The 5 Most Important Things Women Need to Know About Men

This article was originally published at Hitched.

Ladies, how well do you understand men? It’s possible the answer is: not very well.

Why would you? After all, you weren’t raised to become a wife and to take care of a husband. You were raised to rule the world and to take care of yourself.

But almost all women marry eventually (a majority to men)—and believe it or not, there are actual skills and knowledge required for being someone’s wife.

If you’re lucky, your mother or grandmother passed on some pearls of wisdom. If not, you may be shooting blanks.

Here are the 5 most important things you need to know about men:

1. Men are easy to please and quick to forgive. Men are so simple it’s ridiculous. Not simple as in dumb, as the culture would have you believe. Simple in that they have far fewer needs than women do.

What men want most of all is respect, companionship and sex. If you supply these basics, your man will do anything for you—slay the dragons, kill the beast, work three jobs, and so on. It’s that easy.

Even better is that when there’s disagreement, men are quick to forgive if you make a loving gesture toward reconciliation. That’s because men are visual creatures who respond well to women who are soft, gentle and kind.

Being naked when you apologize doesn’t hurt either.

2. Men live to serve the woman they love. All a man wants is for his woman to be happy and comfortable, and he’ll go to great lengths to make it happen. A man’s desire to make you happy is so automatic he’ll let you “win” just to keep the peace. And he’ll do it over and over again, until or unless he determines you cannot be pleased. Then he’ll break.

3. Men tend to understate their feelings, so you’ll have to read the signs. Men are a largely silent bunch, which can be annoying to women who talk far more than men do. But men’s silence can be a good thing! You can use it as a gauge since when your husband does tell you something, you know it’s important.

Unfortunately, too often men say they try to get their wives to hear them but that their thoughts fall on deaf ears. And most men, after a long spell of not being heard—because men, as a rule, are also very patient—will very likely act out. Don’t let it happen.

4. Men don’t like to fight with women. One of the most important things you can do to have a peaceful relationship is to agree with your man rather than to argue with him all the time. Men hate to fight with the woman they love; it doesn’t come naturally. They think of the woman they love as the person they need to love and protect, not go to battle with. Ergo, when you challenge your man, or when you fight back and say “no” to whatever he suggests, he will read that as disrespect. And nothing kills a marriage faster than disrespect.

So unless your guy asks you to do something illegal or immoral, try saying “yes” as often as you can and see how much easier your relationship gets!

5. A man’s identity is inextricably linked to his ability to provide and protect. Men equate work with self-worth. They are designed to provide and protect, whether it’s 1919 or 2019. If you usurp your man’s ability to provide for you—by living outside his means, by making more than he does, or by using money as a weapon—your relationship will become a ticking time bomb.

When a wife pulls rank in this way, the marriage is dramatically altered—particularly in the bedroom. Many relationships follow the same pattern. First, the wife starts to lose respect for her husband, then he begins to feel emasculated, and then sex stops. Don’t let this happen to you.

Bottom line: Understanding men—how they think, what they need, etc.—is critical if you want to build a relationship that lasts. The suggestions above may not be popular, but they’re true.

If you embrace them, you will succeed.

Suzanne Venker

Suzanne Venker is an author, columnist and radio host known as The Feminist Fixer. She helps free women from feminism so they can find lasting love with men. Suzanne's newest book, WOMEN WHO WIN at Love: How to Build a Relationship That Lasts, will be published October 2019.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. I think even making more money than the man does is forgivable if the woman does not resent the differential and has respect for him and what he does. Disrespect is the one thing that will inevitably kill a marriage. There is (or was, he was old when I first learned about him) a Psychologist who could accurately predict after observing a couple argue for 10 minutes how healthy the marriage was and how long
    It would last.
    Respect, companionship and sex. What is the saying of French women? “So important for him, so simple for me”?

  2. Good ideas. I can’t tell you how many men I know, that would leave their wives in an instant, because they don’t practice these simple ideas.

  3. There is a sixth thing, perhaps. Women have infinite shades of meaning. Men are binary. Men have a breaking point. Break it, and it’s over. He may not say anything. He knows how dangerous it is, to give accurate feedback, to unstable women.

    And a seventh thing. Men who have had a lot of pain can be deeply intuitive, more so even than women. Get a Navy SEAL, or Special Forces guy, talking. Some of those guys can feel out situations with awesome intuition, so good they can “feel” into a room on the other side of the door, and know where the Tangos are.

