Ladies, Don’t Throw Your Twenties in the Trash

One of the hardest things to do in life is to buck cultural trends. It’s human nature to want to do what those around you do. It means you’ll be supported in the choices you make, and people like to feel supported.

But what if the culture is wrong?

One of the most unpopular things I could write in 2019 is that women should consider marrying young(ish). But I’ll say it anyway: Ladies, consider marrying young(ish).

By “young(ish),” I mean young by today’s standards: around 25. Any earlier than that and you run the risk of making a reckless decision. Sixty percent of couples married between ages 20-25 end in divorce. By age 25, divorce rates plummet by nearly half.

I know, I know: you’ve been raised to postpone marriage indefinitely and to focus on your career instead. You’ve been cautioned against falling in love too soon because you’ll wind up married with babies. In your 20s you’re supposed to be focused on you. You need to play the field and not “settle,” and you need to get your career off the ground and not have to mesh your plans with a man’s plans—yadda yadda yadda.

I admit it sounds good in theory, but The Plan has not worked out for countless women who find themselves single at 30 or even 35. After spending at least half of their best childbearing years moving in and out of countless relationships that went nowhere, they wonder what they’re going to do now. “How am I going to find a husband?” they ask. “Will I be able to have children?”

The way to avoid this is to marry young(ish).

Here are 6 great reasons to get married in your 20s:

  1. It’s natural to want love and commitment. Don’t be afraid of it! You’ve been told to map out your life the way men map out theirs: to be singularly focused on a career and to use birth control in the meantime, which supposedly allows you to enjoy commitment-free sex the way men do. Yeah! Problem is, women are different from men. They have trouble separating sex and emotion and almost always want a relationship. And then when they’re in a relationship, they want to know what the ending will be. Women are relationship oriented creatures. It is a rare woman who just wants sex. 
  2. Men can afford to wait. Women can’t. Women have their greatest marital bargaining power in their 20s—that’s when their attractiveness is at its peak. Do not underestimate the value of beauty and fertility. That’s what men look for when it comes to marriage, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. Men aren’t the ones who get pregnant, so they afford to put marriage off. Which means by the time you’re in your thirties, you’ll have to compete with younger, more beautiful women. 
  3. It’s very advantageous to have nailed down the most important decision of your life early on. Getting a choice of partner down early offers a lot of flexibility and plenty of time to focus on other things, such as saving money to buy a house or to allow one parent to stay home when the kids come along. You could also wait a few years before having children if you want a smaller family. I have a friend who married really young (too young by today’s standards) and who waited nine years to have children! She and her husband enjoyed many years together unencumbered by the responsibilities of parenthood and saved a lot of money in the meantime.
  4. You have the option to have more than two children. It takes at least two years each to have and to recover from having a baby. So depending on how many children you want, you may need up to a ten-year period for this stage of life. At age 35, your fertility declines precipitously. So ages 25-35 are an ideal time to get married and have all the babies you want.
  5. You have the option to be a young mother. This alone has several advantages, such as a higher energy level (which you will need!) and ample help from grandparents while they’re still active enough to help out. It’s also helpful as far having time in your life for both family and career, as there are many women who stay home with their children for x number of years and then later in life amp up their careers.
  6. Last but not least (actually, this is the best reason of all) you won’t find yourself in the unenviable position of having to ‘hurry up and find a man to marry.’ This is a major problem with women who delay marriage and find themselves marrying whomever they happen to be dating (or even living with) to ensure they’ll be able to have children. The entire decision process is therefore undermined as a result of a ticking clock. You’re just far less likely to choose well when you’re under the gun. A decision that seems logical at the time may not seem so logical later.

So there are a lot of upsides to marrying earlier rather than later. Of course, if you were to float this idea around, you’ll get a lot of pushback since the culture teaches women to eschew marriage in favor of their careers, the assumption being that marriage will come along on a woman’s personal timetable.

But just because something’s popular doesn’t mean it’s right. Don’t make that leap.

Instead, be a maverick. Women have the best options for love while in their twenties—don’t waste these years! Use them to your advantage. And don’t dump a guy who’s marriage material because you think someone just as good or better will come along when you’re ready. Life doesn’t work that way.

Be smart, and make marriage a priority. Careers come and go, but you only have a few chances in life to establish a serious relationship with a man. If you get that down, everything else will seem like a piece of cake.

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

Reader Interactions


  1. melissa says

    Hi Suzanne, long time listener, first time caller. 🙂 Do you have any articles or books on how you y women can find/meet marriage-minded men and strategies for dating them successfully? Thank you.

    • Suzanne Venker says

      I do! It’s all in my new book that’s coming out in October. But subscribers will get plenty of sneak peeks, so stay tuned! Chapter 2 is titled “Master These 8 Dating Rules.” I will rush it for my next newsletter on your behalf. 🙂

      • Edwin says

        Suzanne, once that’s done, maybe you could write a book for men, on how to choose a good wife? How to winnow out the chaff, use intuition, and so on, so we can find a good wife, instead of throw away our lives on a worthless woman? Tambien, seria disponible en Espanyol?

      • Samantha says

        I sent you a private message basically about this topic.
        I am excited to know you have a book coming out about this.
        Strategies for women to actually find men I think is the most challenging aspect for those of us who spend all our time at work and find dating apps a depressing last resort.
        Especially if we live in big coastal cities….

  2. David says

    Wow. Wisdom. Yes, women’s best years to marry are about 25-30. Beyond that, and the pool of prospects starts drying up. Women “hit the wall”, or have the Wile E. Coyote moment, in finding potential spouses, around 32-35. Those who read women’s magazines think 40 is the new 30. Uhh, no it isn’t, not with finding a spouse.

