I suspect that, like me, you all are probably reading a lot headlines about Bill and Melinda Gates in the wake of their divorce announcement. The most recent one I read was in the WSJ about a sexual relationship Bill Gates had many years ago w a Microsoft employee. A spokesperson for Gates said, “There was an affair almost 20 years ago which ended amicably.”
As soon as I read this headline, I thought about all the people who will hone in on this event in the Gates’ marriage and imagine a gotcha moment as in, “Ha! That’s why Melinda Gates filed for divorce! Her husband is a philanderer!”
What you will never hear about are the circumstances that surround an affair, particularly when men are the ones who have it. If a woman has an affair, it’s because she’s been wronged in some way. But if a man has it, he’s just a bad man or a bad husband.
I’d like to challenge that narrative by telling the truth about why good men stray.
IN THIS EPISODE:
2:40 Suzanne reads an email from a listener about affairs and the rationale behind it
5:00 The idea of remaining attractive, pleasant and kind with one’s husband is oftentimes met with resistance due to life stresses, etc.
6:00 The idea that you can succumb to those pressures and become someone totally different from the person your spouse dated is unfair
7:00 For the average marriage, you can start to behave the way you did when you were dating and get those feelings back pretty quickly
8:30 The idea that you can starve a man sexually and expect him to remain faithful is ridiculous and immature
8:50 It isn’t just about sex—millions of husbands are starving from affection from their wives, which is almost more significant than sex
11:20 A lot of women wait for the “feeling” to envelope them before they act. Sometimes, it takes the act to get the feeling
13:00 On all of Suzanne’s intake forms for coaching, when men answer questions it has to do with the lack of sex and affection
16:45 Not having sex with your husband is cruel