    Some of them- not all of course- can scan a woman’s intent, from 20 meters away. If her intent doesn’t feel good, they become invisible to her. Doubt this? Look at Col. Morehouse’s book, on distant viewing, as taught to military people. Or Inigo Swann. If someone is staring at you, you are in observation, fixed, so to speak. That’s hard to maintain. If they aren’t staring at you, you can be invisible to them, or seem very innocuous. Snipers in Vietnam were taught this stuff, Carlos Hathcock was good at it, and so was Ron Szpond. It is possible to get lost in a crowd of one, as they say.

    Men who have a karma to get hurt by women gravitate to women who will hurt them. This is intent, at work. The world is shaped by intent, that is, by quantum observation. Yes, with your intent, you can affect physical matter. The twin slit experiment shows this.

    The best men… are invisible, to all but the women worthy of their time. Deer can do this, too, by way, when they are ready to die, they make themselves visible to a hunter.

    What lesson is there? The purer your heart, the better the men available to you…

  4. revised due to interruption during lunch.

    And a seventh thing. Men who have had a lot of pain can be deeply intuitive, more so even than women. Get a Navy SEAL, or Special Forces guy, talking. Some of those guys can feel out situations with awesome intuition, so good they can “feel” into a room on the other side of the closed door, and know where the Tangos are. Some of them- not all of course- can scan a woman’s intent, from 20-50 meters away. If her intent doesn’t feel good, they become invisible to her. Doubt this? Look at Col. Morehouse’s book, on distant viewing, as taught to military people. Or Inigo Swann. Or Courtney Smith’s books. Then remember these were written 20 years ago. If someone is staring at you, you are in observation, fixed, so to speak. That’s hard to maintain. If they aren’t staring at you, you can be invisible to them, or seem very innocuous. Snipers in Vietnam were taught this stuff, Carlos Hathcock was good at it, and so was Ron Szpond. It is possible to get lost in a crowd of one, as they say.

    Men who have a karma to get hurt by women gravitate to women who will hurt them. This is intent, at work. The world is shaped by intent, that is, by quantum observation. Yes, with your intent, you can affect physical matter. The twin slit experiment in quantum mechanics shows this, and it has been repeated for 100 years. The largest thing they’ve tested is Buckyballs, huge agglomerations of carbon atoms. Yes, that’s right, your observation affects physical matter. The best, most aware men… are intentionally invisible, to all but the women worthy of their time. Deer can do this, too, by way, when they are ready to die, they make themselves visible to a hunter. No, it’s not perfect, but it is very much a tide.
    Yes, there are good women hurt by bad men. It happens. But it is not necessarily as it appears. There are women who live a charmed life… I’ve seen them. It is based on their intent. There are men who live a charmed life… based on their intent. What is the lesson here? Focus your intent, improve yourself. You know that one person who is always draining your energy? Cut them off. Politely. They are draining your energy!

    Another thing about men. They know the 9’s and 10’s will cheat on them. Men looking for a long term relationship know that the 7’s, and 8’s, make better wives. It’s that simple. A 6 might be a great mom… and compensate for being a 6 in wonderful ways. It’s all in her intent. You can up your SMV by at least one point, i.e. a 7 can become an 8. Exercise more, clean out your negativity, get focused, meditate…

    French women in their 80’s dress up to go out, because they might meet someone. Some of those women, in their 80’s, entertain lovers, some much younger. Why? Because their energy is very high grade, being in that energy is quite refreshing. Hard to put in words. American women spend most of their time in deep resentment. This gives their overall energy a very unpleasant feel. What you observe, you get more of; if you observe what gives you resentment, you will create more of what gives you resentment.

    Get out of the materialist paradigm, it is limited use. Get into the energy paradigm, it is the Yin polarity, women can be great at this. Concentrate on what makes you feel good. Stay away from what makes you feel bad. Find your heart, and live from your heart. Put joy in people’s hearts. Improve the quality of your energy. Men gravitate to women like this. Women full of resentment, and hatred, drive away all but the men comfortable with being resented and hated. This is not a formula for relationship success.

    What lesson is there? The purer your heart, the better the men available to you, generally…
    I’ve seen feminists hating on men, really getting into it. Then they wonder why they can’t find anything but emotionally damaged men. I can’t understand why they would be hating on a group that they hope to get a good alliance with, but I’m just a simple guy.

    I remember seeing a lot of gorgeous women, in my first year of college. I stayed in that town for 7 years. I saw some of them, later. They looked horrible. Alcohol, drugs, wild parties, just do not do anything for a woman’s attraction to men. Men know this. They may play with bad girls, but they know not to commit to them, usually.

