5 Reasons Men Should Avoid Casual Sex, Too

Last week I wrote an article entitled “Ladies, Stop Trying to Have Sex Like a Man.” In it, I wrote that the birth control pill may keep women from getting pregnant, but it can’t do a thing about female nature.

A woman’s unique sexual psychology isn’t designed for hookups. The oxytocin that floods her body causes her to get attached whether she intends to or not. This is true even for sexually liberal women.

Men are different. They have oxytocin, too, but a much smaller amount—and are thus more capable of detaching after a hookup. That this is true, however, doesn’t mean men should take advantage of this fact. Nor does it necessarily mean they’ll walk away unscathed.

Here are 5 reasons why men should avoid uncommitted sex, too:

  1. She will likely get attached, and you won’t. As a man, you may not be interested in having a relationship—and she may tell you she isn’t either. But whether she’s telling the truth or not, the chances of her wanting something more after the fact is huge. You and she are not sexual equals.
  2. She may accuse you of sexual misconduct afterward, even if it was she who initiated the sex. Let’s face it: In the age of #Metoo, you just can’t afford to sleep with women you don’t know extremely well. As one astute commenter of my article wrote:

    “The reality is that in so many cases where we have facts because of law suits following a Title IX kangaroo court, the women clearly wanted a relationship when she was giving herself away immediately. In case after case, her texts are explicit and clear and her follow-up texts are just as clear, that she felt used, even when it was her who initiated the “casual hook-up.” She was unaware that it is difficult to get from what she did to what she wanted, that the boy may not have ever been that “in to her,” just wanting to enjoy the physical act. Then, in case after case, a college advocate, a feminist advisor or professor convinces the woman that any intercourse or physicality that she regrets later is a crime and that the man who was an equal participant, not an aggressor, needs to be punished. The man is often then pilloried, his good name ruined, booted out of college, his reputation in tatters and all for a completely consensual “hook-up” that the female half of the equation regretted or became angry about later, often it seems because it didn’t lead to a lasting relationship.”

  3. If she’s older, she might tell you she’s using birth control when she’s not bc she wants a baby—and then bam, all of the sudden you’re a dad. With so many women postponing marriage indefinitely, many get desperate for a baby in their thirties and will use a man to get the sperm they need. Your entire life can be ruined by a simple roll in the hay. Don’t let it happen to you.
  4. It’s wrong to use someone for personal gain. This really should be the first on the list, honestly. No one should ever “use” anyone. It’s wrong, pure and simple. And you will likely feel badly for doing so.
  5. You should respect women even when they don’t respect themselves. As a culture, we hail (as we should) the man who refrains from taking advantage of a woman when she’s drunk. In the vast majority of cases, women who engage in one-night stands are drunk. That they may come on to you under such circumstances doesn’t give you license to take advantage of them. Always treat a woman the same way you would if she were sober: with respect.

There’s a simple solution to not landing in any one of the above scenarios: never go to bed with a woman you don’t love deeply and know extremely well. To do so is to play with fire.

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

Reader Interactions


  1. Mark says

    There are other reasons to avoid the casual lay. There are venereal diseases that aren’t curable, for example. The media doesn’t talk about them, because they promote casual sex. Having sex with someone does mean mixing your energies with theirs. If you see a couple that has had a loving relationship for years, you see that they each take on the other’s energy. Seeing sex as a purely physical act is a perception. It is a very inadequate perception. Americans, particularly, are very materialistic, and ignore the spiritual, the energy, side of life. I saw 10’s in college, that turned my stomach, that made me feel like vomiting. I could feel their energy. A 10 who hates herself, hates men, hates the world, has some nasty energy, that you get a dose of, when you even just talk to her. Having sex with someone means you open up your entire energy field to them. You pick up all their emotional trash. Test this. Spend about a half hour in a good meditation, say in nature, near a stream, or where you can hear the breeze in the trees. Get really open to energy, open up your heart. Feel the joy of being a part of the larger spiritual system. Now enter a singles bar. It feels really, really bad, doesn’t it? I can’t enter such bars. i feel sick to my stomach. I have dealt with women I knew to be prostitutes. I don’t criticize them, I don’t make their choices for them. I will say that I cannot imagine mixing my energies with theirs. Feminists are just painful to be near, I have to stay away from them. They are painful just in their presence, even before they talk. I know more than a few men who simply do not seek out casual sex, at all. It has no value to them. In today’s hypersexualized world, they don’t boast of this. Even when I was in the military, the majority of single men didn’t go to the clubs, or bars. The men who did go to the bars were usually divorced, had their hearts broken, and had scar tissue on their hearts. The men of my family have a very simple rule. If we can’t imagine ourselves married to a woman, we do not have sex with her. Just as you say, Suzanne, technology fails, the woman “forgot” to take the pill, whatever. When i was in college, I simply wanted to speak with women, to learn, to explore the early phases of a relationship. I wasn’t after sex, I had an education to finish. I had trouble finding this. The women were too busy playing with alpha bad boys.

    • Myself says

      The more I learn about women, the more I avoid them.

      Facebook is as close as I’ll get these days and I’m debating on if that’s to much.

      I always thought I’d be married with a bunch of kids at this point in my life, not 18 years MGTOW monk avoiding women for my own safety.

      MGTOW isn’t a choice, it’s a reaction.

  2. Medicine Hawk says

    Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.
    The Sun hath no light like that of a woman beloved.

    Young man, would ye plant your seed
    Plant it not, where grows the weed
    Till your plot, with smiles, and love
    And rain shall come, from up above

    A plant, beloved, grows strong, and green
    A plant without your care, grows lean
    Would ye seek a bounteous harvest
    You must in the Spring, invest

    Cast not your seed, where grows the thorn
    Lest pain in thy heart, be full born
    Love is like a gentle rain
    that brings to the farmer, gain

    Would ye have a loving wife
    Fill her with love, all your life

  3. Reshawn says

    Here is some ancient advice, on this subject. No endorsement of religion is implied.
    It is interesting to see what parents taught their children, centuries ago. This is a mother speaking, to her son.

    Listen, my son! Listen, son of my womb! Listen, my son, the answer to my prayers!
    Spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.
    It is not for kings to drink wine, not for rulers to crave beer, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed, and deprive all the oppressed of their rights.
    Let beer be for those who are perishing, wine for those who are in anguish!
    Let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.
    Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.
    Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

    Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

    A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
    Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
    She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
    She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
    She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
    She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
    She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
    She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
    She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
    In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
    She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
    When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
    She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
    She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
    [All clothing was spun, and handmade, at the time this was written.]
    She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
    She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
    [Women of my mother’s generation were often like this]
    She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
    Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
    “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
    Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.
    Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

    Arab Proverbs:
    If someone says If someone says “There is a wedding ceremony in the clouds,” then the women would soon arrive with their ladders.

    Four things come not back. The spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life, and the neglected opportunity.

    The devil tempts all men, but idle men tempt the devil.

    The tree of silence bears the fruit of peace.

    All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.

    When you have spoken the word, it reigns over you. When it is unspoken you reign over it.

    A wise man’s day is worth a fool’s life.

    The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.

    When danger approaches, sing to it.

    Heaven is at the feet of Mothers.

    A man profits more by the sight of an idiot than by the orations of the learned.

    The words of tongue should have three gate keepers: Truth, Kindness, and Utility.

  4. Medicine Hawk says

    There is no such thing as casual sex. From a Hawaiian point of view, anyone you touch, you are connected to with an aka thread, of energy. Anyone you have sex with, you have a massive aka connection to. Which is why spouses feel each other’s energy. Men, and women, think, oh yes, here we are, this is just a casual encounter. I found a woman, once, that did a lot for me. I was on training, and I was the alpha male of the course. She was divorced, lost custody of her child. Well, she was fantastic, I was on fire. There was only one small problem. She was very, very alcoholic. She had much pain to self-medicate for. Extrication wasn’t that easy. I couldn’t just reject her, she definitely had the character to take a nasty revenge. I had to disassemble her image of me as an alpha male, and become a beta. I had to hack away at the aka connections, as if I was cutting jungle vines with a machete. It took a while. Finally she broke it off. It was for the best. She needed to resolve her alcohol and emotional issues.

    Sex can result in children. Children are a long term obligation. Outsiders don’t understand what this involves. I have a daughter, a wonderful daughter. We took her to a swimming hole. She loved it. Emotion is not easy to communicate in words. I’ll try.

    In a stream, my daughter wades
    In the Sun, and forest glades
    Laughing, she sounds like a bird
    Gurgling in her every word
    Pure happiness, she lives in moment
    Chortling joy, her only comment
    The quiet chorus, of the water
    Holds the laughter of my daughter
    Though she seems a flowerbud
    She had her first monthly blood
    Oh dear God, help me to guide her
    To her most outstanding future
    I see the Sun, through spring green trees
    And smell the fragrant, new spring breeze

    When you see your child, born, something in your guts is also born. You now have a connection with a living being, that cannot see, speak, walk, or otherwise take care of itself. It trusts you enough to come to you. When my daughter was born, the feeling realization that I couldn’t do stupid things any more came to me- she was dependent on me. Her first words came. The first day of school is another major transition. Somebody bullies her, and you figure out a way to help her. He was the biggest kid in her class, so you showed her how to do a Judo sidestep, to trip him, when he comes to bother her. She does it, he comes up swinging, and the teachers see him and pull him out. He has no credibility- he is the biggest kid in the class, she is small, and female. You pay for her piano lessons. Her first date is a transition, you worry about the guy she’s with. You explain to her the dangers of sex, of people who have been drinking, drugs, and so on. You broke up with her mother, who is insane, and you have to help your precious child deal with all the BS her mother tells her, and not insult her mother, and somehow resolve the disharmony. Somehow you do it. You let her go with her friends, to the state fair, worrying. She trusts you, and you know you can’t abuse her trust, so when she tells you who among her classmates is doing drugs, who is having sex with whom, who has a drinking problem, and so on, you can’t share it. And the harshest discipline is that she doesn’t listen to you. She copies your behavior. She graduates from high school. She totals your car. And learns that actions come with consequences. She goes to college. You do all you can for her. She graduates. She gets her first job. She has some complaints. You loan her money because she didn’t understand that credit cards need to be paid off monthly. She has her first fiancé, who turns out to be a royal bas..rd. She’s smart enough to dump him early. She gets married, to a great guy. She has her first kid, and you see that first kid, and the whole Lion King circle of life kicks in. And what you see here is only words, which do not communicate the great emotion of you guiding this precious extension of yourself- and that is what it feels like. You feel her pain, and her joy. And you hug those grandkids. I am an artist. None of the art I’ve created even comes 10% of the art of raising a child to adulthood. It is the most demanding martial art, or spiritual art, available for personal growth. And now that I know all this, will I ever take a risk with some woman who has so little self-esteem that she would sleep with some guy, without knowing him very well? No thanks. Married or not, 9 or 10, no thanks. I see single moms, who were not warned about the bad boys. They have a load they will never give up. They seek male support, but mostly they don’t get it. Men fear them, and with reason. I understand both sides. There is a reason every single culture on the face of the earth has some kind of committed relationship structure, for parents. It works. Nothing else works.

  5. Liu says

    Love isn’t a state of perfect caring… To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. –Fred Rogers

    Some of us experience disappointment over love- because we’ve not correctly defined it. We expect things to happen that don’t happen, and are surprised about what does happen. If we realize that love cannot be a joyride all the time, but rather a journey, it’s easier.

    We don’t love someone because they’re perfect. No-one is perfect. They may seem perfect, in the first thrill of connection. Until perception deepens. Then the spiritual challenge is to continue to love them, as they are. This is just as true of children, parents, friends and significant others. It hurts to see them get hurt and make mistakes, when they are stubborn and contentious, when they do and say foolish things. It hurts when they fail and suffer.

    The major lesson in life is agency- taking over the reins of self, and changing ourselves, rather than trying and failing to change others. Life offers to tools necessary to love others: patience, perseverance, humility, grace, loyalty, trustworthiness, reliability, honesty, kindness, open mind, open heart, discipline, forgiveness, responsibility, even temper, courage, attentiveness, optimism, balance, and appreciation. Our interactions with our loved ones are a daily school, to help use learn to cultivate these very important qualities in ourselves.

    Most people do not notice how loved ones have changed us. We wait until a person dies or moves away to realize what a big impact they have had on us, how they changed our lives. A good gratitude discipline is to appreciate the positive ways that our loved ones have affected us. Most people have had others who loved them into being. Who are the people who have helped you become who you are? A basket is not strong because of its individual elements. A basket is strong because of the relationships of the individual elements.

    -Fred Rogers, of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.

    He wore sweaters, because his arms were covered in tattoos. He was a marine, in WW II, in some of the worst fighting. He came back from that wanting to help the world heal. He did a good job of that.

    Casual sex is like casual military service in a combat zone, with IED’s around. In short, it ain’t.

  6. Syd Jones says

    “You should respect women even when they don’t respect themselves. As a culture, we hail (as we should) the man who refrains from taking advantage of a woman when she’s drunk. In the vast majority of cases, women who engage in one-night stands are drunk. That they may come on to you under such circumstances doesn’t give you license to take advantage of them. Always treat a woman the same way you would if she were sober: with respect.”

    Why? Why in any way at all, should women be given an ounce more respect than men?

    I am totally surprised Susan that you are peddling this gynocentric slavery of men, demanding that no matter what their circumstances, they must observe the traditions of chivalry, which we all know is only a construct of slavery to men. It is intrinsically evil and has no place in this world. It is indeed anti-Christian, because it places men at the feet of women, meaning that women are gods when compared to men. This is a mortal sin….a breach of one of the Ten Commandments. Women are not above men and should also never be treated like ignorant, naive or innocent children. What you and the establishment espouse is lunacy and also discriminatory against men.

    Men going down on one knee to pledge fealty to a woman when asking her hand in marriage is a mortal sin. I have instructed all my sons to never commit such a terrible sin.

    There is an old saying I read somewhere on the internet years ago, but don’t know where and it goes something like this, ‘You look at your peers (meaning brothers and sisters) in the eyes; you bow before your king, but you only ever bend at the knee before The Lord your God!’

    Susan, women deserve absolutely nothing more than men do. Women who behave in this manner deserve all that comes there way, just the same as men who behave this way. Society, has never cared about men at all, when it comes to drunken behaviour, except to punish them for their misdeeds. If a man and a woman are under the influence and she goes after him for sex, then it is purely sex. NOT RAPE! She has no right to complain and is 100% at fault and to blame for her own situation and he has 0% responsibility for her decision. He is 100% responsible for his situation and she has 0% responsibility for him too.

    She deliberately set out to get lubricated and chase down some guy for sex. This is what usually happens, and then they wake up and find that the guy they ended up with, was not really what they wanted or he isn’t interested in her for a relationship at all, then she cries rape. That particular woman/girl should be locked up in prison for at least 10 years for making a false allegation of rape.

    It’s time people like you and all others, who claim to be human rights advocates and who claim to be against this man hating evil that feminism is, to start being truthful and start telling women to grow a spine and grow up. Tell them to stop blaming men, just because he didn’t want a relationship with her. It’s her fault she had sex, not his. If she doesn’t want these situations to occur, there is one very easy fix.

    Don’t go out man hunting for sex, after you have charged yourself up with a few drinks to get dutch courage. Don’t drop your knickers and spread your legs for anyone, except the man you are going to marry. And don’t dress like a slut, which is what most women do. They are advertising that they are whores and men who are of that mindset, will disrespect whores and any women that look like them, which unfortunately today, is most.

    • Suzanne Venker says

      Syd, I do all of these things re telling women t “grow up and treat men right.” This just happened to be a post for men. I argue for both men and women to treat each other with respect. And we’ll have to agree to disagree about the fact that I believe people should treat other people w respect reGARDless of how the people themselves behave.

      • Syd Jones says

        Hi Suzzanne,

        I don’t disagree with you on the equal respect issue. It it time to stop telling men to respect women no matter what these women do. If women are supposed to be every bit the same as men, then why is there ever any need to give any quarter to women over and above men?
        There is none!

        It is time for full equal human rights, which means stripping women of all the privileges they currently have over men and bringing them down to the same level men are at, which is where we have always been. Western Culture is crumbling before our eyes, because of these undeserved privileges that women have. We cannot sustain them any longer!

        Throughout all human history, both men and women had certain responsibilities that insured the development and survival of our societies around the globe. Feminism and the idiot males who gave way to them, have given women permission to shake off that very important yoke from around their necks, but at the same time feminists, their male supporters and virtually all other women, have demanded that all men keep that traditional yoke, plus take on the yoke that the women have dropped.

        This has to change now, before it gets too late, which I am afraid it almost is when it comes to the relations between the sexes.

        There is one other comment I would like to make if I may?

        You made a comment about women having sex like men. And I believe you were referring to the responsibility of it, but I do know your comment is much more nuanced than that and I appreciate it. However, there is this lie that has been peddled by feminists and many other women, which has also not been helped by idiot males who like to brag, that the majority of men ‘play the field’ prior to settling down and have done this since the dawn of time.

        Well, this is inherently false. Women are the gate keepers to sex. Always have been. Men cannot play any field without some woman dropping her knickers and spreading her legs. So just in that crude sense, the fact is men and women play the field as much as each other.

        Secondly, there is no evidence anywhere that is truthful, that will show the majority of men getting access to sex prior to marriage in generations of the past and I would believe it to not be that different today.

        Being a man myself, I can tell you that the largest proportion of the men I grew up with and worked with over many decades, never had sex with any female outside of the woman they ended up marrying, save for in their imaginations. The problem is, a lot of men will say they have sex when they haven’t, because they will be shamed if they say they were a virgin and they will get that from women just as much as men.

        It is a misnomer to suggest that the majority of men have had sex when single prior to committing to a marriage/defacto marriage.

        Anyway, thank you for the work you do. I am not here to criticise you, because you do good work. I’m just trying to point out that we need to kill off the chivalrous form of gynocentrism that has seen the destruction of countless lives of men over generations and that has now been weaponised by feminists and is being used today to further destroy many more men. Case in point, that wicked #MeToo movement.