    I see women in their late 30’s, and 40’s, seeking a spouse. Lads in high school saw the lasses dating men in their 20’s, even 30’s. Now the tables turn. Men in their 40’s want a wife who has not, shall we say, entertained the entire football team, is about 10 years younger, and like, focused on marriage. They are not interested in dating women their age.

    Deny this all you like, if you wish. It is an observable phenomenom, though. Women’s magazines are about as realistic as soap opera plots.

  3. David says

    There is a story told in some Native American tribal nations. A young woman is shown a row of corn, and told to go down it, picking only the best ears. She was not allowed to go backwards. Invariably, she would get to the end of the line, with no ears of corn at all. She is then told that finding a spouse is like that… but Native Americans have wisdom. Yes, Wisdom.

    Wow. Wisdom. Yes, women’s best years to marry are about 25-30. Beyond that, and the pool of prospects starts drying up. Women “hit the wall”, or have the Wile E. Coyote moment, in finding potential spouses, around 32-35. Those who read women’s magazines think 40 is the new 30. Uhh, no it isn’t, not with finding a spouse.

    I see women in their late 30’s, and 40’s, seeking a spouse. Lads in high school saw the lasses dating men in their 20’s, even 30’s. Now the tables turn. Men in their 40’s want a wife who has not, shall we say, entertained the entire football team, is about 10 years younger, and like, focused on marriage. They are not interested in dating women their age.

    Deny this all you like, if you wish. It is an observable phenomenom, though. Women’s magazines are about as realistic as soap opera plots.

  4. a bee ee? says

    This is good advice, but it will be ignored and roundly trashed by most women of all ages.

    I didn’t get married until late in life, but I was lucky enough to find someone who wanted children and was still young enough to have them. Still going strong after almost 23 years, but with a bittersweet ending: our one son, the most beautiful boy in the world, is low-functioning autistic, and I grieve for what will happen to him after we’re gone.

    It wasn’t my choice to do it this way. I came of age during the turmoil of the 70s when “women’s liberation” was at its peak. As I got older I actually found dating HARDER. While I heard less about (non-existent?) boyfriends and fiances, I heard more quite upfront about not wanting a relationship. That made sense to me as I concluded that the process was self-sorting. Those women who wanted marriage and family enough made necessary compromises and settled in their twenties, so that was what left by definition was composed in larger share by women single by choice or with sizeable chips on their shoulders.

    Right now I see this in my beautiful niece, who graduated from a prestigious college last year and is now pursuing a Ph.D. in some esoteric subject. I have never heard her talk about a date she’s had, and certainly not any boyfriends. Her mother is a hardcore feminist who doesn’t care about having grandchildren. I rest my case.

    • Joseph says

      Women’s sexual desire increases in their 30’s. It’s kind of like an evolutionary thing, to get that tail end chance to reproduce. If your niece is that smart… and she wants to get married… she’ll find what she wants, no matter what her mother thinks. Patience. The wheel turns.

  5. Medicine Owl says

    Suzanne, you are a sweet breeze of truth. My favorite kind of ad is a woman who says “I’ve had my fun…” Let’s see how men see that ad. “I’ve had my fun [ok, so we have 120,000 on the odometer] and now I’m ready to settle down [Oh, yeah, 120K on the odometer, and now you want to charge the new price for a car with all kinds of body rust]. I’m looking for a man who wants to commit [yes, a man who wants to commit to a woman with 5 incurable STDs, who is addicted to partying and sleeping with bad boys, who has an addiction to spending money, no respect for herself, men, or anything else.] and create a real family [oh, is this the line where I get a better than 55% chance of losing half my stuff, AND losing half my after tax income for the next 22 years? PLUS a rapsheet based on a fake assault claim? Plus I’ll get hit for child support for the bad boy’s kids too? and, since she’s 37, we get triple the chances of birth defects, autism, etc? Oh yeah, I’m in on this deal, where do I sign up?].

    • Joe says

      This seems so flat on the screen. Get a man who has been through a painful divorce talking. You’ll get an unmatched education.

  6. Jorge says

    Don’t throw away your 20’s. Hmm. Could I suggest a somewhat more precise title: Don’t throw away the previous gift of self, in sex, with bad boys who couldn’t care less about you. Su?zanne, you share deep truth, you know that?

    Sexual Market Value [SMV] is a very real concept. A guy who is 16 has no real SMV, while a lass who is 16 does. When she turns 18, she has a whole range of men interested in her. What she doesn’t understand, since gramma didn’t tell her, is that SMV is a wasting asset. Fresh, homemade bread is delicious. The longer it is stored, the more stale it gets. In time, it is inedible. And so it is with women’s SMV. Metaphorically, you want to sell your stock at its peak price. For women, that peak is around 25-30 or so. After 30, a woman’s SMV starts dropping. You can deny it, if you wish. What are the stages… denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance…

    Let’s look at nature. Spring is when the juices start flowing. All of nature turns green. Then comes summer, what you might call middle age. The fruits are ripening, in the Sun. Then comes fall- the harvest. Investing in marriage, for a woman, in her 20’s, say 25 on, offers the best Return on Investment. Indigenous peoples, who are far better perceivers of energy flow than materialistic Westerners, know that as a woman hits menopause, her heart flowers. She becomes a Wise Woman, who can guide the younger women. She is still sexy, just in a different way. Western women deny this natural progression, with cosmetics, wild living, hope, and other methods, that are like trying to stop floodwaters with 3 sandbags. A woman who goes with the flow- moves with the tides- is nourished by them, instead of fighting with them. A woman in her 50’s can- can- be very, very wise. Hmmm. How many years has the author of this website… The major problem in the West is the extreme, addictive materialism. Helena Rubinstein convinced women that putting toxic chemicals on their faces, which prior to that only ladies of the evening did- was somehow a good thing. She made millions.