    I don’t know you, I know your friends, I know you. Men know this. They run that intuitive scanner over the lass’s girlfriends. If they are bitchy, self-centered, nasty… he knows what herd he’s found. Another thing about men: about the age of 30-32, the big head takes over from the little head. Men release the bondage of hormones. I’ve seen women in their 40’s, divorced, who think they can still get the captain of the football team. Nope. They’re selling a wasting asset, and if they haven’t worked on their spirit, men can see them decaying. The children they have are a $250K asset drain, per. Older men know this.

    Ladies: your prime years, based in biology, are your most procreative years: 23 to about 30. The highest grade of men are available to you, in this tranche. Every year, a whole new cohort of women turns 18. Men know this. That’s why Leonardo DiCaprio dumps his girlfriends, when they turn 25. Because he can. It’s kinder; the 25 year olds can find another guy. Cosmopolitan is a nasty liar, about men. Everything they say is wrong.

    Men are binary. Remember Meet the Parents, where the DeNiro character says you are either inside the circle of trust, or outside? That is men’s thinking. It’s also Confucian. As long as you are in that circle of trust, and appreciation, you are golden. You are allowed mistakes. Once you are outside… you’re outside, and the gate is locked. I see men, cuckolded by wives who ran away. The new boyfriend dumps the wife, 2 months to 2 years later, and she wants to slingback to hubby. Only, hubby ain’t interested. She left the circle of trust. Hubby found out he had better options.

    My first ex wanted to talk to me, four years ago. I just said no. Not interested. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Too bad, so sad. My wife doesn’t want me talking to her, either, and I respect my wife far more than I do my ex.

  5. Five. Hmmm.
    6. Set the bitching function to “off”, and leave it there.
    Nothing kills intimacy faster than bitching. If you want the guy to do something, ASK. If he doesn’t do it, he doesn’t do it. You could ask if he plans to. But if you bitch, bitch, and bitch, he may do it, but it’s like horsewhipping a dog. You can horsewhip a dog, but he’ll start avoiding you. Bitchy women are high maintenance, which equals energy drains. You want your relationship filling up with energy, not being constantly drained.

    7. Put 95% of your attention on his good points. Appreciate anything he does for you, no matter how small. You get more of what you appreciate, and put your attention on. Put your attention on the negative, and you get more of the negative.

    8. Extend your sense of self beyond your skin. Be pleasant to people. The guy is paying very close attention to how you treat the little people, because he knows that is how you will treat him. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. As the micro, so the macro. Women whose selves are solely within their skins are basically sociopaths. The word in Spanish for sociopath is translated “functioning psychopath”.

    9. Keep your word. Be reliable. If you can’t keep a promise, call ASAP, to let him know. This applies to all relationships. If you can’t commit, and keep your word, don’t get married.

  6. Point #5 is an important factor in analysing MGTOW, or at least men checking out of relationships in general. Being hit with constant double-standards from women, convinces many men that no woman can be pleased. Couple that with being told over and over that we’re not needed or wanted (not to mention the threat of misandrist Family Courts) and walking away turns into not only an easy decision, but a logical one.

    • Look at the religious communities. Mennonites, and so on. They just work, in a supportive community. Mennonites do some of the most effective foreign aid in the world- out of their own pockets. They don’t ask the government for anything. They don’t seem to have marriage problems, or at least they aren’t big problems. Their children are always smiling, and so are they. What would it be like, to live life, with none of the garbage of the mass media in your head? What would it be like to be married, in a committed relationship, knowing you are with that person until you pass on? They seem happy to me. In our culture, I see neurotic women and men who are very close to being insane.

    • Men are more likely to marry when they are younger. As they add years, they are less and less likely to be married, or want to be married. Women who wait reduce the pool of potential suitors. As they add years, statistically, they want more and more to be married. Marriage is a major load, for a man. A single man who works hard, and doesn’t have drains on his energy, can sometimes retire nicely at 55, or younger. Families cost a lot of money. SInce there is no appreciation for men, in families, any more… man-shaming doesn’t work, any more. Years ago, I saw a Dragnet episode where a woman said she had trouble finding a husband, since she was a single parent, men weren’t interested. Joe Friday said, “A real man would be.” Back then, he could get married, and not have to pay child support for kids not even his. Now… he can be a sperm donor, and get sued for child support. Yeah, guys, it’s happening. I choose not to have sex with women I’m not in a committed relationship with. It’s playing roulette, by putting all your chips down, to play around. Boris Becker was with a woman, who tried to impregnate herself from a condom. He didn’t understand the games, I guess. Each little sperm is a blank check, waiting to be cashed… the only kind of wife to consider is a traditional woman, from a stable family. They are entrained for success in relationships.

