4 Lies the Culture Tells Women

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It’s HERE! How to Get Hitched (and Stay Hitched): A 12-Step Program for Marriage-Minded Women has officially on the market! (Aug 31, 2021) You can now purchase a copy for yourself or for your adult daughter or for any single woman you know!

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To the casual observer, marriage in America may appear to be falling out of fashion. After all, the U.S. marriage rate is down, and we’re constantly deluged with stories about the merits of singlehood.

But if flying solo is so great, why are online dating sites a billion-dollar industry, replete with clients looking to get hitched?

Clearly, the marriage-minded abound. “The desire of those who have never been married to get married someday remains high,” writes Jeffrey M. Jones at Gallup, “with more than eight in 10 singles hoping to marry.”

This will be easier said than done, as dating is demonstrably harder than it used to be. In fact, many will argue that traditional dating is dead, thanks to the massive social changes of the past few decades.

Dating apps and social media appear the obvious culprits. And while these certainly play a role in dismantling the dating process, the truth is more complex.

Until recently, getting hitched has been a rite of passage to which most women (and men) looked forward. It was considered life’s main event, not a side dish or a capstone to an otherwise happy and fulfilling life. Sadly, that is precisely how women today are groomed to view marriage and family: as an afterthought.

My inbox is loaded with women who believed four lies the culture tells: that sex is just sex, that marriage + motherhood = jail, that women should “never depend on a man,” and that career success will (and should) define them.

The women who succumbed to these lies are now picking up the pieces of a life gone awry, as they made decisions early on about love and money and career with false information. The constant refrain I hear from women is something akin to this:

“My entire life would be different if I’d known you in my twenties.”

That’s why I wrote How to Get Hitched (and Stay Hitched): A 12-Step Program for Marriage-Minded Women. I don’t want you to end up calling me ten years down the line.

And you won’t have to—if you map out a countercultural life.

The culture (and possibly even your parents) groomed you to become cogs in the workplace, as though you are no different from men. But you are different and as a result have a much shorter window than men do in which to get your lives in order.

It is perfectly normal to want to be a wife and mother and to prepare for this well in advance of doing so. It is also fair to assume you will put your professional aspirations on hold when that day comes since that is what most women do. Your priorities will change dramatically around the age of thirty. You can count on it.

That’s why my advice is this: Be intentional in your twenties about love and money and career. You will pay a steep price—romantically, financially, and professionally—if you are not.

And know this: Whom you marry, and how that marriage fares, will have the single greatest effect on your happiness and well-being than anything else you do. It will be the axis upon which all other decisions are made.

So be as ambitious about love as you are about career. Don’t waste time on relationships that are going nowhere. Don’t marry a man who hasn’t found his professional footing. Don’t choose a career that offers no flexibility. Instead, prioritize love and family and make all other life choices accordingly.

That’s what I did, and it made all the difference.