    Men have an attitude about cosmetics. They prefer Truth in Advertising. I saw a Dutch website, with makeup ideas so female drug addicts can conceal evidence of their chemical consumption. Hmmm. Typical western cosmetic solution, to a systemic problem. Paint it over.

    I could say to women, that throwing away your SMV on bad boys reduces your value, as a mate. They won’t believe it. They don’t miss it- until it is gone, and cannot be recovered. Painful experience is best felt in the bodies of other people who screw up, not in your body.

    Many alpha males were killed off, in WW II. Which meant beta guys had it great. Men in committed relationships work much harder. The 50’s and 60’s were very prosperous, for this and other reasons. Genetically, about 80% of women got to reproduce, but only 40% of men did. Remember the farm hands in the Judy Garland Wizard of Oz? They were single. They couldn’t support a wife.

    Women like hypergamy, that is, finding high status men. Society now lets them do this repeatedly, they can dump a guy without consequence. Sure, you can go man-hopping, for a while. It catches up to you. Why not invest those years in something more productive?

    Women don’t hear men talking, about relationships. You might imagine that men say, “Oh yes, it’s been a delight being married to my wife, she gives me so much, she embarasses me into giving her more and more. She does a fantastic job with the kids. I don’t even look at other women, this woman is a soul mate, I want her with me for the rest of my life.” With very rare exceptions, most men do not talk that way. They talk about the “Honeydo” list, they talk about how much money she wastes, they talk about how she refuses to do any housework, they talk about frozen dinners, they talk about how much they hate their lives. They tell jokes, “So, why do men do sooner than women? Because they
    want to.” The male suicide rate is 4 times that of women. I have yet to get a check for my male privilege, all I get is bills.

    Men do more of what women reward. Alpha bad boys get lots of rewards, i.e. lots of free sex. I’ve seen bad boys who almost had to put one of those machines to take a number, like in the supermarket, for all the women coming to them. The Beta guys see that, and go to stealth mode. And they remember those women. When they go to high school reunions, they see all those women who treated them like trash, in high school, who are now seeking men in desperation… and they just ghost them.

    Plant your crop in Spring, if ye wish a full harvest. Plant it late, and you must wait… sometimes forever.

    • Evanthia says

      Women can be very good at denial. Problem is, it is not an effective strategy, in the long term. A more effective strategy is seeing where the current flows, deciding if you like that destination, and getting into it at the right time if you do.

  7. Nicolas says

    Women have their highest SMV in their 20’s. That is when they will get the husband with the highest status, who makes more money, who is nicer, and so on. If she waits till her late 30’s, she will only get the leftovers. There. That’s the simple truth.

    Men see an overlay, on their wives’ faces, of how she looked when they first met. If that look is a woman in her late 30’s, already showing wear and tear… or a woman say 25, well… which one turns him on more?

  8. Edwin says

    Buzzfeed recently released a video called “36 Questions Women Have For Men” that caused quite a stir. The more women understand men, the more I get laid, so I’m only too happy to help these gals out. As always, I’m here to do my part to further female education.

    1. How does it feel to be the same sex as Donald Trump?

    It feels awesome. Being a man is so much easier than being in a woman, in just about every way. The crap you guys have to deal with is insane. I can’t imagine how you deal with it. Really, given all the crap, you should be sheltered in a home, and not have to go out and work, so you could cope.

    2. Why do you hate rom coms?

    1. They all have boring characters.
    2. They all tell the same story with the same characters.
    3. The female leads always have small boobs and are too skinny.
    4. They never have any violence or explosions.
    5. They are extremely unrealistic.

    3. Why do you make women sit around and talk about men in movies when you all will easily sit around and talk about boobs for hours?

    1. Because women talking about men is what female viewers like to watch.
    2. Men don’t talk about boobs for hours. We just make one or two comments about it, chuckle, and get back to work. It’s you women who talk about things like boobs for hours.

    4. Why do you automatically assume that you won’t like TV shows or movies that star a female lead?

    See the answer to question number 2.

    5. Why are you surprised when women are funny?

    Because women usually aren’t as funny as men. By the way, most women agree with this.

    6. Why do you think we’re obsessed with you when we hook up?

    Ah, you’re talking about men who keep bugging you after you have sex the first time. Those men are called “beta males” who get oneitis very fast. Sometimes another type of man does this, called “Alpha Male 1.0” who assume they own you once they have sex with you. I’m what’s called an “Alpha Male 2.0,” which means the day after I hook up with you I’m either busy working on my Mission or I’m hooking up with another woman who is younger and hotter than you. Therefore, I won’t be bothering you at all, beyond maybe a single text a few days later.

    7. Why can’t I sleep with as many people as I want without being judged? When men do it, they’re congratulated.

    This is not the 1980s anymore, so men are not congratulated when they do this. They’re called immature, shallow, pigs, misogynists, players (with a negative connotation, not a positive one), and even rapists.

    8. Why do you consider a woman a tease if she doesn’t sleep with you after three dates, but a slut if she sleeps with you on the first date?