    • I meet more and more men who have checked out of relationships with women. They keep their money, their time, their assets, their freedom. Many of them have no idea what MGTOW is- even though they live it.

      Feminists upped the price of marriage to where many men just don’t want to pay it. Then the lowered the price of sex. I knew guys in the military, who could literally pick up a new woman every night, from the club. Those same guys also meet wives of deployed troops, in the bars; normally they won’t go with them. That is a powerful lesson in the dangers of getting married

      Women have this picture in their minds, of a prince just around the corner, and they have time to play, before he comes along. Eventually it comes to them that the prince isn’t coming. Then they start looking for a guy. And it is much more difficult. Men in their 30’s have had some pain in relationships, and are very cautious. Unmarried men in their 40’s generally aren’t looking for long term relationships.

  7. There is another thing to know. When you dump on him, do as little as possible for him, make his life hell, dis him, and generally treat him like dirt, he might just leave. He will certainly turn down his feelings for you.

    Feminists worry that men might not return what women do for them. That’s not how the game is played. Each side gives all they can, and more energy flows.

  8. Imagine that you are a supervisor. You have a staffer. You need that staffer to do as much as possible, because the workload is so high. What do you do? You set up systems to make the job easier. You excuse mistakes, asking that the employee learn from them. You praise and thank the employee for doing good work. You make sure they have a good working environment. If they screw up big time, you notice it- but in a disappointed, not an angry way. You give clear guidance. You set staff up for trainings, and growth opportunities. When the crap work that has to be done right away, you might even help out some.

    Then there is a supervisor who is always trying to throw the staffer under the bus. Expectations are vague, and ambushes are frequent. This supervisor flies off the handle often, and usually over tiny stuff. The staffer is afraid to take any risks, for fear of ambush, and so, does as little as possible. The staffer spends a lot of time defending decisions, and position, instead of doing the work. The staffer keeps extensive records, for self-defense. This supervisor screams at staff often. If the staffer comes in 10 minutes early, and tries to leave a minute early, the supervisor goes absolutely crazy. New staffers of this supervisor leave as quickly as they can.

    Which wife would you rather be married to, oh, sorry, I mean, which supervisor would you rather work for?

  9. The one thing a woman most needs, in dealing with a man, or men, in the long term, is respect. The other awareness is founded on respect. Without respect, nothing else matters.

  10. I would say it is best to be genuine to him, keeping yourself pure also helps. Show your personality would keep him interested into you.

    But never try to play mind games with him and mislead him from a serious relationship. Never cheat on your partner, even if the person that you are cheating for is the same sex (this may be for the few people).

    What a man would never want to experience, is to feel useless and get into depression, anxiety and intestinal problems. That will make a man lose his identity, even his will to live.

  11. 1. Keep your agreements. If you can’t keep them, don’t make them.
    2. Be pleasant. This sets the tone.
    3. Be an adult. Have patience. Be slow to react.
    4. Pretend everything the other person does is out of meaning well. It may well be. If it isn’t, doing this will shame them.
    5. Give more than you get.
    6. When you want something, NEVER bitch. Just note that you’d like it.
    7. Say “thank you”, and mean it, whenever he does anything nice.
    8. Smile. Smile from your heart. Laugh. A happy woman is like a bright Sun, in the morning.
    9. Be kind. You get a massive reward for this.
    10. Strive to observe, not to react.
    11. Look for and pay attention to the good. You get more of it, that way.
    12. Keep all negative emotion off your face, and out of your voice.

  12. It’s such a shame that, as a woman, you don’t think your career should be at the heart of what you do. You’d be the world’s greatest, most highly paid, doormat.

  13. When a wife is the alpha, the husband loses his desire to provide and protect. In order for a man to be willing to lay down his life for his wife, he must be respected. Respect requires listening and responding positively. When my wife doesn’t listen and does the opposite of what I say, I lose the desire to protect her. My hope is that she will learn from the natural consequences. The problem is that she never does. She has insisted on several bad decisions that have cost us dearly. One decision even led to serious health problems that have lasted for 12 years. She still wont admit she should have listened to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: