7 Reasons Why I’m Not a Feminist

FeminismOver the years I’ve spoken out against feminism, I’ve had to explain ad nauseam that feminism is not what it claims to be. I’ve said from the beginning that its ultimate goal is the destruction of the family. Or more specifically, the destruction of motherhood.

Here’s a perfect example. I’m in the middle of reading a memoir called At Home in the World, by Joyce Maynard, who coincidentally came of age in the heyday of feminism.

In one of the letters Maynard wrote in the 1960s to the writer J.D. Salinger, with whom she was in a relationship, she says she has just had an encounter with “a group of feminists who tear into me for a statement I make that I would like to get married and have babies someday. Don’t I know a woman sets the cause of women back every time she makes a statement like that?”

This is a fantastic anecdote that proves feminism was never about equal opportunities for women. Its undercurrent runs much deeper.

Simply put, feminism teaches that biology is bogus and that the only way to be worthy is to earn a paycheck. It teaches that women are victims of men and should thus be their competitors rather than their lovers. It teaches women—still, to this day—that wanting to get married and have babies is a “quaint” but limiting thing to do. Who the hell would want to get married with that narrative floating around?

Fortunately for me, I was never one to follow the crowd. Here are 7 reasons why I’m not a feminist—and why I hope you aren’t either:

1. I love men.

In fact, I find men remarkably easy to be with compared to women. With men, what you see is what you get. I like that. And no, I’m not saying this because I’ve never had a bad experience with a man. I have. But I didn’t hold it against half the human race.

2. I don’t have Daddy issues.

My father was an extremely good and loyal man. He was old school (born in 1922), so he was a hands-off type dad and never told me he loved me until he was on his deathbed—and only by my prompting. Still, I never once doubted my father’s love for me, despite his formal nature. That’s just the way things were then. He was still steady as a rock.

3. My mother wasn’t a feminist, and she was as strong and independent as they come.

My mother received a master’s degree from Radcliffe College in 1952 and was brave enough to enter the male-dominated world of stock traders at Merrill Lynch. When she faced sexism, she didn’t whine about it or give up; she went to work at another investment bank, where the men were happy to have her. Lesson learned: smart women forge ahead in the face of adversity— they don’t stop to complain about being mistreated. As my mother always told me, “There will always be people who want to drag you down. Don’t let them.”

4. I don’t assume that the way things were in the past was a result of rampant sexism.

It’s true women didn’t run companies in the past the way they do today, but this wasn’t because men and society were holding women down. There were sound reasons why things functioned the way they did in the past. Until technology and the mechanization of housework came on the scene, just getting through the day for a woman meant barely leaving one’s kitchen. The birth control pill was another obvious factor. Americans love to associate “the Pill” with feminism; but it, along with machines of convenience, was invented before the 1960s—by men. It was the contributions of men that gave women the time to work outside the home in record numbers. Indeed, women should be thanking “the men who came before us”—not feminists.

5. I’ve always known the sexes are equal but different. ‘Nuff said.

6. I have the utmost respect for motherhood and all that goes into that extraordinarily difficult yet rewarding task.

As a result, I’ve never once asked a new mother, or even an older one, “What do you do?” If you have children at home, I KNOW what you do.

7. I never expected to have it all.

I knew early on that nothing mattered more, to me anyway, than having a happy home. So every decision I made along the way, since I was 18 years old—from whom I married, to where I’d live, to which career I’d pursue—was made with that in mind. The secret to the ‘having it all’ conversation is the ability to look forward, into the future. If you know you want children, you should know in advance they will change the entire course of your life. It comes down to priorities, and to planning your life around motherhood rather trying to squeeze motherhood into an already full life. If you do the former, you’ll be much happier.

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Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

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Comments

  1. This is so stupid. Congrats, you just laughed at all the feminist that came before you that got the world to a point in which you would have the ability to post this article.

    • This is part of the Kool-Aid you’ve drunk.

      The most important factor that influenced the significant shift of American women into the workplace is the invention of laborsaving devices. The folks to whom women are truly indebted are inventors Thomas Edison (electric lights), Elias Howe (the sewing machine), Clarence Birdseye (the process for frozen foods), and Henry Ford (the automobile). Technology and the mechanization of housework—such as the washing machine, dryer, dishwasher, and vacuum cleaner—allowed women to turn their attention away from household duties.

      The birth control pill was another major factor. Americans love to associate “the Pill” with feminism; but it, along with machines of convenience, was invented before the 1960s—by men. It was the contributions of men that gave women the time to work outside the home in record numbers.

      Women should be thanking “the men who came before us”—not feminists.

      • To reply with civility to each of your points is slightly difficult. I can see your point of view, though I believe it to be rather foolish. I cannot tell you how horrified I was to find this article in 2018/19, and even further terrified by the amount of support you have received from people who are also scared to call themselves feminists.

        1. You love men. So do I and so do the vast majority of people, males, females and all round feminists alike. To identify all feminists as “men-haters” is to show pure ignorance.