    I’m the opposite of a slut-shamer, so I don’t think she’s a slut if she sleeps with me on the first date. Instead I think she’s wonderful and she instantly becomes a candidate for a long-term (though nonmonogamous) relationship. I wish more women were like her, particularly those over age 33.
    A woman who still doesn’t want to sleep with me past the third date (and we’re speaking hypothetically here, since I would never take a woman out on a fourth date if some sexual activity had not occurred by then), is not a tease. Rather, she is an abuser and a time waster. Just imagine if the roles were reversed and see how you’d feel. A guy says to a girl, “Take me out on four dates and by me dinner and drinks, and if I still like you by then maybe I’ll buy you something.”

    9. In what world does no mean yes?

    In sexual scenarios, a hard no from a woman does indeed mean no. But coy or casual no from a woman means “keep nicely trying several more times and then I’ll say yes.” You’re mashing together the hard no’s with the casual/coy no’s, and you know damn well those are two different things. You cause all kinds of problems by doing this. I explain this in detail here.

    10. Why do you say women are too emotional to be leaders then justify catcalling by saying that men can’t control themselves?

    We’re not the ones saying women shouldn’t be leaders. You women are.

    11. Why do you think that just because you’re nice to me, I owe you my body?

    Why do you think that just because you have sex with me, I owe you my wallet?

    12. Why would you ever send an unsolicited dick pic?

    I’ve never done this because I’m rational, but other men do it because of something called gender myopia. I describe it here. You women do the exact same then when you brag about how strong or sassy or educated you are in your online dating profiles. It’s just as stupid as when guys send dick pics (and just as effective at attracting members of the opposite sex).

    13. Why do you think its okay to harass women or make offensive comments about women, but when someone does it to your sister it’s not okay?

    That depends on whether or not my sister deserves it. If she’s being a dumbass, maybe she does. I would say the same thing about my own daughter or my mother, because I would say the same thing about my brothers or my dad. In other words, if someone is being taken down a peg verbally, I don’t look at their gender; I look at their words and actions.

    14. How does it feel to interrupt me when I’m making a point during a meeting?

    It feels great because you were getting off topic and I need to wrap this meeting up so I can get back to work.

    15. Why do you have to sit with your legs so wide open?

    Why does it bother you so much to see men sit comfortably? Don’t you have anything more important to concern yourself with? If the position in which men sit is this disturbing to you, you have some very serious life problems and probably need to seek professional help.

  9. repeat says

    16. Why are women perceived as the “weaker sex” even though we literally give birth to you?

    It’s not perception, it’s reality. Women are physically weaker than men on average. It’s called biology. WHen was the last time you had to get a refrigerator down stairs, by yourself? I’ve had to do it, by myself.

    17. Why is it so bad to show your emotions?

    It’s not whether you show your emotions, it’s when you show your emotions. I do it when its appropriate. You do it when it’s not, and you do this to manipulate people, especially men.

    18. Why are you always trying to prove your masculinity to me?

    Why is my masculinity so threatening to you? Years ago you women used to like masculine men. Now masculinity bothers you. What changed? I have nothing to prove to you. So many men have quit having anything to do with women, I have my choice, so I don’t need to prove anything to you.

    19. Why the fuck isn’t it ladylike to cuss?

    I love it when women scream “F..k me!” That’s very ladylike in my book. Again, it’s about when you do it. Time and place, Kitten.

    20. When did words get genders?

    Circa early 1st century BC, when Latin first evolved. It’s called grammatical gender. Semitic languages originated about 7,000 years ago, and had gender then. It’s part of a world view that allows polarity.

    21. Why is it your first instinct to doubt women who have been sexually violated or raped?

    It’s not my first instinct to doubt, but it’s also not my first instinct to believe. Based on our justice system, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty, or at least are supposed to. ‘Proven’ means there’s proof involved, not just an accusation. If I publicly accused you of sexually molesting a small child, would you want everyone to automatically assume I was right?

    22. Why do you assume a woman is angry because she’s on her period?

    Why do you deny it when you are?

    23. Why do you think women who wear makeup are false advertising?

    Sweetie, you need makeup. Keep that shit on!

    24. Why isn’t it weird that there’s a bunch of old white men sitting in a room making legislation about what I can and can’t do with my body?

    Because you elected those old white men despite people like me telling you not to for at least 25 years. Women are 54% of the electorate. These men are called “Democrats” and “Republicans,” and both of these types of men pass utterly ridiculous laws all the time regarding your body (and mine!), yet every time an election comes around you keep voting for these bastards. Therefore, I’m not sure why you’re complaining. Last time I checked, Bernie Sanders is an old white man, and many of you women are having orgasms trying to get this guy elected.

    And by the way, why are you bringing “white” up in the question? What does race have to do with this? If it was a bunch old Asian men or old Mexican men sitting a room making laws about your body, would that make you feel better? What’s with the hate on whites, you racist?

    25. Why are straight guys so obsessed with lesbians?

    They give good sex advice. They know your pussy better than you do.

    26. How does it feel to get kicked in the balls?

    As soon as it happens it’s not too bad. But about three seconds later, it feels sort of like someone is slowly pressing a white hot spoon into your crotch. I don’t recommend it.

  10. repeate says

    27. Do you ever get tired of trying to be manly all the time?

    Again I ask, why are you so threatened by my masculinity? You women just can’t handle a Strong, Intelligent, Independent Man™.

    28. Why are you so afraid of gender equality?

    It’s not the equality I’m afraid of, it’s the corrupt, incompetent, authoritarian government putting a gun to my head enforcing whatever the those old white men you elected call ‘equality.’

    29. Why do I deserve to be paid less than you?


    1. I work longer hours than you on average.
    2. I work more years of my life than you on average.
    3. I do more dangerous work than you on average.
    4. I choose higher paying industries, jobs, and fields than you on average.
    5. I take less sick days than you on average.
    6. When I have a child I don’t take a “break” in my career like you often do.

