7 Reasons Why I’m Not a Feminist

FeminismOver the years I’ve spoken out against feminism, I’ve had to explain ad nauseam that feminism is not what it claims to be. I’ve said from the beginning that its ultimate goal is the destruction of the family. Or more specifically, the destruction of motherhood.

Here’s a perfect example. I’m in the middle of reading a memoir called At Home in the World, by Joyce Maynard, who coincidentally came of age in the heyday of feminism.

In one of the letters Maynard wrote in the 1960s to the writer J.D. Salinger, with whom she was in a relationship, she says she has just had an encounter with “a group of feminists who tear into me for a statement I make that I would like to get married and have babies someday. Don’t I know a woman sets the cause of women back every time she makes a statement like that?”

This is a fantastic anecdote that proves feminism was never about equal opportunities for women. Its undercurrent runs much deeper.

Simply put, feminism teaches that biology is bogus and that the only way to be worthy is to earn a paycheck. It teaches that women are victims of men and should thus be their competitors rather than their lovers. It teaches women—still, to this day—that wanting to get married and have babies is a “quaint” but limiting thing to do. Who the hell would want to get married with that narrative floating around?

Fortunately for me, I was never one to follow the crowd. Here are 7 reasons why I’m not a feminist—and why I hope you aren’t either:

1. I love men.

In fact, I find men remarkably easy to be with compared to women. With men, what you see is what you get. I like that. And no, I’m not saying this because I’ve never had a bad experience with a man. I have. But I didn’t hold it against half the human race.

2. I don’t have Daddy issues.

My father was an extremely good and loyal man. He was old school (born in 1922), so he was a hands-off type dad and never told me he loved me until he was on his deathbed—and only by my prompting. Still, I never once doubted my father’s love for me, despite his formal nature. That’s just the way things were then. He was still steady as a rock.

3. My mother wasn’t a feminist, and she was as strong and independent as they come.

My mother received a master’s degree from Radcliffe College in 1952 and was brave enough to enter the male-dominated world of stock traders at Merrill Lynch. When she faced sexism, she didn’t whine about it or give up; she went to work at another investment bank, where the men were happy to have her. Lesson learned: smart women forge ahead in the face of adversity— they don’t stop to complain about being mistreated. As my mother always told me, “There will always be people who want to drag you down. Don’t let them.”

4. I don’t assume that the way things were in the past was a result of rampant sexism.

It’s true women didn’t run companies in the past the way they do today, but this wasn’t because men and society were holding women down. There were sound reasons why things functioned the way they did in the past. Until technology and the mechanization of housework came on the scene, just getting through the day for a woman meant barely leaving one’s kitchen. The birth control pill was another obvious factor. Americans love to associate “the Pill” with feminism; but it, along with machines of convenience, was invented before the 1960s—by men. It was the contributions of men that gave women the time to work outside the home in record numbers. Indeed, women should be thanking “the men who came before us”—not feminists.

5. I’ve always known the sexes are equal but different. ‘Nuff said.

6. I have the utmost respect for motherhood and all that goes into that extraordinarily difficult yet rewarding task.

As a result, I’ve never once asked a new mother, or even an older one, “What do you do?” If you have children at home, I KNOW what you do.

7. I never expected to have it all.

I knew early on that nothing mattered more, to me anyway, than having a happy home. So every decision I made along the way, since I was 18 years old—from whom I married, to where I’d live, to which career I’d pursue—was made with that in mind. The secret to the ‘having it all’ conversation is the ability to look forward, into the future. If you know you want children, you should know in advance they will change the entire course of your life. It comes down to priorities, and to planning your life around motherhood rather trying to squeeze motherhood into an already full life. If you do the former, you’ll be much happier.

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Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and relationship coach known as The Feminist "Fixer.” She helps free women from feminist lies so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

Reader Interactions


  1. This is so stupid. Congrats, you just laughed at all the feminist that came before you that got the world to a point in which you would have the ability to post this article.

    • This is part of the Kool-Aid you’ve drunk.