        • Syd Jones says

          My apologies. Just realised that I have misspelled your name for a second time. And I read it over several times, but still didn’t see the double z. Sheesh!

        • Craig says

          True. The vast majority of men don’t have much sex, outside of marriage, if any. They are betas. And they know it. The alpha bad boys have it handed to them on a fleshy platter, more than they can keep up with. Ride a commuter bus, you’ll see lots of them.
          Most male college students don’t get any, or if any, very little. They won’t admit it, but it’s true. So the chimera of massive sexual experience feminists chase is a lie. That’s not the only lie they tell.

      • MalcolmN says

        It is however a question of asserting that women should be adult. If she wants casual sex, are you taking advantage, or are you accommodating. Have you ever been around when a woman is told no? Have you had the experience of a woman trying to get you drunk – so you would sleep with her? It is that this is not really always a question of taking advantage- but not earning their ire. The reality is, that it is long past time – that women be expected to be adults in this area. While men have good reason to avoid a drunk women – I have heard of men accused of rape – because they refused to have sex.

        Also – respect should be earned, and there are women who do not deserve it- drunk or sober – just as there are men. There are women who press the reality of being the protected gender – and the fact that they are given free reign. I would suggest that more broadly, men simply avoid situations where women might be seeking sex more generally – drunk or not.

    • David says

      There is one easy way to deal with drunk women who seek sex. Evade. Get away from them. Do your own wash and spin dry cycle, at home, at least you’ll be with someone you love. Let them crucify someone else. As for feminists, see them as the vicious predators they are, and go low profile, just as animals do when predators are around.

  7. Medicine Hawk says

    The only people really promoting respect in the USA, now, are Native American elders. There is a reason for this. Many Americans are extremely materialistic people. There is an interplay between spirit and matter, or energy and matter. Energy is potential. It is Yin. It is Goddess, to use an old term, such as Uli in the Hawaiian tradition, or the Holy Spirit, if you like a somewhat newer one. It is the Quantum Field, if you like scientific terminology. Energy is 99.999999% of what is. Look at astronomical distance. Planets and Suns occupy a very tiny part of a vast, empty space. Matter is metaphorically like a tiny island, poking up in a vast sea of energy.

    The two work together. The conscious mind, that deals with matter, can deal with up to eight pieces of information at a given time. The subconscious mind, which moves energy, can deal with 60 million bits of information, at a time. The conscious mind makes choices. The subconscious mind follows the lead of the conscious mind. An old analogy is that the horses are the subconscious mind, the carriage is the body, and the driver is the conscious mind.

    Our mass media are totally focused on the material. They ignore the spiritual, the energy side of life. They treat you as a manipulable side of beef, to get money out of you. Their sole purpose is to sell you products, which they do by depressing you, giving you unrealistic expectations, and filling your mind with garbage. Beer, as originally made, in Sumer, was a very nutritious soup, with lots of B vitamins. Beer as it is now is not very useful. We see alcohol ads on TV, with models, playing and happy. The reality of alcohol is broken dreams, throwing up, sick. Alcohol is what Americans use to self-medicate their pain. The pain they have is separation from the spirit. Or, the thirst for spirits is an unfocused search for the spirit.

    I don’t like being around people who drink alcohol. They feel horrible, act stupid, and are caricatures of themselves, when drunk. Some of them appear to be possessed by something that is not them. My father got very drunk, when I was nine, and something else was behind his eyes, something evil, something that struck me with great fear, deep in my being. Sleep with a drunk woman? Are you kidding? I don’t want to be the same room, no, not even in the same house, with her. I don’t want to see people at their worst. If a sober woman isn’t interested in me, I surely don’t want anything to do with her when she’s drunk. Why is she drinking? She feels empty. She seeks the spirit she saw on TV, of people interacting, and having fun together. She seeks connection. Only when we are connected, are we truly alive- Kahlil Gibran. And she consults her bank of images- oh, yes, the way to do that, is to get drunk. She saw it on TV, so it must be real.

    Americans are lonely. They want real friends, people they can have deep conversations with, people who support them, and listen when they have pain to drain. They want the flow that comes from connection. And they get ambushed by vicious sociopaths, which makes it worse. One thing I notice when I travel overseas is that most people are much, much more connected than Americans are, and they have fewer addicts. Though American ideas are spreading, as addiction spreads.

    Suzanne, what you say makes total sense- in a *****spiritual****** context. It comes off as random meaningless stuff, in a materialistic context. Religion and spirituality can overlap, but they are not the same thing. I won’t ever have sex with a drunk woman. Ever. I don’t care if she makes a Playboy bunny look ugly, I’m not interested. I don’t want to be around that low grade energy. I don’t know who you are, till I know who your friends are. You exchange energy with the people you are around- unless you know how to seal yourself off, and Americans don’t. Lie down with dogs, and you wake up with fleas. He who runs with wolves soon learns to howl. Though wolves are far more civilized than humans. How many alcoholic wolves are there? Native Americans of North America say they learned how to live, from wolves, just as Eskimos say they learned to hunt, and build houses, by watching polar bears.

    You are right on the money with this respect thing, Suzanne. Respect is the ***Center**** of the circle of community, this was on another blog of yours. Respect is the heart of community. Where there is no respect, there is no community, there are only animated hunks of meat. As Native American elders say, respect leads to rapport, which leads to trust. From trust grows communication. This becomes cooperation. Cooperation is how humans survive. A military unit is a super-entity, of cooperation, a group organism. Veterans miss the community they had, in the military, because our communities are very dysfunctional- disconnected. What does the media model? Gross, criminal disrespect. Disrespect has blowback. When you run a lot of disrespect for others, through your energy field, you start resonating to disrespect, yourself. And you disrespect yourself. Americans have little respect for themselves, especially women who get drunk.

    Bill W., a founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, went to Dr. Carl Jung, and asked how he could stop his drinking of alcohol. Jung said he had no idea, but he did know that God denied becomes addictions. We could say that spirit ignored, becomes addictions. America is one vast country of addicts, because they ignore the spiritual side of life- which is 99.99999% of existence. They cut themselves off from the flow of the spirit. I read of one alcoholic, breaking himself of the booze. An alkie “friend” offered him a drink. He saw his “friend’s” face turn into that of the witch, offering the apple, in Sleeping Beauty. That witch offers the apple of good and evil, just as the media does. There is no difference. And Americans are as asleep as the sleeping beauty.

    I choose not to drink alcohol. I accept that I have addictive behaviors. I have gone to AA meetings. They are as close to a Native American medicine circle as Americans get. And they tell the truth, there, mostly, which is rare for Americans. They form a supportive community.

    What is the heart of AA? Connecting to the “higher power”, the 99.9999% of existence that alcoholics ignored. You want to see the alcoholic dream realized? The reality of the advertisements? Go to any inner city. Notice the package stores, they grow like weeds. Notice the drunks, with paper bags, concealing booze, even in the daytime, and especially at night. When I look at alcohol, I see the tears of children, ignored, of spouses grieving, of dreams dying, of great pain, of temporary relief of the pain of separation from the spirit, and death. I see a grinning skull, on every bottle of alcohol I look at. The media promotes the materialism that is the foundation of addiction.

    I have never slept with random women. Too much risk. Too materialistic. Too disrespectful. This is not my path. The guys that I’ve seen who do so generally were hurt, deeply, so they armored their hearts, as Don Juan did (for the same reason), so they cannot be hurt again.

    • Rennie says

      Nothing against AA. It’s good to go there, to see what happens to people who drink a lot- men and women. The shelf life for alcoholic women is much shorter.

    • Rennie says

      You offer good advice Suzanne. Someone else on this blog said that most people will discover how true what you say is, the way a crash test dummy discovers a windshield

  8. Liu says

    You said to avoid these women because they will get attached, make false accusations, forget their birth control, exploitation is involved, and respect is important. This is good reason to avoid most American women even when they are sober, and only drunk on feminism. Native American warrior societies sometimes forbade men in them to have any sex, just as the Knights Templar did. When you evaluate a martial arts teacher, you look at the advanced students. They are further down the path. If they are sloppy, this tells you the teacher has no idea what he is doing.

    Look at alcoholic women, who are further down the path. You can do this for free, at any AA meeting. Really listen to them talk. Notice how they speak, notice their energy. Is this a supportive partner you want to be with, for a long time? Then listen to the men. They are further on the path. They can teach you to make better choices. If you’re going to feel pain, in life, it is so much better to feel it in other people’s bodies, when they are screwing up. Americans have the materialist idea that they can interact with people, and not form connections. This is not so. Sex is never casual. When you get involved with people, cutting them off is not easy.

  9. Mark says

    “Should” is not useful. It describes something not happening now, probably didn’t happen in the past, and with precedent like that, is unlikely to happen in the future.

    There are much better reasons to avoid casual sex. The man does not know the woman well. How does he know she’s not a psychopath? Does he? Is she pretending to be drunk, so he’ll drink? Why would any man incapacitate himself, around an unknown person? Warren Farrell notes several incidents of women applauding news of men getting killed by women. Interesting. I’ve seen many women who can put on a facade, but who are totally f’ingly insane. The courts do nothing to them, when they commit crimes. Women literally get away with murder, and the FBI hides it by playing games with crime statistics. Casual sex with an unknown woman is something like coming on to a rabid female mountain lion. It is not going to come out well. How do you know she doesn’t have a friend, to take your wallet, or just the cash and credit cards? Happens a lot. Tucker Max had this to happen to him. He also had two crazy drunk women pounding on his door, one Saturday night, so much so neighbors threatened to call the police. His books are funny, and yet pathetic, in a way. Look into the hearts and minds of the women he was with. It’s sad.

    It’s not about should. It’s a question of rationally measuring risk. Sex with unknown women is risky.

  10. Don says

    I was stationed at Udorn Royal Thai Air Force Base, in the 1960’s. There were bars outside, of course. And hookers. Suay mak, na khrap? Nitnoi. Even hookers under 18. The rate at that time varied from 50 American cents, a few baht, to maybe $5. Soldiers are lonely, overseas, as a rule. But the majority of those stationed at the base didn’t even go to those places. They did the tourist thing, yes. Some might have had a live in girlfriend. Soi Cowboy, in Bangkok- I wouldn’t go there on a dare. It’s not safe. Totally aside from the ladyboys. Phuket, Hua Hinh, and the other sleepy beach towns, are now all sex tourism destinations. I can’t visit them. Makes me sick. It is a measure of our media that they are all upset when men go overseas, for sex tourism. American women have gone to Europe, and other places, for sex tourism, since at least the 1960’s, and before. British women particularly enjoy Turkey, as one example. Women play more than men do, because they can. If a man asks a women how many men she’s been with, she always undercounts. In a store, you have some guarantees of quality. You have no such guarantee with an unknown woman. You don’t know what you’re getting. It’s risky.

    • Bob says

      Sawatdee khrap, farang. Yes, sex was really cheap, there. I was in Korat RTAFB. Remember the Happy Home bar? On Suranaree street? I went in there once, just to see what it was like. And I got out quickly. You get what you pay for, and you pay for what you get. I went downtown, to see the statue of Lady Mo. Remember her? The Burmese army invaded, and put all the men behind bars. Lady Mo organized the women that of course the Burmese men wanted to sleep with. She ensured they had an unforgettable night. Once the men got what they wanted, they slept. And every single one of them was killed, with knives, by the women. And they put up that statue of her, right in downtown Korat. A statue. To a woman who organized the mass killing of foreign military men interested in casual sex. Is that a culture where you want to get drunk and engage in casual sex? The Bob Hope 1967 Christmas special, that he did in Korat, and several other places, is on youtube now. I was in that huge crowd. The jokes seem really corny now. They were very funny, back then. I didn’t go playing with the pooyings. No thanks. You can walk the streets of Korat on Google Earth. It’s totally changed, though.

  11. Craig says

    Feminists are addictively and ferociously materialistic. A materialist knows there isn’t enough, and so, takes all they can. They live in fear and hate. Someone on a spiritual foundation knows there is plenty, and gives as much as s/he can. They live in love, and joy. You can’t turn down a woman, she’ll revenge herself. So you say you’re tired, you feel sick, you’re gay… whatever feels likely to work. If you aren’t in her sights, she can’t fire at you. All the military services know of the barracks rats, who don’t go to bars on the weekends. They stay in the barracks, they go to parks, they read, and they avoid women.

  12. Jonathan says

    Let us speak of individual experience, vs. aggregate behavior. There is a massive difference. Ann Coulter was on some TV show, and noted that the kindest thing a single mom could do was to give up her children for adoption. That’s a shock jock statement. Women immediately reacted, like “My mother raised me, and she did a good job.” No woman in the audience could tell the difference between her individual experience, and the combined experience of all. Ann noted that 70% of criminals are products of single parent families. If you want to see the feminist paradise, you can go to the inner city slums, and see it. Do it when the kids are in school, it is safer. Freakonomics asked “why do so many drug dealers live with their mothers?” Single moms raised most or all those people. And you paid for it, with your taxes. Yes, it is possible to succeed, in that circumstance, but it’s like trying to run a marathon, with a 50 lb pack. There are stats elsewhere on this blog, about the major problems products of single parents have. I raised a child myself, as a single parent, for more than ten years. It’s hard. When you have family, and a spouse, backing you up, it is much easier. So, individual experience is NOT the same as the aggregate. Feelings are not facts.

    I saw a genetic study, which noted that historically, about 80% of women were able to reproduce. And only about 40% of men were able to reproduce. Why is that. Women are hypergamous. They go for the guy with assets. Female gorillas go for the bigger, meaner male. Does go for the stag, not the yearling. Remember the C students in high school, the guys? They didn’t have many dates, as a rule. In my high school, they were mostly invisible. Athletes were the alpha males, and they had no lack of female companionship. Nerds were even more invisible. The fact is that the majority of men in the USA are not seeking out casual sex, or if they are, they are unsuccessful. What do young women experience? Men who are interested in them, which is a small part of the whole population of men. They extrapolate from personal experience. And they are wrong. Of the single men in my military unit, at least 80%, and probably 90%, were not having casual sex. They had other goals, they were doing college courses, they had a motorcycle, whatever. Oh, they’d go “yeah yeah” when some guy was boasting, and never admit they weren’t getting any. But they weren’t getting any. When you live with other people, you know what they do with their time. The boasters weren’t getting much, either. The guys who were getting a lot were in their 30’s, or 40’s, usually divorced. Military bases then, and even now, have a population with a high male to female ratio. Yet if you went into the clubs, nearby, there were always more women than men. Clubs have free nights for women, they know that having women in the clubs means business. I saw guys in college buying drinks for women, to hopefully get more. But I didn’t see them being successful. I never did that, not even once. I was too busy mastering my craft, my studies. I worked more than full time, with full time courses. I had no time at all for bars, or women. I sanded the pole, so to speak, to keep my drive down. I didn’t want distractions. Never mind.

    The assumption in this blog title is that there are a lot of men doing casual sex. It isn’t true. Yes, you can find men in the singles bars. But women don’t know where to go, to find men who aren’t seeking out casual sex. If men aren’t seeking out casual sex, mostly they aren’t seeking out women. They are invisible to women. Tucker Max talks about his life, and notes how many men in college, when he was there, weren’t getting any. His books sell well, because they are like romance novels for men, men can have safe, vicarious experience of the wild life, without the hangovers, STDs, and so on.

    George Clooney had a mullet at one time, when he was young, and looked like a dork. All of a sudden, in his 40’s, he was established, and he started doing very well with the ladies. I explain to young men that they need to get themselves established, and that when they are thirty, then they will be far more attractive to women. I also note that the women who are ignoring and dissing them are all going out with older men, who are established. Then I tell them that when they are thirty or so, they will be attractive- to younger women, because they will be older. And the women who dissed them won’t be very attractive, and will start getting desperate. Young women are treated like queens. They can go to bars, or wherever, and they are treated like royalty. Cops don’t give them tickets. They get minor car repairs free. When they hit 30, or so, the fan mail slows down. They can still get a 19 year old for a night, maybe, so they can tell themselves they still have it. By 37, they are getting nervous. They don’t understand that they have a “sell by” date. That’s a cruel, materialistic statement. It also reflects reality. You want to sell your stock when it’s at its peak, not when it’s in a trough.

    This blog title does not reflect the fact that casual sex is largely not available, to average younger men, or if it is, it is very expensive. It never was readily available. Women line up for the bad boys, but the average guy just doesn’t get much, if any. Younger men get married thinking the sex will be great. At first, in the pair bonding time, it is. Then it goes down an energy level or two, to the pair maintenance phase. Or the wife has a child, porks up, and just doesn’t care about hubby’s needs. There are plenty of men who avoid women. They aren’t gay. They just aren’t interested. The military is full of them. The military prefers them. Warrior monks are nothing new.

    The lesson for men is simple. When they are young, they are in a seller’s market, and the price is usually beyond their means. When they are older, they are in a buyer’s market, and life changes, a lot. Look at the surveys, of men in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s. Their desire to get married goes down, as they hit each new decade. Women do the reverse- they are more and more interested in marriage, as they hit each new decade. Because women get far more out of marriage, than men do, at far less risk.

    Casual sex is very risky, for American men. Many know that. Marriage is also very risky, and more and more men know that.

  13. Pete says

    I know more than a few men, who, when casual sex appears likely, hear the robot saying “Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!” and say “Activate cloaking device, Mr. Sulu. And get us out of here!” Bait can often indicate that a trap is nearby.

    • Rennie says

      A 10 at 2 AM, in an alcoholic haze, becomes a 2 at 10 AM. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. And the hangover.