    30. In what world does 77 cents equal a dollar?

    It doesn’t, but if you choose the same exact fields as me, the same exact jobs as me, work the exact same long hours, days, and years as me, then you make pretty much what I make. So whenever you want to work in the coal mines for 40 years straight without taking a break to have kids, you let me know.

    31. In what world does 68 cents equal a dollar?

    As above. Oh wait, we have a different number. Ummm, fact checker?

    32. How is that fair?

    Because no one should ever pay you the same to do less work than me just because you’re a girl. That would be sexism. And that’s bad, right? Or is sexism okay when it benefits you and not me? Why do male models make less than 1/5 what female models make? Why do women in their 20’s make more than men, in so many fields?

    33. Why are you intimidated by a woman who makes more money than you?

    I think that’s great as long as that woman doesn’t expect me to pay for dates. If she makes more money than me, why can’t she pay? Hmmmmm?

    34. Why are opinionated women seen as bitches, when opinionated men are seen as bosses?

    You keep forgetting this is not the 1980s anymore. Opinionated men are not seen as bosses, they’re seen as assholes. I happen to be one of these men, and trust me, I’ve been called “asshole” way more often than I’ve been called “boss.”

    35. Why aren’t you speaking up when you hear your male friends behind closed doors make jokes that are offensive to women?

    How can something be offensive to you if you never hear it? Anyway, one blonde says to the other, “I’ve slept with a Brazilian.” The other blonde says, “OMG! How many is that?”

    36. Why are you so afraid of recognizing your own privilege?

    Oh, my love, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I fucking love my privilege and think it’s great. I’m a high-income, white, American, heterosexual man. I wield my “privilege” like you wouldn’t imagine to get what I want, just like you wield your cleavage and eyelashes to get what you want. Gosh, if you added “Christian” and “old” to my status, I’d pretty much rule the Earth. I can’t wait to be an old white man so you can vote for me and I can make laws about your body. See you in a few decades!

  11. Lauren says

    For those who have never experienced the ecstasy of a committed relationship, with the energy of the 20’s, this area makes no sense. Sex without love is like pizza without sauce and cheese. Yes, it fills your stomach, but it’s not that good. Sex with love, in a committed relationship, is ecstasy.

  12. Jane says

    Why some radical feminists are realizing that the hyper-sexualized world they helped to create is toxic to women.
    Third and fourth wave feminism have heralded casual sex, immodesty, pornography, and promiscuity as emblems of female empowerment. But now, 20 years after pro-sex feminism clinched the feminist movement in the 90’s, the unsavory consequences of “sexual liberation” are presenting themselves. The same feminists who promoted promiscuity as a means for liberation are slowly realizing that the resulting hyper-sexualized culture degrades women.

    At the Network of Enlightened Women’s 2018 Young Women’s Leadership Retreat, Emily Jashinsky, opinion writer for the Washington Examiner, addressed attendees on issues related to the Me Too era, and the evolution of the feminist movement. Pro-sex feminism promotes promiscuous behavior, embraces pornography, and encourages immodesty, all in the name of liberation. Anti-sex feminism demands that women are treated as persons, not objects. By nature, this feminism promotes more conservative sexual standards.

    To young people, an “anti-sex” or the conservative version of feminism seems about as mythological as a UFO or unicorn. As put by Jashisnky, “There used to be [anti-sex] feminists who said pornography, certain advertisements, and the cover of Cosmo, were exploiting women. Women our age can’t even imagine a feminist movement that would take issue with those things.”

    This is because pro-sex feminism has dominated the women’s movement for the last 20 years. Conservative voices have been deliberately excluded from the conversation. But now, some feminists are changing their tune. In fact, some radical feminists are unwittingly echoing the sentiments of conservative feminists who were silenced back in the 90’s.

    But why the change? We are now fully experiencing the consequences of the sexual revolution. Feminists are living in the hyper-sexualized world they helped to create, and they don’t like what they see. The hook-up culture has left women empty and hurt. The rampant consumption of violent porn has increased the risk of rape and sexual assault. Women are more depressed, confused, lonely, and dissatisfied than before the sexual revolution. If feminists don’t already regret the sexual revolution, they certainly should.

    So, what do feminists have to say about these recent trends?

    Maureen Dowd, a columnist for the New York Times, and left-wing feminist published an article in reaction to the Aziz Anzari case, Stormy Daniels, and other similar scenarios. In this article, Dowd questions why so many young women are having casual sex, even when they don’t experience attraction. Dowd asks,

    “So you’d rather have bad sex with someone who doesn’t appeal to you than find a way to extricate yourself? You can Lean In but you can’t Walk Out?”

    Here you have a radical feminist actually criticizing another women’s sexual decision. While Dowd is not explicitly renouncing hook-up culture, her article does show that hook-up culture isn’t working for many women. Her article goes on to point out that many college-aged women need to get drunk before engaging in casual sex. If this is the case, it is clear that many women don’t truly want casual sex to begin with. Whether or not Dowd admits it, her article makes many of the same points conservatives have been making for decades. The hook-up culture is not empowering women, it is confusing and degrading.

    Leah Fessler, a self-proclaimed feminist, wrote a popular piece on her dissatisfaction with the hook-up culture on her college campus. She described how many women don’t enjoy hook up culture but feel pressured to participate anyway. Fessler wrote,

    “The truth is that, for many women, there’s nothing liberating about emotionless, non-committal sex. … In doing this, we actually deny ourselves agency and bolster male dominance, all while convincing ourselves we’re acting like progressive feminists. But engaging in hookup culture while wholeheartedly craving love and stability was perhaps the least feminist action I, and hundreds of my peers, could take.”

