I’d like to marry a girl who is similar to me and supports me even if we have different goals. At the end of the day, knowing that we are there for each other is the most important thing.” —Fil, 25 (yes, support is good)

    12. She knows me better than I know myself.
    “When we know the other person more than you know yourself, when the other person’s happiness outweighs your own. Someone to look out for and someone who looks out for you. A partnership that allows you to kick life in the balls together as a team. Resilience in the hard times that you can’t see in someone until it’s tested. But if you need just one thing: boobs.” —Amad, 28 (Interesting imagery. But intelligence and awareness matter.)

    13. She’s who I want to wake up to every morning.
    “If I look forward to going to bed with her and waking next to her in the morning, that is when I know I want to marry her.” —Matt, 25 (This rules out most feminists, who wake up being kind of like bears in a very bad mood.)

    Interesting thoughts, here.

  22. Ben says

    Suzanne, you have it all wrong! Marriage for women is about Return on Investment, getting as much as possible, and giving as little as possible! Being nasty, bitchy, difficult, impossible to please, is the route to draining that husband of as much as possible! Women today want to make men pay, in every way!
    There’s no reason to be pleasant, or nice. No! Take your resentments, your hurts, your wounds, and DUMP THEM ALL ON HIM! Yes, that’s the route to success in marriage! If your husband isn’t ruing the day he met you, if he isn’t cursing the matriarchy- which is what it is now- if he isn’t having regular thoughts of suicide, or escape from the extreme hell you have put him in- you just aren’t doing your job! Women in the lower classes were exploited, compared to kings and noblemen, so now we have to balance the scales, with point blank fire at hubby! Hubby’s name must be Jesus, because he gets to pay for other people’s sins! Liberated women are asking themselves, what else can I do to make his life totally miserable, today? And following through with the answers! When you’re a graduate of Feminist University, you know you are proud of your training, so you say F U to every man you deal with! Most especially the one you live with!

    And you know, with an object lesson like that, women can’t seem to understand men’s reluctance to sign up for a Prisoner of Marriage camp, like this.

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