  14. Felipe says

    Romance novels are for women what porn is for men. A substitute for the real thing. One must understand that it is simply unrealistic fantasy. Casual sex is also an unrealistic fantasy. There are men in their 40’s, and older, who quit playing with women. What is the probability of success picking up a woman in a bar, for casual sex, for those who aren’t rich? Small. Men with little spare time, that is, men who work, who are over 30 or so, don’t have much time to play a game with low odds of success, and high risk. You go into a restaurant, you order a meal, the meal comes. You pay for it. Simple exchange. And you get your meal 99.999% of the time. Women in bars are not in any way simple, and the probability of success is small. A man over 40 isn’t willing to throw away his time, for low odds of success. I know a couple of guys who go into bars where unmarried women in their 30’s and 40’s go, looking for men. They sit at a table, and ignore the women. The women do everything in their power to get the guys’ attention. It doesn’t work. They do exactly what women in their 20’s do to men- ignore them. Casual sex is like casually playing with fire, and gasoline. It’s not safe. When Americans go into the woods, they go in making a lot of noise. Animals hear a large predator, and hide. One sees few animals this way. If you get very quiet, and quiet your mind, and stop disturbing the flow, the animals start coming out of hiding again. Women don’t understand that many men are like these animals- they vanish. Suzanne, what you say is useful. It assumes there aren’t already a lot of men who avoid casual sex, though. I estimate that more than 50% of men who could opt for casual sex either can’t, or don’t. The engineering students I saw in college had no time for bars, or women. They were studying 6-9 hours/day, not counting classes. The hatred feminists show is partly based on the men they deal with. But lots of men won’t deal with them, or even talk to them. They have a very skewed sample.

    • Tom says

      Well, then there is Chivalry. Is Chivalry dead? Chivalry is basically respect. Who invented it? *^*Women*^* . Eleanor of Aquitaine was a main player. Respect is a two way street. There is also respect for circumstances. If I’m on a street, in New York City, in a not so great area, and I notice three men triangulating me, I do something to scramble their rhythm, like cross the street. I pay attention. Were I a woman… getting drunk around men, drinking, simply isn’t a good idea. I as a man don’t like to be around people drinking alcohol. There is also respect for self.

  15. Eli says

    Young men are on fire, when puberty hits. It is a major distraction. But mostly they don’t have access. Most do not have access in their early 20’s. They make claims, perhaps, to avoid shaming. But many don’t have much access. The top 10% of men do, yes. Women assume they represent all men. They do not. But men not in the top 10% are invisible, to most women. They may go to bars. Many strike out. After ten years of successful work, men start becoming visible. After at least 15 years of being ignored. Some things change. He has some choices, in women. If he’s divorced by then, he has a different outlook on life. There are personality shifts in the early 30’s, for both genders. Both tend to become more focused. More aware women may start looking for a long term relationship. Men might, also. Sex becomes more available to men, as they hit their 30’s, but less desirable. I read some advice from an old man, who said that he was constantly thinking about sex when he was a teenager. Once he had some, he still had interest, but not as much. Sex is really a part of a relationship, however long it lasts. Casual sex is like casually playing with high voltage lines. It may come out ok. There is risk. Some people are turned on by high risk. Those who are sane avoid high risk. All of life is balancing risks and rewards. Rational people tend to choose less risk, with a good reward. There are many reasons to avoid casual sex. You didn’t mention STDs. You didn’t mention just how crazy women can be, in all relationships. You seem to think that all men are Tucker Max, or George Clooney. They aren’t. Tucker and George offer vicarious fantasy, that most men will never realize. If life is so good for men, why do 4 times as many men as women commit suicide? Why do men die 7 years younger than women, on average? Your point here is valid. You might have asked… since, men, most women aren’t interested in one night stands, and they assume that sexual interest is interest in their whole person, and that allowing a man entrance into their physical bodies is a form of hospitality, of welcoming, of a presumably trusted guest… insulting the host greatly, by treating the encounter as no more than a visit to the bathroom, cuts them to their core. It deeply wounds them, with a wound they may carry for the rest of their lives. It cuts them as much as you were cut, when you were turned down, by the first girl you asked out for a date, if not more. You might have asked what the value is, to use a human being for self-gratification, and then dumping her, immediately after, as if she were disposable, is. You might have asked how cutting women to their core, with the pain of rejection, after sex, does anything for anyone. Wounds scar up, but they never really heal. What was the name of that lion who couldn’t be king. Scar. There are men who are not so armored that they can feel the effects of their actions on others. One problem women have, is that they generalize way too fast. They assume that one or two experiences of something defines that. Women who do seek one night stands have no respect at all, for the men they hook up with. I find them unpleasant to be around. We do need to separate the genders, in college. The coed experiment isn’t working.

    • Harv says

      Feminists compare lower class women with very rich men, to stoke their resentment. Men and women of the same social strata generally live about the same, with men somewhat worse off. The “patriarchy”, such as it exists, is of the very rich. That last Rockefeller grandson, who died recently, had a different woman every night. The very rich live in a very different place. Bill Clinton spends time near his library, surrounded by unclad young things. No cameras are present. Hugh Hefner did publicly what many ultra rich men do privately. Women want the very rich, and may invest some sexual contact in hopes of getting a long term relationship with a rich man. But the rich can afford expensive lawyers. I was impressed by the rich kids I saw in college. They had new cars, used all kinds of drugs, drank a lot of booze, had sexual access to many women, and generally lived very well. I remember a guy talking about one daughter of the rich, “You don’t play with her. She plays with you.” They played around, too, a lot. I worked, and studied very much. I did get married in college. It was a mistake on my part. She was very immature, played around, and left. It is much better for a man to wait till he is 30, roughly, as only then does he start to acquire wisdom. And avoiding casual sex is a good idea. Not because of any “shoulds”, but because of the risk.

  16. Chris says

    There is an even better reason to avoid casual sex. Let’s talk about a man, who’s been in a relationship for three years. He loves her, enough to be with her. She’s also a tyrant, and he knows his life would be hell, if he married her. She calls him often, to check on where he is. He comes home late, and her car is there, and she says she missed him, had to come and see him. He knows better. She fights with such passion and hatred that reconciliation seems impossible. After one argument, the woman slit his tires three times, keyed his car, and when he caught her at 2 AM, going up to his car with a can of spray paint, and stopped her from messing with his car, he should have canned her then and there. He didn’t. She asks her friends why he hasn’t proposed. Maybe it is because wiser men want to see what kind of an ex she would be, since divorce rates are over 50%. That vengeful, before they are even married, is a nasty warning of trouble. If he has children with here, there is no divorce, really, there is only painful separation, and he gets to see his children suffer. THe woman he’s seeing bitches, insults, nags, makes painful comparisons, and when she’s with her girls, says, “Yeah I got that guy under control, I’m fixing him to be the husband I want!” and high fives… he may not see it that way. Men can’t imagine women like this as an ex wife, and really can’t even see them as a wife, because they are processing all the abuse. Jealous, insecure women, and most women are, are a massive risk. Men want to know what tolerance level a woman has. They know they’ll get home late from work, or maybe talk to a woman in the street and the wife’s friend tells her. The price of marriage was high for men, 50 years ago. And it is sky high now. Business is largely risk tolerance. Men know they have no power in marriage, so their risk tolerance is tanking, getting lower and lower. Avoiding casual sex is simply wise, for a man. There is minimal risk to women, in casual sex. There is massive risk, for a man, in it.

  17. Marc Ange says

    Avoiding casual sex. Yes. Avoiding pain. What do you avoid in avoiding this.
    1. The Drama queens, who are addicted to conflict, and chaos. As you, a man, get older, your tolerance of BS will lessen. Women who engage in CS [gosh, that’s also the abbreviation of Chlorosulfobenzalmalononitrile, aka tear gas.] do not have stable emotions, and they do like taking risks. Which means they’ve taken risks before. With diseased men. Maybe one of them is on the way home to be with her, just as things get hot. Oh, and he’s on probation, after beating the heck out of some guy, with a baseball bat. Some women like side action.
    2. You have no idea if they share your core values, or lifetime goals. They might have been dumped and cut to the core, recently, with a strong desire to strike back at men. Women commit more domestic violence against men, than men do against women. The FBI hides female murders of men, as Warren Farrell says. Maybe that’s why Tom Leykis says to never sleep over, with a booty call. Running a sharp knife over your throat, as you sleep, isn’t hard. A child can do it. Then she can mess things up, be in tears when the cops come, complain you attacked her, and she had to defend herself. And 95% of the time, she’ll be let off. Personal security is your job. What is the first lesson in martial arts. Oh yes, never take your eyes off your opponent.
    3. You have no idea what her trust and commitment levels are. Oh, you’re just going to dump her, after you satisfy your need. You can do that. But you are in close proximity to her. Maybe she handcuffs you to the bed. And pulls out a machete. And her eyes have a really feral look to them. Have you ever dealt with a woman who was insane? I have. It is scary. How much can you really trust a single use sex toy? With independent volition? Volatile emotions? Access to weapons? You are too young to remember John Wayne Bobbitt. Google that.
    4. What is her relationship with her family, and friends. She might have alienated them all, because she is batsh.t crazy. You might be the trigger that pushes her over the cliff, into deep psychosis. It has happened before. That’s just what you want to be naked, sleeping, vulnerable, next to a psychopath with access to weapons. Can you see anything wrong with this picture? Getting killed is a hard one to come back from. Gringos sometimes just vanish in South America. Or maybe she told you she was 18, and after the act, she tell you she’s 16, and if you don’t pay her $2,000, she goes to the cops. It happens. Maybe your homeboys haven’t been around long enough to hear these stories. Get an older man talking, especially one who’s been around cops.
    5. She may tell you all her exes are jerks. Well, could be because she’s a princess who expects her every whim to be met. Maybe she expects to be served hand and foot. Maybe she has some truly cute hobbies. Look at the statistics on the people who vanish, each year. You don’t know what kind of trap she is baiting. Talk to people who wander in the woods, and find ritual sites where human blood was used. The FBI doesn’t talk about it openly, but they had a multi-year investigation of this, for a time, according to a SA I spoke with.
    6. You may have no feelings now. That’s fine. Use her and dump her. Down the road, a woman that you have really deep feelings for, one you would gladly devote your life to, one who is so beautiful you want to cry deep in your soul, one that you know you will enjoy penetrating enthusiastically for the next 50 years, one who sets your heart afire, I mean THE ONE, just dumps you, coldly. Down the road, you realize that what goes around, comes around, and you realize just how deeply you hurt that one night stand chippie. Life is about growth. I have met a number of men, and women, who had some deep regrets about all the people they caused deep hurt to. Making amends is even one of the 12 steps of AA. Get a stripper talking. If she trusts you, and you aren’t hitting on her, you can hear some stories of abuse that will make you want to vomit up the Big Mac you ate.
    I deeply regret even not doing the small kindness to people that I could have, when I was younger, and not as aware. I deeply regret not having been kinder to those who could have used some kindness- women and men alike. Unless you are a complete psychopath, you will get a revelation, later in life, some layer of armor will fall off, and you will suddenly feel all the pain you caused other people. That is incredibly painful. You won’t believe me. That’s ok. Maybe it will not happen for you. Maybe all the investment you made in causing pain to others won’t pay off for you. Maybe. Maybe karma doesn’t exist. Maybe all we are is flesh.

  18. Rolf says

    Have you ever found a stray dog, that clearly needed love? You fed it once, so it would go on its way. But it stayed around for the chow. Now you have a companion, not so easy to get rid of. You don’t want to hurt it, but can you keep it? And she looks up at you with such love. If you cannot clearly, and with no intuitive warnings in your gut, imagine yourself happily married to a woman, it is better to avoid sex with her. Exploiting women doesn’t feel good, down the road. This is also true of men. The Near Death Experience people write about the “Life Review” that happens when we pass on to the next world. Our entire life flashes in front of our eyes. With the addition that we now feel everything we ever inflicted on other people- as them- feeling all they felt. Dannion Brinkley writes about his, which occurred when he was hit by lightning. He was each kid he beat up in high school. He was each of his sniper targets, in Vietnam. He ran guns down to Central America, again. Only this time, he was each person using the weapon, each person shot with it, he felt what the grieving families felt, he was descendants, feeling the loss of leaders. Interestingly, when he came back from that, he changed his line of work, and found ways to put more joy in people’s lives. Dannion has his detractors, and they all speak BS. Listen to Dannion himself. The mass media is a cesspool. Dr. Raymond Moody gathered over 2,000 stories of these. A woman from Singapore had one, and Wayne Dyer convinced her to write a book about it. Now maybe all these people had illusions. The Egyptian book of the dead describes a culturally filtered near death experience, and is better translated as Book of the Great Awakening. The sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid was used to intentionally induce a NDE, in the Pharoah, and priests. The 7 major temples along the Nile River were used for similar purposes. A woman who is used like a piece of toilet paper, and cast aside, is hurt. So is a man, rejected. Old people will tell you what goes around, comes around, and you reap what you sow. Karma. What a concept. Young people haven’t been around long enough to see this. Men get dumped in the same way. They can detach more easily. Inflicting great pain on people is not the best way to live a life. Is it Step 7, in AA, that involves apologizing and making amends, for the pain one inflicted on others? The best defense against a false rape accusation is “gee, officer, I haven’t seen this woman before, sorry, I’m in engineering, and all our time goes to studying.”, and for that to be true. If those women don’t know who you are, they can’t accuse you. When I was in college, I had almost no time for women. Maybe a quick tea. I kept a 3.5, on a 4 point scale, working full time. AA circles are the closest white man world comes, to a Native American circle. It is one of the few places people tell the truth.

  19. Shawn says

    It is not enough to avoid casual sex. One needs to learn to be invisible at times. If you blank out your mind- have no thoughts- and go with the flow. Going with the flow means feeling the flow of the chi, the life force energy, and moving with it. Indians in the woods did it all the time. This is why they were very silent. Tom Brown, Jr.’s Apache mentor was so good at this he could stalk wolves. Even the Apache were fascinated with this. A kit fox can hear a ticking watch at 50 meters, and a wolf has better senses. One gets out of language, and into feeling. Then one scans people. I see/feel most feminists as having knives coming out of them, point out. Not so good. Even when they try to be polite, it is like watching a flamethrower. I enjoy walking in the woods. Trees are almost alive. If I translate “tree” into human, it is like watching a dryad, a Greek tree spirit. Hard to explain. Trees are very loving, too. I listen to what Tom Brown, Jr., calls the “symphony of nature”, the music that the wind plays on trees, grasses, and so on. It has its own rhythm. I move in that rhythm, a part of the larger whole. It is very beautiful. Cities, like NYC, are very mechanical, and hard, yet they too have their rhythm. I can move in it. In that flow, I can feel muggers choosing targets at 50-100 meters. They seek the weak, they seek easy targets, just the way foxes do. I can enter their minds, and feel their thoughtfeelings. Here is a woman in her fifties, walking. She is dressed well, in good shape. She has sorrows, and she has set them aside, she has a place to go. Here is a teenaged boy, on a skateboard. He enters pure joy, and becomes an expression of joy. Here is a man in a suit, with many cares, much to balance. here is a child in a baby carriage, enjoying the sun. It’s like a massive radio station, a youtube of the spirit, with many places to tune into. Every now and then I run across a hitman. Hitwomen exist, too. They are extremely unpleasant to scan. They are pure materialists, and may wear the uniform: black clothing. It’s just a job, for them. Here is a shopkeeper, moving his product to increase sales, always worried about the flow of business. Here is a park, totally intent on giving people the beauty they are so starved of, knowing its job is so important. here is the East River. Yes. It carries so much sewage, and garbage. It feels burdened. Here is the Staten island ferry, knowing its job is to move people, and content in that job. Here is the rain, the mass mating of the water and air spirits, in ecstasy. Here is a young child, not yet separated from the flow. Here is a singles bar. The women, deep down, all seek love. They yearn for love, to be appreciated, caressed with love, they hunger deeply for it, for our culture does not foster love. Here are the young men, on fire, seeking outlet for their fire. They want love also, but put that off, for they have a fire to quench. The women cut off the betas, who are foolish enough to buy drinks for them. The alphas may not even talk to the women. The women seek out love as a moth seeks out light, they do all the subtle mating calls, that men under 35 don’t even see. They get more direct. The women over 40 know that men don’t see any of the subtle body language, so they get very direct. The alphas leave with a woman. The woman has a certain sadness in her, for she knows hurt will come, but deep down she hopes love will also come. She goes for the alpha as the moth seeks the flame, as the bee seeks the nectar. Like an insect in a spiderweb, she may be in shock, after it’s over. I remember seeing women leaving guys’ rooms, in college, on Sunday morning. They did not wish to be seen. They had the aura of regret, none of them seemed very happy. The guys may have boasted, but inside, it was like they went to the bathroom, and emptied out. Committed sex is like a really fine apple cider, the kind that only the orchard owners can make, a special blend of apples, with many flavors playing in concert, different every time, a tropical storm of flavor, and life. Casual sex is like cold, dead apple juice, that’s been sitting on the shelf for a year. It is apple juice, but it is dead. It does quench thirst. Try 100 of them, and all of them are dead. And when you try that homemade cider, that would cost $10/gal or more, if it was sold, you wonder why you ever drank the dead stuff. The orgasm in a committed relationship is like hearing the concatenation of church bells, it is pleasure that echoes down the chambers of a hundred rooms, it is a feast of sensation, it is becoming one with bliss, it is like feeling the echoes of several hundred orgasms. The orgasm from casual sex is like eating a McDonald’s burger.

  20. Enough says


    Using the video linked above to start with the premise that, in general, Western women are useless to men as partners in life and as a parent to potential children, the topic of abstaining from casual sex becomes an interesting one to ponder.

    Removing the fundamental, and now, largely the final or only element of value a woman can bring to a man (though it is not really of value since there is an abundance of vagina in the world), puts the onus back on women to stop acting immature and selfish, to develop their character, humility, & capacity for kindness, and establish some semblance of a value system that includes caring, compassion, generosity, empathy, and nurturing for others, including a man in their life. No, this is not “unpaid emotional labor”, as is now being kicked around. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/ (Once again, Feminists driving conversation around constantly needing to be financially reimbursed [aka Open Hypergamy] for every last thing a woman does for others, or rather, for a man or men, and proving the contractual nature of relationships, especially for women as *they* relate to men. “Love”? Romance? What a crock of sh!t…) This development and maturation is called being human, becoming an adult, and being part of a community, community that starts with relationship, creating a home, and then extends into extended family, neighbors, and the community at large beyond that as any excess of relationship energy permits.