    According to research that Fessler conducted on her campus, women crave intimacy and commitment, both of which are lacking in hook-up pseudo-relationships. Women and men are struggling to find meaningful human connection, and are hurting as a result.

    Despite recent trends, there is a reason to hope that change is achievable. Many people, feminists included, are finally realizing the havoc that casual sex, porn, and promiscuity, have wrought on society — Check out The Dating Project, The Love and Fidelity Network, and Fight the New Drug, which proposes alternatives to the hookup culture, and promote genuine relationships.

    Yet, there is still a long road ahead. The ultimate goal of the women’s movement should be for women to be valued, honored, and respected. In order for this to be achieved, all people, including conservatives, need to have a stake in women’s issues. We can no longer allow women’s issues to be partisan. Now is the time for conservatives to join the conversation and reshape the women’s movement. After all, it will be the return of traditional sexual standards, strong families, and recognition of differences between the sexes which will heal our toxically sexualized culture. Conservatives cannot remain silent on these issues, because we can bring key solutions to the table.

    • Maria says

      There is a reason women covered themselves, traditionally. The English saying is “All women are beautiful in candlelight.” The reason is that imagination kicks in, and it fills in the blank spaces with something better than visible flesh. Every Muslim woman remembers when her mother bought the first abaya, and she went out of the shop, and got furtive looks from men. A women showing a lot of skin will almost always be showing some skin imperfections, rolls of fat, and other such very unattractive features. I’ve seen slutwalks. Those women are revolting. If all women looked like that, there’d be no reproduction. What a fantastic way to end rape, just disgust any potential rapist, to the point of vomiting. This is why the better skinmags all use Photoshop. It’s kind of like a used car dealer repainting over the cracks, the body rust, and so on. Why are teenaged boys so charged up? They have the spring sap in flood. And they haven’t seen the real thing, all they have is their imaginations. Women love mysterious bad boys. Men love mysterious women. Smart women maintain the mystery, to maintain the interest.

  13. Taylor says

    A Dear Joan Letter to Feminism:

    I’m mad that you took away my right to choose what I wanted as a woman…you took things too far when you pushed me out of my natural nurturing role & into a man’s world. The expectation to strive & succeed amongst men killed my femininity, thank you FEMINISM! Why did you have to go & steal my hopes & dreams from me? You’re selfish & never cared enough about what I really wanted to even ask me first. Maybe I didn’t want to spend 18 years in post-grad school when I would’ve rather been prioritizing prospects for finding a good partner. I would’ve never let you swindle me out of my prime years in the name of progress. I would’ve rather used my god-given gifts on what is truly important to me. My PhD can’t defend me in an attack or keep me safe from harm. It doesn’t even guarantee that I’ll be financially robust. Sure, it’s impressive to other women in the game of competition, but what the hell are we competing for? Men don’t care that I have a PhD, in fact, it limits my options in the dating pool. It’s like height, I’m tall & average height men are mainly out of the market for me.

    I can’t pair with a man beneath me, literally and figuratively. You forgot to discuss this temper tantrum you had decades ago with your older sister HYPERGAMY. If you had, she would have put you in your place a long time ago. But you had to go rogue and try to prove your point. I just can’t believe I let you manipulate me into neglecting my feminine ideals & self-sabotaging to the point that I may have set myself up for being alone without any family of my own while I help other people find & keep their happy lives with their families. I know somewhere along the way you thought you were right for doing what you did, but I need you to stop and reconsider things now. I can’t go back and redo my 20s or even go back to puberty and start my socialization over so that I understand male/female dynamics realistically.

    My life may be irreversible now, and I’ll have to make peace with the consequences of what you did. But I know you’re still out there doing this to other people. I’m just asking you to stop for the sake of love and family values. Let women be women again. And for goodness sake let men be men! If there’s anything I can say to appeal to your senses, this is it: thank you for showing me I am powerful & smart when I need to be. I will take that with me. It’s just not the whole story. I need to respect, honor & admire a partner. This is what I needed to learn:

    1. Men are awesome creatures when they are at their best & I need one in my life to love & keep me safe and ensure a healthy & happy home & life.

    2. Find a man that inspires your whole being so that even when you disagree, you defer to his leadership.

    3. There is no need to rebel against his leadership if I choose wisely. And when I do, know that “the ship has sailed” and we are on course for a lifetime of adventure together. We can strategize our teamwork to plan according to all the challenges at sea, but we must not waver.

    4. Being feminine is everything. Denying our beauty is a sin on humanity. Embrace & celebrate your inner & outer sensual essence by being graceful, selective, kind, joyful, warm, loving & intuitive. You can do so without being weak or meek or insignificant.

    5. I was put on this earth to love and to heal and to help and support someone, my someone! There is no progress without leadership, there is no leadership without followership, there is no home without a healthy system to guide & protect it and there is no love without a home.

  14. Taylor says

    Enough FEMINISM, you have done enough damage…You’ve proven your twisted point. If you carry on any further you are going to destroy life & love as we (used to) know it. Women will rule the world with subservient masses of weak men. Then what? Will you stop then? Will you be happy when you look around at the mess you’ve created and smile? I don’t think so! I think you’ll wail like you’ve never felt sadness and despair before once you understand what you’ve “created.” The destruction will be catastrophic…it’s already begun. But it’s not too late for our future even if it’s too late for some. So, I beg you FEMINISM: Enough! You’ve had your run, let go of the death grip and listen to your inner voice. I know you still have it. You don’t have to fight anymore. I’m sorry if you’re hurt by my leaving.