        2. I do not have “daddy issues” either. I find myself immensely lucky to find myself in a household where my father does cook and clean and my mother does. I know they love me and they tell me often. Am I failing to find the connection between that and my feministic views? My family has no impact on the way I view the world as a woman – I am strong enough to create independent thoughts for myself and see the inequalities between the genders.

        3. I would beg to differ that your mother was a feminist. Not all feminists need to ram “Votes for Women” signs down your throat. The very fact that she didn’t let others drag her down because of her gender is a sign of a strong women that did not conform to gender stereotypes. She did so quietly, but she fought the ingrained prejudice against women in certain workplaces as a feminist. I take my hat off to her and thank her for making my way in the world a little bit easier.

        4. There is so much to unpack here. A simple Google search will reveal that many things in the past WERE the resultant of “rampant sexism”. All you need to do is do your research. I pity those who believe in such trivial excuses for why the women “needed to stay in the kitchen” – you have not been well informed and ingrained sexism has become a part of you.

        5. You are absolutely correct. The sexes are equal, but different! They are different in physical build, they are different in developmental and maturing stages, they are different in their needs. Recognising that the sexes are EQUAL and DIFFERENT means that you are a FEMINIST. Feminism is recognising that the genders are equal, but also recognising that at this time, women specifically are not being treated fairly. Nuff said.

        6 and 7. I have so much respect for mothers. Their roles as parents are undoubtably one of the most difficult in the world. It makes it more difficult for them, however, if you do not ask what they do, if you boldly assume that they have given up all their aspirations to become a slave of sorts to their children. It is degrading to presume they have given up their jobs and large portions of their lives. It is insulting to assume they cannot do both.
        Planning ahead is fantastic and for those you can see twenty years into their futures, I applaud you. Personally, however, I do not know exactly what my further will hold. I have dreams and ambitions and if traditional female roles, such as motherhood come into it, goodness only knows if it will be planned or not. All I can say in certainty is that I will not allow motherhood to take over my life. If I choose to quit my job then so be it – I’m sure it will make me happy. But for an increasing number of moms – it is insulting to assume they cannot do both.

        I am proud to be a feminist. I mourn that you and others like you cannot find the courage, knowledge and decency to call yourselves feminists too.

        • I have nothing against feminists, but honestly, I hate labels and that is why I do not consider myself a feminist. It varies from the reason this woman wrote about in her article. I guess what it boils down to was the election of 2016. People acted like you only cared about women and were feminist if you voted for Hillary Clinton. However, if you were tired of the Clintons and thought Bernie Sanders got the shaft, then maybe you were looking for another candidate. For me, it was Gary Johnson, but I knew some people who voted for Jill Stein. She was definitely a woman, but there were major media articles poking fun of Susan Sarandon for sticking to her values and voting for Jill Stein, who was running on an anti-war platform. So as much as I appreciate the suffragette movement and do not even agree with every point in this article, there is a problem with third wave feminism. Not everyone wants to define themselves by a label. Not everyone wants to vote for a certain candidate just because she is a woman, or demean another female candidate, just because she is not running for the popular party. I know consider myself a LIbertarian and humanist, even though I do not like titles. I am a strong independent woman, but I found in life and the workplace other women can sometimes be catty. I had a woman put me down for wanting to wear dresses or have long hair, but men usually did not do those things. The woman who criticized me for my appearance called themselves feminists. So I think we should be humanists, and support all people. It is possible to have a divergent way of looking at this in 2019, or any year. Also, the great thing about the first amendment is the writer of this article can have a totally different take than feminists. Some people are tired of identity politics and titles driving the two party system in the US, and some of this has to do with feminism. Sometimes men do bad things, but so do women. We need to stop with all the identify politics.

  2. In my opinion, since “feminism” is supposed to mean “gender equality”, why does it seem more about women? There are men who are sexually assaulted, abused, harassed, told they can’t do things because they’re a man, feel forced to conceal their emotions, too. I think instead of “feminism”, it should be called “equalism”.

    • How could it be metaphorically amazing? It cheers me up that one who slams the achievements of feminists can’t write. It seems appropriate.

      • Except that this isn’t a grammar course. If you came here for a grammar lesson, you are in the wrong place.

  3. Absolutely.
    You see most women – even the most feminist- who are baying for women to get into ‘male’ roles (running companies, inventing things, playing football) STILL DON’T WANT real equality. Oh, they clamour to get into stuff with good pay and status. But I don’t see too many complaining that there are no females (I’ve never seen one) in some of the lower-caliber but grotty jobs. The ones we’re currently spared…standing out on garage forecourt in winter hosing down cars. Doing the night shift fixing potholes on a motorway on a January night. Unblocking sewers. Getting the girls at Tescos to rotate with the guys occasionally so the men get to arrange the clothes shop and the girls lug the sacks of spuds (never seen a female on greengrocery!) Are the Tesco girls champing at bit to be equal? Do your female friends whinge that they find it hard to get into emptying bins or clearing fat-bergs from blocked drains?? Women are only too glad to be spared all this. But until they agree to do it ALL we can never PRETEND to be ‘equal’. Just wanting ‘extra privileges’. Sort of like my granddaughter wanting to take on the good bits of my role (no bedtime! spending money!…but wanting to pass when I point out she has to clean the toilet and cook dinner too!)