    If both sides remove sex from the interaction and from what constitutes dating these days, there is essentially nothing women bring to the table for men, and therefore no reason for a man to initiate anything with her. If he is mature & conscious enough to realize the dangers of the majority of casual sexual encounters (aka sex with a dishonest, manipulative, immature, psychotic, or unconscious woman, which rules out a vast majority), then again, there is little to no value to the interaction for him, thus no reason to associate or even initiate conversation & relationship. There is, however, plenty of risk and therefore reason to avoid all of that, especially given the culture of disrespect and hatred for men due to Feminism creating and using the strawman they have, and the frog-in-the-pot Fabian-like incrementalism that has arisen in Western society, and how what was once fringe is now the accepted middle.

    In learning about Briffault’s Law, a man’s hackles might naturally go up when a woman starts to show interest. She clearly wants something and is trying to manipulate her way into getting it. If she doesn’t want anything, that is patently obvious since she steers clear and puts in zero effort. The objectification of men is real, and it is not understood by many since it is a blind spot in society, a way to excuse the behavior and entitlement women feel, while keeping men yolked to some gynocentric “duty” or obligation, to which there is no corresponding right or privilege. Men are duped into being the “nice guy”, manipulated and shamed into giving away their energy (friendship, money, and/or emotional intimacy or holding space for her emotional tides) for free, without receiving a corresponding investment of her physical intimacy, including sexuality. If a man lets it happen, a woman will almost always take any and all goodies for free, and she feels zero responsibility nor duty (nor is there societal duty, this blog not withstanding) to get with the program and be of benefit to that man. Men need to understand when they are giving away their value for free, when they’re being duped into this and shamed into avoiding asking for, demanding, or outright receiving what they want and need from women.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTRD4ACLhqk (Of particular interest in this video is the anecdote discussed from ~5:19-6:05. Fickle female nature fueling men to shut down their desire to be loving, caring family men, fathers, and husbands when such behavior is met with divorce because it’s “boring”, and her immaturity is rewarded with Divorce Culture cash & prizes.)


    • Harold says

      Hedy Lamar married 6 times. Clear demo. The current system, where men get few to no benefits from marriage, and women get massive benefits, means that men with long term vision, who are capable of thinking, tend to avoid marriage. Only the less smart animals get caught in traps. Smarter animals evade the traps. The marriage risk/reward ratio stinks. I wonder what effect this will have on the long term intelligence of the population? The Chinese say that daughters get 2/3 of their nature from father, 1/3 from mother. For sons, it is the reverse. So this would seem to hurt women of the next generation. Women see men through the filters of men they’ve been with, or around. They refuse to be aware that men who avoid them are not part of their perception. The biggest single reason to avoid casual sex is the kind of women who offer it. High grade food costs more. Low grade food costs less. Low grade food has side effects. So does low grade sex. There is no “should” in this. This is a question of risk analysis, and risk avoidance.

    • Enough says


      “When the Beta Bucks / provisioning side of the Hypergamous equation is more or less accommodated for by the social order the only thing left is Alpha Fucks. This is Hypergamy on a meta-scale. Why would any woman bother with the notion of Value Added to make herself more ‘marriageable’? Men aren’t allowed to have preferences. They should feel lucky that a woman would date them in the first place. Feminism has taught her that if she is to be the ideal Strong Independent Woman® she is “never to do anything for the express pleasure of a man.” And besides, the exciting guys, the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys who she does swipe right on; those guys don’t care about ‘value added’ – they care about fuc*ing.”

    • Mark says

      “For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.”

      More BS from feminists. Men on a spiritual path, and there are many of them, do in fact learn gentleness, and sensitivity, and deal with internalized anger and frustration. Raising a child may by itself do it. These men aren’t visible to feminists, because they don’t want to be. Does a squirrel want to be visible to a bobcat? Not if it can be helped.

      We do not see the world. We see the world revealed by our manner of questioning- Dr. Werner Heisenberg, Quantum Physicist.

      Feminists see the world as exploitation of women. So they can’t perceive anything that doesn’t fit into this. Feminists apparently hate it when men speak for feminists. So they speak for men, and wonder why men are insulted. Feminists know nothing whatsoever of a man’s world. They assume that the men at the top of society are all men, make very inaccurate comparisons, and operate on a very flawed world view.

    • Jamie says

      There was a time when women brought much more to the table, than sex. Marriage was a good deal, for men. This time is largely gone. How many women even eat a healthy diet, any more? Few. How many women sew, or know how to say make chair covers? None? How many women know how to run a household? Very few. How many women are really competent at their jobs? Some, but many workplaces carry some remarkably marginal women on their books. The quality of women as marriage partners has been dropping since the 1960’s. Women bring less, and demand more, of men. I’ve seen a lot of divorced men who suddenly realize that they are in the hog heaven they only dreamed of, in high school. Above the age of 40 or so, men find that they have more even fairly pleasant women available. Above 50, there are like 9 women looking, for every available man. These men don’t need to commit. Why should they? Every dream they had in high school is fulfillable. And since divorce settlements destroy men, economically, and punish remarriage by increasing child support based on the woman’s income as well, they are effectively bad boys who cannot marry. The pattern I’ve seen is relationships of a few months, followed by new ones. My own supervisor is in this boat. He had never tried Tinder, or other sites. He had so much interest from women he had to filter it down to just 30 women, all quite attractive, and even somewhat pleasant. I’ve seen other men in this boat, who ask why on earth they ever got married in the first place, aside from wanting children. I know a guy in the next town over, whose wife made false claims of abuse, when he found out about the side boyfriend. She turned the kids against him, too. Well, side boyfriend dumped her- why commit, when there’s more women available than you could keep up with if you were 5 men? Now she wants back, to “work it out”. He did the math. It is cheaper to pay child support, than to be married to her, because she spends lots of money. He prefers a longer term relationship, say some months, to one night stands. The women he’s with are higher quality. He can’t remarry, not with the laws as they are. His weekends are far more pleasant than ever before. I’ve seen similar situations. Many women just do not consider ramifications at all.

  21. Kris says

    The state began interfering in marriages in the late 1960’s. A previously lifetime contract became very casual. Divorce became a winner take all game, and women were guaranteed a win. What man will enter a fool’s game like that? Casual sex is even worse. There is no basis for trust. Women who enter casual sex are clearly frequent participants. The risk of STDs doesn’t scare many young men, who haven’t had an experience of how bad our health care system is. The real risk is that sex is deeply primal, and it takes people out of their thinking minds. Women are irrational enough as it is. Add in casual sex, and they are like a four year old; all desire, massive expectation, and no thinking. Four year olds get extremely upset when they hear “no”. So do women who somehow don’t understand, and can’t understand, that sex can be casual. Feminists pay lip service to casual sex. Some feminists think they are somehow extremely attractive to men. They aren’t. A man who seeks committed marriage has a real search on his hands. With American women, it’s like he has “Marry me, and get a lifetime annuity” tattooed on his forehead. For casual sex, American men have “gather all your resentments about life, and dump them on me, as you destroy me”, tattooed on their forehead. 25 years ago, there were only 30 outfits connecting American men with Russian women. Just 30. They did a great business. This didn’t count the brokers of Asian women. In one publication a friend had, there were Muslim Arab, and African women, seeking American men. Marrying a foreign woman is rolling the dice, since once she gets here, she learns how divorce is a guaranteed jackpot for women. Women in their 30’s start to notice that fewer and fewer men are willing to make commitments. By their 40’s, such men are rare. By their 50’s, only freshly divorced men are available. I knew a woman who ran a dating service. She would tell women over about 37 that their only hope of finding a guy roughly in their age range was to get a recent widower, who didn’t yet know how many younger women were available to him, for short term and long term relationships. Oh yes, there are exceptions. There are also people with six fingers per hand. And people with two heads. They are rare. Casual sex is simply dangerous. Women who engage in it are less than stable. Would you approach the female inmates of a psycho ward for sex? No? And if you have enough experience of life, you realize that the women in psycho wards are often more sane than women in our culture. Long term relationships are marginally safer.
    I have yet to hear of a magazine, or website, suing for child support.

  22. Running Deer says

    To the tune of You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ The Righteous Brothers

    I never close my eyes anymore so he’ll kiss my lips
    And there’s no tenderness like before in his fingertips
    I’m trying hard not to show it
    And baby, baby I know it
    I’ve lost that lovin’ partner
    Whoa, that lovin’ partner
    I’ve lost that lovin’ partner
    Now he’s gone, gone, gone, woh
    Now there’s no welcome look in his eyes when he greets me
    And now he’s gone, and not ever coming back, ever
    It makes me just feel like crying
    ‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dyin’
    I’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’
    Whoa, that lovin’ feelin’
    I’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’
    Now it’s gone, gone, gone, woh
    Baby, baby, I’d get down on my knees for you
    If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah
    We had a love, a love, a love you don’t find everyday
    So don’t don’t don’t go away
    Baby, baby, I beg with tears, I need your love, I need your love
    Bring it on back
    I’ve lost that loving feeling whoa that loving feeling
    bring back that loving feeling, cause it’s gone gone gone
    and I can’t go on, whoa
    Bring back that loving feeling, ohh that loving feeling…

    Many of my male friends tell me that women who dumped them painfully, and did them considerable damage, will slingback more than 10 years later, and expect to start up right where they left off.
    Casual sex is not casual for women. For them, they own you, as soon as you plug in the recharger.
    If you leave, this is a major paradigm collapse, which is painful to them.
    Why else would Tom Leykis say to never ever let that casual booty know where you live, other than the fact that you will be dealing with a psycho who can really hurt you? And get away with it? Why would he say to always wear the sheath, and borrow a car, and otherwise cover your tracks.
    In my grandfather’s day, there were young women best avoided. But there were more marriageable women around. Today, if you want a good wife, you have to find a woman who is a product of a loving, stable couple, who really wants a family, who is capable of committing- so many aren’t. You must find one with a good heart, who is healthy, and willing to work at it. The only way you can do that is with intent, and practice. Casual sex is distracting, and somewhat risky. Women do want a man who has been “pre-selected” by other women, so some prior experience is ok. One cannot explain much to young women, or young men. The test of an activity is if you feel really good, 24-48 hours afterwards.
    Young men like to take risks, ride motorcycles without helmets, engage in casual sex, and so on. Pain teaches a thorough lesson. Black people call a young women, typically a cocaine addict, who moves in with an older man,after casual sex, to strip him of his assets, a ‘strawberry’. Many American women are addicted to spending money, in the same way. The only way to find a good partner any more is to use intent. That is useful.

  23. Charlie says

    Suzanne, you say: It’s wrong to use someone for personal gain. This really should be the first on the list, honestly. No one should ever “use” anyone. It’s wrong, pure and simple. And you will likely feel badly for doing so.

    Suzanne, ok, this is correct, from a judgmental point of view. Judgments aren’t very convincing, especially for hotblooded young men. What goes around, comes around. What ye sew, shall ye also reap. Living well is the best revenge. Some would call this karma. Materialists who live in a material universe don’t believe this stuff. More spiritual people, who understand energy flow, understand karma. I see feminists ladling hate on men. I laugh as hard as I can. I know what a crop they will reap. They blame the patriarchy for the crops they planted. Interesting that “screwing” someone can mean either cheating them, or exploiting them sexually. I gave 15 baseballs, a baseball bat, gloves, a helmet, and face guard, along with a number of books, and other supplies, to a woman who runs youth programs for kids in economically challenged areas, today. It was fun. More importantly, I always get paid well for this- from somewhere else. I can’t predict where, or how, but the rewards always show up. Casual sex is planting seed, too, but seed has a way of escaping. Jurassic Park had a foolproof way to keep the dinosaur population down, but nature found another way. Casual sex has worse odds than gambling in Vegas. Even Tucker Max talks at length about some of the conquests that he regretted. The childbearing center in middle aged women moves up to the heart, sometimes, and they see their community as almost an extension of self. For men, the small head gives way to the big head, in the 30’s, or maybe a little later. The smartest thing a guy in his 20’s can do, is to work hard, and smart, learn all he can, so he has value. The women available to him are lower grade, and often not worth any risk. When he’s in his 30’s, and successful, he can be looking for a partner, a lot more successfully. Judgments aren’t very useful. Looking at patterns, detail, and processes, seeing how other people screw up first, is far, far more useful. Using people to exploit them comes at a high price, which is not disclosed up front.

    • Corazon says

      Yah, like you “should” avoid going into a building on fire, you “should” avoid walking out into the street when cars are coming. You “should” avoid sticking your hand into a blender that’s operating.

      • Luis says

        The #metoo campaign shows that it is simply not worth even being in a relationship with a woman. Any wrong move and your career and livelihood is destroyed.
        I personally never bother with relationships or dating. I cannot fathom how men can take risks with relationships given how easy it is for a woman to falsely accuse a man of rape or to spermjack him or sabotage the condom so that she can enslave the man with a child thereby guaranteeing passive income in the form of alimony and child maintenance fees. A safe and prosperous life of MGTOW filled with freedom involves abstaining from women and going monk mode. Channel your sexual energy instead into bettering yourself and giving yourself more freedom. Minimize debt and lower your obligations to others. You owe nothing to no one but yourself.

        Pump and dump? Hit it and quit it? No thanks. Don’t need it. Don’t need crazy in my life.

  24. Gabe says

    The final song of Les Miserables had interesting lyrics:

    And remember
    The truth that once was spoken
    >>>>To love another person
    Is to see the face of God.<<<<
    Do you hear the people sing
    Lost in the valley of the night?
    It is the music of the people
    who are climbing to the light.
    For the wretched of the earth
    there is a flame that never dies.
    Even the darkest night will end
    and the sun will rise.

    Speaking as a man, casual sex feels like using a toilet. I'm guessing that for a woman, it feels like functioning as a toilet. The book Das Boot has a scene, where the U-boat crew gets time with hookers. Five minutes only, per sailor. How totally mechanical. Loving sex, in a committed relationship, is a Universe of delights. I know a couple like this. The guy is always smiling broadly, and I know why, I see who he's married to, and she is always smiling, too. His wife is now 68, and just starting to show signs of age. She has no grey hair. I've known them for more than three decades. Both are happy, productive, they have some great kids. And they are the happiest people in town.

  25. Victor says

    There was a movie out three years ago. Arrival. It was about an alien ship, that landed on Earth. They left a gift. Their language. They cited the Sapir Whorf hypothesis, that language shapes how people perceive reality. This is an extension of the observer principle, in Quantum Mechanics.

    Yo hablo el Espanyol. I speak Spanish. I am Anglo. There are Hispanic women who are unpleasant. Pleasant women exist at a much higher ratio, in Spanish culture. El amor is much more powerful than love, in English. English experience of love is crude, by comparison to Spanish culture. Here is a small example:

    9 Spanish Love Songs That Make You Wish You Were Latino

    5. Las Cosas Pequenas This is a recent acquisition, but it’s very heartfelt and sweet. The music video seems to show that the love is a childlike or pure one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROzZSmaxDz8 Best Bits: “Your smile Your little face Your way of being You are priceless And it’s love I know that” “Nothing is worth more than a faithful kiss And it’s the little things “And the way you look It’s what teaches me how to love. And your type of expression Is what overcomes that which is material”

    Traditionally, Spanish women did commit to marriage, more so than Anglo women. This is a culture that values family, and children. Until very recently, Spanish/Hispanic women were feminists only to open up jobs. Instead of generic single gender stuff, Spanish women wanted words like “doctora”, and other professions, to have the female ending. Spanish women commit more deeply, and for longer, than Anglo women. Yes, there are men who are not respectful to women, as there are in any culture. Yet until very recently, a man was expected to marry, and to have children. He had no status if he didn’t. Family is much more important in this culture. They don’t have as many children as they used to, yet they love their children, deeply. I have Anglo friends married to Hispanic women. Their women are committed to them, in a way I only rarely see among Anglo women. 40% of Hispanic women marry outside of La Raza. There is usually an excess of women, in most populations, that’s part of it. Men who seek a real family, with a supportive wife, who works at it, don’t tend to do well among Anglo women. They do better among Hispanic, well also Russian, Oriental, even African women. These cultures have not forgotten what works in marriage. Traditionally, Hispanic women did not engage in casual sex. I remember an Italian saying that when he thought in Italian, colors got brighter. Language does shape how we perceive. My wife’s cousin was guided through college by a boyfriend ten years older, who married her when she graduated. Her father wasn’t around to lead her. I see old Spanish/Hispanic couples, where there are two halves of one being. Being with a woman who is totally committed to the marriage is very nice. Sex in that kind of long term relationship is really good. Casual sex, in comparison, is kind of like junk food, or a pinball place. It’s flashy, but not very satisfying. Casual sex is energy-draining. Committed sex is energy enhancing, it’s very different. I suppose it is useful to experience both. Mi esposa es muy buena. As a black friend of mine said, “Yeah, da Spanish woman always be braggin’ on you, dey take care of dey man, dey make sure you got whatchoo need.” Sabado Gigante, the longest running variety show on US TV, had a section with Anglo guys married to Hispanic women. The guys spoke bad Spanish, but every single one of them had a big smile on their faces, he had that flowing energy coming from him, that said he was really, really satisfied, with life, and the woman he had committed to. The Spanish speaking audience laughed heartily. Get an Anglo man who is married to a Mexican talking. Mexicans aren’t perfect. yes, there are bad ones. But all but one Anglo man married to a Mexicana that I’ve known were very, very happy with her. Think of going for a massage. You get one. it’s ok. Now, imagine you have a masseuse who has known your body for more than a decade. The massage you get is totally different, and far better. Casual sex is useful the way motorcycle accidents are. It teaches caution. Sometimes you have to walk in sewage, to appreciate the beauty of flowers.