    But I’m done.

    All the best,

    • Paul says

      There is a genre of this kind of writing – of middle-aged women without families feeling dudded by feminism (which I hereby dub “feminist regret”).

      1. She recognises that men aren’t very attracted to a woman’s professional qualifications. They may actually be a repellant.

      2. She recognises the reality of female hypergamy: that women feel attracted to men who they can look up to in some way. Therefore, both her height and her PhD limited the pool of men she might have successfully bonded with. She writes “I can’t pair with a man beneath me, literally and figuratively.” This has implications for how society is organised – care has to be taken to ensure that men have the standing in society to attract their female peers.

      3. She doesn’t do the “men can’t handle smart/strong women” shtick. She acknowledges that the problem was internal to her and that it would have helped if she had been brought up to better understand the male/female dynamic.

      4. She does a good job in identifying the qualities that women might cultivate in themselves. She suggests that women aim to be “graceful, selective, kind, joyful, warm, loving & intuitive”.

      5. She is open and honest about needing a man to lead in the relationship. She associates a man leading and protecting with the creation of a loving home (leadership includes teamwork between man and woman).

      6. She is not looking for a servant to uphold the feminine imperative, i.e. to do her bidding. She wants a masculine man who can more than hold his own in a relationship. Who she feels confident in deferring to for leadership. It is not a case of “rescue” but of being a man who can be relied on to make good decisions and to steer things in the right direction.

      • AbdulMasih says

        I had a cousin who rehabilitated criminals. He said there are two kinds of criminals that cannot be rehabilitated. The first is conmen, fraudsters, bunko artists. The second is child molesters. Feminists generally are also not rehabilitatable. They have a large amount of negative programming, which would require years of cleaning out. Some German psychologist, whose name I can’t recall, deprogrammed Nazis, after the big war. It took some work to do. He had to reprogram quite a bit, in their minds. Men over 40 that I speak with note that they will not deal with feminists, for any voluntary transaction. I cannot tell the difference between feminists and psychopaths. That is only my opinion, though.

      • Jordi says

        Men: have you ever danced with a feminist, and had her take the lead? How did it feel? I know how it made me feel. I said nothing, and never called her again. If she called me, I said something like “I don’t think it will work out”, without further information. If she’s willing to insult me kinesthetically, she will surely insult me in every other way.

      • Luk says

        Of all the sorrows one may get
        The worst is constant, deep regret
        Revenge is sweet fruit, from afar
        That once sampled, tastes like tar

  15. Paul says

    How many cultures in history promoted casual sex? Very few. And it happened generally in the decaying phase of a culture. Find the few really happy women in your community, who are over 40. If you are female, ask them how many instances of casual sex they engaged in. If you are male, doing this violates 20 USC 1681-8, the statutes that define sexual harassment, so don’t. Then post to this blog how many you find, that engaged in a lot of casual sex, beyond say a year in college. Women who talk to me tell me that they don’t find happy women, who engaged a lot in casual sex. They must exist. But I have yet to hear of one. They have walked the path you are considering. Disregard any moral rules, who cares about those. Pay attention to those who have been where you seek to go. They are your scouts. What do they have to say to you? How many tell you it was the best thing they ever did in their lives? Just ask. And let us know.

  16. Jennifer says

    The herd instinct is strong, among women, and men. Some may listen. Some won’t. Yet every choice has ramifications. You can offer wisdom, as surely as you can lead a horse to water- but you cannot make them drink of it. You did at least offer it. That is a major service.

  17. john says

    I talk to young men, who are disgusted with the entitled “treat me like a princess because I have a pussy” women of today. They don’t understand that we do not live in a world of things, we live in a world of flow, of processed. Mother Nature humbles these princesses, in time.

    6-9 itis is real. Many women have the attitude that having a pair of mammary glands entitles them to first class treatment, and also the ability to treat others badly. They act like complete bitches, often acting as if you are lucky to be in their presence. Many of them are convinced they are 9s instead of the 6s they are. Blue pill beta males thirsty for female attention lavish attention on these women.

    And the next day where she meets her posse, wearing yesterday’s makeup, hair in a ratty bun off-center atop of her head, in sweat pants with “Love PINK” on them. They boast about how Chad and Ty were “soooo talking to me last night… oh my gawd.” For some reason, they really do think they are all that. And down deep they all are insecure and jealous of one another. Ladies who are one OF a million are not one IN a million.

    When I was younger, and had not yet taken the red pill of freedom, this really bothered me. But over time, I paid attention, and noticed a most fascinating cycle. The average female has a socially relevant and peak sexually desirable shelf life of 10 years, say from 18 to 28. Note I said average. They can stretch this to 35, with time in the gym, developing character, and so on. The average chick drinks way too much, eats junk food, doesn’t really take care of herself, tans to cowhide skin, doesn’t work out, anoints her body with toxic cosmetics, fills her mind with toxic feelings, and something happens. They hit the wall, and fall, and lose it all. The age varies. All of a sudden, they aren’t attractive any more. They suddenly have to work for what they want. Their baggy hind end, bad skin, turkey neck, and drooping appendages no longer mean they get whatever they want from blue pillers and betas.

    Now, they dis the women some years younger, for the same behaviors they once displayed, and now can’t, because they have younger competition. They see men going to the new models, they get upset, and label the younger crop is immediately labeled “slutty” or “trashy.” Now they criticize men for being Peter Pan, and unwilling to man up. They can’t wear those clothes they used to, they don’t get the Jagermeister drinks paid for, they don’t get a guy who pumps and dumps them into a cab with fare, or bought them an egg and cheese the next morning. Only very spiritual women seem to avoid this wall, or have a gentle passage through it. Feminists are addictively materialistic, though.