  4. Feminism unfortunately has destroyed many of us good single men really looking for love today. And these women are so very dangerous just to start a normal conversation with too. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman that we think would be really nice to meet is very dangerous like i just mentioned since they will usually be very nasty to us and walk away. Feminism is very horrible today, and these type of women are the real cause unfortunately. MGTOW has really become a lot safer now for many of us men.

    • It depends how you say it. If, Trumplike, you sidle up and expect us to drop everything to acknowledge your very presence, then no. Let us carry on with our conversation, our job, our lives without having to give you the attention that you think is yours as a right. Another thing feminism has given us is the right for women to approach men who they find attractive or interesting without waiting to be approached first like teenagers at a high school hop. Assertive women have much more fun! And feminists really do like men. They just like, trust and support other women too, and don’t see another woman as competition for a man. Basically, feminists are cool with everyone provided they don’t tell them how they should be living their lives. If a woman or man wants to get married and have babies, then fine ; babies are cute and the world needs them. Just don’t be telling me it’s my biological destiny.

      • Lulu , you are a nightmare , any man who would be in a relationship with you is weak and probably not attractive at all . You are a man hater , you couldn’t handle a real man everything Suzanne wrote is true

  5. Oh boy, what a difference in the women today compared to the old days unfortunately. Most women were certainly real ladies at that time, and very much the opposite of today completely. Just by the way women are acting these days which makes the great majority of women now so very horrible altogether. As i can see that these women are just so very pathetic since they really are men haters too. They really have no respect for many of us men, no manners, their personality really stinks, they really think they’re all that, and the list goes on and on. It is very obvious why many of us men are still single today, and we really can certainly blame these type of women now for that one altogether. Hollering and demanding equal rights, and blaming us men for everything as well. A man would have to be real crazy to marry one of these women today, that is for sure. Staying single is the best option for us now anyway, since most of these women that are still single will never be able to hold on to a man anyway to begin with. Too very bad that the women in the old days are all gone unfortunately, and most women back then really did put these women today to real total shame too.

    • What a misogynistic and typically male centered response. Of course it’s ALL about YOU. The whole of history has been ALL about YOU and conveniently have written out Women.

      I find the author of this article ridiculous with her phrase that the goal of feminism is the destruction of motherhood or family life. Almost every feminist I know is a wife and mother – but Women have a right to want more and be able to realize their personal dreams and aspirations- not just men.

      • The real problem though is that many of us single men can’t meet a good woman anymore these days unfortunately.

  6. Feminist of old did fight for equality and opportunity for women. If I were a woman raced in the 60s or before I would call myself a feminist. I do not embrace that terminology today.

    Feminism often is anti-male, just look at how many feminists do not embrace male victims of sexual assault.

    I have been told by many feminist moms that they can be and are the mother and father to their children. After my mom died, I was raised by my father. I know the difference. I had amazing parents, but each served a different role. A wonderful mother cannot be a father, nor can a wonderful father be a mother.

    I recognize that men and women are equal but different however I do not see that concept echoed from a lot of the women who rally behind feminism.

    I also don’t instantly rally around women just because they are women. Social Services are built around the mantra that children belong with their mothers. Sometimes this is true, but sometimes it is the worst possible thing for the child. This morning, I read about a mother who allowed her toddler to be abused and molested by her boyfriend. The child was removed from her custody when she suffered a severe head injury only to be returned to her mother once she was healed. The abuse then continued.

    This double standard exist throughout Social Services and the court system. Women are strong, assertive and independent until they are accused of a crime. Then whatever guy they were with is the culprit and ringleader, the poor weak woman couldn’t stand up to the strong man. Sometimes this might be the case, but a lot of the time it isn’t.

    Feminism today is not something I identify with.

  7. Just so many feminists man hating lesbians that are everywhere now that have caused this problem to begin with unfortunately. Gee Wiz, no wonder why so many of us men can’t meet a good woman anymore these days.

  8. Suzanne, you can say you are not a feminist, because despite your contrary belief, your mother was a feminist. You have no idea what your mother went through when she set out as a trail blazer working in a male dominated industry. You have no idea how much harder she had to work just to be seen as almost an equal to her male counterparts. She worked hard and then gave you a voice to write this article. I’m speaking from experience as a woman who has been in a male dominated industry for 30 years. it is still really hard, and I’m tired, but I appreciate women like your mother who broke trail so that I could tread a little lighter. And to all your points, I love my coworkers, otherwise I wouldn’t be there, and I appreciate that the sexes are different because I’m more detail oriented and can multitask better (in general) than my male counterparts…and I don’t have daddy issues, except that I loved him and wanted to follow in his footsteps.

    You told another commenter that she was drinking the coolaid, but I believe the opposite is true, you e been told that being a feminist is something that is “anti” but it’s actually something that is “pro”.

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