  26. Rennie says

    Cost of dates: $200-500 per.
    Cost of good car: $40,000+
    Cost in time and emotional upset in dealing with crazy woman: $4,000
    Cost for lawyer in dealing with false rape allegation: $5,000
    Cost in lifetime earnings for having criminal record: $1,000,000
    Cost of paying half one’s salary, in child support, for 22 years: $880,000
    Cost of emotional turmoil over a child one pays for but cannot see or speak with: unknown
    Cost of regret about not being able to support a really good woman, and children: unknown

    Not having to deal with all that BS: Priceless

  27. Jamal says

    Casual sex. Kind of like casual minefield clearing. I met an ER doctor, some years ago, at a Tom Brown, Jr., training. When he got a trauma patient in, he scanned the patient in 3D, with his imagination, so he knew immediately what the problem was. Then he would do the ER protocols, and somehow always be right on. And he was proficient. He had the medical training to know all the physical side, and he had the other training, for the energy side. As with most spiritual people, he was also a very pleasant person to be around. The American Society of Dowsers teaches men how to use intuition, in “dowsing”. This goes back centuries. De Re Metallica, by Georg Bauer, written in the 1500’s, on silver mining, has pictures of dowsers. The Y rod is harder to use. An L-rod is faster. A pendulum works, if you let it. If you don’t believe it works, it doesn’t. When you know it works, it does, and stay away from those who don’t believe it works, because they will cloud your work. I personally prefer a heads up display, with indicators in the red, yellow, and green range, so I can get an average. But you can do individual indicators with the devices. Recognize that devices are crutches, in time, you want an immediate readout, in your mind. Here’s a start:
    Repressed anger I want to see this under 10%, in the green range. Over that, risk is too high.
    Probability of revenge I want to see this under 5%, in the green range. Women are crazy, at times, and they can take unprovoked revenge based on anger about a girlfriend’s experience, or something in the news. They can literally get away with murder, and do so.
    Willingness to keep agreements I need to see this at over 90%, preferably 100%. If she cannot keep commitments, she is not worth having anything to do with. Under 90% means a ghost icon appears.
    Reliability I need to see this at over 90%, preferably 100%. Less than that is very, very bad.
    Number of sexual partners Under 3 may be ok. 10 or more indicates high risk. You can ask her. “I don’t remember” means over 100. “I’m a free spirit” means 150 minimum. I made the mistake of marrying a woman who had 4 partners, prior to me, and I am still paying for that mistake.
    Crazy rating This runs 4-10, as there are no women under 4, on that scale, for crazy. 4-6 is the best you can do. If you do find a woman under 4, on this scale, with no contra-indicators elsewhere, this is one to commit to for life, ASAP, put a ring on it, write a check against it, do whatever you have to do, to get this one in your life. They are unicorns- they must exist, as there are pictures of them, but few men get to see one.
    Health/diet I like to see 9-10. Less than that is a problem. The ghost icon shows up.
    Toxin buildup in her body and spirit I like to see under a 1, on a 10 point scale.
    Hatred, and hatred of men I want to see under a 1. Cancer is a disease of hate, and high hate ratings seem to correlate with cancer. I am not a doctor, so this is no kind of medical advice, of course, it is simply observation of patterns.
    Willing and able to commit to relationship 100%, and stay the course. I want at least a 9, 10 is better. More and more women rate under a 3, in the USA, on that 10 point scale.
    Accuracy of my own information: 10. Any less than that means I need to calibrate. I like to be in workshop, in at least alpha, preferably theta, as taught by the Silva method people, or psiworld, or any of 40 other outfits. Theta Healing teaches this, too.
    Loves children, and is willing to commit to doing more than her share to raise them: I need to see a 10. Anything less means you will have to make up the difference. And since she never sees all you do, she will assume she is doing more than her share.
    Likes sex: I’d want at least a 9, on a scale of 1-10.
    Toleration/peace of mind: I need to see at least a 7. There are few 10’s among women, for this quality, in the USA.
    On a path with high probability of improvement: I need to see at least a 9. There is growth, and decay. There is no stability. Either she grows, or she rots, spiritually, and in time physically.
    Has grown out of her small self, into her true self, and has high probability of continuing: I need at least a 9.
    Physical beauty: This is easy to rate. Sexual Market Value varies, on the person. I like to see a 6-8. 9 and 10 can mean she plays around.
    Heart-centered, knows who she is: I need to see a 9, at least. Less than that is a major problem indicator.
    Probability of playing around: I want to see a 0 on this.
    Presence of venereal disease: I need to see a 0 on this one. Period.
    Tendency to addiction: I like a zero. A 1, on a scale of 1-10, may be ok, with other positive features.
    Has good relationship with parents, especially father: I need at least a 9, on a 1-10 scale. Her relationship with her father is very likely to be your relationship with her, as that is all she knows. If she hates his guts- as is true for many feminists- this is a blinking red light, with the mechanical voice saying, “warning, catastrophic relationship imminent, immediate evasion recommended”.
    Feminist ideas: a 1 is about all I will tolerate, on a scale of 1-10. Any more than that, and she will be competing with you, as if she were a man. Those men who like sexual relationships with men, are gay.
    One can add other qualities.
    You might scan her last lover, for example. Or her last five. On a 1-10 scale for character, what were they like? If they were under 8, you have a woman with loooowwww self-esteem.
    Then, you have the overall indicator. I use a scale of 1-10. Green for me is 9-10, positive stuff. Yellow warning is 8. Red light is 6-7. Below 6, is the large mean sergeant screaming “Get the he.. out of here, NOW, recruit, before the dam. thing blows up in your face!” range.
    There is another function. When I see a very happily married woman, or man, I do a “screen print” in my imagination, so I have reference points. These are added into my ideal range. Copy from success.

    Some of the above seem like they are focused on committed relationships. Yes, they are. As one enters the intuitive world, one starts to feel what one inflicts on others. Women in pickup bars generally have extremely low self-esteem, inability to plan, inadequate training, etc. which cycles into hatred of men, hatred of other women, self-destructive behaviors, and so on. You share energy with whoever you talk to, and you share a lot of energy with those you have sex with. If you want to mix your energy with someone full of poisonous energy, you can. It is not pleasant. All of the life stories of feminists I’ve read seem to involve serious trauma. They had the chance to rise above it, and serve people. Instead, they chose revenge.
    Another function is the “play it out” button. When I have at least a few minutes intuitive input on a woman, I “play out” a relationship with her, to see what probabilities are. If they end in her being totally bitchy, divorce, nastiness, permanently damaged kids, I know she is not the one for me. I’ve been in pickup bars, when I was younger. The energy there was something like walking through a toxic waste dump, with sick wounded animals dying, and the stench of garbage, rotting bodies, and so on. I couldn’t stay. If you can’t find that high grade woman, don’t settle. That is the worst thing you can do. Set your intent for finding that high grade woman. If it takes 5 years, it’s worth it, and it won’t. Have a very clear picture in your mind, of exactly what you seek. How would you feel, if you already were with that near perfect woman? What would you see, hear, and notice, when you are with her? Train your mind in what you do seek more of, and train your mind to guide you away from what you want less of. As you improve your energy, your world improves, and the people who show up in your world get better and better, too. You may notice that you can guide others, in time.

    • Garth says

      Don’t forget to measure the singles bar, for probability of success, and also probability for meeting crazy women. Measure the energy level of the bar. When I get a low reading on any place, I don’t go there. Or, I shift the energy. This is easier to do on a place. Dr. Richard Bartlett’s thing about rotating the energy through hyperspace, till it’s good, works. You don’t have to know how to do this. Just pretend you do, and it’s done. Measure also the probability of your own energy level going up, or down, as a result of entering the bar, and as a result of approaching a specific woman. If I know my energy level goes down, for either, then I go somewhere else. One of the early Near Death Experience people was thrown out of his body, and he went all over the USA, during World War II. He entered a bar, and saw entities entering the bodies of people there. This guy was a conservative Christian, and he reported all this. Bars usually have very low grade energy. So they attract low grade energy people. If casual sex isn’t increasing or improving your energy, why play at it?

      • Chris says

        If you have red indicators on a woman you are dealing with, you can always use an imaginary fire hose, to fill her with blue light, to quench all that Venereal fire. Draining someone’s energy isn’t good karma. Shifting it in self defence is ok. When I was a teenager, I couldn’t understand why many women I was interested in just turned off to me. Later I understood that my subconscious was doing this automatically, to keep me away from those women. This is a good thing. I notice it still works automatically. Can you manipulate women by running fiery red light through their first two chakras? Yes. Is it worth it? No. Casual sex is like junk food.

        • Jean Luc says

          If I had a dollar for every “I miss catcalling” blog, opinion, and editorial that I’ve seen from post- wall late – thirties thots in the last six months, I could put my kid through college. You can’t reeducate 50 million years of human evolution, but you can kill a civilization in under 50 years. When I feel that I am not valued by a woman I ignore her. I know this sounds simplistic but ATTENTION is their opiate. It works well. I have not spoken to numerous women in years including my ex. They have lost their communication privileges with me. It works like a charm. I do have one female friend who has earned my trust and respect. However, most women do not fit that bill. Women do not like to be victims but they need to be victims. Why? Because it gives them their opiate, ATTENTION. They love attention, even negative attention is better to them than being ignored. Try it. You will see that it works. Do not initiate contact with them they will come to you. Eventually, they may even go away, then your life will get better. How did you deal with your sex drive when you were 16? You weren’t hitting the bars. Whatever you did worked. Why not just keep doing that, until or unless you have a woman worth committing to. And in the USA, they are not easy to find.

          “Let us wait a little; when your enemy is executing a false movement, never interrupt him” –Napoleon Bonaparte, 1805

      • Tom says

        Casual sex. Yeah. In your early 20’s, without the trust fund, and the BMW, like you’re going to hit it big with a 10. Dream on. You’ll need beer goggles, to do anything with what you get, and you will wake up with some land whales, some BBWs, Big Beached Whales. Men under 33 are very unaware. Sit in on divorce court. Watch the guy who just had to pay both alimony and child support, and now will have to live in his car. That will sober you some. Military doctors take care of urethras blocked due to STDs by drilling through the obstruction. Without anesthesia. Guys who have experienced that have no trouble keeping their pants zipped.

        • Kirby says

          The crazy part about the metoo movement was that it was started by a bunch of women that knowingly traded sexual favors in order to become famous. They made the calculation in their head that being a prostitute in exchange for fame and fortune was worth it. And on a much smaller scale, women in the workforce use flirting as a way to get men to do their work for them. Whoring at a smaller scale. We all get what we tolerate. Weinstein would do well to invest in A.I. that can make 3D models of women and men and just use Synth voices that are indistinguishable from real people. THat is ALL possible today. And with the COST women and actors cost as well as all the other hidden fee’s and Bulls~~~? WOMEN starlets will be going the WAY of the Dodo bird.

          Why have WOMEN that can cause so many problems? There is a LAW about hiring women. Well, if you don’t NEED THEM? Then what? What is the LAW going to do? MEN will FIX #METOO. We will fix it by taking MEN and WOMEN out of the Equation. You want to make a movie? DO IT YOURSELF WOMEN! You want funding? GO GET IT YOURSELF! You want to be DISCOVERED? YouTUBE is right over there. So is VIMEO. You pay for it. You want to be safe at work? SURE! WORK FROM HOME! You don’t want to be looked at? NO PROBLEM! We don’t need you in the office, just work from your home. You are REALLY sensitive to words? No PROBLEM! We got a FILTER for your EMAIL, CHAT and Video streams. ALL PRE APPROVED by SPLC and NOW. So THEY get the lawsuit if they MISS out on anything. You feel scared to walk out in Public? NO PROBLEM! THE CAMERAS WILL KEEP YOU SAFE! Here is your 360 BODY CAM. Still feel unsafe? Here is your Android Security guard. You PAY for it! You want coffee, but hate being around men? NO PROBLEM! Men will just use the drive thru! Don’t like the cashier at your store? NO PROBLEM! We got a Automated Machine to take your order!
          Feel unsafe driving? NO PROBLEM! Here is your Self driving car! Feel like you are in a rape culture at school? NO PROBLEM! Men are NO LONGER going to Campuses. We got ONLINE SCHOOL! Everything can be DONE ONLINE! You have the Expensive campus all to yourself! You need a SAFE SPACE? THE WHOLE CAMPUS IS SAFE! You want MENTORSHIP? No Problem. Here is a A.I. Computer program to Mentor you. Still need a person? NOT A PROBLEM! We got WOMEN that would LOVE to help you! They happen to be all over the world that can MENTOR YOU! So no PRESSURE! You can even interact with them in Virtual reality. Feel like you are being stared at? No problem! WE got an app that will make it so you AVOID ALL PEOPLE! It will alert everyone to NEVER LOOK AT YOU EVER AGAIN! Cities will have google glasses so that YOU never see anyone! And NO ONE can see you! The glasses will just BLOCK YOU OUT!
          You want to go on a date? SURE THING! Go Buy a CHAD doll! They are right there! Only $45,000 dollars. Plus a 7 year Monthly Maintenance fee.
          Feel your Doctor is touching you the wrong way? NO PROBLEM! She is a woman! No woman? NO PROBLEM! Have our Doc2000! Our robot does it all for you!
          Still need abortions? No problem! They are FREE! Just give us your eggs! DONE DEAL! Are you POOR? No problem! Just give us ALL YOUR EGGS! We will put you in the WELFARE HOUSE of your DREAMS! Feel Lonely? Here is FaceBotbook. You can chat with A.I. People all day long! And WOMEN. SO MANY WOMEN! You will never be lonely! Want to go out to a BAR? NO PROBLEM! It’s all yours! No one is there! Invite your girlfriends! Concerts? NO PROBLEM! We got WOMEN ONLY SEATING! Feel sad? Log On to DocCarnage2000! He will give you ALL you need to make you feel right as RAIN!

          Want to go clothes shopping? Our automated Malls will go take you shopping! You get your VERY OWN handyMAN2000! He will listen to all your bulls~~~ while you buy crap that does not fit you. Makes you look like a Zebra whale hybrid, and PROMISES to LISTEN TO YOU and YOU ONLY!

          Work is getting you Down? Getting Burned out? Well. There is always WGTOW! GO YOUR OWN WAY LADIES! I’m not paying for you. But whatever you need, YOU BET! I will provide! You are just paying for it. ALL OF IT. Like it or not, I’m GOING to make you so safe! SO HAPPY! Just keep taking ALL THESE PILLS! You feel great right?

          What if you can’t walk anymore, you land whale? Not a PROBLEM! Just stay at home and never leave the couch! AmazonNOW will get you whatever you want! Work from home! Just ask Alexa to bring you all you need! Whatever women want, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT. ALL OF IT!

          That is the future for #METOO. Men WILL solve it. And you can’t do S~~~ about it. We don’t need casual sex. You taught us that. We don’t need you. We gave up trying to find good women. They don’t seem to exist.

          If you have ANY problems? Just call Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.
          I’m SURE those Lawyers are going to be VERY busy with your claims that Alexa made a pass at you, google’s emily Bot was emotionally manipulative etc. You may get lucky and accuse your Step Robot of sex abuse. Who knows.

          And you will be profoundly alone. You never figured out that feminism is not helping women. It is manipulating them. It said that you can go out and have sex just like men, when most men don’t have sex like that. It said that women can have jobs just like men, have more than equality, invade men’s space, destroy boys in school, and so on. So explain to me why for the last few decades, women are less and less happy?

        • Darren says

          Casual sex? Oh, you mean where I pay a lot of money to buy a woman drinks, and she disses me, for fun? And I don’t get any? Or maybe I do get some, and when I wake up the next morning, I realize she has some curious lesions on her private parts, that suggest a sort of STD might be present. Or where some thot plays with my head, for fun. No thanks. Don’t need it. Women are so overrated. “Believe women”. Huh? All of them? What about the 10% that keys your car, threatens you with a knife, calls the cops to make false claims? or is it 30%? WOMEN don’t believe women. I do believe women. I believe I need to avoid them, unless it is for a loving, committed relationship, where she actually puts in her half. And doesn’t expect to be worshipped. And even respects me. And wants to invest in family, and kids. Since I don’t have a choice but to support it, once it gets going. I love nothing more than seeing some post-wall THOT who gave away her best years to losers, trying to find a male partner, because she knows how bad women as partners are, and doing it by herself is really, really difficult.

          • Dara says

            No insult intended- but who knows women better than other women? And listen to women talk, about each other. Many HATE other women.
            Get women talking about how much they hate their female supervisor, in almost all workplaces. And what better place to see how women really are, than in lesbian relationships. Lesbian domestic violence is something that scares cops. It is vicious. And they have no man to blame for it.

          • Joe says

            Casual sex. What does this cost?
            $400/month car payment on sharp car
            $100 for a halfway decent motel, since you don’t want this potential psycho to know where you live.
            $250 bar bill
            $300 on sharp clothes
            A Saturday night. Time is an asset that you can’t gain back.
            Risk of DUI, false rape accusation, potential psycho who can harm you when you are sleeping.
            High risk of exposure to STD’s
            Being a ready close target, for a being with major resentments

            For what? A woman who has very little self esteem, who has toxic chemicals on her body, who has no control over her wildly fluctuating emotions, who deep down does want love but is very unwise about where she’s seeking it? A woman who would be a rotten partner, who will poison her kids with resentment about life? You exchange energy with people you are around. Go with toxic people, and you toxify yourself.

            Bad boys will take the risk. This kid won’t. The bad boys know how to deal with this kind of woman, with the Bad Boy formula- find them, feel them, f… them, and forget them. I used to envy the bad boys, till I saw what they were sleeping with. Then I wasn’t envious any more, I just wanted to be invisible to those toxic women. Patrice O’Neal talks about this, in a very funny way.

    • Ramon says

      And the auto-stealth, too. Set it up so when a low grade woman starts scanning you, she sees only a worthless nerd, or nothing. And you set it up so that a strong frequency of “This guy isn’t worth my attention” is broadcast to her, too. Or, you could set it up so that only the high grade women see you, and the others filter you out.