    The pendulum swings the other way. Women attract men with their looks, for a time, and with their great personality later, if they have one. Flowers only flower for a short time. The bees come for a time. Then they come no more. Women’s energy is in their pelvises, when they are in their 20’s and 30’s. It starts moving up to the heart, in a healthy woman. But a 40 year old woman is not a 20 year old. Men who take care of themselves may get more attractive. Money helps. All those older men who were dissed when young, now have access to women much younger than the jackals who rejected them. The jackals eat chicken nachos, sucking down mojitos, whispering about how awful the younger women you socialize with are. No, ladies, you didn’t move when you had the chance. You had your chance to enter a committed relationship, and you didn’t. Tonight, it’s you, Chunky Monkey, E Harmony and The Notebook again. And the inevitable “he is probably gay”, “he is just bitter because he doesn’t get laid”, “what a pig”. Women cannot handle red pill reality, when he shows he’s just fine without them, and after having been without, for a while, he’s used to it, and even likes it. She’s been told her whole life she can do anything she wants, on her schedule, and she is essential to men. And older men discover that women really like to have male attention, and they become mysteriously attractive. Compare George Clooney at 27, to when he was 38. Unless a woman is deeply spiritual, and/or French, men age like wine, women age like milk. Women in their prime are magnificent. That’s when they can land the best guy. This is the 25-30 range. By 35, the eggs are running low. Menopause comes, around 40-45. Feminism tells these women they can “have it all” by 30. Mother Nature has other ideas. Mom knows better. Feminists won’t tell women that their options degrade, much past the age of 32, and that getting a high grade man, when young, means that man will remember her as she was when she was young. Women who throw all their charms away on the C Carousel don’t have them any more. If a woman keeps herself in shape, develops spiritually, stays off the C Carousel, and otherwise runs high grade energy through her ssytem, she can delay hitting the wall. But they don’t understand this. Thanks for telling them, Suzanne. They won’t pay attention to their environment, but they might to you.

  18. Daryl says

    You could entitle this cast not your pearls, before swine. Which is an old fashioned way to say don’t give your gems to pigs. Women talk about how there are “no good men” out there. They don’t think. The good men saw how badly good men are treated, by women. They don’t get any in high school. Most don’t get any in college. Most start out in the work world, because it’s not an option for men. They work or they wander, homeless. Most women have no interest in them, until they are successful, and say 30 or so. Then men see a massive change. All those ice princesses who laughed at them, are now looking. Maybe they go to a high school reunion, and pick up several phone numbers- and throw them out, because they’ve seen some serious decay. Maybe the see a twenty something smiling at them, in a most attractive way. Maybe they talk to their buddies, and get advice. And they realize that the price of sex has dropped far below what it was for grampa. Grampa probably only slept with one woman his entire life. This was not unusual back then. Their choice of sex was marriage, or women with incurable diseases. So our hero, in his thirties, has the time of his life. The ugly duckling has become the Swan, and the Swans have become ugly ducklings. He may or may not decide to enter the crapshoot that is marriage, in the US. Women don’t understand they are selling a wasting asset, an asset with a “good till” date. Women don’t understand that the only way they can retain their physical attraction, into their 40’s, is to have a really good character, and heart, and often, a committed relationship. I’ve seen women in their fifties that were hot, I mean really hot, enough that I had to not look at them for fear of having a visible reaction. They are always married, somehow, at least in the USA. Women don’t understand that marriage is useful, that there are a few rocks to paddle around, in the raft, but the rewards far exceed investment, after 20+ years, with the right guy. Mom, granny, and aunt aren’t telling them to stay the course, any more.

  19. Graciela says

    Suzanne, what you are really saying, is don’t throw your innocence, your dreams, your heart, your very soul, the deepest, tenderest parts of you, to bad boys who couldn’t care less. Let’s imagine you had a 150 year old hope chest, handmade, of nice wood. And it had a flaw. Would you take it to a guy in a wrecking yard, to have the flaw fixed? I doubt it. So, why would you take something much more precious- your very heart- to a wrecking yard? It would make much more sense to simply get nerds talking, in a friend zone. Learn from them. They have better hearts than any bad boy. You don’t have to marry them, but you could let them be teachers. Learn. The media has filled you with lies, about cheap sex. It is cheap. It makes you feel cheap. It puts you deep into sadness. Soon, you feel just how empty it makes you feel. And as you go with these bad boys, these guys who don’t care about you, you communicate that you don’t care about you. The people you welcome into your life reflect your deepest beliefs. Why not love yourself, and let love show up, however it will? No relationship at all is better than an empty casual relationship.

  20. Denise says

    Women are given a certain amount of qualities. They are not infinite. They also have a shelf life, a “sell-by” date. Post wall women blame everything except their own lack of planning, for not being able to find a guy they want. Think about it. Courtship behavior has been criminalized. This means that, check this out, they can’t court you. You also have a lot of baggage, as you age. There is a right time for everything. Let it go, and it’s gone. The special innocence of a woman who hasn’t passed out her sexual goodies to three or four digits worth of men is attractive. It indicates that this woman cares enough about herself to not give away her self-esteem to bad boys. It indicates that the woman might actually be interested enough to pair bond, and not run to the divorce court after the first disagreement. It means the woman might actually commit to the relationship. Not giving away your value for free means you have higher sexual market value, and can get a higher grade of partner. Gramma was right. Gramma had decades of experience, and knew something.

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