      The most important factor that influenced the significant shift of American women into the workplace is the invention of laborsaving devices. The folks to whom women are truly indebted are inventors Thomas Edison (electric lights), Elias Howe (the sewing machine), Clarence Birdseye (the process for frozen foods), and Henry Ford (the automobile). Technology and the mechanization of housework—such as the washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner—allowed women to turn their attention away from household duties.

      The birth control pill was another major factor. Americans love to associate “the Pill” with feminism; but it, along with machines of convenience, was invented before the 1960s—by men. It was the contributions of men that gave women the time to work outside the home in record numbers.

      Women should be thanking “the men who came before us”—not feminists.

  2. In my opinion, since “feminism” is supposed to mean “gender equality”, why does it seem more about women? There are men who are sexually assaulted, abused, harassed, told they can’t do things because they’re a man, feel forced to conceal their emotions, too. I think instead of “feminism”, it should be called “equalism”.

    • How could it be metaphorically amazing? It cheers me up that one who slams the achievements of feminists can’t write. It seems appropriate.

      • Except that this isn’t a grammar course. If you came here for a grammar lesson, you are in the wrong place.

  3. Absolutely.
    You see most women – even the most feminist- who are baying for women to get into ‘male’ roles (running companies, inventing things, playing football) STILL DON’T WANT real equality. Oh, they clamour to get into stuff with good pay and status. But I don’t see too many complaining that there are no females (I’ve never seen one) in some of the lower-caliber but grotty jobs. The ones we’re currently spared…standing out on garage forecourt in winter hosing down cars. Doing the night shift fixing potholes on a motorway on a January night. Unblocking sewers. Getting the girls at Tescos to rotate with the guys occasionally so the men get to arrange the clothes shop and the girls lug the sacks of spuds (never seen a female on greengrocery!) Are the Tesco girls champing at bit to be equal? Do your female friends whinge that they find it hard to get into emptying bins or clearing fat-bergs from blocked drains?? Women are only too glad to be spared all this. But until they agree to do it ALL we can never PRETEND to be ‘equal’. Just wanting ‘extra privileges’. Sort of like my granddaughter wanting to take on the good bits of my role (no bedtime! spending money!…but wanting to pass when I point out she has to clean the toilet and cook dinner too!)

  4. Feminism unfortunately has destroyed many of us good single men really looking for love today. And these women are so very dangerous just to start a normal conversation with too. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman that we think would be really nice to meet is very dangerous like i just mentioned since they will usually be very nasty to us and walk away. Feminism is very horrible today, and these type of women are the real cause unfortunately. MGTOW has really become a lot safer now for many of us men.

    • It depends how you say it. If, Trumplike, you sidle up and expect us to drop everything to acknowledge your very presence, then no. Let us carry on with our conversation, our job, our lives without having to give you the attention that you think is yours as a right. Another thing feminism has given us is the right for women to approach men who they find attractive or interesting without waiting to be approached first like teenagers at a high school hop. Assertive women have much more fun! And feminists really do like men. They just like, trust and support other women too, and don’t see another woman as competition for a man. Basically, feminists are cool with everyone provided they don’t tell them how they should be living their lives. If a woman or man wants to get married and have babies, then fine ; babies are cute and the world needs them. Just don’t be telling me it’s my biological destiny.

      • Lulu , you are a nightmare , any man who would be in a relationship with you is weak and probably not attractive at all . You are a man hater , you couldn’t handle a real man everything Suzanne wrote is true

  5. Oh boy, what a difference in the women today compared to the old days unfortunately. Most women were certainly real ladies at that time, and very much the opposite of today completely. Just by the way women are acting these days which makes the great majority of women now so very horrible altogether. As i can see that these women are just so very pathetic since they really are men haters too. They really have no respect for many of us men, no manners, their personality really stinks, they really think they’re all that, and the list goes on and on. It is very obvious why many of us men are still single today, and we really can certainly blame these type of women now for that one altogether. Hollering and demanding equal rights, and blaming us men for everything as well. A man would have to be real crazy to marry one of these women today, that is for sure. Staying single is the best option for us now anyway, since most of these women that are still single will never be able to hold on to a man anyway to begin with. Too very bad that the women in the old days are all gone unfortunately, and most women back then really did put these women today to real total shame too.

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