  28. Mark says

    Casual sex is great for the rich. Women crowd around a rich guy, like mosquitoes in mosquito season. For a working guy, it has worse odds than Vegas. It takes some serious alcohol consumption to make the available women look good. So then there is the risk of a DUI. Not good. A landlady I had, was a truckdriver. She managed to get 3 DUI’s, in a short time. The state decided she needed an all expense paid vacation, at their Greystone Hotel women’s vacation facility. It must be very popular, there are fences, guards, and barbed wire around it. I understand the food isn’t very good, and the clientele are not the most pleasant people, but it was free. They also took her CDL. Lesbian, too, though she was open to hitting some guy for child support. The rich and the poor do not keep with societal mores. They don’t have to. Like a bell curve, the middle class sometimes does get married, and raise children, in a healthy way. Casual sex for the rich, and poor alike, is easy. I’m amazed women aren’t fighting casual sex. Casual sex greatly reduces the sexual market value of women, and it cheapens sex. If women thought rationally, they would be fighting casual sex the way Carrie Nation fought saloons. The primary enforcers of Muslim propriety for women are older women. This has always been true. Older women understand that playing with casual sex reduces a woman’s value greatly. Only in our culture do people ignore reality so completely. Women in their 30’s hit the wall, the way a bug hits a truck’s windshield. They can’t understand that throwing away their assets meant they had few assets left. Women control who gets sex, and they determine men’s behavior to them, accordingly. Men control marriage, especially after 30, because fewer men seek marriage. The MGTOW movement is growing by leaps and bounds, for a reason. Feminism has its counterforce: MGTOW.

    • Esteban says

      I’ve noticed that college guys aren’t looking for women so much as they used to. The kangaroo courts worked. There are more women than men looking, now, and the women are striking out more. I’m all in favor of those kangaroo courts, that ruin men’s lives, and scare at least 100 more men, per guy crucified. Young men need to focus on their work, not on faithless tail. And they’ll have the proper caution in dealing with a very dangerous, capricious gender. Let those female students learn what it’s like to live like a cat lady, early. Meoww. At work, if I don’t know a woman, really well, and have 100% trust, I say only what is absolutely necessary for work, and nothing more. No parties, no after-work social, nothing. Older women may know useful things, and they can be worth cultivating, as allies. Younger women don’t work very hard, and tend not to do good work.

      • Bill says

        Look at the choices we had for president, in the last election. You either got a racist dope or, like, the devil. “I’m gonna build a wall. I’m gonna build a wall.” I love people thinking he’s actually gonna do that. Really? Are you gonna do that? You’re gonna build a wall from California to Texas? You’re gonna do this? Have you ever done that drive? Because I’ve done that drive. Took the 10 East out of Los Angeles. That is a two-day drive, 80 miles an hour. Just wall, wall, wall. Like, how many times are you gonna go to Home Depot to build this thing? Look at the Freedom Tower. We actually wanted that and it took almost 15 years to get it done. By the time they’ve finished it, this country will be so fucked up, we’re gonna be the ones going over it. “Dude, they got… they got real sugar!” “They got real sugar in their Coke!” “I heard, on the other side, the Orange Crush tastes like it did in 1978.” So you’ve got him and then you’ve got Hillary. Hillary’s just like a made guy. Everybody thinks, like, you know, she dresses like a real-estate agent. You know? Nothing to worry about. She’s gonna give ’em the wars, she’s gonna microchip the babies, phase out the cash. Privatizing water. Water’s not a basic human right. These are the two worst choices ever. Trump, if he wasn’t so racist… I can deal with the pu..y-grabbing. That’s not in my world. You know what he reminds me of? Have you ever watched Law & Order and they make an arrest, like, within the first 15 minutes, you know, and they’re trying to get you to think, “We got him!” You’re just looking at your watch. “There’s no way this guy did this.” “There’s, like, another 45 minutes left.” “This can’t be the guy. Who’s the real guy?” And that’s when Hillary, she comes walking in. Yeah, she goes to those Bilderberg meetings, you know, where they dress up like pheasants and they do really wierd stuff. Right? Sacrifice some employee from a Best Buy. Fight over his name tag for a trophy. Right? Who do you pick? I’ve got no idea. How does Bill deal with that? I keep waiting for someone to come out and say that election, and #metoo, and all the media crap, it was just a joke. Casual sex is a joke. You know what makes women happy? Nothing! They are so jealous of men’s pleasures, that’s why they are destroying them. They don’t want their own stuff, they want to ruin it for men. Women don’t even like basketball, but they have to have their league.

    • Ephraim says

      There are more and more media articles on women in their 30’s asking where all the good men have gone. They’ve gone MGTOW. They know the risks of marriage today. They’ve gone Galt. And they have gone invisible. They still exist. They know how useful camouflage, and stealth are, in dealing with women. The best way to deal with a psychopathic harpy is to never even be seen by her. And if she does see you, a great way is to seem like a nerd, or emotionally unsettled. You want her to dump you fast. It’s easy. Porn is not as good as a committed, loving, long term relationship with a really good woman. It is, however, much better than casual sex. There is no risk of disease, no risk of false accusations, no risk of a painful education in dealing with a bipolar schizophrenic woman who can play the part of a sane woman. You don’t have to worry about her draining the condom into her. You don’t have to worry about her killing you in your sleep, and then just saying you attacked her. Porn is soap operas for men, it is romance novels and chick flicks for men. It is unrealistic, and overemphasizes the purely physical, and it is so very safe, by comparison to American women. Young men need the warrior period, where they learn how to be men, how to work, how to do well in the business world. Taking risks on women in their 20’s who had very bad parenting isn’t worth it. And deep down, despite all the feminist lies, women have a deep, primal need, an addiction, to being loved, on a long term basis. Even the most spaced out blue haired land whale, with the “men are stupid, throw rocks at them” T-shirt, and 100 lbs of cargo on her belly, still seeks out love. She has some extremely, laughably dysfunctional ways to seek it out. She walks her own path. Let them walk it. They offer nothing of value. Move on to what is valuable to you.

      Ayn Rand’s novels talk about tough, independent women. None of whom seemed to have children, though. Isn’t that interesting? The whole feminist notion is really one of hatred of children. Putting children in day care is something only rich women used to be able to do. It is one reason that rich kids grew up very bizarrely. Feminists want to be men. Let them do the dangerous work. They can go to Russia, where women still do a lot of hard, dirty work.

      Whatever else you do, avoid the feminists. They are like rattlesnakes, anything sets them off, and they bite. If you have to do the casual sex thing, lads, go with an older woman, who is more realistic about life. But still could be insane.

      • Luisa says

        And deep down, despite all the feminist lies, women have a deep, primal need, an addiction, to being loved, on a long term basis.

        Yeah. That’s real.

    • Tarn says

      A woman as beautiful and successful as Charlize Theron apparently can’t get a guy to “step up and date her”. Things must be really, really bad out there if she can’t find a husband. Kinda makes you wonder how much of a bitch she is in real life. Oh well, not my circus not my monkey. The fish is requesting a bicycle.

  29. Elaine says

    Alcohol is truly stupid juice. It seems men, and women both, need stupid juice to engage in casual sex. What’s wrong with this picture? If a woman wouldn’t sleep with a guy, when she’s sober, why, why, why would she get drunk in a place where young men are drinking, in expectation of some action? If you need to drink, why not do it home, alone. Where it’s safer. Why would you lower your awareness, and physical coordination, in a place of potential danger? Casual sex, with strangers? Where you have no idea what diseases they might have, what nasty little psychological problems could exist. This is like crossing a busy highway, on foot, without a crosswalk.

  30. Dennis says

    I see a whole lot of people treating each other poorly. THis is common with casual sex. People get hurt. Then they start to lose trust or resent connecting with others in the future. This then leads them to be protective, defensive, and inadvertently hurt others themselves…a.k.a. YOU.
    We get into a cycle where we all lose basic courtesy and treat each other like shit, when dating is supposed to be a beautiful experience. Let’s look at how men and women mistreat each other.

    Men misleading women for sex
    So you started seeing a new woman and she’s really into you. You find her attractive, too.
    You’re not looking for anything serious. Or at least you know you’re not looking for anything serious with her. You know that she might get hurt if she’s looking for more than just a casual relationship. When you’re being honest with your intentions, you’re letting her decide how she wants to proceed. What if she’s not down with casual sex? What if she wants to stop seeing you now that she knows how you really feel? Looks like you could lose your chance to continue sleeping with her. So you decide the best solution is to ignore that discussion until she brings it up. Then when she does press you about it, you can tell her that you’re definitely open to a relationship, but not quite yet. Finally, she says she wants commitment or else it’s not going to work for her. She may even hold out on sex to get you to make it official. I’ve seen guys agree to a relationship just to get laid and then break it off once they’ve gotten what they wanted.
    That’s seriously messed up. This is a human being we’re talking about and you’re basically lying to use her body. She’s trusting you with the most vulnerable part of herself and you’re betraying her. Baad juju. You have to be committed to being upfront with women. I understand it can be hard to know what you want before anything intimate happens. But once you’ve had sex — you need to let her know your expectations.

    Sometimes, you need to let her know even earlier. The moment it’s apparent a girl’s looking for something more serious than you, you need to address it. This is doubly true if she explicitly tells you. This is the kind of behavior that leads to serious emotional baggage and trust issues in women. I’ve known so many girls who’ve had guys lie to them for sex and drop them soon after. And that can haunt them for years. Women become more worried that ALL men have bad intentions. They tell their friends and their daughters that men are pigs who only want one thing. Women are more hesitant about hooking up. They withhold sex to try and weed out skeezy guys. We start to create a society where women fear men as sexual predators, even when they just politely say hello in public.

    Women cancelling on plans last minute
    Sometimes you need to feel someone out before you decide whether or not you want to meet up with them. That’s fine. You’re not required to go on a date with someone you’re texting or chatting with online. But the moment you make plans with that person, you’re making an agreement you should follow through with. A client of mine met a girl online who lived 90 minutes away. She didn’t have a car (she lived in the city) so he offered to drive down to her area. They setup the date days prior, chatted just an hour before he left his house, and then when he’s 20 minutes away she suddenly texts to cancel. No apology and no attempt to make future plans. This guy works two jobs and has little free time. How upset do you think that made him feel? When you make plans with someone, they clear their schedule for you. They are making the conscious decision to prioritize YOU for that precious free time slot. They’re sacrificing time usually spent on friends, family, other romantic prospects, or important work.
    So when you cancel within 24 hours of meeting up, you’re royally screwing that person. Time is our most valuable commodity and it’s devastating when we’ve lost it pointlessly.
    I know on the rare occasion things come up or you truly are overwhelmed with anxiety or exhaustion. how many surprise birthday parties do you have to attend? How many old friends randomly come stay with you at the last minute? How often are you suddenly too sick or injured to go on a date? You should probably get your blood work done.

    So if you find yourself cancelling on people all the time….Stop making plans in the first place! Don’t say you’ll meet up to be polite or to prevent losing a connection before you’re certain you actually want to spend time with that person. You’ll get into less awkward situations and you’ll hurt a lot less people with that one shift in behavior. When you repeatedly cancel on plans, guys start to feel that women treat them like shit. They believe all women are heartless or like to play games. They think women are always looking for the next best thing. Then they expect every woman to flake on them and can’t even get excited about dates anymore. That’s when you see men blow up on you even if you have a legitimate reason for rescheduling. They’re not angry with just you, it’s a product of all their frustrating experiences being taken out in that moment. I’m not saying it’s justified but that’s just what happens.

    This is one of the biggest modern causes of resentment and distrust young men have with women.

    Women ghosting on rejections

    About a year ago, one of my best friend’s girlfriends walked out on him after five years together. I don’t mean that figuratively. She literally just one day up and left their house, dog, and the life they built together. She didn’t communicate with him for over a month afterwards. She ignored almost all of his calls and texts and never had a proper discussion with him about why she left. Even to this day, they’ve talked very little about it and have only seen each other when she came to get her stuff. While they had a struggling relationship, he wasn’t emotionally or physically abusive towards her. The end of a five-year commitment deserves at least some basic communication, no matter how difficult it was for her to confront him. This is a more extreme case, but I see this happening all the time. People who have been on a couple dates, been together for months, or even longer, suddenly give the other person the cold shoulder.
    They don’t text that person to say they aren’t interested in seeing them again. They ignore the other person whenever they reach out. Then they unmatch or block them from all social media and other forms of communication. They just don’t see it as a big deal or can’t muster the courage to provide a two sentence rejection. They don’t understand how soul-crushing that behavior is. Getting no closure at all about the end of a connection leaves people feeling worthless. It makes them feel like you didn’t respect them or their time enough to be honest with them. They begin to doubt if anyone could ever really like or love them for a long time.
    In turn, they feel like future partners may leave them at any moment and they have to be prepared to be let down. They hold back in relationships and put on masks to avoid getting crushed when being abandoned.

    Men acting cold and aloof
    After experiencing numerous “flakes” and ghosted rejections, many guys go looking for advice on how to make women stick around. They almost always find themselves getting the same bullshit answer: play really hard to get. So they dedicate themselves to being more aloof. They purposely wait to reply to girls’ messages. They set up a date and then don’t communicate again until the day of so they don’t seem desperate. After hooking up with a woman, they wait a few days before they contact her again. They want to look busy and seem like they have a lot going on (but they usually don’t if they’re resorting to this tactic). Playing this game often has the opposite effect on women. When a girl is interested in you and puts herself out there, she wants to know you’re interested back. When you’re distant, it makes her feel like you’re not that into her. Or she thinks you’re a player and that she’s dispensable. Either way, it causes her to pull away and reciprocate the same behavior back to you. She doesn’t want to fully invest in someone who she feels like is halfway out the door. I’ve watched so many connections die because both parties compete on who can be the most aloof and non-committal. Instead, you need to understand that there are much healthier ways to convey you’re a confident, non-desperate man. You have to develop your self-worth and an active lifestyle. That means going after what you want, flirting with the girl you’re interested in, getting involved in new hobbies, expanding your social circle, and setting boundaries if necessary.

    When you invest in yourself, you’ll become confident and have an exciting lifestyle FOR REAL. Women will pick up on that and pursue you without you needing to be standoffish. You’re treating dating like a game instead of an emotional investment between two people. The more you do it to women, the more you perpetuate women giving you the same, which leaves you frustrated as all hell. You’ll also attract girls who enjoy drama and chase unhealthy validation.
    Most importantly, you’re preventing yourself from having any close, intimate connections because you don’t let anyone in.

    Everyone staying out of pity or comfort

    When you start dating someone, you’re consumed by emotion. Everything is fun and exciting because it’s new. Your attraction levels are off the charts. Soon enough, however, you start to see the real person you’re with. You see their values, quirks, insecurities, and all the little things that strip away your idealized view. You see them. That’s when you might realize, deep in your heart, that your new romance is not a good long-term fit. You still like and are attracted to that person, but you’ve gotten to a point where you’re sure you don’t have a future together. Letting that person go isn’t easy. You still care about them. And you know that they care about you, so breaking things off is only going to hurt them.

    Sometimes, you may struggle with leaving because it means you have to give up all the advantages of the relationship. It means you won’t have someone who shows you affection and attention. You won’t have that emotional or physical intimacy anymore. For some people, that kind of closeness doesn’t come around often. So they have a significant fear of going back to being alone and having to search for a new connection.

    Whatever the reason, you convince yourself to try and stick it out. You just can’t do that to her or relinquish that convenience. Sometimes you wait a month. Sometimes a year. Sometimes people stick it out through marriages and find alternate ways to fulfill their needs, like cheating.
    The problem is, that itch to leave doesn’t go away. If you’re truly not meant to be, that fact almost never changes. It’s really just a matter of time before your need for a more fulfilling connection outweighs the comfort of staying in the relationship. If you care about the person you’re with, you should let them go when you know the relationship has run its course.
    The ending is always the same…when you postpone a breakup you hurt the other person so much more than if you had done it earlier. You cause more devastation when you leave after 3 years instead of 3 months. You waste a lot of time that could have been better spent by both of you finding more compatible partners. Your partner can also carry the weight of your rejection to their next relationship. They develop trust issues that can hinder the development of healthy future connections.

    The small effort required for you to treat someone well can make a huge difference in the lives of many. Casual sex may be useful. It may not be.

    • Harv says

      I like the way you think. But for a man, who needs to break off from a woman, ghosting is at least safer. Women go absolutely crazy when they are dumped, and seek out revenge. What you say sounds good, but it doesn’t work out well in practice.

  31. Sam says

    Several old guys told me, when I was young, that the only reason to put up with all the stress and tension of being married, is to have a good, supportive environment for your kids. These guys were WW II generation. They were married to pre-feminist women, for whom Women’s Lib, like working a full time career, was as exotic as the moon missions.

    This has not changed. What has changed greatly is the capacity of women in the USA, and apparently even in Europe, and Canada, to nurture a family. Their attitude is “if you want to raise the kids so much, you do it.” My first wife ran away with a boyfriend. She was bipolar. She hid it well. But if I’d really paid attention, I’d have noticed she wasn’t right. I got custody of our child. She told me yesterday that she hasn’t talked to her mother in three years. Her mother is vicious, hateful, and totally insane. My daughter did learn one thing from my mistakes; wait till you find the right guy, before getting married. Have you looked at birthrates in the USA? They are going down. White women are not replacing themselves. Foreign women, mostly, are much better. I see more and more Caucasian men, with oriental, hispanic, and other foreign women. I know why. These women are focused, and disciplined, and have less BS on their brain. Their mothers cared about them.

    Casual sex? No thanks. The women available for that are extremely depressing, and desperate, and dangerous. Those young men who have been so abused by the feminist system are growing up less and less interested in marriage. Women with baby rabies are more and more out of luck. Their potential partners have been ravaged by the wildcats, and are far more cautious. Riding a snowmobile, or a motorcycle, is much more fun, and much less dangerous, than riding some woman in casual sex.

  32. google positie says

    Howdy! This article couldn’t be written much better!
    Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!

    He always kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this article to him.
    Fairly certain he’s going to have a good read. I appreciate you for sharing!

  33. Harv says

    Men can walk away from sex, especially when they are older than 28. The cruel fact of history is that the majority of men didn’t get to reproduce. What kind of women are available for casual sex?

    1. Women with very low self-esteem. They can’t apparently get a guy in a committed relationship.
    2. Women who are alcoholics and/or addicts.
    3. Women in careers who don’t have the time for a long term relationship.
    4. Unsatisfied and uncommitted wives.

    Not a very nice selection, for the average man. The average man in the USA doesn’t get much from women, other than sometimes his mother, and maybe other female relatives. There are guys who think they can buy a drink for a woman, and get anywhere with her. How many drinks does it take, before they realize they are wasting time, and money? Not that many. So they retire to their apartments, or rooms, to the flickering fantasies of the Internet. Women in those clubs are nasty, to all but the alphas. A minority of men, and some minority men, get casual sex.

    It would be useful to make a thorough study of the various STD’s, before taking risks with them, in casual sex. Let us take AIDS, as one example. Gay men ejaculate in the lower intestine, where nutrients, and other stuff, is easily absorbed into the bloodstream. There are immune suppressing substances in sperm, which is no surprise because otherwise the sperm would be killed by a woman’s immune system. Anyone who has had hepatitis has those microorganisms in their blood. The AIDS virus is communicated this way, also. I have a friend in the Coast Guard, an officer. One of the sailors, a woman, came up positive for cocaine, in a drug test. It seems that, in the way of sailors, she had a wild night, and some guy sprinkled cocaine on her tender parts. Drug tests happen randomly in the military. There are tight regulations. She made a bad decision. There are drug-resistant strains of several STD’s.
    The time to find this out is prior to exposure, not after.

    Many men now don’t get any sex, outside of their fantasies.

  34. Kanisha says

    Here is a great reason for men to avoid casual sex. p. 80, The Morning After, by Katie Roiphe:
    “a friend who has been raped may confide in you 10 minutes or 10 years after the attack.” This is retroactive determination.

    Here is the problem. Sexual banter is a sales pitch. No sales pitch works 100% of the time. So, if no-one is ever allowed to risk offering unsolicited sexual attention, we would all have to be solitary. P. 87, The Morning After. And that is happening on some campuses. Male professors keep female students at arms length, p. 95, for their own safety.

    It wasn’t that long ago that black men were lynched for “sexual harassment” of white women. P. 103.

    Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s Herland, written over 100 years ago, posited a land without dirty jokes, leers and unwanted sexual attention. She imagines reproduction by parthenogenesis, without sexual desire. This is fascinating, but no human culture in history ever operated this way. P. 111

    Listening to feminist-Markist-poststructuralist lectures is like falling down a rabbit hole, into another world. Everything seems upside down and backward, as if at the Mad Hatter’s party. I am Alice listening to the Mad Hatter tell riddles without answers. P. 114

    And she identifies as a feminist, according to the book.

  35. Tom says

    Something new to add to my list.

    Avoid driving drunk after 9 PM on a Saturday night.
    Avoid putting my hand under a hammer when it is in use.
    Avoid bathing in fresh-mixed concrete.
    Avoid doctors who don’t know what they’re doing.
    Avoid idiots.
    Avoid people who are so unaware they cause intentional harm to others.
    Avoid long lines.
    Avoid casual sex. That’s not so difficult. I avoid the places where it is set up. I don’t like being around those places. The women offering it generally have some nasty low self esteem. Yes, I like this one.

  36. David says

    One of the worst pieces of propaganda ever put out is Pretty Woman, starring Richard Gere.

    Images are deeply hypnotic. Somehow a prostitute gets involved with a millionaire, who decides to commit to her. This is total BS. But they still show this message all over the western world. I saw it dubbed in Spanish, in Spain. I was told they play it regularly on TV. The reality for Spanish prostitutes is the movie Princesas. Their lives are horrible, really nasty. This is feminist propaganda at work; drain money out of men, sleep around like a man, and you’ll end up a pampered woman who doesn’t have to work. The movie is a cruel lie.

    The only men who regularly get casual sex are the bad boys. And they get a lot. Women love them. They love the drama, the risk, the feelings that come with the bad boys. I knew a number of men, in college, who didn’t have casual sex. They weren’t rich, and knew that if they did, the chances of having their lives ruined were high. Plus, they were working to get a real degree.

    The children of rich people did have a lot of casual sex. They also had new cars, no need to work a side job, lots of pocket money for booze and drugs, and they pulled C’s, at best. Do you remember that dumbest guy in your class, that nobody listened to? A friend of mine went to Andover, the prep school, with no less than Jeb Bush. Jeb knew he didn’t have to work in college, and he didn’t and he was that dumb guy. To his credit, however, he did marry that Mexican woman, who seems to have helped him to improve, as so many Latina women do. Suzanne, you seem to have the feminist delusion that a lot of single men are having a lot of casual sex. This is simply not true. Or if it is true, it is only in their imaginations.

  37. Medicine Spider says

    Suzanne, you seem to think that a lot of men are getting a lot of casual sex. This is only true of the bad boys. Here’s some evidence for that, in lyrics:

    Nasty Naughty Boy
    Christina Aguilera
    Come here, big boy
    Ah, mm, yeah
    You’ve been a **bad, bad boy**
    I’m gonna take my time, so enjoy
    There’s no need to feel no shame
    Relax, and sip upon my champagne
    ‘Cause I wanna give you a little taste
    Of the sugar below my waist, you nasty boy
    I’ll give you some oh-la-la
    Voulez vous coucher avec moi? [Would you like to sleep with me, in French no French person
    I got you breaking into a sweat would ever use]
    Got you hot, bothered, and wet
    You nasty boy
    Nasty, naughty boy
    Oh baby, for all it’s worth
    I swear I’ll be the first to blow your mind
    Now, if you’re ready, come and get me
    I’ll give you that hot, sweet, sexy loving (loving)
    Hush now, don’t say a word
    I’m gonna give you what you deserve
    Now, you better give me a little taste
    Put your icing on my cake
    You nasty boy
    Oh no, oh there I go again
    I need a spanking ’cause I’ve been bad

    Britney Spears
    He is a hustler, he’s no good at all
    He is a loser, he’s a bum, bum, bum, bum
    He lies, he bluffs, he’s unreliable
    He is a sucker with a gun, gun, gun, gun
    I know you told me I should stay away
    I know you said he’s just a dog astray
    He is a bad boy with a tainted heart
    And even I know this ain’t smart
    But mama I’m in love with a criminal
    And this type of love isn’t rational, it’s physical
    Mama please don’t cry, I will be alright
    All reason aside I just can’t deny, I love the guy
    He is a villain by the devil’s law
    He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun, fun
    That man’s a snitch and unpredictable
    He’s got no conscience, he got none, none, none, none
    All I know, should’ve let go, but no
    ‘Cause he’s a *bad boy* with a tainted heart
    And even I know this ain’t smart

  38. D'James says

    Respect women even if they don’t respect themselves. I like it. Just as you would any poisonous snake, rabid wild dog, hungry crocodile. Good advice.

  39. D'James says

    we hail (as we should) the man who refrains from taking advantage of a woman when she’s drunk. In the vast majority of cases, women who engage in one-night stands are drunk.

    Huh? How about refraining from having anything to do with a woman who drinks so much to excess that she doesn’t know what she’s doing? Women are craaazy when they are sober. ALcohol only makes them far worse.

  40. Joseph says

    women who engage in one-night stands are drunk. That they may come on to you under such circumstances doesn’t give you license to take advantage of them.

    Suzanne. Really. Having sex with a drunk woman, that one doesn’t know very well, in unknown circumstances. What’s wrong with this picture?
    1. The woman drinks alcohol to the point of not making intelligent decisions. Ooooh, I know this would be a wonderful long term partner. Yeah. Go to any AA meeting, and listen to the women talking.
    2. Is the man so bad he can’t get a woman unless she’s drunk? This is a clear sign that the man needs to improve his game. Produce more at work, get promoted, improve your mind, whatever. If he can only get women who are drunk, well, that’s what he’ll get. This is not a recipe for a nice life.
    3. But wait… there’s MORE! You don’t know who she is, apparently. There are a lot of bipolar women, who are quite capable of, say, cutting your throat, when you sleep, after the act is completed. You have no idea how crazy some women can be. She can douse you with gasoline, and set it afire. Men, if you haven’t dealt with crazy women, talk to men who have. There is nothing worse than this. They can call the police, and accuse you of anything. At that point, you have a large target painted on you, and very little defense. They can put stuff in your food. They can slash one or all of your tires. THey can put a brick through your car windows. Or house windows. They can set your house on fire, if they know where you live. And they’ll get off. Women are only rarely punished for serious crimes. Crazy women are like vicious wild dogs, you know, the kind that have wounds all over, who can kill humans, who have numerous diseases. There is no arguing with them. The only safe way to deal with crazy women is to treat them as you would any other crazy animal; stay far away from them. Make sure they don’t even know who you are. And to leave easily identified genetic material behind, in such a creature? This is the height of stupidity. Yes, young men are stupid, until sweet Madam Pain comes along to teach them some very involved lessons. There is no more patient teacher than constant pain. Or as Will Rogers put it, some people learn from books, but they are few. Some learn from other people’s mistakes. They are also few. The vast majority of people have to learn from urinating on the electric fence for themselves, that is, from painful experience. Ben Franklin said that the school of hard experience charges a high tuition, but fools refuse to learn anywhere else. And so it is.
    I was married to not one, but two alcoholic crazy women. My intuition was screaming at me not to marry them, but I didn’t listen. Decisions like that have lifetime ramifications, and those did. The only thing worse than an alcoholic spouse is a crackhead, or a methhead. Talk to the divorced spouse of an alcoholic. They suck up all your energy, and give almost nothing back, except empty promises, that they don’t keep. Some people see alcohol as a diversion, that you’ll give up later. It is not. For many, it is an addictive substance. The only safe way to deal with addictions is to walk away, early, and never enter.

  41. Julianna says

    Grown Woman, with some accurization
    I remember being young and so brave
    I knew what I needed
    I was spending all my nights and days laid back day dreaming
    Look at me I’m an old girl now, said I’m gon’ do something
    Told the world I would paint this town
    Now betcha I run news
    ‘Cause I put it
    (Down like that, put down like that)
    And I’m making
    (All these racks, all these racks)
    And I’m moving
    (Round like that, moving round like that)
    When I do it
    (I don’t look back, don’t look back)
    I’m an old woman
    I can do whatever I want
    I play with my cats
    I feed them whatever I want
    They love the way I walk
    ‘Cause I walk with a vengeance
    And they listen to me when I talk ’cause I ain’t pretending
    It took a while, now I understand just where I’m goin’
    I know the world and I know who I am
    It’s ’bout time I show it

  42. Melvin says

    For casual sex, let’s ask the pendulum.

    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being most dangerous, what is the danger of having a short term sexual liaison with this woman? [08]
    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being most probable, what is the probability of a short term liaison with her leading to pregnancy? [07]
    How many active STD’s does this woman’s body have? [4]
    How many sexual partners has this woman had? [98]
    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being 100%, what is the probability of her making false accusations against me? [7]
    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being totally crazy, what is this woman’s sanity at? [8]
    On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being 100%, what is the probability that this woman will raise healthy children into mature adults? [2]
    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being 100%, what is the chance of this woman becoming a stable, supportive, long term partner, in marriage? [1]
    On a scale of 1-10, where 10 is 100%, what is this woman’s attraction level, to bad boys? [9]
    On a scale of 1-10, where 1 is helpless addict, and 10 is totally resistant to addictions, where does this woman stand? [3]
    On a scale of 1-10, 10 being 100%, what is the probability that spending tonight on my Xbox will be considerably more productive, than trying to pick up these women? [10]

    Let the pendulum, or your intuition, tell you. Go for the 10. The Xbox. I’ve never heard of an Xbox, or similar device, making false claims.

  43. Liu says

    This is an interesting line. Women thrive on attention. The best advice in going to clubs is to totally ignore women, and just have a great time talking to your homies. The women will either ignore you, or come up to you. At that point, you can do the rejecting. For me, I study the cosmetics. When I see toxic cosmetics, originally used on corpses for funerals, on a woman, it’s a major turnoff. Then I see the clothing. It is provocative. Then I feel her energy. It is not pleasant. What kind of women go to singles bars? How many Amish women do you see there. How many church women. How many women who would commit to a family. How many really good hearted women. Place your right index fingertip on the tip of your right thumb. This means zero. It is also an obscene gesture in some parts of the world, meaning something like f… you. And that’s what those women are saying to you. The best advice I ever got, from my father, was to never, ever sleep with a woman, unless I could see myself comfortably married to her. Rubbers get holes. Things happen. Somehow the pill “didn’t work”. And the number of guys roped into marriage because the woman didn’t take her pill, but said she did, is high. If I can’t see myself comfortably married to a woman, then sex is off the table. It’s that simple. If I don’t feel very comfortable around a woman, I don’t talk to her beyond what is absolutely necessary.

  44. Jamie says

    Suzanne, really. A lot of men do already avoid casual sex. Test this. Where is the highest ratio of men to women? Near military posts. Now, go into the clubs, and the bars, around. You will almost always find more women than men there. I couldn’t believe it either, however in my experience, and that of other military guys, it was true. There are always barracks rats, in the military, who ride their motorcycles, do their sports, and so on, and don’t engage with women.

    If anything, this is increasing. Women wanted to abandon their traditional gender roles. Cool. Now man are abandoning them, also. The electronic games available to men now boggle the mind. They offer a path to success, which can be achieved, with focused effort. Men really like that. Women mostly don’t offer that any more. For the average young man, the women available aren’t worth his time. They are complex, have internal contradictions, have strange emotional reactions, and are basically alien beings. Halo is a lot more fun, and success is easier. Nothing is funnier to me, than seeing women who played with bad boys through their 20’s, and 30’s, and suddenly realize that the clock is striking 12… 1… 2… and they don’t have a husband. Then, then they start looking. Shopping for a reliable partner, at 39, may work on TV, as in Sex and the City, but it doesn’t in real life. Nothing scares away prospective mates more than desperation. Women do not understand that their prime years to find a good mate are about 25-32. Beyond that, the selection thins out more, every year.
    My nephew was with a number of women, but not casually. He stayed with his relationships for a year or more, at a time. And he was quite happy when he wasn’t in a relationship with a woman. He did finally get married, to a woman who is very nice. Very nice. How many very nice women are there, in the USA, any more? Not many. Women no longer seem to understand that honey attracts more flies than vinegar. They also don’t seem to understand that men interested in casual sex are just that, into casual sex. How much casual sex would there be, if women didn’t offer it? Women seem to have this idea that they all have the magic touch, to turn the bad boy into a loving husband. It doesn’t work. People don’t change like that.

    There are a lot of men who don’t get casual sex, for many reasons. They are largely not seen, though.


  45. Michael burns says

    Good post Suzanne, I agree… 

    I like your work and find you well equipped and a good head. A rare thing today. it’s a tough job and seems you are doing it. 

    I find my answer to your post is aimed at the debauchery of our times. And discipline and self control is not unwarranted.

    It was interesting to see the many points of view, in the comment section. To find that this alpha/beta nonsense has taken on such a role with young men. And that so many of your male commenters are afflicted with this misnomer. And some of the women too… This misunderstanding of what a man is — I would say they have been propagandized with what Darwin thought, and actually believe that eugenics bullshit of his… Survival of the fittest, is pure nonsense. A remnant of a Roman sociology.

    Those that think they are alphas are usually blowhards and I find that a lot that think themselves betas, are actually nice guys and more profound and feeling — are more secure in the fact of a feminine side of themselves. Are actually a little too hard on themselves if anything. Of being more concerned with others feelings and tolerant and not so self-absorbed, and narcissistic as the supposed lead role alpha.

    This nomenclature is descriptive for elk and deer — lesser mammals, but not the whole human man. Generally I find that the self-described beta are more whole and not so flawed as the square-jawed Neanderthal type. Not that there is a problem with being in good shape, or large, but hammers have a tendency to see everything as a nail. Strength like most thinks is misunderstood and I would say was more soul driven than a physical reaction.

    A real man is a whole man…a strong man, an educated man, a romantic man. A funny man, a tender man, a man who understands courage has a cost and it is not cheap. But still rises to it even though he might lose and pay that awful price with his life. A man who knows his own physical strength but is reluctant to bow to such vulgarity, in using it every single time. A man whole who holds family dearly in his heart. 

    A ‘man’ has been vastly over propagandized by magazines and celebrity and Hollywood bullshit, the so-called alpha retard that plays the vicious game of ‘strong leading male role in a movie’ — and is really no measurement of a man at all. It is in fact an delusion. In my studies I have found that most of these fellas have a fatal flaw when found. 

    Real men like song and poetry, and like all people, in trust and a modicum of respect until proven wrong. Full respect is earned. They rise to failure, and enjoy the lessons learned by it…

    And real men they do eat Quiche and change diapers, and they cry when they are hurt deeply. Only a knuckle dragger is insensitive, which is really what a modern alpha would be…if there is such a thing.

    I find what is described as alpha, is an intolerant bully most times, who wants his own way and has no sense of tolerance. He is narcissistic and self-centered. He is greedy and without remorse. In fact he borders a bit on the lunatic.

    Interesting to note is who did the fighting when the landing on the beaches of France of June 4th 1944. I wasn’t who you would expect — and only about 15% of the men actually fought. It wasn’t the big strong type with a square jaw. Not that some them were not real men. It was the ones who knew they might die immediately but were willing to sacrifice themselves for the others. They didn’t look the part at all. In general they might be described as betas, average guys who for no other reason, would go unnoticed. But, they stood up, even for those stronger than themselves. This notion of the strong alpha is a pack of lies dressed up in act, in the middle of an enigma and a media propaganda that has designed that plastic man for well on a hundred years. It is the reverse side of that coin that is the propagandized image of a real woman.

    I taught my girls to be women first; to be strong and kind; to be self-reliant and fix things for themselves. Their mother taught them to be nurturer and powerful in their roles as mothers and never run from a fight even a physical one. Most of all we taught them to reason and the need for love. They have strong partners like themselves. They are as Irish as McGinty’s goat, and as tough as nails and as tender as kittens. I am very proud of them, and they have exceeded anything I have taught them. They are strong leaders and are reliant on their souls and make no excuses for being women. They are not victims as a lot of young women have be taught.

    Another point is the many male commenters who are bitter over love lost or have the diametric point of view of an ardent feminist. A sort of male counterpart to that soul disease that has affected so many.

    “Women are crazy”

    “Women who have one night stands are drunks or addicts.”

    “Women are impossible.”

    Any male who still doesn’t make his bed and plays video games and needs to hang with homies is as afflicted as any purple haired over-weight feminist.

    This nonsense of MGTOW is another excuse for being afraid and weak, and giving up.

    People are the problem not male or female…people.

    A woman who is sexually free is not a bad thing, discretion is a must here…a woman who scratches an itch, satisfies that need of sexual encounter is a healthy thing, as it is with a male. But, and I say this again, discretion is the better part of this…But I find that women are more emotionally evolved in the sexual game. And so they don’t frequent is that much, it is not a weakness, but a strength.

    Social websites like Tinder have muddied the waters –pornography for the soul…and I would agree that a man should respect a woman who does not respect herself. Men have lost the definition of what it means to be a man, a gentleman. Of course I would take that a step further and include all humans. 

    We are individual souls here for what ever reason. 

    But a woman or a man, who is fighting this male/female dichotomy; polarity, is not in the real game. They are soul-sick and living in an illusion of what they are, and what life is…

  46. John says

    If you go to singles bars, you will often see more women than men. I’ll be blunt. Women are attention vampires. There is a reason that the Internet was built by porn and sports sites. Porn is very much better than casual sex. it is safer, the women can look better, and the chances of getting hit for child support, or STDs, or a false accusion, are nil. Casual sex isn’t worth my time. There is far too much risk, far too little reward, and way too much cost for uncertain outcomes. My brother used to go to singles bars where women in their 30’s and 40’s would go, hoping to find a one night stand, well actually they wanted much more, but that was their best hope. He’d drink a beer, with his buddy, and totally ignore the women. The women came to their table. And they just said no, politely. They worked out all their resentment over the rejection they got in high school.

  47. Dave says

    I know of men who do the sex tourism thing. Women have done it for years. What are they doing, single, in Europe, on those long trips? The one thing many of these men want, is the “girl friend experience”. It costs a lot of money to go overseas. But there are more and more American men who just don’t date American women. They save up their money, and go 2-3 times a year, where women still respect men, and play at that. Oh, wait, a lot of military guys have to do the same thing. The sex tourism for women is fascinating. In Jamaica, Air Canada flights of young women are commonly known as Air Coucon, I think that’s what they said, roughly Air Pussy. There is much more sex tourism for women than there is for men, but our sexist media won’t admit it. I personally would rather do my hobbies, than engage in casual sex. It’s not worth it. I don’t do sex tourism, either. Women are for the most part utterly, completely, and wholeheartedly crazy. I’m married, which does limit the crazy some. My children are my life.

  48. David says

    I can think of more reasons, Suzanne:

    HPV/Genital Warts
    Crab Lice

    You can always ask the woman how many partners she’s had. Multiply this number by a factor of 3-5, depending on who she is. “I’m a free spirit” means too many to count, in short at least 3 digits.

    Now. We forgot other issues. You are having SEX with a creature who is largely incapable of logic, who doesn’t have high regard for herself, who doesn’t care about her future children, who clouds her judgment with drugs and alcohol, and has a very high resentment level. You enter this woman at your peril. Because if she decides she doesn’t like you, she can make your life hell, and scar you for life. False accusations of rape are fairly common. Women can and do take revenge.

    Sure, you can play VD roulette. And bipolar roulette… and those women you meet in the bars, they all hate themselves, really, really hate themselves.

    You have this picture in your mind, that you are going to get something for nothing. This is fantasy. All women come at a very high price. Know the price up front. Or, as an old Italian man told my father, once, “Alwaysa aska da price..”

    • David says

      If they don’t know where you live, and don’t know who you are, you’re a lot safer. Being able to wear a Beta simp mask is really, really useful at times. Adding in a lithp, and autistic behavior patterns, can really help. I was frustrated in high school. Looking back, I am so very glad I didn’t get involved with any women there. College was like a whole new world.

  49. Gene says

    The men I know, who engage in a lot of casual sex, are almost always damaged goods, that is, they’ve been hurt in some way, usually by a woman. As damaged goods, they seek out other damaged goods.

    Most men I know, who aren’t damaged goods, generally do want some commitment, and a longer term relationship. They want a higher grade woman, and they get one.

  50. David says

    Five reasons to avoid casual action.

    1. Some women are craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzy. I mean bipolar, psychopathic, and so on. And they are very good at hiding it. Being around such women is very bad for your psychological health, and dangerous. Filtering and screening is used by employers for a reason. Smart men use it, for similar reasons. Talk to a guy who’s lived with a crazy woman. You’ll get an earful.

    2. Women don’t see it as casual. They see it as a relationship. Yes, many do. Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned. And a scorned crazy woman is doubly dangerous.

    3. Sexually Transmitted Diseases. There are many new ones out there. No, they can’t cure all of them, and the germs are getting resistant to current drugs.

    4. Women available for this have typically very low self esteem. They would not make good partners. Being around someone with extremely low self esteem drags YOU down, dude. Nicer women are nicer to be around, and they help you grow, spiritually. Nastier women drag you down to their level, and suck off your energy.

    5. If you have to get a woman drunk, to get action, your game needs massive improvement.

    Let’s do a short risk analysis.

    1. A report from MedCo notes that 25% of US women take meds for depression, anxiety, ADHD or another mental disorder. In men, that number is 15%. Nearly twice as many women are on anti-anxiety treatment as their male counterparts. If one quarter of American women has a mental abnormality, the concept of normal has clearly shifted. But that’s for the entire population. What are your chances of running into these women at a pickup bar? Much higher. Unless you can evaluate women’s mental health on the fly, maybe you don’t want to try.

    2. If you paid your money for a car, and you were later told you couldn’t keep it, might you be a little angry? So a woman with better odds than 50% of being crazy, on being told it was just a hookup, sees her investment gone, and gets angry. This is about as smart as kicking a female grizzly bear awake. Crazy and angry do not mix well. If you are investing in buying drinks for women in bars, here is what you are: a loser, and of course they’ll dump on you, because you have “dumdum” written on your forehead, when you buy a drink for a woman. If you need to be in bars, run with your crew, at least one guy, have a great time, and IGNORE women there. They can’t stand being ignored, and will come to you.

    3. Sexually transmitted disease (STD) rates in the U.S. are at a record high, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 2.3 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis were diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017. That’s 200,000 more cases than were diagnosed in 2016, the highest level of our reportable conditions in two decades. Chlamydia remains by far the most common STD in the U.S. Over 1.7 million cases diagnosed last year. Syphilis diagnoses have risen 76% since 2013, according to CDC data. Gonorrhea diagnoses have grown by 67% (from around 333,000 cases to roughly 555,600 cases) since 2013/, with the mounting threat of drug-resistant strains of the disease. Bar pickups are the equivalent of playing the slot machine, slot C, so to speak. And you assume they are all curable. That’s just what you want to be, isn’t it, a guinea pig for doctors to play with. Do you really think they can cure all of them? Do they even know all of the STDs out there?

    4. Women with low esteem make up the bulk, if not entirety, of available women for casual sex. Older men know that casual encounters can lead to more, and for women, there are no casual encounters, only prospects. Smart men know that it is best to avoid sleeping with any woman they couldn’t see themselves married to, because smart men have seen other men go through some considerable pain in relationships. There are no good times girls, there are no floozies, there are no whatever. There are only women looking for love, in functional or dysfunctional ways. Vanilla Sky was a remake of a Spanish move, Abre los Ojos, which I have to say was haunting. There is a scene where a female character, who has been dumped by a guy, talks him into a car, and then takes the car at high speed over a bridge. OK, it’s just a movie, but I have seen women that angry.

    5. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Uh huh. Yes, liquor helps us all make better decisions, and what better state to be in, involving choices that can affect your income for at least 22 years, than drunk? Yeah, sure, she’s on the pill, and she took it. You can risk half your income for the next 22 years, on that statement. Even Vegas doesn’t offer odds that bad.

    STDs refer to more than 35 infectious organisms that are transmitted primarily through sexual activity.
    Despite their burdens, costs, and complications, and the fact that they are largely preventable, STDs remain a significant public health problem in the United States. STDs cause many harmful, often irreversible, and costly clinical complications, such as:

    Reproductive health problems
    Fetal and perinatal health problems
    Facilitation of the sexual transmission of HIV infection

    The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that there are approximately 20 million new STD infections each year—almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24.3 The cost of STDs to the U.S. health care system is estimated to be as much as $16 billion annually. Because many cases of STDs go undiagnosed—and some common viral infections, such as human papillomavirus (HPV) and genital herpes, are not reported to CDC at all—the —reported cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis represent —only a fraction— of the true burden of STDs in the United States.— Untreated STDs can lead to serious long-term health consequences, —especially for adolescent girls and young women—. CDC estimates that undiagnosed and untreated STDs cause at least 24,000 women in the United States each year to become infertile.

    Several factors contribute to the spread of STDs.

    STDs are acquired during unprotected sex with an infected partner. Biological factors that affect the spread and complications of STDs include:

    Asymptomatic nature of STDs. The -majority- of STDs either do not produce any symptoms or signs, or they produce symptoms so mild that they are unnoticed; consequently, many infected persons do not know that they need medical care.
    Gender disparities. Women suffer more frequent and more serious STD complications than men do. Among the most serious STD complications are pelvic inflammatory disease, ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy outside of the uterus), infertility, and chronic pelvic pain.
    Age disparities. Young people ages 15 to 24 account for half of all new STDs, although they represent just 25% of the sexually experienced population. Adolescent females may have increased susceptibility to infection because of increased cervical ectopy.

    Of course you can play STD roulette. Just remember, the house always wins. Maybe a more committed kind of relationship might teach you useful relationship skills, and put you with a higher grade of woman. Really assess the risks, before you plunge.

  51. Juan says

    Vanilla Sky. Cameron Diaz is Hispanic, look at her last name. Najwa Nimri, who had that role in Abre los Ojos, was much spookier, and I have seen women that spooky, and spookier, in real life. That scene, where she drives the car off the bridge, with the guy in it, is a very good warning about messing with crazy women one has dumped. I wonder if just that scene, from either movie, is on youtube?

  52. Juan says

    10 reasons to avoid casual sex.

    1. Pregnancy isn’t casual. Neither is a child support order. Neither is a 25 year old upset, messed up kid tracking you down, to ask why you didn’t care.

    2. It ain’t casual

    Joining bodies with another person is not casual. There is some powerful emotion involved, on both sides. I didn’t mean to fall for my booty call, I certainly didn’t mean to get jealous of her getting together with her real true love…but I did.

    3. When it’s Over You’ll Still be Alone

    When you leave, you are again alone. She’s not in any way attached to you. In fact, she’s kind of like a protein based robot. Casual relationships could become something more, but it’s probably not going to happen. Women who engage in casual sex tend to be damaged, and messed up.

    4. It’s not casual.

    Yeah, you can think there’s no attachment, but it isn’t, really. She either trusts you, or is drunk enough, to let you in. There is a lot of feeling involved. The only men who do casual sex over the long term have been damaged or traumatized by women. From an energy point of view, you enter their aura, and you exchange energy there. With a woman who has so little self respect, she has casual sex.
    Sex is like a storm, in an ocean, it stirs stuff up. Perhaps that magnificent moment of eternal bliss really feels good, and it stays with you, and… nothing. By the 8th partner, it’s feeling really mechanical.

    5. Do you have a complete psychological profile on her? Casual sex with women you don’t know is risky. Maybe she’s part of a wierd occult group that likes human sacrifices. Or she’s into passing on that special drug-resistant strain of Gono, after some bad relationships. Maybe she’s Lorena Bobbit, with enough resentment in her [google her, young man, you need to know this]. Maybe she’s tying you up, and ignores the code word, and has a couple of her buddies come in with clubs, to “teach you a lesson”. There are women like that in Boston. If you don’t know who she hangs with, you don’t know her. Forbidden fruit looks great from a distance. You are rolling the dice with her. Oh, yeah, it’s only casual. Except she just decided that YOU ARE THE ONE! Congratulations, you are now being followed by a psycho, who won’t give up!

    6. The mechanical of energy release is only mechanical. Sex without love is kind of like a car without gasoline. It leaves you empty inside. Sex with my casual went from “awesome and new” to “empty and meaningless.” Love is a special sauce.

    7. So Terribly Dangerous [STD] diseases are spreading. Are you getting an HIV test every two months?
    And tested for the 25 or so others, also? Do you really know who has what STD? She told you you don’t need the raincoat, too, because she’s on the pill.

    8. Jealousy comes up when least expected
    Yeah, the booty call gets a new boyfriend. That’s ok, isn’t it… and now she’s not always available. But that doesn’t bother you at all, does it. Does it? Or maybe the CS was pretty good, and she got back together with her ex.

    9. It may get in the way of dating better women
    Yeah, you find the love of your life, I mean, the one who lights your fire, she has great parents, her mom looks fantastic which means she’ll look good for a long time, she has a heart, she loves kids, she’s everything you ever thought possible and more. Except that she knows you’re in a “relationship”, and you have to explain it’s only a booty call. And you see that disappointed look in her eyes, as she thinks you might not be that committed to your commitment.
    Yeah, you’re thinking, “Why do I need to commit, when I can get it whenever I want it, without all the complications?” Because there are always complications. Always. And maybe your booty call is her cousin, which really complicates things. I remember a bus driver, years ago, who was living with a woman. He had nothing but complaints about her- she didn’t cook or clean, was kind of slovenly, complained often, and on and on. He met a woman on the bus that he was really, really attracted to. except he had a live-in, yeah, that kind of limited his action. Native American hunters always hunted when they were hungry, because it really sharpened their senses. This applies to finding the love of your life. Playing with casuals is kind of like going to a buffet, stuffing yourself on the junk food, before the main course comes out.

    10. It’s not Real
    Casual sex is a fake relationship. She will never be the one, well unless she gets pregnant, and you run the numbers and realize you better make nice, or you will have a most painful bill every month. Women don’t want booty calls. Some might settle for them, out of desperation. Yeah, that’s what you want, to be in a relationship with a desperate woman. Treating people- women- like crap tends not to work out well. Unless you can really pull it off well, you know, the James Bond bad boy thing, except that, well, she might still fall for you. Casual sex is not loving sex. It is a spin dry cycle with no clothes in the dryer.

    Tom Leykis has a lot of say about this. He got to the bitter place he’s at, in four marriage/divorces. Sure, you can play the odds. Why not. I personally only get involved with a woman that I could imagine myself married to. Why? Things happen. Maybe the quality control for the latex was a bit off that day. Maybe she’s about to become the subject of an Immaculate Conception. Maybe she’s about to go off the deep end, because she’s had trauma, and decided to try just one more guy, as she seeks out true love. You don’t know. The nastiest of feminists can drop all that in a heartbeat, if they see a hot guy, that gives them hope, I’ve seen this. I wonder how many of those feminists got that hateful through casual sex. Just askin’. The badger game is played this way: a woman approaches a man, for casual sex, they go to a room, and the “husband” storms in furious, ready to kill the guy, and then decides that for a certain amount of money, they could let the guy go. It’s been run for a few centuries. There is a fascinating book on crime in 1860’s London, written by a police inspector, which has several cons run around casual sex.

    Almost half the books sold in the US are romance novels. They are not about casual sex. Really think about that. How many chick flicks are out there, about casual sex. Hmmm. Not many. Until PC came along, they were making movies to make lots of money. Does this tell you anything? There is no such thing as being halfway pregnant. And there’s no such thing as being halfway in a relationship. Booty calls have to settle, for whatever reason, but they’d drop the guy in a heartbeat, if they thought they could get a guy they really liked, who had money, was hot, and so on.

    Plus, I have to say, the most fantastic, beautiful, exciting women, enjoyable I’ve met… weren’t interested in casual sex. No, they weren’t banging the bad boy on the side, either. They were holding out for committed love, over time. The ones banging the bad boy on the side, let’s say they had an edge to them, flaws, wounds. The great ones weren’t wearing much makeup, dressed conservatively, had no tattoos, didn’t swear, and were generally very pleasant, and I have to say, their energy was fantastic.

  53. George says

    I once went onto a used car lot. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. The salesguy came over,and I felt worse. We asked about financing a car; he said that wouldn’t work, because in a year we’d have to buy another car, and then have two payments. He said that. He said himself that his used car wasn’t going to last more than a year. We left the lot, and I felt a lot better. We went out and got a new car, which worked for 14 years.

    I’ve been around women who are into hookups. I feel the same way, around them. I feel physically ill.

    • Don says

      These women actually seek out abusive guys. They can’t even see respectful guys. I’ve seen it many times.

  54. Marco says

    Military installations have a higher male to female ratio than most other places in the country. I was in the Army. I was told that the bars around where I was stationed always had more women in them, than men. Because a lot of troops just didn’t go. I didn’t go. Just wasn’t interested. I can meet crazy psychopathic women anywhere, and don’t need a triple digit bar tab.

    A roommate of mine did go. He could bring a woman home every night. They looked very good to me. They had problems, of course. During the Gulf war, it was possible to have three in a night. Problem is, well, you are throwing the dice. You don’t know what you’re getting. Guys who think with something above their belts evaluate and measure risk. Are they really worth it? For me, they aren’t. I’m getting my education in place, building a resume, and I don’t have the time for it, now. I’d rather deal with high grade people. Look at the five people you hang with- their average energy level is yours. I’m careful who I hang with. I need to be around high grade women, and I don’t find them in bars. I need a woman who gets along with her family, who has some idea how to raise children well, who is classy, who is easy to get along with, who is focused, and intelligent. I don’t look in bars. I also never look at feminist conventions. Feminists have more poison in them than a snake, and they don’t understand, and cannot be told, that being poisonous isn’t useful, if you want healthy relationships.


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